Author broken24 Posted March 8, 2005 Author Share Posted March 8, 2005 I just wanted to give a bit of an update on my situation and I hope it might help other people who are having similar troubles. Its now been 4 weeks since I split with my boyfriend, its been very hard and at times I just wanted to die so I could forget all about it. I now have a lovely little flat and although I am not up for going out all the time I have managed to have a couple of great nights out and even met some new people. Things aren't great but they ARE getting better each day. I'm really looking forward to spending some quality time with me! Going to the gym, decorating my flat and making it homely, watching dvd's and not having to clean up other peoples mess. Its great! At the end of the day sh*t happens but then look around at the world it really could be worse. So for all you people out there that think they can't do it alone and their life will be over if you decide to leave your boyfriend/girlfriend then I hope you might get a little bit of hope from my situation. Everbody deserves respect and if your partners can't give you that then make that big change and see where your life path takes you next. Its a big world out there so go and find it. Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted March 8, 2005 Share Posted March 8, 2005 Hey Broken, I'm so glad it's working out for you. Stay strong. Romeo Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted March 8, 2005 Share Posted March 8, 2005 Originally posted by broken24 I just wanted to give a bit of an update on my situation and I hope it might help other people who are having similar troubles. Its now been 4 weeks since I split with my boyfriend, its been very hard and at times I just wanted to die so I could forget all about it. I now have a lovely little flat and although I am not up for going out all the time I have managed to have a couple of great nights out and even met some new people. Things aren't great but they ARE getting better each day. I'm really looking forward to spending some quality time with me! Going to the gym, decorating my flat and making it homely, watching dvd's and not having to clean up other peoples mess. Its great! At the end of the day sh*t happens but then look around at the world it really could be worse. So for all you people out there that think they can't do it alone and their life will be over if you decide to leave your boyfriend/girlfriend then I hope you might get a little bit of hope from my situation. Everbody deserves respect and if your partners can't give you that then make that big change and see where your life path takes you next. Its a big world out there so go and find it. I am so glad you didn't let your fears of being alone and in a strange place dictate your actions.....you'll end up having a lot more self esteem because of it Link to post Share on other sites
GirlDown Posted March 8, 2005 Share Posted March 8, 2005 me too... good for you... i don't agree that drinking necessarily makes you into the person that you really are, but it certainly can lead you do things you don't normally do. if you would normally do them, you wouldn't need a chemical to make that happen. whatever way it happened, it happened. and i am happy for you that you got out of it. what a brave girl! Link to post Share on other sites
HotCaliGirl Posted March 8, 2005 Share Posted March 8, 2005 I am so glad to hear how well you are doing. You were so strong to leave his a** and everything is turning out great. What an inspiration... Link to post Share on other sites
monica402 Posted March 10, 2005 Share Posted March 10, 2005 Hello, The past couple of days i've been reading about infidelity and i decided to register here when i read what happened to you. I'm really sorry. I just found out 3 weeks ago about my boyfriend's infidelity. We've been together for over 10 months now and we're totally in love with each other. We have so much in common...sometimes we joke that we have the same brain. I can even say that all of our friends envy our relationship. He told me more than once that he has never loved anyone the way he loves me. He is crazy about me. Last september he went on a 2 week trip and we spoke to each other everyday. He even asked me if i wanted to move in with him. When he came back he moved at my place. We have a lot of plans for our future together, buying a place, having kids, travelling...everything is great. 3 Weeks ago, he went away for the weekend on a ski trip. For the last couple of months, i had dreams where he cheated on me so i started to doubt the relationship but came to the conclusion that i was probably just insecure since i care so much about him. When he left for the weekend, i started to snoop around( i know i shoudn't have but i had a bad feeling). I found out that he cheated on me on his 2 week trip last september. I was sure about one of the girls but i had a feeling about another one. I decided to confront him when he returned from his ski trip. At first he denied it but finally confessed. He told me that he cheated on me 2 times on his trip. We were both crying so much ...he said he felt like **** and didn't understand how he could have done this when he is crazy about me, about us. I was so hurt and confused. I told him that if we wanted a future together that we had to be honest now about everything. I asked him for a hug because i wanted to feel close to him...he said that he had to tell me something else...that it happened again on his ski trip (he was with the girl the night before his return). I asked him to leave...we were both crying and heartbroken. He decided to start a therapy because he said that he doesn't understand how he could have done this when he is totally crazy about me. I decided to try and save the relationship...work on it with him because i've never been in love like i am now and neither has he. Everyday i ask myself why i stay ..i'm confused...i've never felt so lost in my life. I know it as only been 3 weeks and that i should give myself time to heal. I know i have to make my own decision on this but feel free to give your opinion. I feel so hurt !! Thank you Link to post Share on other sites
