SweetClover Posted June 22, 2014 Share Posted June 22, 2014 Anyone that has read my past threads know I'm involved in an affair. My marriage is relatively open (not casual sex but we have dated other people) my husband knows and is accepting of my relationship with my MM but my MM wife does not know we are involved and would not obviously be ok with it.. So I am cheated, although not on my husband. I'm a week late with my period which is always on time, like clockwork. I'm not sure what to do... I'm freaking out a little. A lot.. I know this would be MM's baby. Know for a fact, won't give specifics but I know.. Anyone been in this position? Link to post Share on other sites
Hope Shimmers Posted June 22, 2014 Share Posted June 22, 2014 Anyone that has read my past threads know I'm involved in an affair. My marriage is relatively open (not casual sex but we have dated other people) my husband knows and is accepting of my relationship with my MM but my MM wife does not know we are involved and would not obviously be ok with it.. So I am cheated, although not on my husband. I'm a week late with my period which is always on time, like clockwork. I'm not sure what to do... I'm freaking out a little. A lot.. I know this would be MM's baby. Know for a fact, won't give specifics but I know.. Anyone been in this position? Yes, I had ex-MM's baby. A week late isn't definitive of anything. Get a pregnancy test - they are accurate at this early stage now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 22, 2014 Share Posted June 22, 2014 How is your husband going to react? Have you told him? It's one thing to have an open marriage and you both do whatever with whomever, it's another thing for you to get pregnant (or him get another woman pregnant). Once you know for sure what is going on, your first talk should be with your husband, not MM since you're not married or obligated to him. Make a Dr appt, have a blood test to confirm your suspicions. Link to post Share on other sites
BrokenPrincess Posted June 22, 2014 Share Posted June 22, 2014 I don't think a week late is enough to jump the gun, but just get a pregnancy test. They're accurate up to 6 days before your period was even supposed to come, so it can definitely tell you before you stress yourself out about it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bentleychic Posted June 22, 2014 Share Posted June 22, 2014 Yes, test before you freak out or freak anyone else out. Always a good plan. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 22, 2014 Share Posted June 22, 2014 Have you been on antibotics or any other kind of medication in the past month or so? This can mess up your cycle. Also with the weather nicer out, getting more exercise, that could change your dates around. I used to be more in the day 31-33 range in the winter and now it's day 29 since the weather has changed. I agree with everybody else, don't freak out until you know what is happening. Your mind will go places that will make it worse! Link to post Share on other sites
Hope Shimmers Posted June 22, 2014 Share Posted June 22, 2014 You can go to a doctor to get a pregnancy test but the labs are no more precise than the tests that are available over the counter now. Now most doctors - if you have had a positive pregnancy test - put off the first prenatal visit until the latter part of the first trimester, not finding it necessary for a visit to test. Link to post Share on other sites
Hope Shimmers Posted June 22, 2014 Share Posted June 22, 2014 Have you been on antibotics or any other kind of medication in the past month or so? This can mess up your cycle. This is true regarding antibiotics IF you are on oral contraceptives. Anyone who takes a broad-spectrum antibiotic should realize that their oral contraceptive (the Pill) will be compromised that month because of an interaction between oral contraceptives and antibiotics. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 22, 2014 Share Posted June 22, 2014 This is true regarding antibiotics IF you are on oral contraceptives. Anyone who takes a broad-spectrum antibiotic should realize that their oral contraceptive (the Pill) will be compromised that month because of an interaction between oral contraceptives and antibiotics. I'm not on the pill and it messed up my cycle, was almost 2 weeks over due! Yep, it does lessen the strength of the pill (as you say compromised) so pregnancy can happen. Link to post Share on other sites
LYC Posted June 22, 2014 Share Posted June 22, 2014 I have a child by a MM. I am single though. Figure out if you are pregnant. Decide what YOU want to do about it. Tell H first. Then MM. I heard all kinds of promises if I would abort. I wish I would have not told him until my mind was made up. Would have been a lot easier to deal with. Link to post Share on other sites
Ms. Red Posted June 22, 2014 Share Posted June 22, 2014 I'm not sure what to do... I'm freaking out a little. A lot.. I know this would be MM's baby. Know for a fact, won't give specifics but I know.. Don't tell either man yet IMO. Why haven't you done a home test yet? Why are you adding suspense to the situation by putting that off? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted June 22, 2014 Share Posted June 22, 2014 Does your BH know? Did you not use BC? You need to confirm pregnancy. Then tell your BH. See how he feels about raising and paying for OM's OC. Based on what you and your BH want then you tell the OM. If your BH wants to stay married and raise the OC as his own then best to not tell the OM your are pregnant and go NC with the OM. Link to post Share on other sites
spookysonata Posted June 22, 2014 Share Posted June 22, 2014 I don't think a week late is enough to jump the gun, but just get a pregnancy test. They're accurate up to 6 days before your period was even supposed to come, so it can definitely tell you before you stress yourself out about it. This.... I'm surprised that wasn't your very first move. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SweetClover Posted June 22, 2014 Author Share Posted June 22, 2014 A week late probably seems like nothing, but I have never been late. Always like clockwork. Maybe should have mentioned we had unprotected sex exactly 16 days ago (not sure if I'd have symptoms yet but I'm nauseous and I'm retaining water worse than I ever have) on top of that I'm sick as a dog. Yes I'll just get a test and find out.. I guess I wanted to avoid it.. In denial. My husband knows I'm late but hasn't even brought up the possibility of pregnancy it's like he isn't even considering it and I have just kind of been freaking out in my head and not sure what to do. I don't know what either will say or do. And abortion wouldn't even be considered by me regardless of their thoughts but I still want their support so I don't know. I don't want to tell anyone yet so I haven't got a test today since I haven't been alone to have the opportunity. Link to post Share on other sites
spookysonata Posted June 22, 2014 Share Posted June 22, 2014 If your period was due a week ago, you ovulated around June 1. Assuming I'm doing the math correctly, you had unprotected sex on June 6. If those facts are correct and you haven't had sex since then you are almost certainly not pregnant. But: many external factors, such as stress, illness, medication, can interfere with ovulation, which in turn delays your period and throws off your whole cycle. So yes, take a test. Then at least you can rule it out. Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted June 22, 2014 Share Posted June 22, 2014 Actually if we are assuming that the OP is on a 28 day cycle then the first day of her last period would have been around May 24 and her possible ovulation days could have been anywhere between July 1 and July 7th so it's entirely possible that she conceived with the MM. In any case every woman's cycle is different. When I was really young I had 34 day cycles and I didn't ovulate until about the 16-18th day after the first day of my period. Once I got to be 30 my cycle became 28 days and I ovulated around the 11th day after the first day of my period. So it's not really possible to guess. Link to post Share on other sites
spookysonata Posted June 22, 2014 Share Posted June 22, 2014 Actually if we are assuming that the OP is on a 28 day cycle then the first day of her last period would have been around May 24 and her possible ovulation days could have been anywhere between July 1 and July 7th so it's entirely possible that she conceived with the MM. In any case every woman's cycle is different. When I was really young I had 34 day cycles and I didn't ovulate until about the 16-18th day after the first day of my period. Once I got to be 30 my cycle became 28 days and I ovulated around the 11th day after the first day of my period. So it's not really possible to guess. Every woman's cycle is different, true, but the time between ovulation and menstruation is almost always two weeks. Trust me, I spent years TTC my first. If her period was really due last week, she ovulated June 1, but it's almost impossible to get pregnant 5 days later. Eggs don't live that long. If she's pregnant from sex on June 6, she would have to ovulate anywhere from June 5-11. My guess is that her cycle is off and she didn't ovulate when she thought she did. Of course none of that proves anything. ..The test is the best indicator. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dichotomy Posted June 22, 2014 Share Posted June 22, 2014 (edited) My husband knows I'm late but hasn't even brought up the possibility of pregnancy it's like he isn't even considering it and I have just kind of been freaking out in my head and not sure what to do. I don't know what either will say or do. An abortion wouldn't even be considered by me regardless of their thoughts but I still want their support so I don't know. I don't want to tell anyone yet so I haven't got a test today since I haven't been alone to have the opportunity. I can't recall legal specifics that apply to every place, and don't know where you live, but if you are legally married to your primary partner, and you have baby he knows he did not conceive - and yet he stays married to you - the baby conceived by another man may be his legal obligation. Kind a similar to a couple using sperm donor - its with full knowledge. I have read of other cases were even when the husband was unaware of "a donor", he was still held to support, but I dont know for sure if this is true in all places. Wonder if your husband is open enough to go from a man having his way with you - to rasing that mans baby? I hate to say this - but if you confirm you are pregnant AND you won't have an abortion, I would consult a lawyer ASAP. Edited June 22, 2014 by dichotomy 1 Link to post Share on other sites
twosadthings Posted June 22, 2014 Share Posted June 22, 2014 If your marriage is as open as you describe you certainly have had a conversation with your husband about pregnancy. If it's been discussed then you should have your answer one way or the other. Just sayin', Twosadthings Link to post Share on other sites
ThatsJustHowIRoll Posted June 22, 2014 Share Posted June 22, 2014 Why? Seriously why do OW do this? Last time we heard from you you said you wanted MM to leave his wife for you and you could live in a happy 3some with hubby...because one man isnt enough for you...so you have to poach someone elses too....and now this... He wasnt moving, was he? And now you deliberately and consciously have unprotected sex with him, at ovulation time. Why? Its so obvious. Babies should not be conceived with a job. Its not a baby's job to force his hand. But thats what you've done. Who cares about, your husband, his wife, his other children...heck...you dont even care for his wishes or your potential baby....as long as you get what you want, right? The only way to know for sure is test. Then brace, because if you are....this will be one hell of a bumpy ride. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Hope Shimmers Posted June 22, 2014 Share Posted June 22, 2014 Why? Seriously why do OW do this? Well, I can tell you from my perspective that I sure as hell didn't plan to get pregnant to trap ex-MM or for any other reason. So not all OW do this. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ThatsJustHowIRoll Posted June 22, 2014 Share Posted June 22, 2014 Well, I can tell you from my perspective that I sure as hell didn't plan to get pregnant to trap ex-MM or for any other reason. So not all OW do this. Not saying all do...but clearly some do. Itsnot the first time ive seen it here. OP, ready a few other stories such as Hollygolightly's...that should give you some ides of how this could potentially pan out.... And the person I feel sorry for most of all is that baby...to be conceived with a purpose and agenda is unfair to them. And the circumstances surrounding their conception will to some extent define them. A baby should bring joy, but this one, if shes pregnant will also be the bearer of pain and betrayal. And im not going to knock OPs lifestyle choice, becuase its a valid one to be poly, but deliberately getting pregnant to a married man who already has a family is not only selfish but puts an unfair burden on a baby. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Hope Shimmers Posted June 22, 2014 Share Posted June 22, 2014 Not saying all do...but clearly some do. Itsnot the first time ive seen it here. OP, ready a few other stories such as Hollygolightly's...that should give you some ides of how this could potentially pan out.... And the person I feel sorry for most of all is that baby...to be conceived with a purpose and agenda is unfair to them. And the circumstances surrounding their conception will to some extent define them. A baby should bring joy, but this one, if shes pregnant will also be the bearer of pain and betrayal. And im not going to knock OPs lifestyle choice, becuase its a valid one to be poly, but deliberately getting pregnant to a married man who already has a family is not only selfish but puts an unfair burden on a baby. No, and I get defensive when I even think that others might think about my daughter that way, as if to me she was not good enough to be more than that when the truth is the exact the opposite. It doesn't help that she didn't get to even enjoy her life. I guess I just assumed that it was an accident in this case, although unprotected sex does pretty much rule that out. OP, I hope for everyone's sake that the test is negative - assuming that's what you and H would prefer. I concur with the math done by one of the posters above that the variation in menstrual cycles is almost always confined to the first 10-14 days before ovulation and not the last 14 days, so it doesn't sound to me like you were in the optimal window to conceive. But you never know. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SweetClover Posted June 23, 2014 Author Share Posted June 23, 2014 Why? Seriously why do OW do this? Last time we heard from you you said you wanted MM to leave his wife for you and you could live in a happy 3some with hubby...because one man isnt enough for you...so you have to poach someone elses too....and now this... He wasnt moving, was he? And now you deliberately and consciously have unprotected sex with him, at ovulation time. Why? Its so obvious. Babies should not be conceived with a job. Its not a baby's job to force his hand. But thats what you've done. Who cares about, your husband, his wife, his other children...heck...you dont even care for his wishes or your potential baby....as long as you get what you want, right? The only way to know for sure is test. Then brace, because if you are....this will be one hell of a bumpy ride. For your information MM has pleaded with me to be with him long term not the other way around. Yes I want him to be with me but I have not barely asked anything at all of him. It was his idea to have unprotected sex, he's brought up 'making a baby' with me several times and I had no intention to have kids this young so I certainly would never have intentionally got knocked up! Even the night it happened I said I didn't want to do it because we had no protection. I can't be on the pill for medical reasons.. He talked me into it, said it was going to be fine, not saying he intentionally did this but I can confirm he is not unhappy about it! I told him last night and he's already planning on moving out of his home.. I'm asking for patience and for us to just take a breather for a couple weeks before his wife finds out.. He does have two other kids and I'm upset for them. This wasn't my plan at all. And it was NOT on purpose on my part. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SweetClover Posted June 23, 2014 Author Share Posted June 23, 2014 I can't recall legal specifics that apply to every place, and don't know where you live, but if you are legally married to your primary partner, and you have baby he knows he did not conceive - and yet he stays married to you - the baby conceived by another man may be his legal obligation. Kind a similar to a couple using sperm donor - its with full knowledge. I have read of other cases were even when the husband was unaware of "a donor", he was still held to support, but I dont know for sure if this is true in all places. Wonder if your husband is open enough to go from a man having his way with you - to rasing that mans baby? I hate to say this - but if you confirm you are pregnant AND you won't have an abortion, I would consult a lawyer ASAP. I was not worried that my husband would divorce me or even be angry with me.. I was more worried he would be hurt himself.. Ego and feelings.. I should have definitely had his baby first in my opinion. But we have all discussed having a family and my husband is taking things really well.. Even said he wouldn't love any child born to me different than if he knew it was his. My children are his children. I know that might seem messed up. My friends don't understand our lives either. It's really hard to find people to relate to me. Link to post Share on other sites
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