Have you ever dumped someone then regretted it?

[bflowers85]

I want to know, from the dumper's perspective, how you felt after the breakup. I want to also know what made you feel regretful and how long it took. I've been trying to piece things together after being dumped out of nowhere. My ex seemed happy and overly excited for the next step, engagement. Then out of nowhere.....BAM! I need space but I'll always love you... I don't understand how someone could be addicted to you then all of a sudden abandon you. Breakups are easier to accept when they make sense...like constant fights, cheating, or abuse. But what if there are no big fights. What if the relationship was loving, fun, exciting, great sex, best buddies, and chemistry? We were preparing for the next stage of commitment...then out of nowhere...it's all over...Dumpers please explain how you felt after breaking up and if you've regretted the breakup. thanks

[barky2]

Yup, few times.

 

3 I can remember off the top of my head.

 

I know what you're fishing for, and all I can tell you, is that it takes more than regret for a second or tenth chance to actually work and become a healthy relationship.

 

 

How I felt after the breakup...

 

Relief?

 

A sense of freedom?

 

Was addicted to my ex...but didn't care.

 

I just wanted to go explore other people.

 

It never makes sense to the dumpers, one day here, next day gone.

 

But it's you, who needs to stop thinking and contemplating where it went wrong.

 

You'll drive your damn head nuts.

 

I've had the greatest relationship, best friend , sex was incredible ( thanks to me lmao ) but still felt like " oh I could find better, I wish my girl did this during sex, or showed my drive at her career" ect.

 

The fact is , most dumpers hype up an imaginary person..the perfect person.

 

Then can't find it.

 

Then realize what they had.

 

But for the moment, they don't care.

 

 

 

 

Barky

Edited June 22, 2014 by barky2

[barky2]

Ps....I think this was a case of his boy gettin in his head.

 

I think the commitment scared him.

 

Do I think there is someone else?

 

Maybe.

 

I look and evaluate peoples behavior...always.

 

Usually there's a tell tale sign of cheating.

 

Here I'm not too sure. He could have someone who he met, and before he committed to you, he wanted to see.

 

That's a possibility.

 

But I'm not sure at this one.

 

Cold feet i feel is the culprit is here.

 

I think you have a commitment phobe.

 

Give him some space.

 

But he had crap to workout inside himself, before he'll ever commit.

 

That could take years man.

 

Think about yourself.

 

 

 

Barky

[ponchsox]

Yes, and a lot of times timing is everything. Once you do it, they're gone and even a reconciliation will be damaged with trust issues. Sometimes you just have to cut your losses and move on, as much as it hurts. Another great person will come along, you just have to be patient.

[SoThatHappened]

bflowers,

 

First off, this guy is a toolbag for leaving you after you became pregnant. That alone makes him scum. You're better off, and soon enough you will understand that. Plus if that's you in your avatar, you won't have any problems getting guys interested in you!

 

I'm very much like you right now. Ex girlfriend strayed "out of the blue" when things were over the moon between us, and she had it MADE with me. I don't know if she can be clinically diagnosed, but she has more than a couple things wrong with her. Tons of red flags I ignored as well because, similar to your situation, she would say and do things to make me think "this girl is head-over-heels and will never want anyone else." I was everything to her... so I thought.

 

Questions regarding the last few weeks of your relationship:

 

- Did he get irritated at every little thing you did?

 

- Did he try to make excuses to get out of future plans or seem a little like less interested in plans you'd made even if he was excited about them before?

 

- Did the texts/emails/phone calls become a little less frequent and more cold?

 

These are things my ex did. I could tell the instant it happened. Happened after she was on the back of a coworker's motorcycle for a ride. Her mind started to stray right then because she saw that the grass could be greener. Look up "GIGS"... Grass is Greener Syndrome

 

Keep your head up. Stay absolutely NO CONTACT (unless you have to do some housekeeping to get him out of your life, i.e., him getting his things from your place and vice-versa).

 

You're pregnant with his child... he should be moving mountains to make this relationship work. Moving mountains isn't texting or calling here and there. Moving mountains is permanently breaking it off with his ex and doing anything possible to make it work with you. Which probably starts with him working on himself.

 

If he has stuff to get at your place, don't be there when he picks it up. Or have a friend of his pick it up. Or leave it on the curb. Or light it on fire.

 

You need to be healthy, especially this early in the pregnancy or stress could cause a miscarriage.

 

I feel for you, so much. I can't imagine what you're dealing with carrying a life. But, I understand the heartbreak, and these forums are such a great tool for helping and moving on.

 

Keep your head up, stay and be as healthy mentally and physically as you can. This too shall pass.

[SoThatHappened]

Oh, and to answer your question about regretting breaking up with someone:

 

- I didn't when I broke up with a previous ex (not the ex that made me come here ) BUT, that was a toxic situation and I needed to get out. She was sucking the life out of me.

 

- However, much time has passed since then and I honestly miss her a bit and think of her fondly.

 

- I've also had a women break up with me out of the blue before, and she regretted it immediately and begged to come back.

