mortensorchid Posted June 27, 2014 Share Posted June 27, 2014 I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about things. Where I am in life, where I am going or not going. I'm starting to think that maybe I am just not one of those people who should be with someone. Has anyone ever thought of that? I'm almost 40. I've been through terrible things but we have all been through terrible things and have learned my lessons with others. I've seen all the commitment phobic men all of a sudden become commitment philes and marry the next one who comes along. I've seen men pass me over for trash women who have cleaned them out financially, taken advantage of them, or done terrible things to their friends and families. Why? Because they like it that way. They would rather have trash women who do something for them, be it just sex or finance, because that's all men really seem to care about. They say they are looking for something else than just sex, but are they? My value system is not odd or corrupt, I admit that I am a bit on the eccentric side, but essentially I have a more adept means of doing things. Artistic? Yes. I don't pay attention to sports or mainstream things, but just enough in order to get by in casual conversation. I overheard someone talking about me, between two guy friends with "She's a catch." Once someone said to me when I referenced "Oh, he dumped you? He missed out, you're a catch." I believe these two observations without sounding like I am boasting. And they ALL go for those who are lesser than they are. With that, I have determined that I am not one of those people who should be with someone else. Some people are just not meant to be with someone at all. Some have said "Well he didn't deserve you." "You deserve better than that guy." etc. I believe it. But of those who seem on the surface to be better, they are not interested in a good woman as much as they say they are. This isn't self pity, this is a realization. What do others think of this? I am curious. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted June 27, 2014 Share Posted June 27, 2014 I've come to a smiloar realization as you, but the only thing I can offer if that even though we have resolved that we may be meant to go through life by ourselves, you can't use that yo close yourself off. Make sure you always remain open to the opportunities that life presents you. You might still get lucky. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Stumble Posted June 27, 2014 Share Posted June 27, 2014 I am sure you are a catch, but maybe go for the wrong men. Link to post Share on other sites
mirage12 Posted June 27, 2014 Share Posted June 27, 2014 I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about things. Where I am in life, where I am going or not going. I'm starting to think that maybe I am just not one of those people who should be with someone. Has anyone ever thought of that? I'm almost 40. I've been through terrible things but we have all been through terrible things and have learned my lessons with others. I've seen all the commitment phobic men all of a sudden become commitment philes and marry the next one who comes along. I've seen men pass me over for trash women who have cleaned them out financially, taken advantage of them, or done terrible things to their friends and families. Why? Because they like it that way. They would rather have trash women who do something for them, be it just sex or finance, because that's all men really seem to care about. They say they are looking for something else than just sex, but are they? My value system is not odd or corrupt, I admit that I am a bit on the eccentric side, but essentially I have a more adept means of doing things. Artistic? Yes. I don't pay attention to sports or mainstream things, but just enough in order to get by in casual conversation. I overheard someone talking about me, between two guy friends with "She's a catch." Once someone said to me when I referenced "Oh, he dumped you? He missed out, you're a catch." I believe these two observations without sounding like I am boasting. And they ALL go for those who are lesser than they are. With that, I have determined that I am not one of those people who should be with someone else. Some people are just not meant to be with someone at all. Some have said "Well he didn't deserve you." "You deserve better than that guy." etc. I believe it. But of those who seem on the surface to be better, they are not interested in a good woman as much as they say they are. This isn't self pity, this is a realization. What do others think of this? I am curious. Sounds like you've had a number of bad experiences with men and because of that you think that "ALL" men are a certain way because of those experiences. Past experiences can be hard to move beyond, but we're not all the same. Try not to let your time with a few bad ones ruin your entire view of the whole. Link to post Share on other sites
LostOnes05 Posted June 27, 2014 Share Posted June 27, 2014 Well I'm a guy, 27 years old, and I feel about the same on certain things you talked about. I also get the "you're a great catch", "a really strong person" (in relation to what has happened in my life recently), "you seem perfect" (which I assure them is not true), and the one I hate the most "you're a really nice guy". Many of the girls I'm friends with have stated that they are surprised that I haven't been in more relationships. But being nice has gotten me no where with women and I feel as you do along this line. I've been in one relationship, and sometimes being single for so long can be a little depressing. It seems that many women I talk to, or are interested in show very little interest in me. That is until someone mistreats them or they decide to delve deeper into why I am the way I am. I also see them get treated poorly by crap guys, and guys just looking for sex but they seem fine with it. And then the cycle continues. Twice in my life, high school and college, it wasn't until my last year that I became attractive to the women there. By that time I had either lost interest or only saw them as acquaintances. However, where we depart is in our wanting of a relationship. I would sincerely like to have a relationship with someone who feels just as strongly about me as I do for them. This is the realization I've had. Link to post Share on other sites
