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Really Fkn Pissed and need some


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hurts_so_bad
There seems to be really only two things wrong in your world.

 

A. A license. So if thats the case then you just need to go at it tooth and nail with lawyers and courts and every measure you have to get it back.

 

B. You need a woman. Your likely not going to find happiness until you find someone to love and to share your life with. Some people are like that and there is nothing wrong with that.

 

Your lonely for love and companionship. Maybe instead of finding love - find companionship and see if it builds.

 

I think maybe look to the future with hope instead of thinking its always going to be empty and screwed - hope builds positive thoughts.

 

I have found some happiness by starting to import and build my little ebay business. I got told this week i will never work again - my spine is too fragile. I also had to finally sever all communications with my ex. I just had to look into me and see what was making me feel like crap and get rid of those things - i also threw away the cigerettes which i have smoked for over 30 years.

 

So i threw out the crap and looked and said well what will make me happy - i know i love to wheel and deal and i love making money - so i turned my thoughts to that,

 

I have hope that love will come to me one day - i am a good looking woman and i am a good person. But in all honesty it does not matter anymore if love comes or love does not.

 

I am an artist. I have my son. I have a little business in the making and i feel pretty damn good. I am 5 months down the line from the split with the man i thought would always stand by me. He wants out - he is out. But i still have me and me is pretty damn good :)

 

I love your post onward thank you..I think what you say some people just need that love in there life is my case..I had bad upbringing at home with no I love you's or positive reinforcements..All was negative.. I didnt have the worst upbringing but the type "I think" That makes someone long for that love in their life cause they never had it as a kid growing up...

 

The license issue is being worked on by my lawyer but he said its going to be a bit of a long road..Probably another 1-1/2 to 2 years..We will see but after over 6 already my patients is wearing thin and there is always the thought of what if we lose..Then what?

 

Its awesome you are starting a ebay business..Ive been on ebay for 14 years now selling so if you need any pointers just ask...Look me up if you want..My user id on ebay is Ibew_bro....I have about 30-40 auctions running right now..What are you planning on selling? I go to garage sales, auctions, flea markets, and estate sale to find my stuff..I do well from time to time to bring extra cash in the household..

 

I cant really focus on making it bigger right now cause my primary job takes most of my time so its basically a weekend thing but one day when my license clears up I m hoping to expand it so maybe I can retire early fro the back breaking work I do now...

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OnwardandUpward

Morning :)

 

Moons ago i sold stuff on ebay - bought a little of this and a little of that and ended up with a dress shop in brick and mortar - that was moons ago but it proved to me i can do it. Currently on ebay i have a few pieces of my art and my postcards that i had made out of my art and some name certificates - those name certificate things never sell lol but it fills my shop up for the moment. By the end of the next month i will have puppets - dream catchers - and women's harem pants and tank tops. I sent you a hi thru ebay. I can't see what you sell because i am in Australia.

 

Hurts - Just keep hanging in there - as my mum says - it wont always be like this - one day you will wake up and wonder why you felt this way.

 

This morning i awoke dreaming he was with his ex. I was furious. I had to go downstairs for a coffee and shake my head to actually shift it. I can't live like this with these thoughts. I can only keep moving forward. It is his journey and who he is with is not my issue. What i think of him is not his issue. The only real issue i have is moving forward.

 

I too am one of those people who need love - i want the feeling of being connected to someone but i do resign myself to the fact that it may not happen now. I have hope it will but it does not really matter now if it does not.

 

Maybe my view has been distorted in all of this but i just can't see that someone would be interested in a woman whos back is so badly broken. Who has no bending or lifting. So instead of thinking bad about myself and my situation i have to think positive and look at all the good i have and build from there. Life has a funny way of surprising us all but for now i have to work on my own happy place.

 

I see a psychologist once a week - i have been thru alot and just spent some time in a very dark place. She is great - she has turned my thinking around and helped me take the ex of that pedestal. Sorry i am raving. But she has helped me to return my focus to what is important. Shes also asked me to sit on the committee and design the next poster for domestic violence - i consider that quite an honor.

 

If love is too come to me - it will come when i least expect it. It will be someone who sees me smiling as i walk down the street. It will come out of nowhere. It will come out of a friend of a friend who gets to know me and sees past the broken back. But thats all down the line one day - maybe - for now its just moving forward with what makes me happy.

 

I love being a non smoker - that is so cool.

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OnwardandUpward

  1. “The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past, you can’t go on well in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.”

    -Anonymous

    All experiences, be they positive or negative, define who we are as a person. You can’t carry your unfinished past with you if you want to grow. Especially when entering a new relationship. You need to have gotten over past negative experiences. If you haven’t, then chances are that they will bite you in the lower back eventually.

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hurts_so_bad

  1. “The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past, you can’t go on well in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.”

    -Anonymous

    All experiences, be they positive or negative, define who we are as a person. You can’t carry your unfinished past with you if you want to grow. Especially when entering a new relationship. You need to have gotten over past negative experiences. If you haven’t, then chances are that they will bite you in the lower back eventually.

Congrats on the quitting smoking! Its a major accomplishment! I am still smoking but right now I am not ready...It kinda feels like if I quit I will lose one more thing that keeps me sane! Its like my best friend at times even so its killing me slowly..I just hopeI can quit before it does!

 

I didnt see you message, Maybe its because of where you live and they blocked it? I dont ship international so maybe thats why... Like I said, Ive been on for around 14-15 years starting back in 99...I sell anything and everything! ANYTHING I find at garage sales, estate sales, auction, etc...I have a bunch of vintage straight razors up and some other interesting things this week..Im making a few bucks which will help pay for the money I spent today going to see the movie Transformers with my daughters..

