How to Accept Being Alone Forever

[TigerLilly78]

I don't know to me there is always some one willing to date everyone that's kind of along the lines of OPs dreaded there some one for everyone line but yeah its true. I've seen almost every kind of person with a bf/gf honestly there is some one? The question then becomes is it your own expectations in a potential partner that limit's you? I just don't know but to say Ill forever be alone doesn't make sense to me..

[Disillusioned]

There are enough men quitting the game without adding one more to the list.

 

And what's accomplished by this? The PUAs love it, because it means less competition for them. Don't give them the chance, they don't deserve it. Figure out what you like and if you can't find a group, start one.

[ZipperZapper]

Many times, I feel the same way. I'm your age. A little taller, a little less heavy, no prettier, no more hair. Your job is better than mine. In short, I feel your pain.

 

Unfortunately, it's a toxic loop: You (we) get into this mode of "This will will never happen," which makes us feel like crap about ourselves. So we don't take care of ourselves, which makes us more out of shape and even less attractive. But the bigger issue is the negativity: People pick up on that so quickly, especially women. Despair, loneliness, lack of confidence, it's amazing how quickly even a sniff of that can put a woman off. The question becomes how to break the cycle.

 

I don't have an answer for you, because I'm barely out of that cycle myself. All I can say is, confidence instills confidence. And humor+confidence seems to be one of the biggest attractors out there. It's very, very hard to exude any degree of confidence after repeated rejections. I know this. However... what I found was that I didn't just need to learn to deal with women, I needed to deal with people. Let me ask you, what kind of circle of friends do you have? If you don't have close friends, or if you don't interact with people on a social level on a regular basis, I think you might find yourself stuck. I found that hanging out with other people made me realize "Hmm, I'm not a freak," and then I sort of used that as a baseline until I actually built up the courage to talk with some women online, then date some, and suddenly... boom... the self-confidence issue stopped being such a barrier.

 

I'm not going to sit here and say that it's all peaches and cream: The one woman I dated recently whom I really wanted to try to get into a relationship with is about to friend-zone me. She's the first one that I totally found attractive. And my ex will still barely speak to me. So the crap in the self-help books about confidence being everything are overstating the facts. My only point is, there are no happiness police that are going to knock on your door and say "Sorry to bother you sir, but we had a report that you're not happy? If so, please come with us." Again, I know this because I sat around moping for months.

 

And yeah, the diet and exercise thing is huge. I'm 6-0 and 210. Still wayyy too obese to ever be called attractive. But six months ago I was 6-0 and 235. My friends have noticed, and when you start getting results, it makes it easier. I WILL make it down to 185 before the end of the year, even though my favorite food groups are beer, pizza and chocolate. I hate exercise. I mean, I really hate it. But it's a necessary evil. I "trick" myself by listening to audiobooks while on the treadmill. My brain thinks "Hey I'm reading a book, this is cool!" And the next thing I know, the hour is up.

 

I'm probably the last person you should take advice from. But... it seems to me that breaking the cycle is the biggest first step. Good luck, brother.

 

The problem for me is that unless I can start getting lots of dates and getting a real sense that women actually like me and want to be with me, my confidence will never improve. It's a catch-22 situation. Problem is, I get dates maybe 1% of the time.

 

I didn't start out in life with a low sense of self-confidence, it developed from being constantly rejected by everything and everyone.

[ZipperZapper]

As others have mentioned above (and in your previous threads), you can start by losing weight, shaving your head completely, and getting more stylish clothes. Your glasses frames are just okay; you might also explore getting some trendier frames. If you don't know where to start with attire, many department stores offer personal stylist services for free. Start there.

 

The most important thing you can do, though, is to lose weight. I'm not saying you have to be six pack ab guy. It's normal for men in their 40s or 50s to have a little extra weight, but you are far, far beyond that. You will look and feel so much better if you lose some weight. (Exercise gets the endorphins going, so it may help your depression to exercise.)

 

I don't believe you when you say you can't lose weight. How many calories are you consuming per day? How much exercise are you getting? If you don't exercise at all, start slow. Take a 30 minute walk every day either before or after work. There are calculators online that can tell you how much you can eat to lose weight. Track every calorie.

