Physically abusive husband... Fear is controlling me

[CurlGurl]

7 years together and 2 kids... Been the bread winner for 3 years and put up with cheating while I m at work... He literally got me nothing not even a single penny... I furniture the house, paid schooling, even paid for my c-section while he never really bothered... He started beating me at first like 3 years ago when I caught him cheating... The violence escalated more and more especially after my second delivery... He would kick me in the tummy where the c-section wound is and he doesn't even feel bad about it... He actually thinks I deserve it cos he sees me snobbish with a career and money and brand clothes which irritates him... I was rushed to the hospital twice and the doctors always wanted me to report who did it but I simply never did cos I didn't wish my kids know about that later and blame me... Now my eldest son has seen him beating me for the past 2 years and he has no respect to me whatsoever... He even tells me he thinks his father will kill me but he s so sure he wouldn't kill him... That wad a complete shock to me... He s making friends with our son by making him look down at me!!!! I wanna leave and have a plan but I m so frightened he would cause me troubles at work cos he did that before... I can't afford losing my job or losing an eye or an arm and I know for sure he d do all he can to physically hurt me the most... I don't know what to do... Last thing is he threatened to shoot my parents if I ever ask them to come over in one of his sprees... I m so frightened to wake up everyday cos I just don't know where I m gonna be hit and bruised today... I need help if anyone has been in a situation like mind pls...

[No Limit]

Get out, you're in an abusive and toxic environment.

Is there a place you can stay for a while? To scrap your mind back together - or what's left of it - and prepare for divorce?

About the threats; inform the police. Depending on where you live they might as well allow you to carry a gun for self-defense.

[Eivuwan]

What you need to do is find the domestic abuse services in your area and ask them for advice. Document every time he abuses you. Consult a lawyer and call the police. We have laws to prevent people from doing this kind of crap to others. I know it's scary, but it's possible to get out.

[lollipopspot]

Contact a domestic abuse program in your area. If there isn't one in your area, or if for your safety you need to leave town with the children, talk to your work about taking a leave. But you need someone you can talk to to help problem solve with you about how to get out and stay safe. This is very serious, for your own health and the children's.

 

Document everything. I don't know the laws of admissibility in your state, but you may be able to record him threatening you and your family with your smartphone (if you have one) in your purse.

[Yasuandio]

ALL OF THE ABOVE

 

My initial concerns:

 

Do you want to die?

 

Do you realize your lack of ACTION has put your parents' lives at risk? Do they even know about these threats? Has the threat been reported to the Police?

 

Does this man have access to firearms?

 

Do you think this is good learning material for your son? Y

 

Those are just a couple questions off the top of my head.

Edited June 27, 2014 by Yasuandio

[amaysngrace]

Congratulations on realizing there's a problem. That's the first step.

 

Next you need to plan your escape. You need to make sure that it's all set up so that you never have to go back to him again once you leave. Most women go back because they cannot make it on their own. Be sure you set it up so that won't ever be an issue for you.

 

I suggest you separate finances. Settle credit cards. Pay off cars or stop paying his loan completely so that you can stash away the payments if you're the one who pays the bill each month.

 

See a counselor who deals with abuse. There are so many resources available to help assist you in keeping your kids and yourself safe. The one in my county was free of charge and yours may be too. Find out.

 

I'm glad that your son doesn't think his dad will hurt him but he might to get even with you. Please be careful.

 

That son will need therapy. He identifies with the dad rather than being your protector. That's really bad.

 

Every day that you stay is one day more that you're raising your son to be an abuser.

 

But make sure that you can leave safely and as comfortably as possible but please don't stay one more day longer than you have to. And take your kids with you!! Even the abusive one because your husband may take out his anger on him.

 

The one best evidence that you can have is a picture of any bruising or injury on you that he inflicted. Write it down in a safe place what the circumstances were that caused him to get so violent...not that there's ever a reason for it but he'll try his best to give one so make sure you have your side of the story written down to refer back to.

 

Keep posting here if you need advice. I've been where you are now, minus the boy showing signs of becoming an abuser.

 

Now go get busy!

Edited June 27, 2014 by amaysngrace

[LostOnes05]

So it's alright for him to cheat and abuse you afterward? I think not. Please get out of there! It is not right to be treated like that (man or woman). Do not tolerate this behavior. The first time he hit you, you should have been out the door with your children. And he should have been in handcuffs. I hate pigs like this. He is a coward, not a man.

 

Get help for yourself and your children. Leave this scumbag to wallow in his own filth!

[veryhappy]

You are living in hell.

 

 

Please make a plan and escape. You need a plan because you are dealing with the kind of guy who would really kill you.

 

 

Talk to someone. As long as you are silent, the fear will be overwhelming.

 

 

Please give yourself a chance.

[Taramere]

This is precisely why more people don't speak up, when it happens.

 

I can't help wondering if that's the intended effect.

