Why is he so over-protective and jealous?

[Lovebite]

So this fella who I have been friends with (not sexually) is a bit weird. He is a big partier, yet when I go to parties he gets upset and jealous. He screws a bunch girls, yet when I hang out with guys or whatever he gets mad and jealous. He goes to bars ALL the time, yet I go to bars here and there and he gets upset and jealous though when I do go to bars. He drinks a lot, I smoke weed, not alot, but I smoke weed, and he gets really mad about that.

 

Also he sticks up for me when I am wrong. He also "hates the people I hang out with" when he doesn't even know who I hang out with. He also will sometimes ask me where I am going, or what I am doing etc. And I will respond with "Why do you care?" and he says "I'm keeping tabs" What is that suppose to mean? He gets so upset about guys. He mentions girls sometimes, yet when I mention guys sometimes he gets all weirded out and upset. I am 20 yrs old by the way, and he is 26. He almost acts like I am out of control or something? When I am a responsible, good girl over all. I work full time, and go to college. I am not a partier, I just party when I can...haha. But I am not like him. Why the double standard? What makes a person this protective and jealous? Just wondering. Thanks!

[thekid36]

So this fella who I have been friends with (not sexually) is a bit weird. He is a big partier, yet when I go to parties he gets upset and jealous. He screws a bunch girls, yet when I hang out with guys or whatever he gets mad and jealous. He goes to bars ALL the time, yet I go to bars here and there and he gets upset and jealous though when I do go to bars. He drinks a lot, I smoke weed, not alot, but I smoke weed, and he gets really mad about that.

 

Also he sticks up for me when I am wrong. He also "hates the people I hang out with" when he doesn't even know who I hang out with. He also will sometimes ask me where I am going, or what I am doing etc. And I will respond with "Why do you care?" and he says "I'm keeping tabs" What is that suppose to mean? He gets so upset about guys. He mentions girls sometimes, yet when I mention guys sometimes he gets all weirded out and upset. I am 20 yrs old by the way, and he is 26. He almost acts like I am out of control or something? When I am a responsible, good girl over all. I work full time, and go to college. I am not a partier, I just party when I can...haha. But I am not like him. Why the double standard? What makes a person this protective and jealous? Just wondering. Thanks!

 

Being that he is a 'man', the dude seems to sense that he is entitled to know what you are up to and who you are hanging with. Because of you being a 'woman'.

 

Being that he is a 'man', the dude seems to sense that he is entitled to do all of the same things you're not allowed to. Because of you being a 'woman'.

 

Sounds like an 'interesting' individual.

 

In his 'interesting' way, he most likely cares about you. Not sure if he actually likes you romantically or if he is merely showing off his 'interesting' personality.

[ExpatInItaly]

Why? Because he in a controlling and territorial ass. "I'm keeping tabs"?? What a douche. Ugh. I don't have time for guys like that, even as friends. Keep your distance from him. Who needs a "friend" like that? He's also showing you he would be a crappy boyfriend, so I hope you're not considering dating this guy.

 

And don't let anyone convince you he's doing this because he likes you. Men who behave like that are motivated by ego, insecurity and jealousy - not love.

[Keke1]

1st do you like this guy?

2nd do you want us to tell you what you most likely want to hear or the real ugly truth.

[PegNosePete]

He does not sound like much of a friend to me. Why do you still hang out with him? It's not like he's your boyfriend so you don't need this kind of hassle from a friend. I would just do the slow fade on this guy, and hang around with people who act in a more friend-like manner.

[todreaminblue]

I am going to say its not wrong for a boyfriend to know where you are....that most guys who go out with girls want to know where their girl is when that girl goes out.....and i dont think its a stretch to say most girls like to know where their boyfriend is at

 

 

my family and my exes keep tabs on me, because i walk at night, they cant control me though but i think its alright for them to know where i am, and to relieve worry i tell them they don't have to ask.....and i let my family know when i get home by saying im home good night....i take risks and they know it.....so i cant blame them or deny them knowing where i am...if i disappear they would have sounded an alarm and start looking for me