 

If you don't want to do anything to improve your appearance, then another option might be to pursue women who are older than you are. What age range are you going for currently?

 

I don't think you should give up entirely. You still have a lot of life to live.

 

Well, the life I have sucks. It's increasingly not worth living. I doubt that shaving my head or getting cool new glasses or new clothes is going to help that much. I've tried buying new clothes. It hasn't helped, and I can't fit into the trendier stuff because of my body shape.

 

Finding clothes that fit in my city is difficult. There's only one big and tall store that even halfway works for me, and mainstream retailers don't carry larger sizes. The problem with a lot of stores that cater to bigger guys is that the styling of their clothing is poor and what's on offer is expensive. It's like the message is, "you're fat and don't look like a model, therefore you don't deserve to look good." Most of the sales staff in clothing stores in my area are useless, they're poorly paid and basically there because they have no other options. None of the stores in my area offer personal stylist services.

 

I've tried the dieting and exercise thing before, only to get minimal results and finding myself feeling constantly and painfully hungry and unable to function. I eat a lot less than I used to and I'm still overweight. Having diabetes doesn't help.

 

Unless something massively changes in my life to turn things around, and I doubt it will, I think I will be going fairly soon. I'm already making plans for an exit.

 

It really is frustrating seeing others around me moving on with their lives and succeeding and having a modicum of happiness, while all these things are denied me. I keep asking what I did to deserve all this. It's like I am cursed and was only put on this earth to suffer.

[still_an_Angel]

How about moving, changing jobs and getting a dog? Your present circumstances are not making you happy, but you have the option of changing all this. You are single and options will be more varied.

 

 

Accepting that we are to travel alone in this life is not easy, after my marriage went south, I had a lot of time to think about 'being alone' and all along the line of maybe never finding someone who will be with me. But I was born alone, and there are no guarantees that there will always be someone in my life so I reckon happiness and/or contentment in my life is not something that I will peg on someone. I can find peace and contentment in my solitude. I grew up with a german shep who I considered my own personal friend even though he was the family pet. I was happy with him by my side and looking after him. I felt needed and loved, and that more than made up for not having lots of friends around me.

 

 

I wish you all the best OP, I actually put my laptop down and had a good think of how to reply to your thread. You have a way with words that reached out to me and I hope I have offered you something in return. Hang in there, this world needs good people like you.

[AnyaNova]

I don't know what I want to hear. I just want to be able to find a way to get rid of this strong desire to find a partner and end the suffering I'm experiencing over knowing I will never be able to find one. Like I said in my original post, focusing on other pursuits isn't working anymore.

 

I'm getting to the point where I'm seriously considering suicide. I've seen a therapist about this, but she was of very little help, and I'm now several hundreds of dollars out of pocket as a result.

 

 

I understand the overwhelming desire to have someone to share the rest of your life with. I completely get the sadness that does overtake you when you see people 10 years younger than you, out with their families and looking so radiantly happy with each other and with life.

 

I am a 36 year old woman who has never been married and has no children.

 

I do understand.

 

I know that suicide seems like the best way to get relief from the pain. But you will not be able to feel relief from the pain if you are dead. You have to be alive to feel relief. You have to feel alive to feel anything.

 

In the coping section, at the top, there are a number of links to agencies to help with this. I particularly recommend the Samaritans and the website Metanoia. Both are advocates of you making your own decision, but also of sticking around for a little bit (there's absolutely no downside to waiting at all).

 

But just because you haven't met someone yet, doesn't mean you won't.

 

I also hear some stereotypes in your posts. Have you been with women who demanded Ferrari's and high heels? Because I know that in my relationship that brought me to this site, one of the conficts I had with my ex was wanting us when going out as a couple (after we were explicitly in a relationship) to pay as one. In fact, I didn't mind doing the paying if he was having trouble, or taking turns. But to me on a gut level, it was not about him having to be a moneybags, but when we paid separately, as he so often wanted to do, it felt like, on a fundamental and deep level, that he was saying with his money that we weren't truly a couple. He wasn't comfortable with me paying for both of us. Is it that the women you have been with want luxuries? Or simply the feeling of security and trust that the man being willing to pay at least some of the time for the both of you, particularly at the beginning brings?

 

The reason it is so important, though, to be able to be alone, and to have the ability to be alone, is so that when we get into relationships, we have the option of leaving bad ones.