 

Curl Gurl, please do an internet search for domestic abuse support services in your area. These threats are far too serious not to pass on, and a crisis service will help you to identify resources to get the help you need. If this violence is taking place in front of your child then that's an issue that will also require the input of child protection services.

Edited June 27, 2014 by Taramere

[M30USA]

This is precisely why more people don't speak up, when it happens.

 

I know what it feels like. My ex wife took a 5 foot wooden board to my torso.

 

If the OP is in danger, she should get out. All I was asking was for some clarification of the alleged assault. What is wrong with clarification?

[lollipopspot]

All I was asking was for some clarification of the alleged assault. What is wrong with clarification?

 

What do you need clarifying? Do you need to see her hospital bills?

[Taramere]

I know what it feels like. My ex wife took a 5 foot wooden board to my torso.

 

If the OP is in danger, she should get out. All I was asking was for some clarification of the alleged assault. What is wrong with clarification?

 

No, that's not all you were doing. Your opening words were "Something doesn't add up about the OP's story." Then you brought your own personal experiences into it - and not in an "I know what it's like, I've been there too" sort of a way. You brought them in as part of casting doubt on the OP's story. I'm not going to quote any more of your first post on here, because I don't believe your first post has any place on this thread. Suffice to say that your request for clarification was worded in terms of placing some onus on the OP to prove that she's the victim here.

 

This isn't a criminal court. She isn't required to prove anything to you or anybody else on this board. Part of the aim of this forum is to give people who are in trouble, who may be isolated and who may not know who to turn to an opportunity to make some initial contact with the outside world about their problem. I have my doubts sometimes about the wisdom of encouraging abuse disclosures on here, and those doubts are in part because those disclosures may attract exactly the kind of posts you have submitted on this thread.

 

One of the benefits offered, by promoting LS as a place where abuse disclosures may be made (eg in the abuse section) is that it may permit people who are at serious risk to make that first step towards getting help. It is grossly inappropriate for anybody to react to the kind of disclosure the OP made on here by behaving as though she's a witness in a criminal court room. That's not helpful in any shape or form, and I would really encourage you to think twice before doing that to anybody else on here.

[2sunny]

Your line of reasoning is why many fathers are denied access to their children under false abuse claims. You think a mere claim by a woman before proof is presented is enough to deny a man his children? That's what fascist midnight services did. We have something called due process.

 

For the record, I am not denying or opposing the OPs experience. All I'm asking for is more information. The fact that you are saying I'm insensitive when asking for more information shows that you have no concern for what actually happens in reality and don't support due process.

 

She gave her info in the opening post.

 

Curl - I hope you have made calls to women's shelters and can make use of the resources they can help you with.

 

Please let us know you've moved and are safe.

[lollipopspot]

You think a mere claim by a woman before proof is presented is enough to deny a man his children? That's what fascist midnight services did. We have something called due process.

 

Due process...you do realise that this is an Internet forum, right?

 

M30USA seems to think that by not demanding proof of the woman's hospital visits on Loveshack, I have the power to deny this man his children.

[Citizen Erased]

M30USA seems to think that by not demanding proof of the woman's hospital visits on Loveshack, I have the power to deny this man his children.

Well sure, that's not crazy at all.

[Yasuandio]

I know what it feels like. My ex wife took a 5 foot wooden board to my torso.

 

If the OP is in danger, she should get out. All I was asking was for some clarification of the alleged assault. What is wrong with clarification?

 

 

I think thou dost potest too much and for too long, M30USA, which causist me to question your "alleged assault" - allbeit irrelevant to OP's apparent denial that she is a battered spouse and likely in a life and death situation.

 

Seriously, man - are you trying to help dig OP's grave, or what? Your input is not helpful one iota, it is like you are taking yet another opportunity to grandstand - when a woman has confessed her on LS that her's, her son's and her parent's lives have been threatened by her husband. Then you wanna disect the details of previous assaults she is reporting to us? What is wrong with you?

 

Even in the event this is some bizarre twist on "Munchouser's Syndrome by Proxy," and the woman is out and out telling a serious bald-faced lie to gain sympathies, it is best advised to err on the likelihood that what she is reporting is in fact what she believes to be true - to take her word, and advise accordingly (not give her the effing third degree). Geez. Yas

 

OP -- LISTEN TO ALL THE SMART LS POSTERS. They are very easy to distinguish from this guy. We do not doubt or question you! Get out of there right away, you life may depend on your actions. At any time - at any moment, your husband might learn of this websight and flip out! THINK GIRL, THINK!

[William]

Well, what we have here is a one-post member who posts this very compelling story, then logs out eight minutes later and doesn't return, then we end up with a fist fight between members. Another typical day on LoveShack. I'll leave the alert open and let Robert process this. He's friendlier than I am. For now, unless the thread starter returns with further compelling information, thread closed.