Girls in bars are hardly ever alone

[LordVader]

I'm over 30 and an extreme beginner with depression, social anxiety, etc. Never really had a GF yet. So I have many problems that still huant me from my formative years.

 

I go to popular bars/clubs. I can ask ANY girl on the street the time, but I hardly ever do more advanced AA drills, but yes I can tell a beautiful girl she is.....

 

But its always the same thing, 95-99% of girls are talking to their friends, dancing or on the crackphones. Add in lots of girls are nervous too, I'm a loner, and so have no "social proof" what so ever.

 

I'm too afraid to dance for a few reasons, and interrupting girls is always hard, especially if they are sitting and talking.

 

How do u all deal with that ?

[LordVader]

Well another big problem for me is I don't have friends. So see I do have alpha qualities, I always go alone, and can talk to a few girls here and there, but not near enough girls. I only started going to bars a year ago, so its the right direction at least.

 

And I should try making friends a bit, but thats harder than talking to girls.........and dudes are ugly lol

[jay1983]

I won't approach a girl unless she looks at me and smiles. That face in the phone thing is a way of saying they don't want to be approached.

[LordVader]

No it doesn't always, and I'll approached some girls when on there phone, but yeah so far most of them prefer the comfort of their phone.......just like most times i prefer the COMFORT of not taking action

[jay1983]

No it doesn't always, and I'll approached some girls when on there phone, but yeah so far most of them prefer the comfort of their phone.......just like most times i prefer the COMFORT of not taking action

 

Try to make eye contact, if she's interested she'll give you a signal. If she's keeps a straight face looking any direction but yours, save yourself a rejection.

 

You know what, I'll make a thread about that.

[GravityMan]

LordVader, when the majority of people go out at night to the bar or whatever, they go out with (or to meet) friends, acquaintances, colleagues and/or their SO if they have one. "Going out" is usually meant to be a social thing of some sort. Meetups aside, it is uncommon for both men and women to go out alone (women moreso, for safety reasons). Loners who don't make an effort to interact with others will probably be regarded in an unfavorable light by some people.

 

You need to place a higher priority on making a few new friends so that you can have a more active social life (depending on your choice of friends). Many women will probably think "red flag" if you don't seem to have any friends or seem to keep to yourself a lot. They want you to have a life of your own.

 

Meetups might be a good idea for you, especially those tailored to a specific interest, passion or hobby of yours. You might be better off gradually easing your way into social situations with both men and women so that you can hopefully build real confidence over time and get comfortable being around people, including women you're attracted to.

[LordVader]

yeah I do need to start trying to make guy friends. I want pretty girls as friends to, I'm pretty sexually shy, so most girls that talk to me are more far more likely to see me as a friendzone guy anyways.....yet I only have made 1-2 aqquaintance type girls as friends so far.

 

Approach more, I know.........and with girls, I'm very happy if we talk for 5 minutes, I'm that low down. I just go up and talk, "pulling" is not on my mind....I just try and talk, and can, and can sound fine. BUt yeah too many problems still bleed through, girls pickup on those things.

 

The more girls I talk to, the more of a sense of acceptence I will get.

 

Its a very slow acceleration from such a bad place as me

[No Limit]

I'm a girl and even alone no one dares to approach me.

 

Spent half an hour at Starbucks, and no I don't stick my nose in a cellphone... admittedly, in coffee though.

Anyway, in the meantime countless of guys pass. One even sits down 2 seats away from me, all alone as well, but what does he do?

He grabs his phone and browses around.

 

Another scenario, and this one's only 7 days old; I left my friend to hold our seats while I went to the bar to get us some drinks. When I return there are 3 guys sitting right next to her, on the very same bench in the very same corner, just 5 inches away. Naturally I asked her who they were, and she said she had no clue. Those guys just awkwardly sat down next to us, without saying a word, even though my friend sat there all alone.

 

I have to say I'm old fashioned, I'm not one of those girls that run to the bar and buy the guy drinks hoping he'll want more than just a ONS. But from my perspective I don't think it's some gender problem here, people just fear rejection or are too scared to leave the house alone and rather walk around with an army of friends who'll join her whining how no one's hitting on her.

 

Man, I actually feel bad for guys trying to hit on girls these days, all for the reasons you stated. I used to hit on women all the time back in the late 90's early 00's, back before everyone became addicted to their cell phones. It was a piece of cake back then.

 

I actually love the hitup stories my mother sometimes tells me. Like that one time when she was controlled when crossing the border and she was hit on by the policeman. He became her boyfriend, too.

Edited June 28, 2014 by No Limit

[haribogumsnickers]

Girls at bars are approachable in the situations you mentioned. Here's how:

 

1. Girl talking to friends

> Grab some buddies and just crash the scene. No words just smile and see if they smile back. Then proceed with no caution.