 

If we are so needy that we have to have a relationship in order to survive, we open ourselves up to abuse and all kinds of awful treatment.

 

However, if we have the option to walk away, and if we have the option of being alone rather than in a bad relationship, we have all the doors opened up.

 

I'm sorry you've had trouble with alcoholic and gambling women. Some of us out there actually aren't train wrecks. Some of us out there who are single, actuallyl aren't train wrecks.

 

but the question of how to make life tolerable for you, even if you do have to be single for a long time, if not forever, is not one that we can fundamentally answer for you.

 

What would you need to be able to be happy single?

[GemmaUK]

I am single, 45, female.

 

I have no family around me...parents are long gone, no children, no cousins or aunts/uncles at all - there's only my brother, his wife and my niece on the other side of the world so there's no chance of Christmas or Easter spent with them as I cannot afford the trip.

I have a mortgage and bills to pay so unless I win the lottery....

 

I don't even have many friends that I see - the economy has stopped many people going out and most of my friends are in relationships anyway so only really socialise either with their respective other halves or all couples together.

 

I have no choice but to make the best of what I have.

I get involved in hobbies,I love live music so I go to see bands that I love.

I love reading and I study psychology and body language for fun.

 

I love people watching..as you would expect from my last sentence and I like to sit on the South Bank by the Thames in the sunshine and do just that.

 

My happiness totally depends upon me and no one else at all.

 

Yours does too OP.

 

No relationship is suddenly going to make you a happy person.

It's unfair too to base your own happiness on a partner.

That is a massive amount of pressure on a partner and likely to drive them away.

 

Responsibility for OUR OWN happiness come from within US.

 

If one particular therapist was no good for you what stops you finding another?

If one diet didn't work, what stops you trying another?

 

I spent 20 odd years trying to lose weight. I wasn't huge but way too big for my frame.

 

The thing that worked was cutting down on volume and feeling like I was starving for a few weeks but eating normal portions, none of which was diet food.

I also started walking. An hour 5 times a week - fast so I sweated.

I knew I had to starve (or feel like I was) in order to shrink my stomach.

I also knew I had to burn more calories than I was consuming..and also that I had to burn a lot of calories off to balance things out.

I lost the weight over 10 years ago and never have put it back on.

 

When I do put on a few (less than 7) pounds on I make a change and either walk more or eat less or more often both.

 

I am resigned now to being alone and probably staying that way.

If I meet someone great. if not then there is still a life to be had. You just have to open your eyes and see it!

[spiderowl]

I know where you are coming from OP. I know that throwing yourself into other activites is not going to be seen by you to be a substitute for that special partner in your life. Not having that person feels bad and so, feeling bad, you assume that it must be because there is something wrong with you. That is unlikely to be the case. There are plenty of highly unattractive people with partners - you must have seen them too. Feeling bad and sad does not mean you actually are that way. I am sure your friends and family do not see you like that at all. Do not mistake the feelings for reality.

 

Maybe you have high standards (and nothing wrong with that at all). If you do, it may take longer to meet that special person. Maybe you are not getting enough opportunities to meet people. That is something you could do something about by following your interests and joining clubs, online forums, studying with others.

 

If you struggle to connect with others (and you know it's not because you are rejecting them), then maybe it's worth learning a few techniques for developing friendships. A dating coach might not be a bad idea, as long as they are not from the pick-up artist fraternity.

 

Another thing you can do is to consider women you might not normally consider. Maybe that shy, quiet girl you think would not be interested in the same things as you. One thing I learned recently was how I make unconscious assumptions about people and then avoid making friends/speaking to them because I assume they are a certain way. I'm working on this but I am finding it hard. It's easy to feel isolated if you have faced struggles in life and feel others don't understand.

 

You have a valid yearning for a loving relationship. You don't need to give up on that or pretend it's not the case, but it's well worth finding more opportunities to just cross paths with people of all kinds, because you never know what it might lead to. Meanwhile these forums are here to try to support you.

[Kid_Charlemange]

Well, the life I have sucks. It's increasingly not worth living. I doubt that shaving my head or getting cool new glasses or new clothes is going to help that much.

 

Maybe it won't. But isn't it worth a try?

