Women, your experiences where a man showing vulnerability increased your closeness

[carhill]

I'm testing your empathy by showing vulnerability. It's being expressed as 'you're sensitive' and 'anger' and 'preconceived notions'. More loaded language.

 

I'm quite educated in the verbiage which women use to debase and demean and quite familiar with the member those words are coming from. I'll leave it at that.

 

Upthread, even though lacking such positive experiences, I expressed praise for such women who demonstrate empathy and care in their interpersonal relationships when their partner shows vulnerability and wished them a long life, both to reward themselves for their empathy and care as well as benefit their partners. That's the difference.

 

Right now I'm reading a thread in the infidelity forum and watching how the female members empathize with the male betrayed spouse as he shows his vulnerability from being on the receiving end of an affair. It's an interesting read.

[Frank2thepoint]

Or you could choose to interpret it in this way, because if she is one of the women who cannot handle true trust and intimacy, no amount of waiting is going to help. If you wait three years before showing vulnerability and you show it and she is one of the ones who cannot handle it due to her own issues, than all that will happen is that she will leave you then after three years after your own feelings had cemented and you would be only more wounded.

 

I strongly concur with this. If a man shows his vulnerability, in hopes of making a connection with a woman, but the woman perceives it as a weakness, it doesn't matter if it happens a month or a year into the relationship. The woman can't handle trust and intimacy. It's debilitating emotionally to a guy when he is vulnerable and gets denied by such a woman. But there is always the positive side to it, which is at that moment a man learns the woman's true nature, and hopefully he is wise enough to leave such a woman.

[AnyaNova]

I like much of what is in this post, speaking of long self-discovery journeys... Just poking a little fun. :

I think the real journey of relationships is in learning to speak each others' language and really understand their needs as separate from your own, and how to balance these.

 

It almost seems at the end as if you are alluding to the idea that men are better equipped to give the kind of support men need when showing their true selves and women for women.

 

And I don't necessarily agree with this. I think it can be, but I think that especially in romantic relationships, that this is the most vital and potentially the most healing time to be able to be real with a significant other.

 

 

I think both sexes avoid being vulnerable, because they're both scared of being hurt or exposed revealing their very personal insecurities or fears with a person that they're unsure of whether they can trust.

 

But everyone desires to share that and that's why ultimately many people do, there is a desire to release that emotional burden in general but also because it creates a trust and therefore a bond, in turn creating a closer relationship. A lot of people I've learned however just don't know how. Some have never even challenged themselves to articulate and express how they really feel, out of fear of having to deal with some unwanted/undesirable emotions or memories...attempting to just bury those things deep within themselves and try to let the rest of the world know that they aren't affected by it.

 

As an overly expressive guy myself, I would say that women are often really unaccustomed to to that behavior and not confident in crossing this imaginary line or barrier setup within themselves...this invisible wall they have built up that they're used to men not even coming to close to knocking on. I think it really changes the dynamic and how they engage with me on a personal level, but that's just not exclusively with women either.

 

But that's why it's such a long and methodical process of trust building for many people, it's this slow tearing away of this exterior person into the deeper levels until close is close enough, then people shut down. Women tend to be much more brave in that respect, they're much more open to taking the good with the bad but they also get a lot of anxiety over that lack of control and exposure within themselves I notice...men however I notice they tend to cower and build a facade of strength and power so that no one ever questions their insecurity or vulnerability in the first place, they fear if you are aware of their insecurities then maybe you will not respect them as powerful men any longer (in their own right)...as men essentially feel this duty like obligation to be strong and immune to sadness (well not all of them, but a lot)...you're always supposed to be brave as a man, women are allowed to let it out and show that vulnerability. But once you do get under the exterior with men, it's much easier to get deep down than it is with women, they're aware of the problem already usually and it's for the most part clear...they just need to kind of be pressed for it and turn over every rock they try and hide under, then they're kind of like "well yeah...this is the problem here, i know"

 

I think it's sad overall that people have to create this exterior person to the world, and then be alone having to deal with all their uncertainties and fears, not even able to share them with people close to them...but hoping to find that one person they can trust and share it all with so they, kind of like it's a big secret and don't have to do it alone any longer. I feel like that's where a lot of women build a relationship with men, and they feel like they're getting underneath those layers but then wonder why that's not enough in creating the bond...but that's a whole other topic.