 

2. Girl dancing

> Bust out the two steppin cabbage patchin moves I know you can do and dance with her. Not on her but close enough to see if she digs you. If not, stealthily like a navy seal moon walk away back to the bar.

 

3. Girl on phone

> Just hand her your phone and say my phone is lonely. Then ask if she likes Nutella.

 

This is no guarantee for success but it builds up your game.

[haribogumsnickers]

I'm a girl and even alone no one dares to approach me. Spent half an hour at Starbucks, and no I don't stick my nose in a cellphone... admittedly, in coffee though.

Anyway, in the meantime countless of guys pass. One even sits down 2 seats away from me, all alone as well, but what does he do?

He grabs his phone and browses around.

 

Guys at Starbucks are either getting something for their SO, gay, or employed by Starbux. I undoubtedly would have proposed to you right there on both knees. I'm that guy.

[MsSmurf]

I'm a girl and even alone no one dares to approach me.

 

Spent half an hour at Starbucks, and no I don't stick my nose in a cellphone... admittedly, in coffee though.

Anyway, in the meantime countless of guys pass. One even sits down 2 seats away from me, all alone as well, but what does he do?

He grabs his phone and browses around.

 

Another scenario, and this one's only 7 days old; I left my friend to hold our seats while I went to the bar to get us some drinks. When I return there are 3 guys sitting right next to her, on the very same bench in the very same corner, just 5 inches away. Naturally I asked her who they were, and she said she had no clue. Those guys just awkwardly sat down next to us, without saying a word, even though my friend sat there all alone.

 

I have to say I'm old fashioned, I'm not one of those girls that run to the bar and buy the guy drinks hoping he'll want more than just a ONS. But from my perspective I don't think it's some gender problem here, people just fear rejection or are too scared to leave the house alone and rather walk around with an army of friends who'll join her whining how no one's hitting on her.

 

 

 

I actually love the hitup stories my mother sometimes tells me. Like that one time when she was controlled when crossing the border and she was hit on by the policeman. He became her boyfriend, too.

 

I go out alone all the time too and guys don't approach me either. I'm not glued to my phone, look cute, am smiling and enjoying whatever is going on. Whether its Starbucks, a bar, a live music venue, cultural event, gallery/museum, a casual eatery, etc there are plenty of guys but they aren't stopping.

 

Whats funny is I stopped going out with my girlfriends all the time because I felt like that kind of a crowd intimidated guys. Also most of my gal pals are in relationships and their couple energy might make guys assume I was coupled too. So I won't meet anyone just staying home and going out alone isn't making me more approachable. Hmmmmm..........

[LordVader]

No Limit and MsSmurf........well that sad for u both since u actually want to be approached. I usually assume most girls around her don't want to be, and yeah guys I should smile at a random girl like that catch her gaze sometime and just walk over. Usually in bars I just walk up without any prior idea at all.

 

 

Girls at bars are approachable in the situations you mentioned. Here's how:

 

1. Girl talking to friends

> Grab some buddies and just crash the scene. No words just smile and see if they smile back. Then proceed with no caution.

 

2. Girl dancing

> Bust out the two steppin cabbage patchin moves I know you can do and dance with her. Not on her but close enough to see if she digs you. If not, stealthily like a navy seal moon walk away back to the bar.

 

3. Girl on phone

> Just hand her your phone and say my phone is lonely. Then ask if she likes Nutella.

 

This is no guarantee for success but it builds up your game.

 

Well I did approach 3 girls at a table last night, but blew it, but thats it, and it never hurt my mood at all. I know I can do it fully sober, but I'm not going to be in a party mood is the bad thing.

 

My body-image issues will be amoung the last to over come, so dancing is a long ways off yet, even when I get the last bit of fat gone.

 

 

For #3 I usually ask them if they know they are a computer geek

 

 

The problem is I know the answer to all these things, I just have to take WAY more action, get better at reading responses, and not crashing if they are not friendly

 

 

I did fine last night on all that, most all were even friendly ?????????? I would say a thing or 2, like ask if they like video games, but then I'd stop after all of them said no. I should should have kept going.

 

So I guess last night was like AA drills in the bar

[preraph]

So what? You're waiting for the lame antelope lagging behind the herd before you'll make a move? I don't know where guys got the idea (probably from hunting) that it's better to find a lone woman, because that's completely ridiculous. The idea is you are a friendly person who likes to make friends and talk to people and you just approach the group and start talking and then if you're smart, you'll chat up not the girl with the biggest hooters you've been staring at from across the room but the girl who smiles and talks to you back. You can ask someone to dance no matter how many people are around. The whole idea that you want this girl isolated from the get-go, I find extremely troubling. It's creepy. It looks creepy to be that way, no matter what your real reason for it is. So even if you are just shy and insecure, just beware of how creepy it makes you look if you're waiting for a girl to be separated from her friends to take her down. And yes, she WILL notice.