Assasda Posted June 27, 2014 Share Posted June 27, 2014 Seems like You guys are both aching to love someone. Youre also busy watching other people and not living your own life. Who cares about the next persons love life. You guys seem to also care alot about what other people say. I advise you to stop caring about what other people say and live your own truth Link to post Share on other sites
LostOnes05 Posted June 27, 2014 Share Posted June 27, 2014 I'm not aching to love someone. I think as a young man with good qualities that it can be frustrating to be told this and then have either no indication of interest or fleeting interest. Also, I think you would have to be blind or antisocial to not see the development of relationships around you (good or bad). And it's only after I lose interest does that person make an effort to get to know more about me (after I have tried several times). My own truth is that I'm a nice guy that continually gets the shaft when it comes to relationships with women that are more than platonic. Link to post Share on other sites
mirage12 Posted June 27, 2014 Share Posted June 27, 2014 I'm not aching to love someone. I think as a young man with good qualities that it can be frustrating to be told this and then have either no indication of interest or fleeting interest. Also, I think you would have to be blind or antisocial to not see the development of relationships around you (good or bad). And it's only after I lose interest does that person make an effort to get to know more about me (after I have tried several times). My own truth is that I'm a nice guy that continually gets the shaft when it comes to relationships with women that are more than platonic. Well in your first post you said "I would sincerely like to have a relationship with someone who feels just as strongly about me as I do for them. This is the realization I've had." Maybe you're not aching for love but you'd like to find it. In my opinion, when women who you're not dating say things to you like "you're a great catch" or "you seem perfect," these women are not interested in you romantically. Those are things women say to their guy friends or people they've friend-zoned. Being nice/a good guy DOES work. Perhaps you're just trying the wrong women? Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted June 27, 2014 Share Posted June 27, 2014 Well, while dating people can only look at your appearance. And even the most evil manipulative bastards and skanks make themselves look good to the world outside. You need quite a good nose to recognize either of them, and some people never do. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
LostOnes05 Posted June 27, 2014 Share Posted June 27, 2014 Well in your first post you said "I would sincerely like to have a relationship with someone who feels just as strongly about me as I do for them. This is the realization I've had." Maybe you're not aching for love but you'd like to find it. In my opinion, when women who you're not dating say things to you like "you're a great catch" or "you seem perfect," these women are not interested in you romantically. Those are things women say to their guy friends or people they've friend-zoned. Being nice/a good guy DOES work. Perhaps you're just trying the wrong women? I would sincerely like to find someone that complements my personality. Who wouldn't?? That being so, I'm not in such a rush that I'm going to put an ad in Craigslist. Actually a mixture of girl friends, guy friends, and the last girl I was talking to said those things. She was afraid that she wouldn't measure up to me because she thought I was perfect...which I assured her I wasn't. Now, I don't consider being nice a personality flaw at all. However, as a part of the 20 something crowd I can say that the young women I have encountered did not place high regard on being nice. I've seen women get lied to, cheated on, and even abused only to chase the same guy or someone just like them. Then they say there are no good guys left. Which is perplexing. But that may just be the compounding issues of age and social situations. Link to post Share on other sites
mirage12 Posted June 28, 2014 Share Posted June 28, 2014 Definitely not a jab at you at all, we all want to find someone who compliments their personality. The term "nice" is also pretty ambiguous I think. I also don't think being "nice" is a bad quality at all - I'd consider myself a nice/good guy. But I'd say that being "nice" (whatever that means) is just part of the equation - things like how funny or fun or attractive, etc. you are matter too. You can be nice but also confident when pursuing someone and let your personality show - ie. being sarcastic or teasing doesn't mean you're not "nice" still. Link to post Share on other sites
LostOnes05 Posted June 28, 2014 Share Posted June 28, 2014 Definitely not a jab at you at all, we all want to find someone who compliments their personality. The term "nice" is also pretty ambiguous I think. I also don't think being "nice" is a bad quality at all - I'd consider myself a nice/good guy. But I'd say that being "nice" (whatever that means) is just part of the equation - things like how funny or fun or attractive, etc. you are matter too. You can be nice but also confident when pursuing someone and let your personality show - ie. being sarcastic or teasing doesn't mean you're not "nice" still. I definitely agree with you on that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mortensorchid Posted June 29, 2014 Author Share Posted June 29, 2014 I have just determined that I am not one of those people who should be with someone else. They would rather have trashy, obnoxious brats rather than a woman like me who offers more than that. I've seen it proven to me time and time again by men who are uneducated as well as educated. Link to post Share on other sites
nerd Posted June 29, 2014 Share Posted June 29, 2014 I'm not sure why some people find love so easily and others don't. Presumably it has something to do with personality types. I wonder if financial and social pressures made it easier for some men to get married to *someone* in the past, and nowadays it's just easier to be alone and so it's not as easy. Or maybe it's always been difficult, and those pressures just let to more unhappy marriages and affairs. *shrug* In any case, right now I'm just enjoying what I can from relationships I know won't last but that are enjoyable. One girl whom I really liked dumped me, I think largely because I was so inexperienced physically and with generally in dating. So now I'm trying to avoid that happening again... Link to post Share on other sites