 

If you're a catch, he WILL regret it. I promise you that.

[bflowers85]

The last few days were actually great, which is odd. I didn't notice any irritation or changes in his attitude towards me. We were affectionate, made love like crazy, and were like 2 peas in a pod. He wanted to be attached to me. Like bathing together and being so close.and loving. Now..... after I called him out for communicating with his ex he started acting odd. He did the very thing to me that would crush him. He would always have me to promise my loyalty to him that I'd never leave him for anyone else. After I went off on him It was like he was angry at me like I did something wrong. He shifted the focus on me and then gave me the I need space excuse. I just don't get it. I am attractive, educated, hard working, and faithful. Why would he give all that we had up so easily? I miss him so much but he doesn't deserve me. I just hate that I gave so much of me.

[barky2]

The last few days were actually great, which is odd. I didn't notice any irritation or changes in his attitude towards me. We were affectionate, made love like crazy, and were like 2 peas in a pod. He wanted to be attached to me. Like bathing together and being so close.and loving. Now..... after I called him out for communicating with his ex he started acting odd. He did the very thing to me that would crush him. He would always have me to promise my loyalty to him that I'd never leave him for anyone else. After I went off on him It was like he was angry at me like I did something wrong. He shifted the focus on me and then gave me the I need space excuse. I just don't get it. I am attractive, educated, hard working, and faithful. Why would he give all that we had up so easily? I miss him so much but he doesn't deserve me. I just hate that I gave so much of me.

 

When someone blows not and cold.....

 

 

Someone is blowing hot and cold with them.

 

 

Fking trust me.

 

 

 

 

 

Barky

[bflowers85]

That's exactly what it was. He went from HOTT to cold. I blocked him with this app. on my cell. And apparently this morning he messaged me saying" I'm sorry . I never wanted this to happen....I tried to call you." I'm not responding to him at all. I can't trust him anymore. Besides he probably is seeing that the grass isn't greener on the other side. He wanted space and he has all of it now. I did my best and I never took my relationship for granted. I believe in karma.

[bflowers85]

When someone blows not and cold.....

 

 

Someone is blowing hot and cold with them.

 

 

Fking trust me.

 

 

 

 

 

Barky

 

 

I never did the hot n cold stuff. I wanted our relationship and I was in love with him. I don't play with feelings because I know how it sucks on the other end. I really thought we were okay. I was ready and eexcited for the next step. He made me believe that he was too

[Griesfootball]

This is a common topic that is being discussed with the out of blue break ups and such and I see that you are hinting at whether there is another chance. I think when there is no cheating no abuse and you can say I have made mistakes but I've done everything for him/her that's when the other person goes out and sees it isn't the same. It's never the same when you date the next person if you had something long term or you thought it was a special connection. All you can do is try to improve the things that you think will make you a better person. Some guys are immature when it comes to advancing the relationship to the next level.

[Elle1975]

Can't say I have.

[jbelle6]

I've never regretted a breakup, then again I do tend to stay longer than I should until I have zero feelings except maybe annoyance.

 

I do find that if he was angry at you for bringing things up and seemed addicted to you one day then the next day it's over, then there probably was or is someone else in the picture. Doesn't really matter either way though does it? End result is the same regardless of the reason. I suspect my ex did the same but I just didn't think it was worth the effort to find out since it wouldn't change anything.

[bflowers85]

I've broken up with someone after 4 years of trying. This guy wasn't bad but he wasn't making me happy. He dropped out of an excellent school stopped taking care if his health. He stopped making me feel wanted and needed. He just got comfortable. I tried so hard to to communicate with him and express how I was unhappy. he'd do well for a little while but it wouldn't last long. So I left him. I was so sad because we were together every day. We weren't intimate on many levels near the end and even so I felt bad for hurting his heart. He begged and tried to argue me back...which pushed me away more. I felt bad though and sometimes I think would therapy have helped. Did I give up too fast, which I think I didn't. My point is...if I felt bad and some sort of regret in a pretty lifeless relationship how could someone so easily leave a relationship that was full of life and intimacy, beyond just sex.? I just wish I knew that he gives a crap about anything. I am so curious to know if he just shook of our entire relationship and everything we've been through. I miss him even through my anger and frustration. I still think about him. Do dumpers even go through this at all? I know that I did. I wasn't heartless towards the person I broke up with.

[ponchsox]

I've broken up with someone after 4 years of trying. This guy wasn't bad but he wasn't making me happy. He dropped out of an excellent school stopped taking care if his health. He stopped making me feel wanted and needed. He just got comfortable. I tried so hard to to communicate with him and express how I was unhappy. he'd do well for a little while but it wouldn't last long. So I left him. I was so sad because we were together every day. We weren't intimate on many levels near the end and even so I felt bad for hurting his heart. He begged and tried to argue me back...which pushed me away more. I felt bad though and sometimes I think would therapy have helped. Did I give up too fast, which I think I didn't. My point is...if I felt bad and some sort of regret in a pretty lifeless relationship how could someone so easily leave a relationship that was full of life and intimacy, beyond just sex.? I just wish I knew that he gives a crap about anything. I am so curious to know if he just shook of our entire relationship and everything we've been through. I miss him even through my anger and frustration. I still think about him. Do dumpers even go through this at all? I know that I did. I wasn't heartless towards the person I broke up with.