 

But I don't think exposing yourself (not that kind of exposing) is about someone else, or even building a love or romantic relationship for whatever it is...I think it's just learning to be who you really are behind the veil. When you're open to who you are and comfortable with your own fears and insecurities you don't have to hide from them any longer, there's a freedom in being able to live as yourself and accepting yourself as an imperfect person...and when you are comfortable with yourself nobody can hurt you, nobody can pick out that wound and dig their finger into it because you've already faced and recognized the pain or emotion rather than tried to pretend it doesn't exist..

 

And I think that often gets twisted and piled into the "romantic" world like every other need that can't be meet, I think that's why people have so many expectations and seek so much fulfillment from their SO's, it's like their last ditch effort because they want to release and share that burden with somebody...and to me that's just a very human thing, I've seen no difference in that desire between the sexes in that regard IMO...the problem is women and men tend to think and feel different, having different perspectives, and that elevates the fear of being misunderstood or misinterpreted...as a man, it's pretty easy to be misunderstood or not understood at all by a woman, although they may try very hard to...and sometimes unfortunately that in some ways makes you feel more alone and isolated..and I'm sure women feel the way, and so they try and understand each other in the best ways they can but you have to know how to speak the others language to get the real message the way it's really being intended to.

[AnyaNova]

I'm testing your empathy by showing vulnerability. It's being expressed as 'you're sensitive' and 'anger' and 'preconceived notions'. More loaded language.

 

I'm quite educated in the verbiage which women use to debase and demean and quite familiar with the member those words are coming from. I'll leave it at that.

 

Upthread, even though lacking such positive experiences, I expressed praise for such women who demonstrate empathy and care in their interpersonal relationships when their partner shows vulnerability and wished them a long life, both to reward themselves for their empathy and care as well as benefit their partners. That's the difference.

 

Right now I'm reading a thread in the infidelity forum and watching how the female members empathize with the male betrayed spouse as he shows his vulnerability from being on the receiving end of an affair. It's an interesting read.

 

No, your really not.

 

Jumping on a fellow poster for not respecting your viewpoint, when she made it clear she was speaking from her own individual standpoint and not making any statement about objective reality is not being vulnerable.

 

It is the opposite.

 

Misreading someone's post when she was trying to make the point that being vulnerable is not weak, as trying to compare it to weakness is not being vulnerable.

 

Making a broad generalization about all women and what we do and how you've years of experience to back that up, and then proclaiming that you're done and have spoken the last word.

 

Is anything but being vulnerable.

 

Sorry sir, but you are doing everything in your power to actively avoid being vulnerable.

 

Being vulnerable might look like, without making any statements about all women, opening up about a time when you made yourself vulnerable to a woman and she reacted badly and hurt you.

 

Being vulnerable might look like wistfully saying that you've been hurt, but acknowledging the reality that others haven't been in this manner, without engaging in further digs or validations of your preconceptions.

 

If you want empathy, I would be happy to give it to you.

 

But that is not what you seem to actually want.

[KathyM]

It's not 'odd', it's our life experience, so I'd appreciate the respect that is afforded your life experience here. Thanks!

I'm not trying to discount your personal life experience, I'm just saying how I feel, that I find it odd that some men feel they can't be open and vulnerable. Usually, being open and allowing yourself to be emotionally vulnerable leads to greater emotional intimacy, and is necessary if people are to connect on a more emotional level.

[AnyaNova]

I strongly concur with this. If a man shows his vulnerability, in hopes of making a connection with a woman, but the woman perceives it as a weakness, it doesn't matter if it happens a month or a year into the relationship. The woman can't handle trust and intimacy. It's debilitating emotionally to a guy when he is vulnerable and gets denied by such a woman. But there is always the positive side to it, which is at that moment a man learns the woman's true nature, and hopefully he is wise enough to leave such a woman.

 

This tiger is wise. Very wise. I hope, SomeDude that you really hear what he is saying to you.

 

And I would also add that a brave man would heal from the debilitating wound given when such vulnerability is denied, so that he can be free to share with the right woman when the time comes.

[KathyM]

Note that she goes on to connect it to 'weak' by using inference and her skill as a professional psychologist. Yep.

 

Note that you're doing exactly the same thing, putting the problem on me. My problem. Yep, that's what I dealt with over a lifetime with women and am done with it. Done.

