Imported Posted June 27, 2014 Share Posted June 27, 2014 Lets say you look on a dating site and see a profile of a person you see around in real life (you don't actually know them). I almost only look at profiles of women that are within 5 miles (they still show profiles from farther away), shared interest (gym, restaurant and such) so chances are decent I will see them in real life. Is it wrong for me to gain insight on them online, but approach in real life? I have already done this once and after I told her I saw her profile beforehand, things fizzled out shortly after. Link to post Share on other sites
Potz4prez Posted June 27, 2014 Share Posted June 27, 2014 I have already done this once and after I told her I saw her profile beforehand, things fizzled out shortly after. Because that's creepy. You shouldn't need to do reconnaissance to talk to a woman. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jbelle6 Posted June 27, 2014 Share Posted June 27, 2014 Well geez, don't tell them you looked. I am a total Facebook stalker (anyone who says they are not is a liar) but you don't cop to it!!! Link to post Share on other sites
WhiskeyJack Posted June 27, 2014 Share Posted June 27, 2014 Yeah don't tell them you looked. It's kinda creepy and may give off that stalker vibe. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 27, 2014 Share Posted June 27, 2014 Years ago when I tried OLD, one of the reasons I picked the expensive "closed" site where you had to pay to see the other members is that guys would often tell my friend who was a local bartender that they saw her picture on a dating site. In a bar, of course, people are free to say almost anything to the bartender but I thought it was weird & it freaked me out. If you do approach the person, don't initially mention that you saw the profile. You can confess it later. Heck, I succumbed to temptation & make a fake profile / no picture & bare minimum info so I could read my then BF's (now husband) profile. All I learned was his favorite author. Everything else meshed with what he was telling me & the profile disappeared shortly thereafter. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Imported Posted June 28, 2014 Author Share Posted June 28, 2014 creepy I can understand that. It was my thought too. I didn't intentionally hunt down information on the one I dated for a bit, it just kinda worked out that way. I told her because I thought she should know. But really, the information is presented for the purpose of dating on the site. So someone will read your profile and maybe be interested and start messaging you. And then you two go on a date and so on. Instead of messaging, I ask in person. Technically, I don't see what the problem is. But I can feel like maybe it's an invasion on her privacy? Getting information she put up for guys to read and maybe date? I dunno. Although, what I really like is it can help me flat out not approach a girl because I can find out things I don't like about her without actually getting to know her and then having to ...well...fade away on her once I find those things out. It will save me and her some un-needed problems where she is thinking I am interested, but instead I do nothing farther with her. Link to post Share on other sites
El Brujo Posted June 28, 2014 Share Posted June 28, 2014 Whenever I meet women IRL, I don't particularly want to know what their online lives are like. I'm just interested in the real person. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted June 28, 2014 Share Posted June 28, 2014 Several years ago I found my next door neighbor on an online dating site. She was my age and I totally had the hots for her. I should have messaged her at least as a joke. Sadly I didn't have any balls back then. I know I could have dated her if I actually tired. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted June 28, 2014 Share Posted June 28, 2014 I almost only look at profiles of women that are within 5 miles (they still show profiles from farther away), shared interest (gym, restaurant and such) so chances are decent I will see them in real life. Perhaps, perhaps not. If you see one you like, why not message her online and set up a meeting? Of course, don't walk on by if you recognize one you like on the street. That's one definition of 'timing'. A lot of coincidences had to occur for such a random meeting to happen. Is it wrong for me to gain insight on them online, but approach in real life? In this information age, it's pretty much the same as asking around amongst one's social circle to gain information on a person one is interested in. Back when I was your age, that was common, for both men and women. I have already done this once and after I told her I saw her profile beforehand, things fizzled out shortly after. IMO, no need to disclose, rather just let events unfold naturally. How her real life persona matches up with that presented online, or not, is good information. It's possible you may like the 'real' her far more than the online her, or the reverse. Only way to know is to press flesh and find out. Link to post Share on other sites
