Really Fkn Pissed and need some

[hurts_so_bad]

It has NOTHING to do wih your license- I guarantee you that!

 

Do you have a license sunny? Up until you dont you have no idea how much of a freedom it is to have one..The freedom to just get in the car and take a ride to blow off steam, gone! The freedom to take your kids on a nice vaca down the shore, Gone! The security of knowing if you need to go somewhere, Gone! The freedom to go out on trips with people from meetup.com, Gone! The freedom to go pick up a date, Gone! The manhood when you have to tell a women you dont have a license, Gone!

 

You have no idea until your in my boat unless you like to live a secluded life! I dont..

[Mr. Lucky]

Did the jews at the hands of hitler?

 

That you would think that analogy applies to your situation just reinforces what has already been said here - you need help.

 

And since I'm obviously not providing it, I'll bow out. Wishing you the best from here on...

 

Mr. Lucky

[2sunny]

Do you have a license sunny? Up until you dont you have no idea how much of a freedom it is to have one..The freedom to just get in the car and take a ride to blow off steam, gone! The freedom to take your kids on a nice vaca down the shore, Gone! The security of knowing if you need to go somewhere, Gone! The freedom to go out on trips with people from meetup.com, Gone! The freedom to go pick up a date, Gone! The manhood when you have to tell a women you dont have a license, Gone!

 

You have no idea until your in my boat unless you like to live a secluded life! I dont..

 

What I have or don't have has nothing to do with your lousy attitude about the life you're living or not living.

 

Losing your license is a consequence of what you've done.

 

Losing your marriage is a consequence of what you've done.

 

Basing all your happiness (or no happiness) on your wife and/or license is no way to live.

 

You are still handing all your power to other issues.

 

It USED to be alcohol - now it's these "other things".

 

Find the root of your unhappiness. It isn't outside YOURSELF - look WITHIN.

[2sunny]

If I explained to you all the things I have experienced in life that are unfair you would be shocked!

 

I make a choice EVERY SINGLE DAY! I deserve to be happy - and I decide that I will be happy each and every day!

 

I will never again hand all MY happiness over to anyone or anything!

 

It's MINE and it's not dependent on what others do or don't do - or what I have or don't have!

 

Lots of people have it much worse off than you do.

 

Feeling sorry for yourself and belly aching about what you don't have will never look attractive.

 

You either get busy living or you get busy dying (which is what you've been doing the past few years you've wasted complaining).

 

Which is it gonna be?

[hurts_so_bad]

That you would think that analogy applies to your situation just reinforces what has already been said here - you need help.

 

And since I'm obviously not providing it, I'll bow out. Wishing you the best from here on...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

I take help and advice when its constructive and means something or shows direction..Advice that says " Im the cause of my problems" which I already know and " You need help" which Im already seeking but not very nice to hear! and "The future is going to be what you make of it" which means nothing without a direction is totally useless and a waste..

 

Like I said, Im looking for constructive advice and a way to help the situation or to help get over what Im feeling..Anything other then that is useless to me..

[2sunny]

Look within...

 

No one needs to tell you what that's supposed to look like. That is up to you. Keep changing everything until the inside feels better/happy.

[hurts_so_bad]

If I explained to you all the things I have experienced in life that are unfair you would be shocked!

 

I make a choice EVERY SINGLE DAY! I deserve to be happy - and I decide that I will be happy each and every day!

 

I will never again hand all MY happiness over to anyone or anything!

 

It's MINE and it's not dependent on what others do or don't do - or what I have or don't have!

 

Lots of people have it much worse off than you do.

 

Feeling sorry for yourself and belly aching about what you don't have will never look attractive.

 

You either get busy living or you get busy dying (which is what you've been doing the past few years you've wasted complaining).

 

Which is it gonna be?

 

I want to be happy! Thats what its gonna be but how? How do you keep yourself happy regardless of how things are? How people treat you? What do you do? Thats the kind of info Im looking for...Do you get up every morning and just say Im gonna be happy today? Im not breaking your chops! im serious..What works for you? I know everyone is different but it might just work for me!

[snappytomcat]

im sorry you are going through this,maybe you cant date cause of your poor me attitude,cause you seem like you have a lot going for yourself,yes you f*cked up,we all do.

if that's really you in the pic,you are a very good looking guy,but im just sayin it might be your attitude

my 2 cents anyways

[whichwayisup]

Calm down & be happy that the new BF is responsible enough to be trusted around your kids and he cares enough about them to drive your daughter safely to your house so she can spend time with you.