 

i loath control...because i dont do anything wrong.....but i do know they worry because they care....and its not what i am doing.....but what someone might do to me that they worry...i dont drink and i dont do drugs ...but i walk alone and i have guys that dont like me very much out and about in my area i have had gfs who have come to me when their boyfriends are abusive.....now they dont like me

 

 

 

 

your friend might just care about you....but double standards are not the right way to show caring....enforce your personal rights with someone who tries to control you.....but be caring and understanding towards those that care.....i cant really say he is wrong i dont know him and you both seem to be doing the same things.......i dont see the problem when you party and he parties and you do it seperately....just shows me neither one of you are serious about each other..maybe you care both of you....but not enough to change or to stop what you are doing...so i just see a continuation unless soemone initiates change...........deb

[Lovebite]

1st do you like this guy?

2nd do you want us to tell you what you most likely want to hear or the real ugly truth.

 

 

Go for it! I am just curious about this kind of behavior. That's all. Yeah go for it though, tell me the ugly truth.

[Lovebite]

Thanks everyone. I know you all keep saying "Why hang out with this guy" "You don't need him" I understand that! But I am just wondering about this behavior. I don't really hang out with him cause of his behavior. I am distant with him....I just want to know about why a person acts this way and what this behavior means? That's all I want to know. I understand tho, but please no more "Stop hanging out with him" cause I really don't hang out with him, and I am not in love with him, I just want honest feedback. I don't understand over-protective behavior. I guess what i'm saying is please reflect your comments on him more than me. I'm sorry if I sound rude, I am really not trying to be, I just have no other way to word it. Thank you so much everyone! I appreciate the feedback!

[DArtagnan2]

I believe that those who do things themselves, think that others do the same. Ya know, those that do are the ones that accuse. With that said, he knows how he behaves so he projects that on to you and acts as he does because he knows if he is capable of doing it, you probably are too. Regardless if you are a good person, work hard, would never cheat and may even be a virgin, those that know what they are capable of, will always accuse others of those actions.

 

He needs to get real with himself. He can't expect you to stick around not only because of his accusations and jealousy, but because how he lives his own life. He can't be reasonable and will always be like this whether it is you he is dating or someone else.

 

You just have to decide if you are willing to continue to take his criticism, accusations, lack of trust and such not to mention his sleeping around. Depends on what you want for yourself in this life, regardless how close of friends you are. Sometimes, its best to shed negativity so to just be able to live your life in peace.

[Diezel]

Thanks everyone. I know you all keep saying "Why hang out with this guy" "You don't need him" I understand that! But I am just wondering about this behavior. I don't really hang out with him cause of his behavior. I am distant with him....I just want to know about why a person acts this way and what this behavior means? That's all I want to know. I understand tho, but please no more "Stop hanging out with him" cause I really don't hang out with him, and I am not in love with him, I just want honest feedback. I don't understand over-protective behavior. I guess what i'm saying is please reflect your comments on him more than me. I'm sorry if I sound rude, I am really not trying to be, I just have no other way to word it. Thank you so much everyone! I appreciate the feedback!

 

HE WANTS TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU.

 

Caps for emphasis.

[Lovebite]

I believe that those who do things themselves, think that others do the same. Ya know, those that do are the ones that accuse. With that said, he knows how he behaves so he projects that on to you and acts as he does because he knows if he is capable of doing it, you probably are too. Regardless if you are a good person, work hard, would never cheat and may even be a virgin, those that know what they are capable of, will always accuse others of those actions.

 

He needs to get real with himself. He can't expect you to stick around not only because of his accusations and jealousy, but because how he lives his own life. He can't be reasonable and will always be like this whether it is you he is dating or someone else.

 

You just have to decide if you are willing to continue to take his criticism, accusations, lack of trust and such not to mention his sleeping around. Depends on what you want for yourself in this life, regardless how close of friends you are. Sometimes, its best to shed negativity so to just be able to live your life in peace.

 

 

 

Thank you! Yeah I don't see him often. I kept my distance. I am not trying to pursue anything with him I just don't get the behavior. I talk to him periodically and when I see him it's accidental or if one of my friends has a party or something he might be there or if one of my friends create an event to go to a game or a concert he might be there, but I don't personally create events with him and hang out with him. You Are so right though! He needs to get a hold of himself, pronto. He doesn't get enraged type of mad, but I can tell he gets upset when I say I am hanging with this guy or this guy, if it's in person he'll just give me a weird look, and be quiet, and then he'll ask who this guy is. He is more passive aggressive I would say, but I might be wrong. I don't know. You can tell when I party and stuff he gets upset it's weird. Thanks so much for the feedback!

