need nc advise

[lynnered]

ill start over!!

[lynnered]

hey everybody !!

well I'm 3 weeks into nc ,when i broke up with mm ,i told him nc until he gets separtartd,i blocked him on the phone ,turn cell phone off at times he might call,

 

well when i broke up during that conversion we were talking about some pictures he put on cd that he was supposed to give me ,

well said he could email them to me i gave him my email(as we've never used email as contact)you know i checked email first week ,nothing well today &yesterday I've been home sick so,just checked email 2 email's from him ,1 happy vday baby 2nd i miss you cant get you out of my head ,email me back &let me know if you still want pics .

i do want them sentimental value ,just unsure as if i should reply?at least i know he misses me ,should i just keep it brief?

I'm just scared it will start contact up &3weeks I'm almost at my month!!!

i do miss him ,i do love him ,im just scared of going backwards !!

any thoughts would be helpful

[nextel]

Just get straight to the point.

 

Hi...Thanks got the message. Yes I would appreciate if you would send me the pics. Thanks again. Bye.

 

 

 

By the way, what does "nc" stand for?

[Owl]

NC means "no contact". And that's what you need to try to stick to Lynnred. Hard to do, easy to make a mistake with, but critical if you want to recover. I wouldn't even acknowledge the receipt of the pics....copy them to your computer if you just HAVE to (are they pics of you and him? if so, do you REALLY wanna keep them?). Honestly, if I were you I'd go ahead and block him from your email account now too so that you can resume the NC.

 

I've not been in your shoes, I think you know that already. But I can imagine how hard it is for you. Just hold on, stick to your guns, and you'll feel a lot better about it once the fog clears. Good luck!

[lynnered]

no contact

very good nextel ,i was just worried about sounding cold?you know he had to throw in baby ,cant get you out of my head ,but he knows the deal!!

prev nc times ,he never lets 30 days go by!!without calling ,and then id really like to see you&there we are again ,

i was kind of surprised by it more then anything ,i figured he wouldn't email ,i guess it starts me thinking but i stand firm this time !!

i thank you nextel

[MsMree]

I have to agree w/Owl on this one - do your best!!

[lynnered]

i thank you all for replys

owl,i always enjoy your words to me &others when i was deciding nc ,you helped me decide.

"Honestly, if I were you I'd go ahead and block him from your email account now too so that you can resume the NC."

well not of us just pictures he was to give me while we were together I'm a sentimental person &i don't have alot of pictures to remember him ,we have the agreement" in the future"basically when he gets legal papers he will be allowed back in my life he knows this ,when we broke up he told me he just thinks of this as a break,and i remember you saying,

"Walk away from him, even though it hurts and you do run the risk of losing him. Because if you do, one of two things will happen...either he'll finally get off his arse and divorce his wife, or he'll finally get off his arse and fix his marriage, which will free you to find someone who's single and a lot better for you.

and thats what motivated me to leave i still love him but, i will not accept an A with him again ,all or nothing!!!

but i still want the pictures !!??!!

[newby]

my advice:

he's not going to destroy the pics is he?

i would just leave it for another 4 weeks by that time u yourself will have broken the habit of never going more than four weeks n/c. therefore you will be alot stronger to just contact say didnt check mail, i will have pics thanks.

my mm also has stuff of mine, i sent email saying put them in my bin cupboard which he hasnt done and hasnt replied to either, my guess is they keep these things as a last resort, so on the other hand once you have them there is no more reason for him to contact you. thing is he might well milk the whole giving you the pictures thing which is going to be really difficult.

i have left it with my stuff.

my guess is he's pretending he never got mail.

i'm waiting till i feel abit stronger and have broken my own time habit which is 7 weeks at most. then i will repeat email. doesnt mean i think its the best thing to do, just the only thing i could think of.

[curly]

I know this sounds hard but no contact is no contact, whatsoever. Go to the "coping" forum and read a thread - "do you really think contacting your ex is going to help you? Guide for the long walk" It is really helpful.