 

ZZ, I'm not that much different from you. We're the same age, and I'm nothing to look at either. And I've often felt exactly the same way, and considered the same things you are expressing. But one thing I've noticed is that the harder I tried, the least success I had. When I sort of pulled back, and stopped putting so much effort into meeting someone, it seemed to have an effect on women. I think people are very adept at sensing desperation, and desperation is an attraction-killer. Now I'm far from happy with my love life -- I'm still obsessed in a very unhealthy way with my ex, for instance -- but I've been able to reverse some of the negative trends.

 

Finally, I'm no doctor, but you sound depressed. I know, because I suffer from depression, and your words sound awfully familiar. I used to be ashamed of my depression, considering it a sign of weakness. Then I found out that often it's just a chemical imbalance, no different from, say, diabetes. Not that hard to diagnose, and lots of treatment options out there. You said you tried professional help, and it didn't work -- so why not try someome else?

 

As I said earlier... why not try it?

 

I'll leave you with one thought. When I was at my most desperate, not long after my ex had not only broken my heart, but did it in a manner that basically humiliated me in front of our mutual friends, I called one of the suicide hotlines. After 45 minutes, I had basically convinced the volunteer that, yeah, my life was hosed, and I had no hope. In a final act of desperation, however, he said something that has stuck with me: Sell the gun last.

 

You see, in my case, it wasn't just losing the love of my life, but I was (and am) in a lot of debt, without a great deal of optimism about how to improve that. it was the combination that kind of put me over the edge. And what the guy was saying, I think, was that by not "exiting" that day, I was leaving the option open down the road, after I'd exhausted every other possibility. That little thought got me over the hump, it kept me from doing something stupid in the then and there, and since then I've gotten the help I needed. Now I don't think about suicide much -- it's a permanent to solution to a temporary problem.

[Tressugar]

I honestly believe our society puts too much stock in romantic relationships.

[clia]

Do you want to do anything to fix your life? You just seem to be shooting down every suggestion anyone offers. I guess if you want to be miserable forever, then have at it, but that seems like a complete waste. You can't sit around waiting for some massive change to come over and find you. You are the only one who can actually make it happen. You already know that nothing is going to change if you keep doing what you are doing.

 

Well, the life I have sucks. It's increasingly not worth living. I doubt that shaving my head or getting cool new glasses or new clothes is going to help that much.

 

Well, you never know until you try.

 

Finding clothes that fit in my city is difficult. There's only one big and tall store that even halfway works for me, and mainstream retailers don't carry larger sizes. The problem with a lot of stores that cater to bigger guys is that the styling of their clothing is poor and what's on offer is expensive. It's like the message is, "you're fat and don't look like a model, therefore you don't deserve to look good." Most of the sales staff in clothing stores in my area are useless, they're poorly paid and basically there because they have no other options. None of the stores in my area offer personal stylist services.

 

You really don't have any department stores near you? Then buy clothes online. You have access to every store in the entire country right at your fingertips. Start browsing and buying. If anything doesn't fit, just return it. You may have to go through some trial and error to find the right sizes. Or take a weekend trip to your nearest big city and go shopping.

 

I've tried the dieting and exercise thing before, only to get minimal results and finding myself feeling constantly and painfully hungry and unable to function. I eat a lot less than I used to and I'm still overweight. Having diabetes doesn't help.

 

Do you exercise?

 

You shouldn't have to starve yourself. While typically in the early days of a diet you will feel some hunger as your body adjusts, that should level out. If you are eating healthy, you can keep yourself feeling full on fewer calories. It's the junk food that tends to add empty calories that don't keep you feeling satiated. Are you eating healthy? Lean meats, vegetables, fruit?

[Ranchero44]

I've decided to give up looking for a partner permanently.

 

There's just too much rejection and too little reward to make it worth continuing the pursuit. I'm quite convinced that women find me extremely unattractive, and short of getting a face transplant, my chances of ever finding a partner are pretty well non-existent. It seems you pretty well have to have movie-star looks now along with a fat wallet to have any chance at all.

 

Some people just aren't meant to be loved or wanted and I'm one of them.

 

How then, to accept that I will always be alone and unwanted? I've tried focusing my attention elsewhere, but that, along with my never-ending solitude, is getting old. There seems to be no answer, no solution. I will scream if one more person tells me, "There's someone for everyone", or "You'll find love when you stop looking for it." Neither is true.

