CarrieT Posted August 8, 2014 Share Posted August 8, 2014 How often does a MM say that to the OW? More often than you realize... The question is, how often does an AP continue to put up with crap like that when it is thrown in their face? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
veryhappy Posted August 8, 2014 Share Posted August 8, 2014 I call that the polygamy dream. He's a full feline. He's fed, his fur is shiny and well, the two of you combined just make for a happy, vibrant life. Break the triangle and he'll go spinning like a wet, skinny cat. He won't change his mind. He wants it all. Best thing for you is to stay in the affair exactly how long you are okay with your status and not one second extra. Link to post Share on other sites
IfWishesWereHorses Posted August 8, 2014 Share Posted August 8, 2014 Here is your reply! It wouldn't be fair at all for you to have to work so hard keeping us both happy. We should find someone, maybe a little younger, that your wife and I both find interesting and attractive to add to our little threesome! That way no one gets left out! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MuddyFootprints Posted August 8, 2014 Share Posted August 8, 2014 If that is conceivable to you, call him on it. Have your list of questions and expectations ready. Link to post Share on other sites
IfWishesWereHorses Posted August 8, 2014 Share Posted August 8, 2014 I can't imagine how far gone someone must be to say something like that to you! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 8, 2014 Share Posted August 8, 2014 So he is on vacation with her. He messages me and says he thinks it would be so awesome if he could walk into the restaurant with both of us on his arm. Like one happy family. That's really what he wants. Both of us. How often does a MM say that to the OW? This is wishful thinking and quite fantasy like. It'll never happen... If you want to read between the lines - that also tells you that he has no plans on leaving his wife, he likes having an affair with you and wants to just stay married as well. How did it make you feel when he said that? Link to post Share on other sites
Hope Shimmers Posted August 8, 2014 Share Posted August 8, 2014 So he is on vacation with her. He messages me and says he thinks it would be so awesome if he could walk into the restaurant with both of us on his arm. Like one happy family. That's really what he wants. Both of us. How often does a MM say that to the OW? Wow. Is he egotistical, much? Now that I think of it, I would love to have two (or more) men walk me into a restaurant too, with both of them on my arm, focusing just on me, as I am the Queen. I can take the best that these men have to offer and leave the worst behind and have them just fawn all over me every second. How awesome would that be! Link to post Share on other sites
jellybean89 Posted August 8, 2014 Share Posted August 8, 2014 So he's been on 2 vacations in the last couple of months and you are still hanging onto him...why? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Savannah2 Posted August 8, 2014 Author Share Posted August 8, 2014 I honestly don't know why I hold on. We've been in this A for almost 2.5 years. I tell him I love him and he says that he knows I do. But he had never said it back. He tells me that I make him happy, but he loves his wife. Yet he continues the PA with me. I know they are still sleeping together too. Although it's probably not as often as he'd like. I guess that's where I come in. Ugh. I know. It's disgusting. His ultimate fantasy is a threesome with her and me. He said that way he won't have to hide anything anymore and feel any guilt. I don't know what is wrong with me. I appreciate all the support and advice from this board. I really do. It's amazing to me how a group of strangers can be such a source of support to me. I don't have anyone to talk to about this. No one knows . I haven't talked to one person about it. Not close friends or family. Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted August 8, 2014 Share Posted August 8, 2014 So he is on vacation with her. He messages me and says he thinks it would be so awesome if he could walk into the restaurant with both of us on his arm. Like one happy family. That's really what he wants. Both of us. How often does a MM say that to the OW? Well, it's a nice fantasy, but not something achievable in a cheating scenario. Lies, deception, unethical behavior do not lend themselves to happy scenarios. But I guess I just can't relate to cheating or helping someone cheat - and then having any expectations at all that something good will come of it. I am sorry that you're experiencing pain from what's happened (but not surprised), and glad that you've decided to end things with him. Deal with fixing or ending your own marriage, and I think you'll find that you can then find real happiness with someone truly available. Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted August 8, 2014 Share Posted August 8, 2014 Wow. Is he egotistical, much? Now that I think of it, I would love to have two (or more) men walk me into a restaurant too, with both of them on my arm, focusing just on me, as I am the Queen. I can take the best that these men have to offer and leave the worst behind and have them just fawn all over me every second. How awesome would that be! Indeed. I have walked into a restaurant with my wife and FWB on each arm. That worked because we have a consensual open relationship and are happy with each other's happiness. And my wife has had me and her FWB escort her. Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted August 8, 2014 Share Posted August 8, 2014 I guess I lost the thread somewhere. I read that you told him it was over but it he's back in your life again. Savannah, I gotta tell you that while I totally understand loving someone so much that we do stupid things - and I'm one of those people - I can say with complete conviction that I would've walked away from this moron a long time ago. He doesn't love you, he still sleeps with his wife, wants to have more kids with her, posts things that he knows you'll see and be hurt by... What planet are you on exactly?? At what point in your life did you decide that you were ok with being a doormat? I mean, why not just lay on the ground and let him wipe his feet on your back? Because you're about a heartbeat away from actually doing that. When do you stop the madness, hon? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
gettingstronger Posted August 9, 2014 Share Posted August 9, 2014 You sound like our OW- my H told her what the deal was straight up and she would pretend to sleep and say ILY in her sleep-(she admitted this BTW) She continued in a R that did not benefit her, I guess she always hoped he would change his mind or she just could not imagine he did not feel the same way about her- I received an anon text (most likely from her) tipping me off to the A- I gave my husband a free pass to leave-no dragging his name through the mud, no begging or crying, no restrictions on the kids, etc... being with her FT is the last thing he wanted- 18 months of crazy intrusions by her followed-she left her husband- the whole deal-then came the OD where she blew out a major organ and ended up needing a transplant- guess who is by her side-yep, the husband she wanted to give up for mine- Point being- if you are not happy with your role in the R, leave, now do not continue to fool yourself, its not good for you- I bet at the start she never pictured herself going so far over the edge- she allowed this illusion to take over her common sense and self worth- what a mess- Get out now and forever if what you currently have is not working for you- Link to post Share on other sites
Star2880 Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 Savanna. I have been exactly where you are. My exAp would never say ILY out loud. He would write or say he was in love with two people at the same time and that it was bringing him to his knees! Bizarrely his eyes and actions felt like he loved me back, to the point where I felt like I was loosing my mind and started going for counselling. I ended it a few times and he said he was devastated at not being able to talk to me or be with me. 3 years this went on for! Cut a long story short! Wife found out and he utterly threw me under the bus! Hasn't spoken since he left work. He has totally destroyed me emotionally. Please don't let this man do this to you too. Be strong. Take care x Link to post Share on other sites
chelsea2011 Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 Wanting you both are his rules and if yu accept those terms then you set yourself up to accept all of the other garbage that goes along with it like feeling used etc. It's up to YOU to decide whether or not you accept the terms - not him. He has no right to force or manipulate you into it just because that's what he wants. Decide what you want. Do you want a life rife with drama (which is what affairs create) or one that is free of the crap that goes along with sharing yourself with someone who is married or "acting" attached to someone else. Hopefully it's not the former - not a fun proposition no mater how sweet he may seem. Link to post Share on other sites
Poppy47 Posted September 1, 2014 Share Posted September 1, 2014 Make no mistake.... he is very comfortable exactly where he is right now. You are providing the little extras and his wife is providing... well, who knows? There's no way he's going to cause any upheaval in his secure world just for you. You might mean something to him, but I suspect it's mostly about his satisfaction. I might have a very biased view but been there done that. Lose him ASAP. Poppy47 Link to post Share on other sites
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