You misunderstand my post, Carhill. I said being open and vulnerable is not the same as being weak and lacking coping skills. Why you feel so personally challenged by my post, I am not sure. This is, apparently, a very sensitive subject for you. It's a good thing to be open and allow yourself to be emotionally vulnerable. That is the only way someone can develop deeper feelings for someone. If you are going to have walls up and are afraid of emotional intimacy, then you will be hurting yourself and preventing yourself from finding a deeper relationship with a woman. You seem very guarded, Carhill, and almost analytical about things, and very hesitant to risk your emotions on a relationship. Perhaps you are afraid of getting hurt.

[Candy_Pants]

Early in my relationship my H (then boyfriend) exposed his very vulnerable side to me. He told me his life story. All the things that still hurt him, and all the hurt he's caused that grates on his soul. We held each other and cried. Cried for the children we were, who never got to be innocent. Cried for the love ones we'd lost, either to the grave or our own stupidity. We cried for mistakes we haven't yet forgiven ourselves of. And we cried for each other. For the pain we saw in each other.

 

Then eventually we laughed and held each other even closer than ever before. Knowing so many secrets that had rarely, or never, been revealed. And in the tough times of our M, I'm reminded of who is standing before me. I remember these secrets whispered into the ears of lovers, when we were so immersed in the emotion we felt. And I stand by him.

 

Like the OP, I see a hurt child lashing out. One who's present form, a man, my husband, needs help so he doesn't let another person he loves slip away due to fear, pride, ignorance, and stupidity.

[AnyaNova]

Early in my relationship my H (then boyfriend) exposed his very vulnerable side to me. He told me his life story. All the things that still hurt him, and all the hurt he's caused that grates on his soul. We held each other and cried. Cried for the children we were, who never got to be innocent. Cried for the love ones we'd lost, either to the grave or our own stupidity. We cried for mistakes we haven't yet forgiven ourselves of. And we cried for each other. For the pain we saw in each other.

 

Then eventually we laughed and held each other even closer than ever before. Knowing so many secrets that had rarely, or never, been revealed. And in the tough times of our M, I'm reminded of who is standing before me. I remember these secrets whispered into the ears of lovers, when we were so immersed in the emotion we felt. And I stand by him.

 

Like the OP, I see a hurt child lashing out. One who's present form, a man, my husband, needs help so he doesn't let another person he loves slip away due to fear, pride, ignorance, and stupidity.

 

I am sorry that he is at risk of losing you due to his hurt child. Hurt children do a lot of stupid stuff. Sadly, it usually just ends of hurting the child inside even more.

 

But it sounds like, for you too, the experience of vulnerability sharing brought you two closer together.

[Candy_Pants]

I am sorry that he is at risk of losing you due to his hurt child. Hurt children do a lot of stupid stuff. Sadly, it usually just ends of hurting the child inside even more.

 

But it sounds like, for you too, the experience of vulnerability sharing brought you two closer together.

 

Yes, it did. We knew each other for many years, but never knew the intense things we were going through simultaneously. I guess in 6th grade you simply don't ask, or tell. But when we told each other the abuse we'd both suffered, at the hands of our mothers, then our step mothers while our fathers stood by and did nothing, we created a deep bond and understanding. We'd both had very similar childhood and adolescent experiences.

 

And in high school we both liked each other very much but thought the other could never understand us. That we were too different. Strangely we had the same story, just being played out in different homes.

[Targetlock]

I think it is a great sign of trust and faith in the relationship and the person that are able to be vulnerable with that person.

[somedude81]

You see, in so many instances, it is the way we interpret the situation, not the situation itself that makes the fundamental difference.

 

Later on in the thread you say that maybe if you had waited until her feelings were stronger. But here's the thing. You wouldn't have shared if you didn't feel like you'd already reached the appropriate level of intimacy and trust to be able to do so.

Honestly, she was my first girlfriend and I was and still am very inexperienced.

 

I thought that we had reached the appropriate level of intimacy, but perhaps a man more experienced in relationships would realize that we weren't there yet.

 

You could choose to interpret as you do, that men shouldn't show vulnerability, or that they should wait and wait and wait and wait some more to be really really sure that she feels strongly enough.

 

Or you could choose to interpret it in this way, because if she is one of the women who cannot handle true trust and intimacy, no amount of waiting is going to help. If you wait three years before showing vulnerability and you show it and she is one of the ones who cannot handle it due to her own issues, than all that will happen is that she will leave you then after three years after your own feelings had cemented and you would be only more wounded.