 

I don't know if this is going to be of any comfort, but just know that there are many, many people out there just like you. Many people yearn to find love, but are living alone. There are a lot of folks in your boat. It is a very painful position to be in, and I'm so sorry that you are feeling this way.

 

Do not commit suicide. Seriously. I tried to take my own life after yet another failed relationship, and, as one who has attempted suicide, I can most definitely tell you that making your exit from this world is not the answer. You will most likely botch your suicide attempt, and come to the terrible realization that you really do have to f@*#ing face your life, no matter what cards life has dealt you. Life's tough. Life's tough on everyone, whether they find a lasting relationship or not. We all have burdens to carry. Yours are no more unique or special than anyone else's. Self-pity can become a kind of drug. I know--I was so addicted to it that I downed a bottle of pills in an attempt to end it all. I don't mean to sound harsh, but I know to the marrow of my bones that suicide is not the answer. I know that because I've lived it.

 

I have dreamed my whole life of finding that Soulmate and having a beautiful, amazing relationship. Have I found it? No. Am I happy regardless? Yes. I am going to be 40 in a couple of months, by the way--never married, no family (children) of my own. I have tried everything I can think of to find that guy--left no stone unturned. But it just hasn't happened for me.

 

I despair of that sometimes. Of course I do. Of course YOU do. It is our divine and biological heritage to desire a mate. It is natural. A lot of people are going to try to cram down your throat how bloody happy you have to be with yourself first, how you've got to "fix" yourself, etc, etc. Just know that it is okay to long for a partner.

 

You may never find someone. I might not, either. But what I do know is that there is much, much to live for, no matter what. You just have to believe me. My suicide attempt was a rock bottom that I needed. I needed to WAKE UP and realize that my self-pitying brain was going to kill me. Believe all these wise people on this thread who have told you already that there are a myriad of ways you can contribute to life--ways that are very fulfilling.

 

And don't for a minute think that there is anything "wrong" with you. I'm telling you, part of what's "wrong" is our eff-ed up society. People are lonely and despairing in DROVES. It's like we don't know how to connect to each other anymore. There are way too many lonely people, and it totally breaks my heart. I wish there WERE someone for everyone. I can't stand that so many people suffer such crushing loneliness.

 

I don't know you, ZipperZapper, but that doesn't mean that I don't have a shadow of a doubt that your life is immensely valuable. Valuable beyond measure. Please don't give up on life. My suicide attempt ravaged my soul and it was very hard to recover, but I have a life that is deeply rich and fulfilling today. And believe me, when you have a shift in the way you perceive life, life starts to seem a whole lot less hostile. I yearn very much for a partner, but I have a really deep sense of trust in Life, that Life will provide much happiness whether I ever find that partner or not.

 

Please don't disappear from the thread--let us know how you are doing. Very concerned here.

[El Brujo]

All the lonely people, where do they all come from...

 

With all the loneliness in this world, you'd think we humans would be smart enough to take a more intuitive approach to finding a SO we'd want to settle with.

 

But we won't switch over to doing that any time soon, and I'll tell you why.

 

Looking for a SO intuitively would be like going to a car dealership to find a car that has all the options you want (if you're non-picky, you just want anything you can rack up tickets in). Dehumanizing? Yes. It makes you feel like a car at a dealership. But it would be just the thing for those of us who know what we're looking for.

[Trane]

I've decided to give up looking for a partner permanently.

 

There's just too much rejection and too little reward to make it worth continuing the pursuit. I'm quite convinced that women find me extremely unattractive, and short of getting a face transplant, my chances of ever finding a partner are pretty well non-existent. It seems you pretty well have to have movie-star looks now along with a fat wallet to have any chance at all.

 

Some people just aren't meant to be loved or wanted and I'm one of them.

 

How then, to accept that I will always be alone and unwanted? I've tried focusing my attention elsewhere, but that, along with my never-ending solitude, is getting old. There seems to be no answer, no solution. I will scream if one more person tells me, "There's someone for everyone", or "You'll find love when you stop looking for it." Neither is true.

