tobeover Posted June 24, 2014 Share Posted June 24, 2014 I'm going to be brutally honest: whenever my mom cries out in pain, the first thing I think is "she's faking it". Then I get angry. Then I feel guilty, and sad. Then what I do is I try to comfort her, and offer her advice and assistance, however off it might seem. I generally try to help out however I can, in order to lessen her pain. But I know that how I think is wrong. Will counselling together with my mom (as in, in the same room at each session) help me, for a lack of a better word, "understand" her better? (The reason I say "understand" is because, while I can become more empathetic with her, I cannot truly comprehend the pain she goes through everyday. She used to be a full time pianist and piano teacher; now she struggles to play just one concert.) Input is appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted June 24, 2014 Share Posted June 24, 2014 Is this rheumatoid arthritis? . Or repetitive strain injury? Both can be common in musicians. What kind of help is she getting? Where is her pain? Has she had any diagnosis? Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted June 24, 2014 Share Posted June 24, 2014 Does she have carpal tunnel syndrome? They can fix that. I don't know that you necessarily need to understand her pain as much as you need to understand that she is in pain. I think you asking about it here shows that you truly do care about her. And it's normal to be angry at things we don't understand. Ask anybody who had to deal with cancer for the first time and they'll tell you it pissed them off too. Just make sure you direct the anger at the right place...the illness... Link to post Share on other sites
notserene Posted June 24, 2014 Share Posted June 24, 2014 I'm going to be brutally honest: whenever my mom cries out in pain, the first thing I think is "she's faking it". Then I get angry. Then I feel guilty, and sad. Then what I do is I try to comfort her, and offer her advice and assistance, however off it might seem. I generally try to help out however I can, in order to lessen her pain. But I know that how I think is wrong. Will counselling together with my mom (as in, in the same room at each session) help me, for a lack of a better word, "understand" her better? (The reason I say "understand" is because, while I can become more empathetic with her, I cannot truly comprehend the pain she goes through everyday. She used to be a full time pianist and piano teacher; now she struggles to play just one concert.) Input is appreciated. Question: why is your first response "she's faking it"? What kind of relationship do you two have? That tossed off statement seems to have a history behind it. Link to post Share on other sites
ufo8mycat Posted June 24, 2014 Share Posted June 24, 2014 I have chronic pain from an accident 7 years ago. I was 27 at the time and have ongoing issues. My suggestion is a formal pain management program (ADAPT or INTERVENE). I am not sure of the structure outside of australia but I did a 3 week intensive program where family were heavily engaged. Pain takes many forms but chronic pain is difficult to manage. I am sure my husband felt the same. I am now 34 and still apply many of the program strategies to help with my pain management. Your ma needs assistance beyond acute pain models. It won't be easy but pain is totes **** to live with. Get her specialist advice. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tobeover Posted June 24, 2014 Author Share Posted June 24, 2014 Hey guys, thanks for responding. I guess it's not so much "she's faking it" as it is "suck it up". I was brought up kind of in a tough love manner. When I was obsessed about my weight, for instance, and was starving myself and all that, my mom and brother didn't really hesitate to give me grief. Also, my brother doesn't exactly provide my mom with comfort; he also has the "suck it up" mentality in his head. So I guess I'm just following in his footsteps. But I know that has to change. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted June 24, 2014 Share Posted June 24, 2014 Hey guys, thanks for responding. I guess it's not so much "she's faking it" as it is "suck it up". I was brought up kind of in a tough love manner. When I was obsessed about my weight, for instance, and was starving myself and all that, my mom and brother didn't really hesitate to give me grief. Also, my brother doesn't exactly provide my mom with comfort; he also has the "suck it up" mentality in his head. So I guess I'm just following in his footsteps. But I know that has to change. Ahh...yes. Remember how their lack of compassion made YOU feel and do try to be the better person if you can. Forgiveness goes a long way. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tobeover Posted June 24, 2014 Author Share Posted June 24, 2014 (edited) Oh no, I don't want anyone to misunderstand. All of my family members are, and have been, great people. (Except my brohter; he used to be a huge bully to me, but he got a lot better now, and we're like best friends.) So if I want to be the "better person" then I have to be a REALLY great person, haha. That being said, everyone makes mistakes. You know, we've all had our bad days, and parents aren't given a manual on how to properly raise a child. My mom just did what she thought was best in order to make me snap out of it. My brother just did what every 7th grader would've done in that situation. In short, I just don't think anyone has wronged me enough for me to forgive anyone. Edited June 24, 2014 by tobeover Link to post Share on other sites
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