 

You don't have to accomodate her but you do need to be there for your kids, which it sounds like you are doing. Keep that up & cherish the relationships you have with your kids.

 

I agree. And, since this guy IS around your kids, you need to meet him. He isn't the one you're pissed at, it's her. Anyway, a meeting between you two should happen because he is in your kids lives when they are with your wife.

 

Always put your kids first and as frustrated as you are with your ex, never let her know how you feel inside. It gives her power over you. Act happy and like you've moved on and don't give a crap what she does or doesn't do.

[hurts_so_bad]

im sorry you are going through this,maybe you cant date cause of your poor me attitude,cause you seem like you have a lot going for yourself,yes you f*cked up,we all do.

if that's really you in the pic,you are a very good looking guy,but im just sayin it might be your attitude

my 2 cents anyways

 

That is me in the pic and thank you! I think your right and I have a huge list that I keep in my pocket everyday of things to be grateful for..Sometimes things just get to you and the rest gets brushed aside because your so upset at the moment

[hurts_so_bad]

I agree. And, since this guy IS around your kids, you need to meet him. He isn't the one you're pissed at, it's her. Anyway, a meeting between you two should happen because he is in your kids lives when they are with your wife.

 

Always put your kids first and as frustrated as you are with your ex, never let her know how you feel inside. It gives her power over you. Act happy and like you've moved on and don't give a crap what she does or doesn't do.

 

I agree with most of what you said and thanks for the advice..The only thing I am up in the air about is acting happy and just acting in general..It can make you question your manhood at times instead of just acting on instinct and saying whats truely on your mind...

 

I had this convo with a close friend of mine a long while back when my ex asked me to dinner...I was shot all week worrying if she cancels what to do..He told me to say hey no problem and leave it at that...She ended up cancelling..I actually have a thread on here about it...I did what he said but I made a few other mistakes like telling her to call me that night and crap like that which showed to much interest.

 

However I got a lot of responses to the thread say you should have told her off etc...So its a hard thing to judge when thinking of what the right way to go about things are...

 

I guess if I had to do it all over again I would have just told her dont worry about it and then just blew her off and not talked anymore to her that night showing little interest.

 

But its a hard thing to do when you really want to speak your mind!

I have a 2 new mottos... "carry yourself and treat others in a manner that commands self respect and the respect of others" and "Never treat anyone like a priority who treat you like an option" sort of like a James Bond thing I guess! lol..

 

To me they are good mottos to live by with friends, family, relationships, or anyone for that manner but Again its not always the easiest thing to do

[mrs rubble]

Have you got a grip on your drinking now? I ask because this is more important to a woman than a driver's lisence.

My ex-hubby has had several Drink driving convictions and has now also had his lisence taken off him for good, he's also on Home detention for it ATM and can't go past his driveway. I left him 8yrs ago, after trying everything I could to get him to stop drinking himself into oblivion. He is an awful person when he's drunk.

Him and I have a son together and he has a daughter from a previous relationship. Both of his kids have now given up on him too and he barely sees either. I have to physically take my son to his place to visit and stay with him as he is scared of him.

The strange thing is, he does have a girlfriend, despite the fact he's a dribbling alcoholic with no job, no lisence, and an ankle bracelet on. She's waaaaay too nice for him and lives up his street. So if a complete loser like him can get a girlfriend, then there's plenty of hope for you.

[hurts_so_bad]

Have you got a grip on your drinking now? I ask because this is more important to a woman than a driver's lisence.

My ex-hubby has had several Drink driving convictions and has now also had his lisence taken off him for good, he's also on Home detention for it ATM and can't go past his driveway. I left him 8yrs ago, after trying everything I could to get him to stop drinking himself into oblivion. He is an awful person when he's drunk.

Him and I have a son together and he has a daughter from a previous relationship. Both of his kids have now given up on him too and he barely sees either. I have to physically take my son to his place to visit and stay with him as he is scared of him.

The strange thing is, he does have a girlfriend, despite the fact he's a dribbling alcoholic with no job, no lisence, and an ankle bracelet on. She's waaaaay too nice for him and lives up his street. So if a complete loser like him can get a girlfriend, then there's plenty of hope for you.

 

Oh absolutely! I dont drink anymore and try to make meetings when I can but its hard with my schedule..Now that Im on furlough Im going to try and hit a few more then usual..Anyway, Yes I do have a job and all the BS that came along with my last DWI in 2008 is now over so Im a free man with a job, my own home, 2 cars that I cant drive and plenty of other positive things!

I was never a nasty drinker! Ok maybe sometimes when I was provoked and drinking mixed liquor but I was 99% of the time a beer guy and a jolly dumbass!

