1 year later

[america1]

I have been lurking on these forums for the past year and they helped me greatly with my breakup situation. I did not need to post as I was able to read all the advice I needed from other posts, I finally need your guys' help.

 

A bit of a backstory. I met this girl for the first time when I was 16 and she was 14. She was my first high-school crush. We kissed a few times, but started dating when I was a senior and she was a junior in high school. Come the graduation of high school I left for the Marine Corps. We dated long distance for about a year, I came home for 3 weeks in December 2012(she was a freshman in college) and everything was great. After New Years fights became frequent and the relationship was taking a slope downhill. Come Valentine's Day I made it home and surprised her. It felt amazing to finally be seemingly happy together. We had great sex and the night was all smiles, we broke up 2 days later. We didn't talk from February 2013 to about early June 2013. We hungout for a week straight and started having sex again, seemed to be starting a relationship again. I left back for the Marines in June for a 6 week field exercise. When I came back, she told me it was too hard to do long distance while she was away in college. We stopped contact then.

 

Over the past year, I thought about her every single day. I still love her and would love a second chance with her. She is 21 years old, a junior in college, and a beautiful girl. I accepted the fact we can not be together like this at such a young age. I am away in the Marines and she is at college, it is unhealthy and selfish for both of us to miss out on our youth to try and maintain a long distance relationship. I am happy for her in a way because she can be an independent girl and truly enjoy her younger college years. I am upset though because I do love her and would love to have a future with her. As I mature and get older, I kick myself in the shin for acting like a jealous/insecure child at times towards the end of the relationship. I have been dating around for the past year and focusing on myself which I have made great leaps thanks to you guys. My problem is, I tend to compare every girl to her and nobody I meet seems to be as beautiful and unique as she.

 

Now here is where I need help. On June 1st of this year she contacted me asking for something of hers back, this was our first contact in about a year. I told her I'd be home towards the end of the month to give it back. I didn't contact her for two weeks and contacted her when I got home. I returned her what she needed the first day I was home. I pulled up to her driveway, got out of my car and gave it to her, didn't carry any conversation whatsoever. I hugged her and said nice seeing you then left. She contacted me later on that week and we continued to talk 24/7 for a week just catching up and what not. It was semi-flirtatious, but friendly. I was at the beach a half week ago and she texted me saying she saw me. I told her to come over or I'd come to her to say what's up, but she did not answer. It was kind of weird because later that night she texted me again, hinting she regretted not coming to see me. Three nights ago, she told me some stuff that has been bothering her about her life, almost like she needed me for support. I have not spoken to her since then.

 

The last two weeks we have been talking everyday I have not contacted her first and did not hint anything towards getting back together, I was just friendly. I am now very confused and I have not felt ****ty like this since the breakup. I would love to see her while I can just to keep a presence in her life, but I don't want to force something. I feel like she may have a new boyfriend, that is why was talking to me, but wouldn't come see me on the beach. I don't know. I don't want to ask because I don't want to be the first to contact her plus I don't want to seem like I actually care. Any advice you guys can give me on how to handle this. Maybe I am naive to think I can somehow get back together with her when she is done with school and I am out of the Marines. I have moved on, but not all the way. If I don't hear from her again I will be fine carrying on with my life, like I have been, but I'd love to somehow see her.

[SendHope]

I think you should just leave it alone.

 

"Ignorace is bliss."

 

It feels like you have some lingering emotions towards her but you should just squash down and proceed like before you two started again. You don't know the whole picture of what's going on on her side and it's a bad idea to find out what it is.

 

Just go on with your life. If she really wants to be with you, then nothings going to stop her. Don't dedicate time and energy to her.

[america1]

thank you for the advice. that is what i plan on doing. i get out of the Marine Corps this summer and will be attending college in the fall, so maybe a new start in a different environment will be good.

 

i'll continue on with my life and we'll see what happens.

[america1]

bump...

 

so we continued to talk all summer. she offered to hangout once, but i did not do it. i asked her two or three times to hang out, but she did not do it. i have not heard from her in a couple of days and she left back to her school for her senior year of college today.

 

it really upsets me i spent the last two months talking to her almost daily, but nothing came of it. it has been well over a year now since we broke up and i feel like the breakup just happened today. i am back to phase one and it sucks. it is amazing how feelings can just come flying back.

 

i don't think she will contact me again at school. i think she just talked to me all summer as an ego boost and to truly make herself realize she is over me. as i look back on the conversation it was pretty platonic. i wish i would have never answered her the first time she contacted me.

 

time to start NC all over again after a years worth of it. hopefully this is a lesson for anyone planning to break NC, it just makes things worse.

[Beachead]

bump...

 

so we continued to talk all summer. she offered to hangout once, but i did not do it. i asked her two or three times to hang out, but she did not do it. i have not heard from her in a couple of days and she left back to her school for her senior year of college today.

 

it really upsets me i spent the last two months talking to her almost daily, but nothing came of it. it has been well over a year now since we broke up and i feel like the breakup just happened today. i am back to phase one and it sucks. it is amazing how feelings can just come flying back.

 

i don't think she will contact me again at school. i think she just talked to me all summer as an ego boost and to truly make herself realize she is over me. as i look back on the conversation it was pretty platonic. i wish i would have never answered her the first time she contacted me.

 

time to start NC all over again after a years worth of it. hopefully this is a lesson for anyone planning to break NC, it just makes things worse.

 

You are a very insightful individual and it's good that you can see this. I couldn't explain it better. I think this situation will help you give the closure you need if anything. Everytime you feel yourself missing her, you will think about this pain and it will deter you from slipping back into a routine with her. A lot of us have been here before my friend. You are not alone.

 

I think it's really good you're going to college soon. It will keep you busy and you'll meet lots of great people during your time there. You are doing exactly what you should be doing so just keep doing it. Make decisions that are going to continue pushing you forward, stay busy and simply let time..just let it.

 

You're going to be fine.

 

Beachead

Edited August 5, 2014 by Beachead

[america1]

You are a very insightful individual and it's good that you can see this. I couldn't explain it better. I think this situation will help you give the closure you need if anything. Everytime you feel yourself missing her, you will think about this pain and it will deter you from slipping back into a routine with her. A lot of us have been here before my friend. You are not alone.

 

I think it's really good you're going to college soon. It will keep you busy and you'll meet lots of great people during your time there. You are doing exactly what you should be doing so just keep doing it. Make decisions that are going to continue pushing you forward, stay busy and simply let time..just let it.

 

You're going to be fine.

 

Beachead

 

thanks a lot for the response. i know i will be fine one day and reading everyone else's threads definitely shows me i am not going into this situation alone. i yearn for the day though where i wakeup and she does not cross my mind once.