[Kid_Charlemange]

I'm a girl and even alone no one dares to approach me.

 

Spent half an hour at Starbucks, and no I don't stick my nose in a cellphone... admittedly, in coffee though.

Anyway, in the meantime countless of guys pass. One even sits down 2 seats away from me, all alone as well, but what does he do?

He grabs his phone and browses around.

 

Well, you used the right word -- "dare." I would never "dare" approach a woman at Starbucks, as the odds are extremely slim she's looking to meet someone new there. A bar? Sure (well, in theory; in practice, I am hopeless at approaching women at bars as well, but I might try).

 

If I'm at a coffee shop, and notice a reasonably attractive and age-appropriate woman who is by herself, I will quickly scope for the ring, and if none is there, consider an opening... and then utterly fail. WTF does one start a conversation with at Starbucks. "So. Having coffee, are you?" Yeah, that'll work. Unless there's a prop -- a book I know, for instance -- I can't even envision an approach methodology. Frankly, it would never occur to me...

[MsSmurf]

Well, you used the right word -- "dare." I would never "dare" approach a woman at Starbucks, as the odds are extremely slim she's looking to meet someone new there. A bar? Sure (well, in theory; in practice, I am hopeless at approaching women at bars as well, but I might try).

 

If I'm at a coffee shop, and notice a reasonably attractive and age-appropriate woman who is by herself, I will quickly scope for the ring, and if none is there, consider an opening... and then utterly fail. WTF does one start a conversation with at Starbucks. "So. Having coffee, are you?" Yeah, that'll work. Unless there's a prop -- a book I know, for instance -- I can't even envision an approach methodology. Frankly, it would never occur to me...

 

In a Starbucks you'd start a conversation the same as you would anywhere........"hello, how are you today?" It's simple, not creepy, and there's no way you could wind up with your foot in your mouth. In this type of setting if there's a conversation lull I either ask about a big event coming up in town....... "hey have you been to that huge wine convention before? I've heard its a can't miss." Or I'll ask for a suggestion of some kind........ "would you know of a great sushi place?" and it generally continues from there.

[No Limit]

Guys at Starbucks are either getting something for their SO, gay, or employed by Starbux. I undoubtedly would have proposed to you right there on both knees. I'm that guy.

 

Nah, not all guys at Starbucks are gay. I sat there once for a quick meal and a guy and his chick sat down at the next table. I guess they were either exes or had a poor relationship 'cause they sat there for 20 minutes and said nothing at all to each other.

Or that one time when I was waiting in the queue, a guy and his GF got behind me and as soon as she saw me the girl started talking nonstop and would start grabbing his arm, hugging him etc while both of us were checking out that big ham-cheese-sandwich. I get a feeling that Starbucks is the place for depressed couples or breakups.

 

Met the "brave type" at the local club. Had my first kiss with him.

 

WTF does one start a conversation with at Starbucks. "So. Having coffee, are you?" Yeah, that'll work. Unless there's a prop -- a book I know, for instance -- I can't even envision an approach methodology. Frankly, it would never occur to me...

 

I had a book but I'm not sure if guys have a lot to say about human anatomy.

[Haydn]

seeing anyone on their own in a pub is a bit worrying. Unless its one of those pretentious pubs where loners are reading well thumbed copies of 'Captain Corelli's mandolin', hmm maybe I would aproach then!

[marcjb]

Don't go to bars. Try something like Meetup.com.

[nerd]

Most girls are cowards, and are afraid to be anywhere on their own. The ones who are willing to be seen in public alone have real courage, which is incredibly attractive.

[No Limit]

The ones who are willing to be seen in public alone have real courage, which is incredibly attractive.

 

Thanks for the compliment.

[NYC-BigKat]

I'm over 30 and an extreme beginner with depression, social anxiety, etc. Never really had a GF yet. So I have many problems that still huant me from my formative years.

 

I go to popular bars/clubs. I can ask ANY girl on the street the time, but I hardly ever do more advanced AA drills, but yes I can tell a beautiful girl she is.....

 

But its always the same thing, 95-99% of girls are talking to their friends, dancing or on the crackphones. Add in lots of girls are nervous too, I'm a loner, and so have no "social proof" what so ever.

 

I'm too afraid to dance for a few reasons, and interrupting girls is always hard, especially if they are sitting and talking.

 

How do u all deal with that ?

 

 

I cant help u either 'cause I suffer a lot too . I always try to talk to girls alone & not in groups & I'm scared of bars so u wont catch me there ever.