I dont know! Maybe Im to picky but Im not going to settle for less then what or should I say, "who" excites me and makes me feel good.. I may be at a risk of spending more time then I have to by waiting on Mrs. right but thats who it has to be or it wont work for me..

 

Its a long wait so far but Im hoping that the next one will be better then I ever imagined!

[2sunny]

Dude, you have way more than I have - and I'm sure I'm way older than you.

 

I'll tell you when I REALLY and truly found myself happy...when I started helping OTHERS every day. Yep, that is it - I don't spend any time during a day thinking of me, me, me - and what I may or may not have, want or desire.

 

I'm busy helping people live again - people on the brink of death.

 

I don't care what I do or don't have - I LOVE my life. My exH was completely abusive - but I am to blame because I ALLOWED it and I STAYED for 20 years.

 

That's all on me.

 

I should have died in 2008 - I decided since I got a second chance to live again - I was going to live it happy - that was something I COULD CONTROL.

 

I also learned Bout MY healthy BOUNDARY. If someone crosses it - I get very vocal - I don't tolerate abuse anymore.

 

Learn what your boundary is.

[whichwayisup]

I agree with most of what you said and thanks for the advice..The only thing I am up in the air about is acting happy and just acting in general..It can make you question your manhood at times instead of just acting on instinct and saying whats truely on your mind...

Oh, I meant around her! Don't ever let her know or show your true emotions when dealing with her. Of course I didn't mean for you to fake it and pretend you were happy go lucky all the time. You're still grieving the loss and that will take a while. Just around her it'll be better if you acted happy and relaxed, like you couldn't care less and what she does/doesn't do, doesn't affect you at all.

 

I had this convo with a close friend of mine a long while back when my ex asked me to dinner...I was shot all week worrying if she cancels what to do..He told me to say hey no problem and leave it at that...She ended up cancelling..I actually have a thread on here about it...I did what he said but I made a few other mistakes like telling her to call me that night and crap like that which showed to much interest.

 

Exactly. Sad to say, but you gotta play the game a bit and the power move is, keep your emotions in check and the less she knows about you and your life, the better off you'll be. This puts you in control and lets her know that she can't push your buttons or manipulate you.

 

However I got a lot of responses to the thread say you should have told her off etc...So its a hard thing to judge when thinking of what the right way to go about things are...

 

If you didn't have kids, I'd say go for it, but you have kids to consider here.

 

I guess if I had to do it all over again I would have just told her dont worry about it and then just blew her off and not talked anymore to her that night showing little interest.

 

Coulda shoulda woulda. Let it go and try not to focus on that.

 

But its a hard thing to do when you really want to speak your mind!

I have a 2 new mottos... "carry yourself and treat others in a manner that commands self respect and the respect of others" and "Never treat anyone like a priority who treat you like an option" sort of like a James Bond thing I guess! lol..

 

Good one.

 

Join a gym, punch the crap out of a punching bag and get your frustrations out that way..And venting here, and writing her letters (but burn them or delete them once you're done, it's theraputic!)

[2sunny]

When a person is so focused on the past - and regrets - there's little room to enjoy the present - the now - today.

 

I don't live in my past - heck, I hardly ever think about it! I can't change THAT. I CAN change ME now!

 

I deserve to be happy every day - everybody does!

 

Acceptance is best. Acceptance of what is now.

 

I may not live tomorrow - I'm sure not wasting my time here on people that simply don't care about me - or the ones who want to hurt me. Those days are long gone.

 

More than that - I will not any longer harm MYSELF with my thoughts and actions. I deserve to treat myself well - and I deserve to be happy.

 

It's better this way - I hope you can find a way to do that for yourself.

 

It takes change. I began to change everything! Nothing in my life is the same as it was (except I still have my kids) - but I'm not that same gal I was 7 years ago.

 

I no longer hand anyone or anything all MY power. And I never spend time feeling sorry for myself - I get busy helping others.

 

Go to the jail - help those in real need - it may remind you how to be grateful and a sense of purpose.

 

Start changing everything - that's when life got really good for me.

[mrs rubble]

I'm so pleased to hear you have the drinking sorted.

You shouldn't settle for less than you desire/ require.

It took me 5 1/2 yrs & lots of heartache post b/up with my ex h,ubby to find happiness again

I remember feeling lonely. Like I'd always be single. I lost it for a bit and sowed some wild oats, & eventually found a man who made me happy.