 

What you say about life defining who we are is so true! Im starting to realize that it is life and what you go threw in life that makes you who you are..Its sometime like life controls us instead of the other way around and sometimes when we fight it we are just beating our heads against a wall..

 

There are times we are going to be mad, sad,lonely, depressed, etc..Sometimes I guess we just have to accept it and roll with it instead of fighting it..I think that maybe the more you fight it by feeling you shouldnt feel this way it makes it harder..One thing my theropist taught me is that we have to own our feelings..However, we can work on trying to make ourselves better by being as grateful as we can for what we do have...

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OnwardandUpward

yay i sold art today - one to switzerland and a few to another place in Australia. That is so exciting.

 

If none of this had of happened to me, i would never have met an aboriginal artist who taught me my heritage. I am 4th generation aboriginal in that my great grandmother was full blood. I would never be painting aboriginal art now and that is the art i am selling.

 

Regardless of what befalls my future - i got to find me. I got to finally understand my self worth without the attachment of romance - i got to see that since i broke my back i had become a co dependent - my whole worth was placed in him.

 

I have been stripped of everything - home - business - children - husband - stripped down to self only and discovered in self that i am awesome. Today i realised i do not need the attachments to be someone or something - i am pretty good just as i am.

 

I have always been of the mindset that smokes were my best friend but in all honesty after being stripped of everything and also discovering i am a celiac (gluten acts like an opioid in that its also addictive and you have to withdraw) all of this in 5 months - i just do not need smokes anymore. Something in me has changed and its a mindset. I don't have all the answers to it but i am pretty happy its changed.

 

I will try again thru ebay to send a message for my ebay account - i am not sure if on here if private messages can be sent.

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hurts_so_bad
yay i sold art today - one to switzerland and a few to another place in Australia. That is so exciting.

 

If none of this had of happened to me, i would never have met an aboriginal artist who taught me my heritage. I am 4th generation aboriginal in that my great grandmother was full blood. I would never be painting aboriginal art now and that is the art i am selling.

 

Regardless of what befalls my future - i got to find me. I got to finally understand my self worth without the attachment of romance - i got to see that since i broke my back i had become a co dependent - my whole worth was placed in him.

 

I have been stripped of everything - home - business - children - husband - stripped down to self only and discovered in self that i am awesome. Today i realised i do not need the attachments to be someone or something - i am pretty good just as i am.

 

I have always been of the mindset that smokes were my best friend but in all honesty after being stripped of everything and also discovering i am a celiac (gluten acts like an opioid in that its also addictive and you have to withdraw) all of this in 5 months - i just do not need smokes anymore. Something in me has changed and its a mindset. I don't have all the answers to it but i am pretty happy its changed.

 

I will try again thru ebay to send a message for my ebay account - i am not sure if on here if private messages can be sent.

 

Look up popeye tray..I have one listed but it ends in like 9 hrs..Its a vintage tin dining tray for kids..If you find it you may e able to send a message by asking a question about the auction...

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • Author
hurts_so_bad

I have been doing my best to stay as far away from my ex as possible..Unfortunately I had to call her today over an issue with a bill that could not be avoided..I found myself actually shaking before and after I got off the phone with her!

 

My counselor says its still new being we were together 20 years and it takes time but its been 2-1/2 friggin years almost!

 

Not that I dont respect is expert opinion but I was just curious of what others have experienced...I mean there is still not an hour that goes by that I think of her!

 

I think a lot of it is still based upon me not meeting anyone new and my license issue which is kinda putting a damper in that and it really frustrates me..I keep trying to accept what it is but not sure how much more of this I can take..

 

One thing that scares the hell out of me is that Im still going to be in the same boat here alone when I get the news that she wants to remarry someone new..

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  • 1 month later...
I have been doing my best to stay as far away from my ex as possible..Unfortunately I had to call her today over an issue with a bill that could not be avoided..I found myself actually shaking before and after I got off the phone with her!

 

My counselor says its still new being we were together 20 years and it takes time but its been 2-1/2 friggin years almost!

 

Not that I dont respect is expert opinion but I was just curious of what others have experienced...I mean there is still not an hour that goes by that I think of her!

 

I think a lot of it is still based upon me not meeting anyone new and my license issue which is kinda putting a damper in that and it really frustrates me..I keep trying to accept what it is but not sure how much more of this I can take..

 

One thing that scares the hell out of me is that Im still going to be in the same boat here alone when I get the news that she wants to remarry someone new..

 

O.K. dude. I know exactly what you are going through, and it's tough. But I do not want you to be where I am in another 2 1/2 years. It has been 5 years since my divorce and my ex-wife still occupies my mind 24/7. Trust me when I say you do not want to be in my shoes. We have to put the past in our rear-view mirror. This is not healthy for anyone.

 

We keep remembering in our minds all of the great times we had with our ex's...all the fun, the great sex, raising a family together, etc. I have over 500 cards my ex gave me over the years about how much she loved me, I made her the happiest person in the world, God blessed her with me, we will live together forever, yada yada yada! Meanwhile...her memories are all about the negatives...the disagreements, the fights, the off nights we had in bed, yada yada yada!

 

Our ex's left us for a reason...they were not happy in the current relationship, and they believed they could be much happier without us. They are not coming back...ever. If they truly wanted to be with us they would be contacting us to get together...instead, at least in my in my ex's case anyway she seems to be happy having several intimate relationships over the years, but has not re-married...yet anyways.

 

It is also very hard on me as we have joint 50/50 custody, and I see her all the time. This makes it especially challenging to put the past behind me, and NC just isn't an option raising four boys with sports and school activities.

 

I have not been able to find the right connection either, and that is what keeps our minds active on what we had...and what we lost.

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