 

I am 2.5 weeks into no contact and I have no idea if he'll call or not. Not sure if you know my story but I've not posted for a while because everything was so roller coaster. He was leaving then, no, she found out and the threats came. I didn't know if I believed the story but I walked away. He sent a book with an unbelievably loving note and I called. He moved out 2 days later, to move back to W 10 days after that. I am devastated. It is truly hard, but I've realized that when I have any "contact" (driving by his house to fully convince myself that he is back there) I've set myself back. I haven't seen him or spoken to him. But I know that no contact really is that.

 

If you email him, you'll probably get a reply that pulls you back or hurts you with his distance. Either way, you will get hurt, not him.

 

DON'T DO IT!!! Keep your dignity and mystery. No pics can be worth crying all night (or longer). Stay strong. 3 weeks is a long time. Hold on to it!

[lynnered]

well he email ed me but I'm just going to wait a bit longer if i do reply to him ,i think newby is right it may be his way of contact ,cause he has no other reason to contact me one time almost a year ago i nc he called me asked if id been playing on his phone(which i hadn't)then he says he might know who it is ,i asked does a number ever come up?yes who's is it this guy he knew(who's wife tried to hit on him)OK well maybe the number coming up on cid when you get hung up on is whos calling???hello so maybe its another one of those lame things,you guys are right everybody i told him nc til he's legally separated &i need to stick to it!!!i thank everybody ,3 weeks never more then a month i should have seen it coming ,just surprised and it brings up alot of feelings of how much i miss him it hard you get used to talking to someone o well thanks for helping me not fall down!!!i thank you all &newby I'm going to do what you said that feels right !!

[newby]

just think this is actually the hardest time for you, this is the biggy, if you can get through this you are done.

i know ive got mine looming. at first i was pretty sure he was completely relieved that i had ended it, whilst i still believe thats true i know theres going to be that point when he misses me and it will be the same for me then too. i dont know what i will do then, i'm worried he will just come round which is why i kept him on my msn, he'd have to have a pretty wierd and wonderful excuse to just come round. if he did come round i think i would find it really hard not to invite him in.

you are a good strong girl, i'll come crying to you when i get mine

[DinNJ]

he's reaching for strings.... don't fall for it. He knows he's got you emotionally attached. And any contact from you will only do HIM good and YOU harm. He's being selfish. Pushing your buttons... don't fall for it.

[alphamale]

Originally posted by lynnered

hey everybody !!

well I'm 3 weeks into nc ,when i broke up with mm ,i told him nc until he gets separtartd

 

if u contact him in any way, shape or form, no matter how brief you are going to totally invalidate what you said above to him. that, and you'll also look weak and give him the green lite to take advantage of you.

[Owl]

It's called "fishing". They'll send an innocent email simply saying "hope all is well", or something along those lines. That way, when you respond, they've got the opportunity to say "well, I wasn't REACHING for you, I wasn't trying to start anything back up, I just wanted to know that you were ok". It's all BS...the intent is to keep the A going if at all possible. Don't fall for it. The best way to deal with it is to simply delete the message/email/whatever and act like it never happened.

 

And it can work both ways too. Don't let YOURSELF fall for that trap too. Don't send an email just to "see if he's ok". It's way too easy to do, and the REAL intent is to resume what was left off...even if you don't admit it to yourself.

 

In my wife's case (remember I'm the BS...she had an emotional affair with an OM), they were supposed to have broken off contact a number of times. It typically lasted for a few days, then one or the other would break down and email/IM the other. This lasted for about a month...then contact broke for two weeks. THEN...he sent her a "fishing" email...that I knew about from checking her email accts. This lead to a big blow up between us, with an email exchange between he and I copying her where he agreed to end contact. She did send him one more email (a Father's Day card)...which HE had the grace to say "look, I appreciate that you're working on your marriage, please stop contacting me". And that was the end....last June.

 

Realize that ANY contact that you try to maintain just hurts all of you....no one wins in an affair. Everyone walks away with scars. The best you can do is to learn when to cut your losses and move on. And I wish you the best of luck in doing so friends...seriously!