 

With GOD as my best friend, I AM NEVER ALONE AND NEVER WILL BE! Life is way too short to waste time worrying about finding a lifelong partner, especially when it's mostly the women who initially file the divorce papers.

 

I have learned to accept, understand and appreciate that dating in western culture is not for all guys unless you have the universal factors of attraction that 95 + percent of women value the strongest.

 

#1 Height(6 feet minimum),

#2 A full head of hair

#3 A handsome symmetrical face

#4 A decent body that's relatively fit with defined abs.

#5 A penis that's considered a high average(7 to 8 inches)

 

Also, it is your responsibility to make her feel feminine, safe and proud to be with you all at the same time. You also have to be taller than her when she wears high heels.

 

Over time, the physical criteria for being an ideal boyfriend, husband, father, etc, etc, etc, becomes less and less important as her own looks diminish. Nobody escapes Mother Nature and Father Time. Some women fail to grasp the concept of this so they hold out hope that Mr. Prince Charming is alive and searching for her. There's no shortage of women who are forced to look outside their immediate physical preferences because her own fading looks can't dictate or command who she feels entitled to date.

 

Even worse is that some of these women believe the lesser attractive, less fit, shorter guys should feel lucky and blessed to get any sort of female attention.

[vangely]

Hi - I think finding love has feck all to do with physical aesthetics. If you're out to get quick, casual sex might be a different story. Attractiveness in my opinion has a lot to do with a person being happy and confident about his own thoughts, intelligence, skills, talents, sense of humour or opinions, the realisation that you're as good as any other person on this planet and taking as good care of yourself as possible (eating healthily, getting some exercise)/self respect and respecting others. Furthermore, what I think people mean when they say love'll find you once you stop looking, is that you're more attractive when you're content with the way you're leading your life - happy and fulfilled with your own company and your friends/family; have something you're passionate about.

To strengthen this premise:I have a ridiculously hot male friend who's been struggling for years to find someone. The very worst you can do, leading into a downward spiral, is self pity and pessimism. Yeah i know - easier said than done, but just thought I'd put in my twopence.. Wish you all the best..!

[irc333]

I am not that good looking of a guy, and I'm lucky to get a date with a woman once a year.

 

Usually the women that date me care a lot less about looks and focus more on personality.

 

The woman I'm currently dating, luckily, is VERY little into looks. I was able to confirm this by asking her what kind of celebrity crush she has on someone. And she said she doesn't really have a crush, because she doesn't care about physical appearances.

 

I had someone throw out that arguement though that "Well, you see ugly people with at least someone, fat chick with a skinny dude, or ugly people dating ugly people... you see it all the time..."

 

The person who made this remark, a woman, apparently grows tired of men who complain about women who care too much about looks and how they "can't get a date, because all they care about are is looks." and so forth.

 

My face isn't all that much to look at and my head is a bit narrow in shape, but thing is...my only ace in the hole is finding a woman that isn't hung up on looks and that's few and far between.

[irc333]

Over time, the physical criteria for being an ideal boyfriend, husband, father, etc, etc, etc, becomes less and less important as her own looks diminish. Nobody escapes Mother Nature and Father Time. Some women fail to grasp the concept of this so they hold out hope that Mr. Prince Charming is alive and searching for her. There's no shortage of women who are forced to look outside their immediate physical preferences because her own fading looks can't dictate or command who she feels entitled to date.

 

Good point, being in my early 30's and having had attended meetups with women 50+...it's amazing how they swarm you.

[irc333]

All the lonely people, where do they all come from...

 

With all the loneliness in this world, you'd think we humans would be smart enough to take a more intuitive approach to finding a SO we'd want to settle with.

 

But we won't switch over to doing that any time soon, and I'll tell you why.

 

Looking for a SO intuitively would be like going to a car dealership to find a car that has all the options you want (if you're non-picky, you just want anything you can rack up tickets in). Dehumanizing? Yes. It makes you feel like a car at a dealership. But it would be just the thing for those of us who know what we're looking for.

 

 

Funny how "settling" has become the nasty word in women's vocabulary. As if it were a bad thing.

 

There was a feature on Today show about "Why is it okay to settle for Mr. Good Enough?" and even a video clip to follow.

 

As bad as it sounds, it really isn't all that bad. You see, women are constantly focuses on what's not important when it comes to finding a mate as opposed to what is actually important.

