No Limit Posted June 24, 2014 Share Posted June 24, 2014 Do you really think you want to be in a relationship with a cheater? Link to post Share on other sites
Purepony Posted June 24, 2014 Share Posted June 24, 2014 I was devastated when I saw the messages from my boyfriend to another girl. I felt betrayed I thought everything I thought he was a lie. When he and I weren't talking for weeks I was completely depressed I was crying I didn't understand why it all happened or where it came from it was horrible. Why? If I may ask My situation is very similar to yours, I knew what I was doing but I went and I cheated because I really was tired of feeling alone and empty in that relationship. It was real draining and I own up to my mistakes but she doesn't own up to hers. I feel very guilty but I have gone NC and have not heard anything from her. Link to post Share on other sites
Purepony Posted June 24, 2014 Share Posted June 24, 2014 I really still don't even know what I want but please keep us posted Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 24, 2014 Share Posted June 24, 2014 Assuming you want him back you may be able to make a second go of this if: 1. He understands why he said those things 2. You both have better problem solving skills -- meaning you have learned to work together not check out if there is a problem 3. He's truly repentant 4. You have some sense that it won't happen again Link to post Share on other sites
Author jelloparty Posted June 25, 2014 Author Share Posted June 25, 2014 (edited) My situation is very similar to yours, I knew what I was doing but I went and I cheated because I really was tired of feeling alone and empty in that relationship. It was real draining and I own up to my mistakes but she doesn't own up to hers. I feel very guilty but I have gone NC and have not heard anything from her. Ahh ya its the same thing with my boyfriend and I, he cheated because he felt alone as well. I feel like I might take him back because he does regret it and it was out of stupidity. If it's a mistake I think she might take you back just don't do it again and try talking to each other and fix the problem what got you cheating in the first place. You guys are what the realtionship is if you two try to work it out it'll work but if it's nothing but ignoring eachother and isolation then someone's bound to cheat or leave you need to work together Edited June 25, 2014 by jelloparty Link to post Share on other sites
Author jelloparty Posted June 25, 2014 Author Share Posted June 25, 2014 Assuming you want him back you may be able to make a second go of this if: 1. He understands why he said those things 2. You both have better problem solving skills -- meaning you have learned to work together not check out if there is a problem 3. He's truly repentant 4. You have some sense that it won't happen again Thank you and I truly do feel all of those. I feel like he regrets it and he's really trying hard to gain my trust again I know people make mistakes Link to post Share on other sites
Author jelloparty Posted June 25, 2014 Author Share Posted June 25, 2014 Do you really think you want to be in a relationship with a cheater? If course I don't! But I think everyone makes mistakes and k really think he made a mistake it doesn't mean I'm jumping back into a relationship with him but he really is trying to prove to me that it was a mistake and I'm a forgiving person so I don't know what to do Link to post Share on other sites
jbelle6 Posted June 25, 2014 Share Posted June 25, 2014 Ya that is what the girl told me that I didn't satisfy him I guess it isn't a good idea to get back with him it just kind of sucks because he is a good guy No he isn't. He didn't set boundaries, you don't associate with people who want you when you are in a relationship. He knew she wanted him, he liked the attention and the backup. He humiliated you. He gave another woman something to hold over you and gloat over. I don't have time for people like this anymore. One person screwed but I have been with many lovely men so I know I don't have to accept the trash that act like this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JahnJahn Posted June 25, 2014 Share Posted June 25, 2014 See how long he regrets said mistake. If he really is repentant he will give you time and space to think things through while still trying to show how much he has changed or at least show remorse and understanding of what he did to you. If it lasts then he is truly sorry. If its an on and off thing, then you know what to do. Just tread carefully. Link to post Share on other sites
jbelle6 Posted June 25, 2014 Share Posted June 25, 2014 Of course he's sorry, he was caught. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
JahnJahn Posted June 25, 2014 Share Posted June 25, 2014 And what Jbelle said is true. You truly need to see the genuine change in him, though I doubt anything has changed. Maybe the reality that he is not a stud kicked in and he is running back to you. It is hard to take the emotion out of decisions, but try your hardest to think logically about where this is going to go. If you truly believe he has changed and is remorseful about his actions. Link to post Share on other sites
JahnJahn Posted June 25, 2014 Share Posted June 25, 2014 Of course he's sorry, he was caught. I dont believe he is sorry, apologetic sure, but truly sorry? OP would have to shed some light on that or at least see that for herself. Like Patrick Jane would say "Very few people are truly sorry for what they have done". Link to post Share on other sites
Author jelloparty Posted June 25, 2014 Author Share Posted June 25, 2014 No he isn't. He didn't set boundaries, you don't associate with people who want you when you are in a relationship. He knew she wanted him, he liked the attention and the backup. He humiliated you. He gave another woman something to hold over you and gloat over. I don't have time for people like this anymore. One person screwed but I have been with many lovely men so I know I don't have to accept the trash that act like this. I agree completely with you. But I'm not humiliated one bit. What he did was unacceptable and immature and he did want the attention. But that girl is miserable she threatens me all the time and I feel bad for her. I know she doesn't have what I do she hasn't won anything and for him I always tell him he's immature and I think super low or him now he feels really bad about the hole thing they're both miserable people to be honest. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jelloparty Posted June 25, 2014 Author Share Posted June 25, 2014 See how long he regrets said mistake. If he really is repentant he will give you time and space to think things through while still trying to show how much he has changed or at least show remorse and understanding of what he did to you. If it lasts then he is truly sorry. If its an on and off thing, then you know what to do. Just tread carefully. It's been two months and I haven't token him back, he still tries to gain my trust back Link to post Share on other sites
redbaron005 Posted June 25, 2014 Share Posted June 25, 2014 Redbaron its easier said than done. There could be a good side to this too it can make the relationship better. I'm in a similar situation which is why I'm following. Of course it's easier said than done, most things meaningful are. I'm just saying if the OP is looking for a good guy, this sure speaks to his character as the opposite of that. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted June 25, 2014 Share Posted June 25, 2014 If course I don't! But I think everyone makes mistakes and k really think he made a mistake it doesn't mean I'm jumping back into a relationship with him but he really is trying to prove to me that it was a mistake and I'm a forgiving person so I don't know what to do A mistake is forgetting to take out the trash or paying your electric bill late. Cheating isn't a mistake -- it's betrayal, it's being stabbed in the back. You are basically giving him free reign to do it again. But ultimately, it's up to you what your boundaries are. Honestly, cheating is an automatic "no way in hell I would ever consider getting back together with you" situation for me, but different strokes for different folks. Link to post Share on other sites
Purepony Posted July 19, 2014 Share Posted July 19, 2014 Any updates on this jello? Link to post Share on other sites
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