PuppetLife Posted June 23, 2014 Share Posted June 23, 2014 So my friend A is leaving soon and we might have a birthday/farewell party with her this Saturday or Sunday. And my friend B doesn't like A and so she doesn't know about A leaving. She asked me to go watch a movie with her this Saturday with a friend who came here for holiday, so we can't change the date. At first, I thought of rejected it but then i remembered we had a fight last time about me hanging out with A and B feeling excluded. So i don't want B to know that i rejected her invitation so that i can go with A. But because A doesn't like B either, i won't be the right person to tell B that A is leaving, because A might not want me to tell B. B have been begging me to watch the movie with her and i feel so bad if i reject her. So I'm thinking of asking A to organise her farewell party on Sunday so i can go with B on Saturday. But since they dislike each other, how am i supposed to tell A the reason why i can't attend to her party if she have it on Saturday? A is not going to forgive me if i don't got to her farewell party but go and watch a movie with B. But B will get extremely upset with me if i had a party with A and rejected her invitation to the movie, because she doesn't know that A is leaving! Even if i don't say anything, they can put pictures on facebook and obviously they are all going to know. I'm so confused, Please someone help me, what to do! Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted June 23, 2014 Share Posted June 23, 2014 What kind of "farewell"? If you won't be seeing A again, and will see B, then go with B and send regrets to A. Otherwise, give priority to whoever asked first, and tell the second that you have a prior commitment without explaining what it is - it really isn't their business, after all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PuppetLife Posted June 23, 2014 Author Share Posted June 23, 2014 yea i won't be able to see A in few years, but B really want to watch that movie with me and she doesn't know that A is leaving, so she will think that i choose A over her. And also, A said she will have a farewell party soon but she didn't say when, but because i have school, it's going to be either Sunday or Saturday. Whereas B ask me to go this Saturday. The worst thing is I won't be able to explain to them, because they dislike each other..... Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted June 23, 2014 Share Posted June 23, 2014 Ask A if she can make the party for Sunday. If she asks why, tell her the truth, including that you didn't want to tell B that A's leaving without A's permission. You shouldn't have to choose one friend over the other - if either wants you to choose them over the other, then they are inconsiderate of you and perhaps not worthy of being YOUR friend. True friends will help you avoid an awkward situation, and A is in the best position to do that at this time. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 23, 2014 Share Posted June 23, 2014 yea i won't be able to see A in few years, but B really want to watch that movie with me and she doesn't know that A is leaving, so she will think that i choose A over her. And also, A said she will have a farewell party soon but she didn't say when, but because i have school, it's going to be either Sunday or Saturday. Whereas B ask me to go this Saturday. The worst thing is I won't be able to explain to them, because they dislike each other..... You are in a tough spot but really this is B's problem and actually A's problem too. It isn't your fault they don't like one another. you were invited to the farewell party first so go to the party. Tell A that you are busy and will see the movie with her another day or maybe even earlier in the day. So what if they dislike each other, are you not allowed to speak up? Calmly just say I won't be seeing A for a while and I want to go the party. If B can't deal with it and gets pissed off, so be it. REAL friends don't put you in a place where you have to walk around on egg shells and feel like you must choose one or other. Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted June 23, 2014 Share Posted June 23, 2014 I think you are making this all into a bigger issue than it is. You make plans with the person who ask(ed) you first for Saturday. If it was B, then you tell A you already have plans for Saturday. If it was A, then you tell B you already have plans for Saturday. I don't see why you have to explain to either one of them what you are doing or who you are doing it with. It's none of their business If you already agreed to hang out with B on Saturday, then if A wants to hold the party on Sunday when you can attend, that's A's choice. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 23, 2014 Share Posted June 23, 2014 You can see the movie any time. The friend who is leaving takes priority. Another option may chance the time of the movie -- go in the afternoon, then go to the farewell. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 23, 2014 Share Posted June 23, 2014 Ask A if she can make the party for Sunday. If she asks why, tell her the truth, including that you didn't want to tell B that A's leaving without A's permission. You shouldn't have to choose one friend over the other - if either wants you to choose them over the other, then they are inconsiderate of you and perhaps not worthy of being YOUR friend. True friends will help you avoid an awkward situation, and A is in the best position to do that at this time. No, all that does is give B power here. A should have her party regardless, if puppet doesn't go, so be it. To change the date of a going away party for one person who is uncomfortable about going and having to hide it from her friend isn't right, nor is it fair to the host and everybody else who is invited. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PuppetLife Posted June 23, 2014 Author Share Posted June 23, 2014 People who said that we can always watch a movie later, the problem is that B's friend is only here for Saturday and B wants to watch that movie with me, so the date cant be change. And also, i just remembered, A have asked me to that movie before, but she had already watched that movie once and she doesn't sound serious, and i didn't take it serious either. I was wondering if I ask her if she's able to have it on Sunday and she ask me why, i then tell her the true story, she might question me about why i go with B but not her, and that i can go with B another time. And this is going to make B upset.. Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted June 23, 2014 Share Posted June 23, 2014 In all of this, you haven't said what YOU want to do. Maybe you'd rather not accept either invitation? It also seems that you have trouble saying no to people, and setting boundaries for yourself. There is no easy answer here, unless A simply decides on her own to have her party on Sunday, in which case you need not make any choices or potentially offend anyone. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PuppetLife Posted June 23, 2014 Author Share Posted June 23, 2014 i want to go to both, and i already semi-say-yes to B, because she really wants me to go. That's why there is a problem Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted June 23, 2014 Share Posted June 23, 2014 i want to go to both, and i already semi-say-yes to B, because she really wants me to go. That's why there is a problem If you already said yes to B, then you have plans with B. Tell A you can't make it to her party if she has it on Saturday, but you can make it if she has it on Sunday. Or just get together with A separately on Sunday to say goodbye. Link to post Share on other sites
mrs rubble Posted June 23, 2014 Share Posted June 23, 2014 Do both, tell B that you can only make the movie early in the day coz you have plans in the evening. (with A) Link to post Share on other sites
Author PuppetLife Posted June 24, 2014 Author Share Posted June 24, 2014 Say if A is having her party on Sunday and i'm going with B on Saturday, then things should be settled. But i'm afraid that B will put pictures on facebook and A will know, or A will put pictures on facebook and B will know. I know that it doesn't really concern them, but if they get upset with me, what should i do or say? any advise please? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 24, 2014 Share Posted June 24, 2014 If they get upset with you for spending time with the other, they really aren't your friends. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted June 24, 2014 Share Posted June 24, 2014 (edited) tell them you love them both equally, if they are nice people they will be okay with everything Edited June 24, 2014 by darkmoon Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted June 24, 2014 Share Posted June 24, 2014 If they get upset with you for spending time with the other, they really aren't your friends. ^ ^ ^ This, a thousand times, This! ^ ^ ^ Seriously, Puppet. You made a commitment to someone. Don't be the flaky friend who bails because something better/different comes along. The friend who is leaving and wanting a party is being sort of flaky by not deciding what day to have it on in such short notice. If she decides on Saturday, apologize and just tell her that you already made a commitment to someone else. You don't need to offer any other explanation than that. You could say, "Aw, I'm sorry. I *could* make a party on Sunday and really want to see you before you go, but I've already made a promise to someone else for Saturday. I'm sorry I didn't know sooner about your plans." Or something of that ilk. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PuppetLife Posted June 24, 2014 Author Share Posted June 24, 2014 So, if A got upset with me because i went and watch a movie with B, then A isn't really a nice friend? Link to post Share on other sites
mrs rubble Posted June 24, 2014 Share Posted June 24, 2014 So, if A got upset with me because i went and watch a movie with B, then A isn't really a nice friend? You're turning the whole situation into a drama, carry on as you are and I'm sure you won't have an issue with which friend to choose in the future!! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 25, 2014 Share Posted June 25, 2014 So, if A got upset with me because i went and watch a movie with B, then A isn't really a nice friend? Friend A needs to get over it and accept that she can still be friends with you, even though she hates B. This really IS A's issue. Or vice versa. You are being put in the middle, A and B don't get along and don't like one another that shouldn't involve you and you shouldn't have to feel bad or guilty spending one on one time with either of them! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 25, 2014 Share Posted June 25, 2014 Say if A is having her party on Sunday and i'm going with B on Saturday, then things should be settled. But i'm afraid that B will put pictures on facebook and A will know, or A will put pictures on facebook and B will know. I know that it doesn't really concern them, but if they get upset with me, what should i do or say? any advise please? You can't ask your friend to change the date of the party just because you may not be able to make it Saturday night. It's her going away party - others will be there and it's a bit rude to make her switch it. Besides, people have to work on Monday so a Sun night party won't go as late as a Saturday night party would. You tell A that you already committed to the party and can't see the movie with her. You're stressing out about this and as I mentioned before, your friend can see the movie with you another day. A going away party happens once, a movie you can see any time. Explain to A that you love her and hope she understands. Link to post Share on other sites
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