Am I cheating on my bf if I go see my ex-bf in this situation?

[littleplanet]

Thanks. I suppose an e-mail should work then... But I know my current bf won't be okay with the e-mail either. So, should I still go ahead and do it (without him knowing). Or leave it?

 

 

Nice to see you back in the fray, OP.

 

When I was your age, I would have looked upon all this stuff as emotional baby coddling. But that's just my personal bias, based on my own life experiences.

I'm an emotionally tough nut, because life forced me to be so.

 

You always have the choice of just dropping the whole thing.....

and see how you feel 6 months from now.

If it's all to the good, then no further damage done.

 

However, I'd like to point out that in the future, you will still have the jealousy and insecurity of your current boyfriend to deal with. Because that is his nature (from what you describe).

 

I'd also like to reiterate that you didn't, in fact - actually cheat.

Were I your boyfriend, I'd laugh that notion off the page.

I'm not a thought policeman, luxuriating in a surveillance state.

 

If you find yourself one day in the future, single again - then you will enjoy the luxury of doing what you damned well please, without worrying about the effect on anyone else.

It will always be up to your own moral judgement, what best serves your needs.

Frankly, after all your subsequent posts, I still don't think you're being entirely unreasonable.

 

But life also comes with the added repsonsibility to others - especially others who have made an emotional investment in you.

And that comes down to trust.

And in that, your prime responsibilty is to your current boyfriend.

Whatever your heart may tell you that you can offer in any positive way to your ex - perhaps the price you pay for that is too much to have to pay.

Only you can decide that, ultimately.

 

So if there is no negotiation possible with your current - either you bow to that......or you defy it. No real middle ground, is there?

[BroknHrt]

Left my ex 6 months ago, started dating my current bf 5.5 months ago.

 

Ouch...that must have been so painful to your last boyfriend. I feel like it would have been smarter to take some time for yourself before jumping into a relationship with someone else-sounds like a rebound.

 

Your ex is still emotionally invested in you and you MUST be emotionally invested in him at some level or you would not have contacted him at all in the first place.

 

I bet every time your ex gets a message, an email, a phone call...he has a glimmer of hope that it is you. I was replaced by my ex's new bf after a 3 year relationship 2 months later (even when she was still sleeping with me). And as much as I would like to hear from her I know it would only set me back (same for your ex- which is why it took him a week to respond).

 

It seems like your only interest is easing the guilt from your chest for what you did to him. Maybe an ego boost too knowing that he could still be there for you if your new relationship fails.

[lil hoodlum]

I am wondering if the ex knows or knew at the time of the breakup that she was leaving him for someone else.

 

My guess is a no.

 

 

I think this is why the original poster is wanting to give him closure.

 

If this is the case, I think you should go ahead and be honest with him that you DID in fact leave him for someone else.

 

Angelina_xox, I think if the shoe was on the other foot and someone you loved and cared about left you for someone else and "forgot" to mention that at the time of the breakup, you would want to know the truth too.

 

Sure it would be hurtful for him to hear the truth but in the long-run I think that it would help him to move on.

 

Just my .02

[greenbee81]

Poor guys...

[Angelina_xox]

Nice to see you back in the fray, OP.

 

When I was your age, I would have looked upon all this stuff as emotional baby coddling. But that's just my personal bias, based on my own life experiences.

I'm an emotionally tough nut, because life forced me to be so.

 

You always have the choice of just dropping the whole thing.....

and see how you feel 6 months from now.

If it's all to the good, then no further damage done.

 

However, I'd like to point out that in the future, you will still have the jealousy and insecurity of your current boyfriend to deal with. Because that is his nature (from what you describe).

 

I'd also like to reiterate that you didn't, in fact - actually cheat.

Were I your boyfriend, I'd laugh that notion off the page.

I'm not a thought policeman, luxuriating in a surveillance state.

 

If you find yourself one day in the future, single again - then you will enjoy the luxury of doing what you damned well please, without worrying about the effect on anyone else.

It will always be up to your own moral judgement, what best serves your needs.

Frankly, after all your subsequent posts, I still don't think you're being entirely unreasonable.

 

But life also comes with the added repsonsibility to others - especially others who have made an emotional investment in you.

And that comes down to trust.

And in that, your prime responsibilty is to your current boyfriend.

Whatever your heart may tell you that you can offer in any positive way to your ex - perhaps the price you pay for that is too much to have to pay.

Only you can decide that, ultimately.

 

So if there is no negotiation possible with your current - either you bow to that......or you defy it. No real middle ground, is there?

 

Thank you so much for your input! I agree I do have a responsibility to my current boyfriend much more so than I have to my ex, and I need to take him and his feelings into consideration before I take any step.

 

I think the whole closure concept confused me a little.

 

Thing is, when things ended between my ex and I. He sent me a couple of e-mails, that he wanted a response to. However, I felt no need to respond to that at the time. Now, however, I wanted to address all the issues he brought up in the e-mail by meeting him face to face. And if not that, I wanted to at least respond to his e-mail by e-mailing him back. Although I don't want to interrupt his healing process, I feel bad for not even responding to the e-mails to give him the closure he needed (even though everyone here claims that the 'cheating' was all the closure he needed) However, my current boyfriend has an issue with even me responding to the e-mails. And sometimes... I feel like some things just have to be done and dealt with for one to continue on with their lives.

 

As I want to respond to the e-mails, my ex wants a response. If I'm just e-mailing him back, I don't think I'm instilling further hope in him that we're going to get back together.

 

Thanks for all the feedback!