 

You could view it as her showing you that she was not mature enough to be able to handle true trust and sharing, and leaving you, as painful as it was, gave you the opportunity to find someone who was truly ready for it.

My ex was 21 when she dumped me, so you may be correct about her not being mature enough to handle it. Though that just strengthens my belief that I should have waited.

 

Also, she ended things after six months. If we had gotten to the point where it went a couple of years, I highly doubt it would have been as easy for her to end things, simply because she would be so much more invested in me.

 

 

My ex, for example. His leaving was intensely painful, particularly with his own pain. And I have chosen to view it as this awful tragedy, that either something internal or external, (probably family) exerted enough pressure to make him act against his own clear feeling.

 

But what he showed me that last night was that he was a child inside a man's body. A very sweet and wounded child, but a child nonetheless. I would have stayed with him and done everything I could for him to help him be healthy and to help him be able to love like a true adult.

 

But I couldn't. What he did do is set me free to find someone who is able to love me like an adult and who has a strong sense of his self and his own needs.

 

And yes it hurts, and yes if I could go back and change that moment I would, but I can't and it is done. And it is time to start viewing his choice as a gift to me so that I can find someone who will stay in my life instead of a prison sentence forced upon me.

I don't know what happened between you and your ex, but it does sound like he has some very serious issues. Though it does sound like he was mature enough to get you to move on from him.

 

Perhaps it is good that you shared, and perhaps you actually shared at the perfect time. And next time, perhaps you'll share and be vulnerable and it will increase your closeness because your new woman will be mature enough to handle it.

I don't know. I'm definitely wary of getting burned again.

 

 

One thing for sure is that I'm going to wait for signs that the next girl is very invested in me before I start to really open up to her.

[iris219]

Or maybe not at all, if she were to eventually develop deep feelings for me down the line.

 

I do believe that men showing their vulnerability sometimes is OK, but the woman has to be solid on her feelings for him in order for her not to think less of him.

 

In my situation, I may have done it too soon.

 

The fact that my fiancé was so open and vulnerable in the beginning is what made me really like him at a time when I wasn't sure how I felt.

 

If she was turned off by your vulnerability it's because she knew she'd never feel the same way.

[thekid36]

I keep hearing the meme out there that men should never show vulnerability, show fear, anxiety, or sadness because it will supposedly cause women to "lose attraction" and dump them.

 

But this has never been my experience. Every time a man has been courageous enough to show these things to me, it has actually deepened the relationship, brought us closer, and increased my attraction for him.

 

A prime example of this. In my longest relationship (13 years), about a month or two in, he shared with me his intense pain at never getting any sort of approval from his abusive father, and his pain at the abuse his father had dished out to him.

 

This was the exact moment where our relationship went from being just dumb fun together, and turned into something real and true. And instead of diminishing my attraction, it increased it.

 

So I was curious about your experiences? Women, have there been times that you have found this as well? And would you be willing to share your experiences?

 

Looking forward to your personal stories!

 

Offering an open perspective as a male. This is honestly a fascinating fact to consider. By just being open and honest with someone else, it immediately implies vulnerability. This is perhaps the first concept to contemplate.

 

In my own personal experiences as a sort of sensitive soul, I have found that some women are sort of turned off by a man who tends to show excessive emotion and fiery feeling. I have many times been told of being profoundly passionate and incredibly intense. Not that I was going to immediately change these qualities which are a huge part of who I am.

 

But, it definitely made me much more aware of my own self. So that when getting to know the woman I am with now, I was very forthcoming about all of this right away. She was very shocked at how open I was. Something she was not really used to. And, since she is also very passionate and intense, it was something she did not even worry about or even notice.

 

The point of this being that it is good to be true to your own self. There are some people out there who appreciate others who are open enough to share their sincere sentiments at times. Yet, with all else in life, perhaps a bit of balance is also a good gesture. No one would probably want someone who is sappy all the time!

[Priv]

Nice thread.

 

 

Tried it 4 times. First time/relationship it was great, a beautiful in every way Italian woman and first great love of my life I lived with during uni. I guess we did get closer and she definitely helped me get over some issues.

 

 

2nd and 3rd time they appeared to be understanding but you never quite get looked at the same. Never really bothered after anymore till the last relationship.

 

 

4th time (and the relationship that got me to LS) used and projected parts of it ranging from questioning my hypothetical parenting skills during the breakup and during the relationship demanding irrational lifestyle changes.

 

 

You see, vulnerability is fine, and I am an open book on current events, but once above a certain threshhold people in general (and especially partners, which is natural because they are the most invested in you) can't compute anything but judge you to be a broken record. The madness that is the first 18 years of my life is long since forgotten and besides my woes on LS I consider myself to be a fairly well adjusted human being. But opening up in my case statistically speaking creates a situation where 3 out of 4 times I force myself to live in 'original sin'.

 

 

I am all for vulnerability but some things are just better left in the closet...

[todreaminblue]

I just have to interject that you seem to have this incredible confidence in your own skin as regards your safety and ability to defend yourself. It is quite awesome.

 

 

when i face attackers on my own...my legs shake and i am very scared and i know my eyes plead for them not to hurt me...because of the look the give me...........and the excitement i have felt coming from them to have control over me

 

but...when i face someone for someone else......there is no fear......i cant be afraid.....because it isnt only me that i am standing for and i am glad that is still there......i wasnt sure it would be, i have not fought for a very long time or been in that position and i was actually concerned especially with my arm my right arm being weakened...i am relieved to know i knew i havent forgotten how and my right arm i didnt give a flying fig...i would have used it and kept using it....i probably would have been a mess after though.......

 

i also did feel a a little afraid when i heard them laughing when i was on the pier by myself after the ploce adn the fisherman left i didnt stay long..... that's why instead of walking home i called a cab i told the cabbie too and i must have scared him because he locked me in.....lol..dont think he would have picked up three guys last night....hope the cops get the cowards...........they are true cowards,very unlike men who show emotion....and cowards they are the ones that i truly detest and do not respect in the slightest.....i can only fight because i have learned how to and have a very strong survival instinct.......deb

Edited June 24, 2014 by todreaminblue

[Bruce Leigh]

How long into a relationship should a man feel more comfortable in showing a more vulnerable side?

If he doesn't show it within a certain time frame, does that push you, the woman, a little further away?

[AnyaNova]

How long into a relationship should a man feel more comfortable in showing a more vulnerable side?

If he doesn't show it within a certain time frame, does that push you, the woman, a little further away?

 

Interesting question.

 

Probably, but when and how far, I cannot say.

[Bruce Leigh]

It depends on the situation. If my female friends cry at a sad movie, I'll hand them a tissue. If my BF or husband did it, I'd worry.

 

Last film i cried at was "12 Years a Slave", tears of sadness, tears of anger and tears of joy at the end.

There wasn't anybody else with me while i was watching though.

Would i have tried to hold those feelings back if someone else was with me, in an effort to not seem so vulnerable? Maybe.

[thekid36]

Last film i cried at was "12 Years a Slave", tears of sadness, tears of anger and tears of joy at the end.

There wasn't anybody else with me while i was watching though.

Would i have tried to hold those feelings back if someone else was with me, in an effort to not seem so vulnerable? Maybe.

 

Which is in itself a shame.

 

My uncle used to say that a man crying suggested weakness.

 

I always wanted to ask him what kicking an innocent child down the stairs suggested. But, he honestly passed away before I even had the chance.

 

In my own opinion, if a woman loses some respect simply because a man actually has a sensitive side, then perhaps this is not a woman worth the while. I would not feel comfortable at all being honest and open around such a person.

[ThaWholigan]

Being vulnerable will always leave you open to being hurt, but you have to understand that pain is a prerequisite to a lot of things in life that you may encounter - particularly where affairs of the heart are concerned.

 

I'm as vulnerable as I can be, most of the time. Much of my emotional life is hidden most of the time, but I choose to expose it in order to empathize with others and help them through grievances and other things. I have no relationship experience but I assume vulnerability comes with the territory. We can't all be stoic 100% of the time, it gets tiring. Perhaps being open will lead to me being hurt, but sometimes hurt can lead to transformation and that can lead to growth. Ergo, vulnerability can make you stronger - depending on how you deal with it.

 

If you know your boundaries can't hack it, then it's probably best you aren't too open.

[Under The Radar]

*UTR heartily extends his arms ...... showing two thumbs up ...... all while smiling , of course*

 

 

Stay classy everyone .

[Els]

Two thoughts:

 

1) Is it risky? Yes! It's risky for women too, in fact. My very first ex used my vulnerabilities against me several times before I wised up and dumped him.

2) Is it worth the risk? IMO, yes. Not only does it filter out the incompatible ones quickly, but it strengthens a bond in a way that all the 'good' parts of a relationship (sex, dates, making out etc) do not. Not to say that those aren't also important in their own ways, but opening up and truly trusting is what separates the casual Rs from the deeper ones IMO.

[Els]

How long into a relationship should a man feel more comfortable in showing a more vulnerable side?

If he doesn't show it within a certain time frame, does that push you, the woman, a little further away?

 

It depends on when the circumstances warrant, I'll figure. Probably any time between a few months and a year would be common IMO.

Edited June 24, 2014 by Elswyth

[Ninjainpajamas]

I like much of what is in this post, speaking of long self-discovery journeys... Just poking a little fun. :

I think the real journey of relationships is in learning to speak each others' language and really understand their needs as separate from your own, and how to balance these.

 

It almost seems at the end as if you are alluding to the idea that men are better equipped to give the kind of support men need when showing their true selves and women for women.

 

And I don't necessarily agree with this. I think it can be, but I think that especially in romantic relationships, that this is the most vital and potentially the most healing time to be able to be real with a significant other.

 

What can I say, I'm a long kinda guy.

 

What I tried to dance around to, is that you're going to see a pattern of these expressions solidifying relationships, but not just romantically...although they are often limited to that, by choice more often than not.

 

That's why there's a consistency of "He expressed this to me and that changed my attitude or established a closeness and that's when things took off"...women ultimately desire that to happen within a relationship, they desire the feeling of being "special"...gestures like that, especially from a man, a man who doesn't say much for example can make her feel quite important and privileged.

 

So you're going to see a LOT of that in relationships, but is that love? IMO not at the stage, people are enamored with the feeling of being accepted for who they really are therefore they are often willing to extent that in return, and exposing yourself like that sheds light to who you really are underneath the rugged surface, and if you're "accepted" after that? that creates an attachment because this person knows something about you that someone else does not...and when people recognize others doing that, something they often desire to do themselves or at least share vicariously through someone else's expression..that gives them the trust and security in opening up themselves or even just trusting that person on a deeper level, but they have to make that decision or have the emotional connection which is why some men may feel betrayed when that trust is taken for granted, it's a give and take kind of relationship at that point, and also a test to see how that person will respond to that expression...will they take advantage of me and hurt me with it? or will they prove that I can trust them with things like that? but it works with anyone, romantic or not.

 

Speaking each others language is not something that I see that is so often accomplished, I don't often see that happening if at all honestly, in reality it's more a gradual process of understanding someones behaviors, emotions and needs through their own experience with them and what they know from what that person has expressed, that allows them to feel like they know who that person is but it's not like this deep psychoanalytical understanding or anything like that, only an understanding of their habits and what they've exposed through their behavior.

 

The closer the "chemistry"..."OMG it's like we've known each other for years, it's like he can read what's already in my mind", which is basically just being on the wave-length (so to speak) helps people feel secure, but people often overestimate that level of comprehension and bond, which is why they're so often surprised when someone acts out of "character" but you learn that as time goes on, but that is why the couple of 25 years can have a "surprise" moment.

 

Anyway, In a nutshell, If I share any personal emotions, feelings, experiences or what not with any of you, it automatically brings us a bit closer on the trust scale, especially if it's a one on one personal level and we're looking into each others fishy eyes...it's how human beings bond and form connections, not just how romantic love affairs are formed, it's why you connect with movies and stories and what not. But trust is also a very powerful thing, but without that romantic door open, that part of it can be shut down consciously...even if you're compelled to feel something outside of that. And if the person is not romantically interested, then you're not getting beyond that point...and they know whether that's possible or not.

 

It's a shame some men have been deeply scarred by women, I've been fortunate and not had that happen in terms of having my feelings rejected and unreciprocated, I imagine that would be devastating to just be standing there with your d!ck in your hand feeling stupid...but I feel I have a good indicator of whom to trust, I'm usually a decent judge of character and aware of course...either that or a very strong individual that women don't like to mess with, although I am expressive and vulnerable, my pimp hand is strong too just in case. I'm kind of an @sshole, but I think that's probably served me for the better If I'm being honest.

Edited June 25, 2014 by Ninjainpajamas