HotCaliGirl Posted March 11, 2005 Share Posted March 11, 2005 Monica, I am so sorry to hear about your situation. I can't believe someone who loves you as much as your boyfriend says he does, sleeps with every girl he gets the opportunity to do it with - these are just 3 that you are aware of that he has confessed to. Had you not snooped through his stuff, you wouldn't even be aware of any of this!!! maybe not until you were married with children down the line, after the list would include over a dozen other women... You need feedback from more experienced people around here because I don't know if the love is worth all the pain you are going to end up going through throughout your relationship together. I don't know if such a compulsive cheater can get cured and if you can endure all of this pain... Link to post Share on other sites
monica402 Posted March 11, 2005 Share Posted March 11, 2005 thank you for your reply. I don't know either but i know that he's really working on himself ...he's been seing a therapist since i confronted him. He says that this thing can never happen again. He doesn't feel like he's getting anything good out of it anyway. He was married for 2 years with his college girlfriend that treated him like **** and he cheated on her but never got caught. They've been divorced now for more than 3 years. It is the first time that he's confronted with his problem. I've never felt so confused in my life. We still live together and are trying to recover from this. His friends didn't know about this either...he was not proud of what he did. The day after i confronted him he told his friends and they were shocked because they all know how he feels about me. He was crying at work all day. He feels really bad about all this. He wants to change and feels that the therapy is helping him. He's gorgeous and gets a lot of attention but it wasn't like that a couple of years ago...he looked more like a nerd and was extremely shy. I think he started to feel better about himself a year after his divorce and started dating a lot. We've been together for 10 months but i've known him for about 5 years. We use to work at the same place. He had a huge crush on me...He taught i was so beautiful that he was intimidated by me. We didn't talk that much but he was friends with a couple of my friends. He never taught that a girl like me could ever be interested in him. I get a lot of attention to...even more than my boyfriend. He says he as never been with a girlfriend that gets so much attention from men. But with all the occasions that i had to cheat on him i never could...not even crossed my mind and i had a lot of opportunities...that too hurts because i always put us first! I gave everything to him! He says that what he did as nothing to do with our relationship. We have sex all the time...every day and it's great..amazing for both of us...we have so many things in common, music, video games, movies, every moment we spend together is awesome. That's why it is so confusing! I feel cheated on so many levels. Link to post Share on other sites
HotCaliGirl Posted March 11, 2005 Share Posted March 11, 2005 I myself haven't heard of a serial cheater getting cured, and doubt his therapist is a super-person to be able to do that for him. Just something for you to keep in mind so that eventually IF it happens again that you find out about, that you won't be so devestated. Since everything else is going well, a problem like this can be extra hurtful and you don't want to put your head in the sand, pretending everything is ok. I mean, if it was only those few times and it's not a big problem, why would he be CRYING and HIM requesting for therapy? The bad part is that you won't know unless you find out on your own, through snooping again, because he didn't tell you on his own and had you not found out by that, you wouldn't be aware of it, after all things were that great between the two of you then also, it's not like you were having less frequent sex, he was acting suspicious etc... I wonder what percentage of men are REALLY faithful??? My personal guess is MAYBE 10%, so you have to think about that too - it's not like another man will be all that different, unless you hit the Lotto in the dating pool. Link to post Share on other sites
monica402 Posted March 11, 2005 Share Posted March 11, 2005 I'M so confused. That's the only thing i can say! He comes from a loving family...he wants one of his own with me! He hates what he did and believes that it won't happen again. I feel like i should give it a try but i'm not sure if i should. I always thought that i would leave a guy that would cheat on me but i guess you never know until it happens to you. We are so much in love...i've never felt like this for anybody...he feels the same way. I think that he wants to change and that's why he admitted that he cheated on me with a third one. I can't think of anything else...i work from home on my computer and i just can't concentrate...i keep coming to this forum hoping to find somebody to talk to. Thank you so much for taking the time to reply. I'm filled with emotions and i can't not talk about it! He was always afraid of commitment and that's why i was so surprised when he asked to move in with me and build a future with me. I believe that he is absolutly sincere about his feelings for me and our future together. He says that he is willing to give me all the time i need to get through this and that he can't imagine his life without me! He always ask me how i'm feeling, if i need to talk...what he can do to make me feel better and realize that it was the biggest mistakes he has ever made and that he doesn't want to do it again...he had oral sex with two of the