He is nothing like id imagined for myself...then again i never imagined anyone would ever treat me so well.. so i had no idea what i was really looking for until i found him

 

Hang in there. Im convinced yr happy place will be found.

[hurts_so_bad]

It took me 5 1/2 yrs & lots of heartache post b/up with my ex h,ubby to find happiness again

I remember feeling lonely. Like I'd always be single. I lost it for a bit and sowed some wild oats, & eventually found a man who made me happy

 

Not that there is anything wrong with your statement but in it is where the confusion sometimes lies with what you are told at times....In your statement it took you 5-1/2 years to find someone to make you happy..

 

On the contrary people always say, "We have to make ourselves happy" without the need of others

 

Which is it?

 

Do we just go threw life unhappy just rolling with the punches in tough times till someone or something makes us happy again?

 

Or do we drive ourselves crazy thinking threw all this madness, loneliness and unhappiness that I should be happy no matter what?! That I must find a way to be happy or there is something wrong with me or Im doing something wrong because Im not happy like everyone says I should be?

 

I lean more toward just rolling with the punches and letting your life sort itself out..Ive found myself thinking that Im doing something wrong or something with me is not right cause I am unhappy while everyone else says I should be!

 

Dont get me wrong, We all should look as much as we can into gratitude because it does help at times but sometimes things are just so hard that the gratitude thing just gets pushed to the side..Not only that, I believe if we let ourselves become grateful and happy in the darkest situations, In some ways wont that kind of hinder our wanting to strieve for something better?

Edited June 26, 2014 by hurts_so_bad

[2sunny]

It's not that "someone" should determine your happiness. Look within dude.

[hurts_so_bad]

It's not that "someone" should determine your happiness. Look within dude.

 

Look within at what? My guts? lol..JK...But to be honest I dont know what that means.. Look I have everything that should make me happy..My three amazing kids that I see all the time, A good job, my own home, A great personality, For god sake! I have a 32' by 16' inground pool, 2 cars, one of which is a grand national Im restoring and a arcade room in my home!

 

I have a lot of things to be grateful for and proud of..Actually just writting that made me feel better and more worthy!

 

But sometimes that can all go to the waist side when you look at the things you dont have such as the license issue and the cold bed at night as the biggest priority that get you down even so there is so much positive around you..

[2sunny]

At the moment - you're not a happy guy. That's what you're likely to attract - a gal that's also not happy. Like energy attracts.

 

Look deep into your soul man. Placing importance on things and a woman is just soooo....superficial.

 

Your heart - your soul - work with your counselor on that only.

 

Start helping OTHERS - it's likely to help you get an idea of what happy looks like - strangers are your best bet!

[mrs rubble]

Not that there is anything wrong with your statement but in it is where the confusion sometimes lies with what you are told at times....In your statement it took you 5-1/2 years to find someone to make you happy..

 

On the contrary people always say, "We have to make ourselves happy" without the need of others

 

Which is it?

 

Do we just go threw life unhappy just rolling with the punches in tough times till someone or something makes us happy again?

 

Or do we drive ourselves crazy thinking threw all this madness, loneliness and unhappiness that I should be happy no matter what?! That I must find a way to be happy or there is something wrong with me or Im doing something wrong because Im not happy like everyone says I should be?

 

I lean more toward just rolling with the punches and letting your life sort itself out..Ive found myself thinking that Im doing something wrong or something with me is not right cause I am unhappy while everyone else says I should be!

 

Dont get me wrong, We all should look as much as we can into gratitude because it does help at times but sometimes things are just so hard that the gratitude thing just gets pushed to the side..Not only that, I believe if we let ourselves become grateful and happy in the darkest situations, In some ways wont that kind of hinder our wanting to strieve for something better?

 

I was very depressed thru those 5 1/2'yrs, one day I found myself at work googling how much did I need to take to OD. That's when I went to a CBT & learnt how to change the way I thought & dealt with my issues. That's when I began to attract better people into my life.

[hurts_so_bad]

I was very depressed thru those 5 1/2'yrs, one day I found myself at work googling how much did I need to take to OD. That's when I went to a CBT & learnt how to change the way I thought & dealt with my issues. That's when I began to attract better people into my life.

 

What is a CBT? My unhappiness started with the breakup but as time went on I really and truely think it was no longer about her but me! I felt I didnt know who I was or how to treat people in certain situations, I had so much brain chatter and still do till this day but Im starting to put things together now..

 

Its taken alot of time and thinking but I finally think I have down who I want to be as a man and how to treat others..That was my biggest problem..Likely the problems were there already before my ex left and they just magnified when she did..Prior to that it was stuffed in a compartment that really didnt matter cause I had everything that I needed.