[Lovebite]

HE WANTS TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU.

 

Caps for emphasis.

 

 

Why do you say that? Why did that come into mind? Just wondering. Thank you.

[Elle1975]

Controlling and bad news is what comes to my mind.

[thekid36]

Thanks everyone. I know you all keep saying "Why hang out with this guy" "You don't need him" I understand that! But I am just wondering about this behavior. I don't really hang out with him cause of his behavior. I am distant with him....I just want to know about why a person acts this way and what this behavior means? That's all I want to know. I understand tho, but please no more "Stop hanging out with him" cause I really don't hang out with him, and I am not in love with him, I just want honest feedback. I don't understand over-protective behavior. I guess what i'm saying is please reflect your comments on him more than me. I'm sorry if I sound rude, I am really not trying to be, I just have no other way to word it. Thank you so much everyone! I appreciate the feedback!

 

Some people think that by being over-protective shows that you care about a person. Personally, I think it much more suggests their own individual insecurities.

 

Sadly, perhaps many who show this personality trait are most likely men. I have a hunch that they feel a sense of entitlement. By caring about you, which is what they think in their own mind, it automatically gives them the right to be up all in your business so to speak. Because it is only showing you that they care!

 

Then, if you try to question any of what they are throwing down, you are not being reasonable. I am not a professional at all. Just simply a sincere guess is all.

 

So in their mind, they are showing they care about you when wondering where you are and what you are doing all the time. They might actually care a lot, in fact. Just may not be the way you want to be cared about is all. Nor, the way a woman should be.

 

Hope that some of this helps!

Edited June 27, 2014 by thekid36

[d0nnivain]

I see it as a bit of a whore/Madonna complex.

 

 

He sees you as the good girl & wants to keep you that way.

[preraph]

He's a double standard jackass with no respect for women who fully intends on making himself and only himself happy in whatever narcissistic way he can and doesn't truly give one whit about you except as his property. He's controlling, as other poster said, and that is the worst trait you can have in a man. Run.

[Lovebite]

I see it as a bit of a whore/Madonna complex.

 

 

He sees you as the good girl & wants to keep you that way.

 

Oh that's interesting. But why would he want to do that? To keep me good for him?

[bubbaganoosh]

I have a good friend I've known since the early 70's. He as big as a tree, 6'5" 260 and when he met his wife back in 1970, she was 4'10" and 90 pounds.

 

He was kind of over protective of her and always kept an eye on her. Made sure she never hurt herself but he wasn't extreme but cautious.

 

One day she told him that although she likes the idea of him being protective she told him she had a secret to tell him.

 

She told him that she's been 4'10" and 90 pounds since she was 14 and she did ok for herself and yeah she loves when her reaches in the cupboard to get something off the top shelf for her, she can do OK being tiny and petite.

 

To see them together is a riot because of their size difference but also, she is native American and has a temper and when she gets pissed at him, he has enough common sense to giver her space because she will not back down if she feels she's right and it's odd to see him take a step back.

[Lovebite]

I have a good friend I've known since the early 70's. He as big as a tree, 6'5" 260 and when he met his wife back in 1970, she was 4'10" and 90 pounds.

 

He was kind of over protective of her and always kept an eye on her. Made sure she never hurt herself but he wasn't extreme but cautious.

 

One day she told him that although she likes the idea of him being protective she told him she had a secret to tell him.

 

She told him that she's been 4'10" and 90 pounds since she was 14 and she did ok for herself and yeah she loves when her reaches in the cupboard to get something off the top shelf for her, she can do OK being tiny and petite.

 

To see them together is a riot because of their size difference but also, she is native American and has a temper and when she gets pissed at him, he has enough common sense to giver her space because she will not back down if she feels she's right and it's odd to see him take a step back.

 

Ha! Interesting story. That's cool! Thanks for sharing!