girls and intercourse with one....it doesn't change anything because cheating is cheating but he answers all of my questions ! He wants to be honest with me and can't believe how he could have hurt me so much for girls that he says were so much less interesting and beautiful than me ...and when he is just so in love with what we have together. He says that he was always afraid of thinking of having kids with someone or living with someone but not with me ...he says i'm the ideal girl ...the best girl ever! What keeps popping in my head is that how could he do such a thing if he has these feelings for me. I would love to have the opinion of guys on this also. Because i know i didn't do anything to push him away and i even told him that if he wanted that type of life, he could ...but not include me or a person who thinks that she's in a monogamous relationship...he has the right to sleep with anybody he wants , if he wants to but he should do it when he's single or with a girl who doesn't mind because she's the same as he is! Link to post Share on other sites
monica402 Posted March 11, 2005 Share Posted March 11, 2005 maybe i should just be a lesbian Link to post Share on other sites
HotCaliGirl Posted March 11, 2005 Share Posted March 11, 2005 Monica - do you know the details of what resulted in his divorce? How often was he cheating on his x wife?? I wish you could talk to her to get the real scoop of it. Maybe he knows what a loser he is so he is desperate to keep you and regrets he messed up covering up his tracks. The whole therapy thing could be a front to convince you he wants to change. Again, I have no doubt that he may truly love you. I think people cheat even when they love the person they are with... I know what you mean about being a lesbian. I think about going that route too!! I'm so fed up with men right now. Maybe I'll try it out and get a nice woman who will be faithful and a good listener and everything else I can't find in men. Link to post Share on other sites
monica402 Posted March 11, 2005 Share Posted March 11, 2005 He got married to young and she was not a nice girl ...she was often embarrassed by him when he was joking with his friends. I personnaly think that you should love the person you're with for all he his (not if he's not respectful or a jerk), she didn't want sex (not really into it i guess) and she wasn't interested in what he likes. I think he was really disappointed of the failure of his marriage. He was with her 5 years prior to his marriage and married 2 years. I believe he cheated on her once but she never found out...he then asked for a divorce. I believe he's old enough to understand that if this isn't the life he wants that he has to take care of this problem. He's 29 years old. If he wants a family and building a strong relationship with someone for life then he has to work on himself. That's what he's doing. I really believe that what happen is a wake up call for him! I just don't know if i can risk getting hurt again in the long run. We feel like soul mates...we tell each other often! Every day since i've known him he's been caring, affectionate, understanding, gentle, romantic, and he's got a great sense of humor...all this plus he's a babe! It's hard to let go of all we have together and my family and friends think that i should at least try to be with him because they know that deep down he never wanted to do this and that he loves me and that this kind of chemistry doesn't happen everyday...so i'm trying and if it never happens again then it would have been a good thing that i forgave him and tried. I'm just scared that it could happen again. Link to post Share on other sites
monica402 Posted March 11, 2005 Share Posted March 11, 2005 i know that there are great men out there and that all men aren't cheaters but i am tired of this. It would be much easier with a woman Link to post Share on other sites
crazy gurl123 Posted March 12, 2005 Share Posted March 12, 2005 You should give him another chance, everybody makes mistakes and some should be forgotten. If you love him than you shouldn't let this problem stand between you two. There is going to be more problems in your life maybe even tougher ones than this, I'm not saying that you have to forgive hom but just go with your heart. If you do i suspect that you would have a happier life than if you go with what your brain tells you. Link to post Share on other sites
monica402 Posted March 12, 2005 Share Posted March 12, 2005 Thank you so much for your reply...makes me feel better to read this! I should follow my heart and that is what i'm doing! I'M just scared for the future but i should take it one day at a time! Thanks a lot! Link to post Share on other sites
monica402 Posted March 13, 2005 Share Posted March 13, 2005 Last friday (yesterday), my boyfriend came back from work and called on his way home to ask me where i wanted to eat...he proposed a lot of restaurants and said he wanted to buy me dinner. He said to meet him downstairs in front of our place. I opened the door to find flowers and a ticket for a show i was dying to see. I joined him downstairs and we walked to the restaurant...he bought wine and after dinner he invited me to the movies. He said that it was the least he could do to show me how important i am to him and i much he cares and wants to make me happy. He said that he just wants to keep chasing me...always ...seduce me over and over again. It was extremely romantic and made me feel better. It doesn't change what he did but i know...even before last night... that he truly loves me. For all the boyfriends out there...you don't need to spend your money to show how much you care...just being there for you girlfriend and making sure that she knows you love her is way enough but it really made me feel good to see that he planned all this for me! I think it's so nice and romantic! Link to post Share on other sites
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