 

Dumpers are glad it's over. Some feel guilt, others don't. Some feel like they made a mistake down the road, some don't. All I know is that as the dumpee you need to keep your dignity and not contact them.

[jbelle6]

I've broken up with someone after 4 years of trying. This guy wasn't bad but he wasn't making me happy. He dropped out of an excellent school stopped taking care if his health. He stopped making me feel wanted and needed. He just got comfortable. I tried so hard to to communicate with him and express how I was unhappy. he'd do well for a little while but it wouldn't last long. So I left him. I was so sad because we were together every day. We weren't intimate on many levels near the end and even so I felt bad for hurting his heart. He begged and tried to argue me back...which pushed me away more. I felt bad though and sometimes I think would therapy have helped. Did I give up too fast, which I think I didn't. My point is...if I felt bad and some sort of regret in a pretty lifeless relationship how could someone so easily leave a relationship that was full of life and intimacy, beyond just sex.? I just wish I knew that he gives a crap about anything. I am so curious to know if he just shook of our entire relationship and everything we've been through. I miss him even through my anger and frustration. I still think about him. Do dumpers even go through this at all? I know that I did. I wasn't heartless towards the person I broke up with.

 

 

 

I feel like I'm gonna look evil here but...not really. I would dread telling them I wanted to break up and did feel bad that I hurt someones feelings, but beyond that I didn't have much thought at all. I'm sure my ex doesn't either, doesn't mean he's a bad person, just means he's moved on already while I'm still working on that.

 

Just cut off contact and carry on with yourself. Stop wondering and putting effort into thoughts of him because honestly, he did the breaking up, if he had thoughts of you the same as you have thoughts of him he'd be calling begging to give it another try, and he's not, mine is not calling me. They are gone and we have to move on too. Do you want him back after he threw you away? You are a very pretty girl and seem sweet as well, you don't need to accept that.

[H245]

I dumped someone back in college after a few months of dating. We never slept together, but were physical in other ways. I felt terrible about it because she was a really good person. I just wasn't in a state of mind to be able to give her what she needed emotionally after my dad passed.

 

She never spoke to me again, but I wished her well and that it was not easy for me to make the decision because I really liked her.

[crederer]

Ehh yea there was one girl I broke up with in high school that I sometimes regret breaking up with because there wasn't a real major reason. I just wanted to be single and live the single life.

 

I doubt we'd be together still if I didn't break up with her but now, many years later, I see that she is now the type of person I'd like to be with. But then again that might just be the nostalgia talking....

[jbelle6]

I dumped someone back in college after a few months of dating. We never slept together, but were physical in other ways. I felt terrible about it because she was a really good person. I just wasn't in a state of mind to be able to give her what she needed emotionally after my dad passed.

 

She never spoke to me again, but I wished her well and that it was not easy for me to make the decision because I really liked her.

 

 

So sorry about your Dad, I know it's really hard being with someone when going through stuff like that.

[SpiritualAlchemy]

Sounds like he's scared of committing. I reckon he'll be back at some point, once he realises he had it so good with you.

 

Once you start dating again he'll come sniffing back around, guaranteed. But by then you won't care.

 

Just carry on as usual. If he's still your FB friend, post upbeat stuff and pics of you having fun. They hate that because you're supposed to be devastated when they leave. Make him work hard for it if you do

take him back.

 

Take the time to do you, now

[David87]

I've never regret dumping someone, I felt relief especially when the dumpee finds a new bf.

[H245]

So sorry about your Dad, I know it's really hard being with someone when going through stuff like that.

 

It's ok, it will be 11 years next month. I just felt bad for the girl I was dating at the time that I couldn't give her what she needed.

[beembm]

Yes. I ended a 5 year relationship 5 months ago and started regretting it about 3 months after the fact. Immediately post break up I was very sad and depressed (see my posts on here) but the actual regret didn't come until later.

 

 

It's too late for my attempt at reconciliation - My ex got engaged 1 month ago to someone she started dating 2 months after our breakup (WTF). We have not talked in 1 month (since I found out about engagement). I miss her terribly and will always have a pit in my stomach when I think about the way things turned out.

[bflowers85]

Yes. I ended a 5 year relationship 5 months ago and started regretting it about 3 months after the fact. Immediately post break up I was very sad and depressed (see my posts on here) but the actual regret didn't come until later.

 

 

It's too late for my attempt at reconciliation - My ex got engaged 1 month ago to someone she started dating 2 months after our breakup (WTF). We have not talked in 1 month (since I found out about engagement). I miss her terribly and will always have a pit in my stomach when I think about the way things turned out.

 

wow..I'm sorry to hear that.

[sooshi]

I'm sorry to hear that too, beembm. It's especially hard when they jump into another relationship so soon.