firmness Posted June 29, 2014 Share Posted June 29, 2014 I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about things. Where I am in life, where I am going or not going. I'm starting to think that maybe I am just not one of those people who should be with someone. Has anyone ever thought of that? I'm almost 40. I've been through terrible things but we have all been through terrible things and have learned my lessons with others. I've seen all the commitment phobic men all of a sudden become commitment philes and marry the next one who comes along. I've seen men pass me over for trash women who have cleaned them out financially, taken advantage of them, or done terrible things to their friends and families. Why? Because they like it that way. They would rather have trash women who do something for them, be it just sex or finance, because that's all men really seem to care about. They say they are looking for something else than just sex, but are they? My value system is not odd or corrupt, I admit that I am a bit on the eccentric side, but essentially I have a more adept means of doing things. Artistic? Yes. I don't pay attention to sports or mainstream things, but just enough in order to get by in casual conversation. I overheard someone talking about me, between two guy friends with "She's a catch." Once someone said to me when I referenced "Oh, he dumped you? He missed out, you're a catch." I believe these two observations without sounding like I am boasting. And they ALL go for those who are lesser than they are. With that, I have determined that I am not one of those people who should be with someone else. Some people are just not meant to be with someone at all. Some have said "Well he didn't deserve you." "You deserve better than that guy." etc. I believe it. But of those who seem on the surface to be better, they are not interested in a good woman as much as they say they are. This isn't self pity, this is a realization. What do others think of this? I am curious. This is the first time I started to reply and then stopped writing. Honestly, this is not a set of issues that is conducive to typing answers. You raise a lot of issues here and it would take a while to tease through them one at a time in a meaningful way. I have felt this way before and it sucks. I suspect that you will not feel this way forever. The problem, always and 100% of the time, is you. Yes, YOU. You cannot change others, you can only change yourself. If you refer to yourself as eccentric and artistic, that right there presents some challenges. I know you already know it, which is why you posted this. But think about this for a moment. If you are eccentric and artistic, you are living in a world that is hostile to you. The entire world around you probably feels alien most of the time. Wars, child rape, abuse of animals, money, Tinder apps, marketing, sex, and bad music - it all feels backwards I would imagine. Upside down. It can make one feel lost, un-tethered, drifting. Sad. Lonely. This is the world in which we live though. It is the only one we will ever know. So we have to do what millions of others have done that came before us - will be put our values, needs, integrity, standards, and artistic sensibilities first? Or will we allow the others in our lives to be who THEY Are. Even if they seem a bit obsessed with the visual (hey you should understand this at least at some level) and with shallow creature comforts. At the end of the day, not everything is an epic spiritual journey, a matter of social justice, or some deep issue of artistic expression. Sometimes we just want to feel good. Just a nice rush of hormones, a hug, a glass of win, an orgasm. We want to connect with others and we do this slightly differently. I suspect that you feel very deeply. That you are very passionate and have always struggled with this. That you feel that you have always given more in your relationships than you got in return. You are a giver. And you need to find another giver. There are not many out there - in fact the best ones are matched up with other givers and they give to each other all the time. Find one of those and you will be in good shape. Find a kind man. A good man with whom you feel chemistry AND compatibility. Give him some room to breathe and hold onto him. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted June 29, 2014 Share Posted June 29, 2014 Well in your first post you said "I would sincerely like to have a relationship with someone who feels just as strongly about me as I do for them. This is the realization I've had." Maybe you're not aching for love but you'd like to find it. In my opinion, when women who you're not dating say things to you like "you're a great catch" or "you seem perfect," these women are not interested in you romantically. Those are things women say to their guy friends or people they've friend-zoned. Being nice/a good guy DOES work. Perhaps you're just trying the wrong women? Every woman who said that to me did in fact friend zone me but as soon as I got a gf and that gf talked about the kinky sex, my stamina, size, orgasms I gave them ( because women do in fact talk about this stuff more than men) not to mention how well I treated them..... Well when those relationships ran their course those lady friends at the time jumped me. Lol. Link to post Share on other sites
Glinda.Good Posted July 1, 2014 Share Posted July 1, 2014 You are making a big leap between unrelated ideas when you go from thinking that perhaps you are not cut out to be partnered with anyone, to what dumb crap you think all men are into. Thinking about the potential of living life on ones own is a valid thing to think about. It doesn't have to be negative. But going into that thinking that men like trash better than a you, etc., is 100% negative. Men and women, everybody, likes what and who they like. Lots of times what a guy likes is not going to be you. Or me, either. If you like him, it will hurt. But all you can do is move on, whether to another effort at dating, or towards living on your own. Link to post Share on other sites
ja123 Posted July 1, 2014 Share Posted July 1, 2014 I am sure you are a catch, but maybe go for the wrong men. This ^^^ I think that you've been hurt and are now emotionally unavailable yourself, so you're going for emotionally unavailable guys. You might want to check out the website "baggagereclaim" as that topic is addressed. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts