My mum

[cookiemoster]

hey

i am 16 year old, since i can remember my mum has verbally abused me and then apologised, i constantly forgive her but now i begin to wonder why( this has happened several times) she also drinks a lot and smokes which i majorly dislike and also causes her to say the horrible stuff she says to me e.g. 'i hate you' 'maybe i should kill myself so that you are upset for the rest of your life', my dad has always tried to do the best for me and help my mum.. but because he is fed up with this the marriage is breaking down (she has also cheated on my dad, then blamed it all on depression, i found out months before everyone else and my hatred for her grown even more because of that).

 

I have told her countless times how she makes me feel and how many nights i have cried because of her (in detail)... she 'listens' and says that she will 'change' which she has never done or tried to blame it all on something, i have always felt like she has been making me feel guilty and wrong for my opinions that i have of her and the way she treats me.. she also does this when i don't want to go out somewhere with her or be with her somewhere e.g. recently my grand passed away and my grandad is in hospital, she is with my grandad now and has been resorting to drinking and arguing with anyone who says something she may dislike. i feel as the child my mother should not be leaning on me for emotional support, my mum wanted me to come and spend a couple weeks with her for emotional support, and to see my grandad, as i didn't want to be around my mother when she is drinking/smoking and not in a right state of mind, i only wanted to go there for a week to see my grandad, she only wanted me to either go for 2 weeks or nothing at all, i tried to tell her i didn't want to go for 2 weeks, even my sister was saying i was being selfish. she called me up to say that i an awful daughter and that she would be talking items away from me e.g. my phone, and i would not be going on holiday she then later sent me texts like 'you have pushed things way overboard you are no daughter of mine' 'you are such a selfish girl, i have never known any girl to be so horrible to their mother' 'all i think about is myself' she then called me multiple times which i didn't answer to but i finally answered to, she said that she was fuming with me and that i shouldn't underestimate her as she will drive down to 'get some sense into me', at this point i felt very threatened and scared and so i said i will come down for the 2 weeks and she said 'good thats what you should have said in the first place' and then said what i did was really hurtful and i wasn't thinking about my grandad or gran but only myself, i was crying on the phone and i felt scared and emotionally blackmailed by, i then put down the phone and realised that she has always emotionally blacked mailed me.

 

Since then ( this only happened today) i have felt scared and threatened by my mum and i am scared to go stay with her for 2 weeks. have also have had a hard time dealing with this and all the recent events that have been going on with my family (arguing and mum moving out)and feel at any second i am about to emotionally break down. at one point i thought about suicide and have even tried to commit it once and countlessly cutting myself because i felt like everything was my fault (as my sister told me this a lot and i began to believe it) and i needed to be punished for it but i realise that is the wrong way to deal with my problems.

 

I do love my mum deep down although i do feel like i hate her at the same time and want nothing to do with her and at times she is very nice to me but it is nothing compared to all the horrible stuff she has said and put me through. i should also mention that she sometimes treats my sister like this but not very often and not as heavily, as they are very alike and have a good relationship and things to bond over, i don't have a good relationship with her, and me and my dad's relationship isn't very strong either though i do try to be on good terms with him as much as i can.

 

i am not a rebel child, i try to do everything they ask my while preventing myself from having a go at them, which sometimes happens, and when i want something from them i don't expect them to give it to me straight away, i know i must be on good behaviour and do jobs and do as i am told to ( which is basically me doing everything.) Although i do admit i do sometimes do wrong like back chatting or arguing with them. When i am at home i mostly stay in my room if i am not needed to do any jobs as i find when i don't do that i end up having several arguments with family members, to me my room is the only place where i am happy to be at in that house as i can also speak freely to my boyfriend on Skype, despite everyone always invading my privacy and not bothering to knock before i come in.

 

 

I don't know what to do anymore.. these past months i have only got through because of my loving and caring boyfriend although its a long distance relationship so i cannot live with him. i desperately want to move out but i have to stay her because 1 i am not old enough to move out 2 because i live in England and i have to go to college until i am 18 (starting this year).

[jbelle6]

I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this.

Have you had a talk with your Dad about how you are feeling?

I also recommend you check out the Alateen website, I am not sure if I am allowed to add the link but if you google it, it will be right at the top.

Alcoholics are very selfish and like to blame those around them for all their problems, gives them more excuses to drink.

You need help so you don't hurt yourself anymore. And no, this is not all your fault, even if you talk back sometimes, that's normal behavior for a teen.

 

If you have to stay there for another couple of years have you considered getting a part time job? I was unhappy with my home life for a while so I did that. I was barely home between work and school which was great, it also would give a good excuse as to why you can't do things with her. Not sure if that's an option?

 

Speak with your father, I wouldn't want you to be stuck with her for 2 weeks. Does she drive under the influence?

[mrs rubble]

Oh Lordy!

THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT AND YOU DON"T NEED PUNISHING!!!

I wish I could reach thru the computer and give you a huge hug.

Your mother is sick. Until she realizes this and decides to help herself, she is next to usless. There is nothing much you can do about her behaviour besides avoiding it until she gets her act together (if she ever does!)

Try to get as much support as you can from other family members, explain to them what's going on. Safety is paramount, if she starts to lash out physically or drives while drunk, don't be afraid to report her to the cops, sometimes people like her need to hit rock bottom before they make a change.

PLEASE don't hurt yourself anymore. You are and can be strong. You will learn valuable lessons from this experience, which will help you to grow into an amazing young woman.