 

Here is an excerpt:

 

My advice is this: Settle! That’s right. Don’t worry about passion or intense connection. Don’t nix a guy based on his annoying habit of yelling “Bravo!” in movie theaters. Overlook his halitosis or abysmal sense of aesthetics.

 

Because if you want to have the infrastructure in place to have a family, settling is the way to go. Based on my observations, in fact, settling will probably make you happier in the long run, since many of those who marry with great expectations become more disillusioned with each passing year.

 

(It’s hard to maintain that level of zing when the conversation morphs into discussions about who’s changing the diapers or balancing the checkbook.)

 

Basically, why should this guy keep up with fashion trends or slightly annoying habits be a dealbreaker when attempting to find a man to start a family with, right?

 

So if you're family minded, settling is the way to go.

[BlueIris]

I've decided to give up looking for a partner permanently.

 

There's just too much rejection and too little reward to make it worth continuing the pursuit. I'm quite convinced that women find me extremely unattractive, and short of getting a face transplant, my chances of ever finding a partner are pretty well non-existent. It seems you pretty well have to have movie-star looks now along with a fat wallet to have any chance at all.

 

Some people just aren't meant to be loved or wanted and I'm one of them.

 

How then, to accept that I will always be alone and unwanted? I've tried focusing my attention elsewhere, but that, along with my never-ending solitude, is getting old. There seems to be no answer, no solution. I will scream if one more person tells me, "There's someone for everyone", or "You'll find love when you stop looking for it." Neither is true.

 

I don't see anything wrong with giving up looking for a partner.

 

I take issue with your saying women only want this or that. That's very disdainful of half of the population- not fair, realistic or nice at all, while you're also trying to take the victim's position. So scrap that thinking. It's wrong- and really pretty mean.

 

Otherwise, though, there is a lot more to life than having a partner or loving and being loved romantically. Thousands, probably millions, of people in the past few thousand years have also led valuable, fulfilling and happy lives even though they lost their partner or never had a partner. I know lots of lifelong single people in their 50's who are happy and interesting. Both of my grandmothers were widowed by age 45 and never remarried and still laughed and cried and worked and travelled and made friends and made a difference in the lives of others.

 

So make the kind of life you want. The world is open to you.

 

Edited to add:

 

I just read more of your posts, and I really think you’re going overboard here. You’re going to kill yourself over whether you get dates or a girlfriend? There are so many people with much more daunting, even horrific, challenges to overcome in life. Put yourself into the spectrum of humanity and rethink this.

Truly, think about getting out of the first world for a few years and helping a community. It’s life changing, fabulous.

Edited July 9, 2014 by BlueIris

[FitnessRN]

I've decided to give up looking for a partner permanently.

 

There's just too much rejection and too little reward to make it worth continuing the pursuit. I'm quite convinced that women find me extremely unattractive, and short of getting a face transplant, my chances of ever finding a partner are pretty well non-existent. It seems you pretty well have to have movie-star looks now along with a fat wallet to have any chance at all.

 

Some people just aren't meant to be loved or wanted and I'm one of them.

 

How then, to accept that I will always be alone and unwanted? I've tried focusing my attention elsewhere, but that, along with my never-ending solitude, is getting old. There seems to be no answer, no solution. I will scream if one more person tells me, "There's someone for everyone", or "You'll find love when you stop looking for it." Neither is true.

 

 

I wouldn't quit. I would try online if you are you.

 

 

I've accepted being a Nurse I work crazy hours in rotating shifts. I will be very busy with graduate school in a few years then work on my PHD. I also realize people wont get it with somebody working full time going to school and going back for graduate school. This is the choice I made and it does not bother me if I am never married, don't have kids, or am single for the rest of my life. There is not better gift, than to help others..it may happen to me, I actually expect this to happen for the next 5-6 years.

[guest569]

You will never accept being alone if you don't love yourself and your life. If you can make your own happiness and not need to rely on anyone, then good on you. There is nothing wrong with it. I think you still need love in your life though whether it is friends, family, pets or hobbies.

 

*Currently rapidly rebounding after getting dumped* really wish i could be happy alone.

[Targetlock]

remember love and happiness can happen to anyone, and from any angle i almost gave up hope too.