irc333 Posted June 28, 2014 Share Posted June 28, 2014 There was this one woman. I recall here, because she was always a "returning applicant" to the site. She was quite a regular on POF. I have always "dreamed" of finding someone local because most of my dating or "meets" happen in the big city an hour away. I've seen her around, even at my church once...she was by herself then. Then one day, I saw at the local Walgreens. I was behind her in line and she looked like she was bout to hit the beach. I could tell because she was in flip-flops and you could see her bikini coming out from her tank top. I decided to make "small talk" with her in line about what kind of summer fun she has going on that day and she said that she was hittin' the lake with some friends. I asked if she was going swimming and she said with the gator infested waters,....nope. LOL She was rather deadpan with me, wasn't sure if she recognized me as I did email her in the past. She then left, didn't say as so much as a "It was nice meeting you" from her. I didn't say anything about seeing her online, even though I had emailed a woman before, and she didn't respond, I'd take a pass at her if I see her in real life. Lets say you look on a dating site and see a profile of a person you see around in real life (you don't actually know them). I almost only look at profiles of women that are within 5 miles (they still show profiles from farther away), shared interest (gym, restaurant and such) so chances are decent I will see them in real life. Is it wrong for me to gain insight on them online, but approach in real life? I have already done this once and after I told her I saw her profile beforehand, things fizzled out shortly after. Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted June 28, 2014 Share Posted June 28, 2014 I have been recognised quite a lot and recognised people too. I have never said anything to those who recognised me but some of them have to me. Two guys in a supermarket recognised me and said hello - they were friendly and fine - no creepiness. I remember a guy in a he garden of a bar one time. He didn't speak a word to me but my friends (all 12 of them) noticed that he was staring at me. Not in a friendly way. Just staring and watching my every move. When they told me I looked over and recognised him from OLD so said to my friends that he probably recognised me too. It all felt a bit odd though and my friends became wary of him to took me out of the place. The creepiest time was one evening at home, there was a knock on my front door. I answered and there was an guy there who announced himself as 'user name xyz' and said that he had come to see me because I never responded to his mails on the site. Once I slammed the door and locked it I went to look up the username. He was a retired postman, in his 60's and over 20 years older than me. His profile said he was looking for an intimate encounter. That was before I was aware you could block people looking for that before they mailed you. Now that.....was creepy! Link to post Share on other sites
Socks At Play Posted June 28, 2014 Share Posted June 28, 2014 I've noticed women around town that I have seen online. Usually they have some really pissed off look on their face as if a bird just pooped on their pretty hair. I don't have the desire to try to crack through that via an approach in person, and apparently most other guys don't/can't, either (hence the perpetual online dating profile). Link to post Share on other sites
El Brujo Posted June 30, 2014 Share Posted June 30, 2014 I've noticed women around town that I have seen online. Usually they have some really pissed off look on their face as if a bird just pooped on their pretty hair. I don't have the desire to try to crack through that via an approach in person, and apparently most other guys don't/can't, either (hence the perpetual online dating profile). Yeah, I went through something like that back in '05-'08 when I went to OLD-sponsored speed dating events. The women I met at the events would either be too intimidated by my 350-lb giant self, or we'd quickly figure out that we had ZILCH in common. Then after the event, I'd log onto the OLD site and enter my matches... come to find that the women at the events had written these glowing, flowery profiles of themselves which didn't jibe with their IRL selves. But I couldn't find some of those women's profiles online... now looking back I wonder how many OLD companies who sponsor speed dating, also hire beautiful women as stooges to make sure the RSVP lists don't get lopsided... Link to post Share on other sites
irc333 Posted June 30, 2014 Share Posted June 30, 2014 The two guys in the grocery store...when they said hello to you, did one of them ask you out? I have been recognised quite a lot and recognised people too. I have never said anything to those who recognised me but some of them have to me. Two guys in a supermarket recognised me and said hello - they were friendly and fine - no creepiness. I remember a guy in a he garden of a bar one time. He didn't speak a word to me but my friends (all 12 of them) noticed that he was staring at me. Not in a friendly way. Just staring and watching my every move. When they told me I looked over and recognised him from OLD so said to my friends that he probably recognised me too. It all felt a bit odd though and my friends became wary of him to took me out of the place. The creepiest time was one evening at home, there was a knock on my front door. I answered and there was an guy there who announced himself as 'user name xyz' and said that he had come to see me because I never responded to his mails on the site. Once I slammed the door and locked it I went to look up the username. He was a retired postman, in his 60's and over 20 years older than me. His profile said he was looking for an intimate encounter. That was before I was aware you could block people looking for that before they mailed you. Now that.....was creepy! Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted June 30, 2014 Share Posted June 30, 2014 I'd keep that to myself. In this day and age when Googling people is a thing, we can all do it, but I'd not bother to announce I did this until after we were very comfortable I'd casually admit I'd seen their profile before. Keep it to yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
irc333 Posted July 1, 2014 Share Posted July 1, 2014 Surprised this wasn't brought up before, but I bet most women, who have ignored messages from men on dating sites would not do so in real life. That's why online dating is such a hindrance, it's so easy to reject people online, but if they had the very same person at a Meetup or some other social function, the results may wind up being the opposite. Link to post Share on other sites
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