 

Once the breakup happened I noticed alot of things changing particularly the way people treated me..Like they say, "when it rains it pours" but I think part of the bad treament I got stemed from me looking for the attention and approval of others being I felt alone.

 

Problem is when you put anyone on a pedestal like that they have no choice to look down on you..Its part of nature I think.. Its like the little brother big brother syndrome when the little brother follows the big brother all over looking for his attention cause he looks up to him so much but what does he get in return? A kick in his ass and told to go home!

 

I now have a grip on things and how to be the man I want to be with people and situations.. that is by... always carrying myself in and treat people in a manner that commands respect and what you expect from them in return and To never put anyone on a pedestal by working to hard for their attention or approval...

 

These are the things that I think I need to follow to respect myself as a man and to gain the respect I want from others..

 

Like I said, I dont really think the pain I feel is from her leaving anymore..The pain I feel is from not knowing or being secure with myself to feel I am going to make the right decision in whatever situation..

 

Even if the decision I make is wrong is wrong and doesnt bring about the result I want, Its something I believe in and have to stand by..That to me is the differnce between what makes a man secure with himself or not

 

Does this make sense? lol...

[mrs rubble]

What is a CBT? My unhappiness started with the breakup but as time went on I really and truely think it was no longer about her but me! I felt I didnt know who I was or how to treat people in certain situations, I had so much brain chatter and still do till this day but Im starting to put things together now..

 

Its taken alot of time and thinking but I finally think I have down who I want to be as a man and how to treat others..That was my biggest problem..Likely the problems were there already before my ex left and they just magnified when she did..Prior to that it was stuffed in a compartment that really didnt matter cause I had everything that I needed.

 

Once the breakup happened I noticed alot of things changing particularly the way people treated me..Like they say, "when it rains it pours" but I think part of the bad treament I got stemed from me looking for the attention and approval of others being I felt alone.

 

Problem is when you put anyone on a pedestal like that they have no choice to look down on you..Its part of nature I think.. Its like the little brother big brother syndrome when the little brother follows the big brother all over looking for his attention cause he looks up to him so much but what does he get in return? A kick in his ass and told to go home!

 

I now have a grip on things and how to be the man I want to be with people and situations.. that is by... always carrying myself in and treat people in a manner that commands respect and what you expect from them in return and To never put anyone on a pedestal by working to hard for their attention or approval...

 

These are the things that I think I need to follow to respect myself as a man and to gain the respect I want from others..

 

Like I said, I dont really think the pain I feel is from her leaving anymore..The pain I feel is from not knowing or being secure with myself to feel I am going to make the right decision in whatever situation..

 

Even if the decision I make is wrong is wrong and doesnt bring about the result I want, Its something I believe in and have to stand by..That to me is the differnce between what makes a man secure with himself or not

 

Does this make sense? lol...

CBT is a Cognitive Behaviour Therapist, The Woman I was referred to by my doctor was incredibly helpful. I pretty much owe my life to her, she was able to declutter the mess in my head, I had so many issues and problems to deal with!!

She helped me to seperate all the problems, find practical ways of solving them and where I had no control over the issue how to change the way I reacted/thought about them. I'd recomend a good CBT to anyone in the middle of muddled thought patterns.

[OnwardandUpward]

There seems to be really only two things wrong in your world.

 

A. A license. So if thats the case then you just need to go at it tooth and nail with lawyers and courts and every measure you have to get it back.

 

B. You need a woman. Your likely not going to find happiness until you find someone to love and to share your life with. Some people are like that and there is nothing wrong with that.

 

Your lonely for love and companionship. Maybe instead of finding love - find companionship and see if it builds.

 

I think maybe look to the future with hope instead of thinking its always going to be empty and screwed - hope builds positive thoughts.

 

I have found some happiness by starting to import and build my little ebay business. I got told this week i will never work again - my spine is too fragile. I also had to finally sever all communications with my ex. I just had to look into me and see what was making me feel like crap and get rid of those things - i also threw away the cigerettes which i have smoked for over 30 years.

 

So i threw out the crap and looked and said well what will make me happy - i know i love to wheel and deal and i love making money - so i turned my thoughts to that,

 

I have hope that love will come to me one day - i am a good looking woman and i am a good person. But in all honesty it does not matter anymore if love comes or love does not.

 

I am an artist. I have my son. I have a little business in the making and i feel pretty damn good. I am 5 months down the line from the split with the man i thought would always stand by me. He wants out - he is out. But i still have me and me is pretty damn good