New Relationship

[PA2Ed]

I'll try to keep this brief.

 

I have a very silly question

 

I have been separated almost 2 years and the divorce is a month from finalization. My "ex-" and I still get along OK....the issue was (is) the fact she is gay.

 

I have spent the past two years doing all the "right things"....getting to know myself, improving the connection with my kids (in my custody btw), generally establishing myself in my new life.

 

I have had the support of three very good friends (2 male, one female). We are all divorced, in our late 30's - early 40's. Professionals. We have a good time together as a group.

 

Over the past several weeks, I noticed I and my woman friend are spending a little more time together alone than with the rest of the group...

 

We have common interests (same profession, kids around the same age, hobbies and sports, etc) and I like being with her. We enjoy each other's company. But I get mixed signals from her sometimes. I want to take the relationship one step farther....not sex, just a greater sense of intimacy, a deeper friendship....but am reluctant. IF I am reading this wrong, I don't want to ruin what we do have... but at the same time don't want to miss something that might be there. Things have sort of progressed naturally for us. And I wouldn't mind letting that continue.

 

Any advice would be appreciated.

 

But, also....would a Valentine's Day gift be appropriate and why?

 

I now remember why I hated dating ...... :-)

[Tony T]

You need to get past your divorce...have it be final and over. Then, slowly, you may see this friendship intensify. You also need to take this time to explore other potential friendships as well. You will see a marked improvement in this lady's attitude toward you when you start seeing other people, trust me.

 

As far as Valentine's Day, invite her over for dinner or ask if she'd like to go out for dinner but don't make it a big deal. Tell her Happy Valentine's Day. I wouldn't give her a card at all, but if you must, give her a humorous one. Don't make this a mushy situation at all and don't make her feel like you are trying to make her your Valentine at this point. Just be very casual about the whole thing.

 

Give yourself time to sort this whole thing out. It sounds like you have been through some real trauma and you would probably like to have some genuine female companionship...but don't rush things.

 

If you continue to get these mixed signals from this lady, then just move on. However, she very well may be just as confused as you, not knowing exactly how to act in the situation. So before you take a hike, it may be worth mentioning to her that you really enjoy her company and value the friendship...see what her response is. Don't do this now...wait until time as passed after your divorce is final.

 

Take your time about things. Lighten up a bit. Be kind to yourself. You will find the less you care about things, the better they will work out for you.