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Lack of sex has me thinking about cheating


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yeah yeah I know cheating is highly frowned upon on this site and I will get bashed and told "you gotta talk to her, let her know what you want, BUT I'VE DONE THAT...multiple times actually. I don't like saying stuff because I feel like it leads to her having sex with me to shut me up instead of because she wants to have sex with me.

 

the times I have said something, she'll usually fix the situation...once, then its right back to sex every 5 or 6 days. "Aww poor you, you only get sex every 5 or 6 days" I'm sure some of you are sarcastically saying, its a big deal to me. The other issue is I'm always the once coming on to her, so there are time where I feel like I could have sex, but I'm so tired of always being the one to initiate things that I just lay there, hoping she'll figure it out. sometimes she does, other times she doesn't. I come on to her at LEAST 20 times a day. "Maybe you're doing too much, lay off a bit and let her come to you" is the next thing I'm gonna be told right....when I back off because I'm tired of always being the one to initiate, she gets upset and says I'm "not being myself, you haven't touched/tried anything all day". It's annoying as hell.

 

When we do have sex its pretty damn good, but again i feel like i always have to initiate...not only initiate but also do everything. When I told her i want her to initiate, she kisses me and rubs on me, waiting for me to take over and do everything because she "initiated"....WHERE'S THE FOLLOW THROUGH WOMAN? when i say this to her she gets upset with me for no appreciating that she's trying. how are you trying, i want you to pin me to the bed and do things like i do to you. I even used to try to lead by example by RANDOMLY giving her head out of nowhere, she has YET to just randomly do so to me though i told her she should do what I'm doing to her, as its a hint...so i just stopped doing it, which sucks because I really like giving head (to women lol).

 

so now when i'm out and about i'm always looking at other women and wondering if i should leave her/cheat. I dont really want to leave her because i know sex isnt everything and that its a dumb reason to break up...but i REALLY like looking at other women and wondering if they can offer consistent sexual satisfaction. I'm a very sexual person and don't know what to do...soooo tired of masturbating, all i ask for i sex every 2 days or so. there have been night where we have had sex and i try again the next night and she says "we just did it last night" like there is a limit to how much people are allowed to have sex. that and its always in the same place, the bed, at night...never during the day, never anywhere else...and believe me i try to initiate in some interesting places, hell even the kitchen would be nice, but no, its reserved to the bedroom -_-

 

let the bashing begin

(ps i normally type with proper grammar so please forgive the typing lol)

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I'm not gonna bash you bro. I think what you need to do is make her anticipate sex and tease her a bit. Leave her little notes for her to find throughout the day telling her how attractive she is to you and little things you notice about her in the course of a day. I think this could help to jumpstart things. It could be a little game the two of you play together that will act as an initiator. Otherwise, get used to handgela and palmela! (jk)

 

Best of luck!

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I dont even know what to say man. You're like a rich person complaining about bills.

 

 

If you can't be happy in this setup, then you should probably just leave. Its pretty clear its not going to change.

 

Cheating on her for this would be a really stupid move, but you will probably do it anyway and screw up something that you can't even grasp as being good, so do whatever you want to do. When it blows up in your face, I'll make sure to post an I told you so in your thread.

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Once a week? Plenty of guys in relationships dont even get that. Talk about the fed complaining of hunger.

 

If you arent happy OP, just bail. Dont cheat and cause drama. Just leave. With how busy life can be, sex once every 5 days doesnt sound terrible. Sure it could be twice a week...especially if you guys see each other often...but once a week aint the worst.

 

Some guys only get that much a month. But like I said...if you arent happy, just leave. And if youre always initiating and wanting it more...Id prolly take that as an indicator of attraction levels.

 

Find someone more compatible with you...but dont cheat. Thats not fixing a problem...that generally compounds it.

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madgirl1991

Hi OP. I can totally relate to your post from both sides.

 

My ex bf would always initiate and ask me to initiate sometimes. I really wanted to have sex with him, but I was too insecure to initiate. Not because I thought he would reject me, but because if i try, i feel like ihave to live up some porn star seductress in the way I do it. Also, not quite sure HOW to start it lol. If she is rubbing on you etc, trust me, that is a girl trying!! Its a big thing for us!! Encourage her, tell her how much that turns you on, and tell her other things that she can do to initiate and keep the momentum going.

 

On the other side of things, current boyfriend absolutely refuses to have sex with me. We have only been together just over a month, but damn, the only thing he does is cuddle me or give me a quick peck like once a day. I feel your pain, its really hard when the other person doesnt show the same level of interest as you. Maybe she has lower drive, or medical problems or whatever. I'm sure you ahve tried to talk to her, like i ahve with my guy, and its yielded the same results - temporarily 'trying' but then it goes back to normal.

 

Seriously i think partners who dont give it up are selfish idiots. If they really loved you, they would at least get you off, or pretend to be horny. I mean, guys pretend they like clothes shopping, girls cook for their guys - we all do **** for our partner that we dont necessarily feel like doing. Why should sex be different.

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ExpatInItaly

You're not sexually compatible with your girlfriend. Break it off and find someone else. You've talked about it and nothing has changed. Don't waste your own or her time any longer if you think you're going to have sex with someone else.

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Seriously i think partners who dont give it up are selfish idiots. If they really loved you, they would at least get you off, or pretend to be horny. I mean, guys pretend they like clothes shopping, girls cook for their guys - we all do **** for our partner that we dont necessarily feel like doing. Why should sex be different.

 

 

What is this I don't even.

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madgirl1991

Oh and another thing. This topic makes me really angry. OP stop trying so damn hard to impress her and begging for it. Honestly, she feels TOO secure in the relationship and everytime you ask her to initiate etc, you are validating her, and making her feel like she has the power and a way of controlling you. Not good.

 

You should start commenting on other girls and how you watched the best porn last night. Jealously will probably work better haha. I know everyone here will probably blast me, but seriously, treating people well, doesnt actually work. In many cases.

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madgirl1991

+1 Le Pitre (can i do that since he +1'd my post? :p)

 

OP, there are PLENTY of awesome girls who are horny as hell and want a guy just like you. Try going for the 'nice' girls who have been burnt in the past but still have their sht together, they are usually eager to please and if you treat them like you seem to be treating this girl, they will king you.

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You probably should just have sex with her every other day like you want to.

Since it so important to you.

And if its that important to you as well... You probably should do all the work.

 

So basically, just "take her" whenever you want it.

And tell her that you're motor is running and that you need it.

After a while, she'll try to please you, but like I said, you want it, so you do all the work.

 

Another thing you should do is maybe ask her if you can sleep with other women.

 

- If none of those are in the cards, you might wanna consider breaking it off

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You want sex more often but she doesn't. You cant make her have sex more often... You can try talking and suggesting things (no I'm not talking about dropping "hints" by randomly giving her oral sex.., you should only do it cause you love it, not as a "hint") try new things and get her turned on. If the situation doesn't change, let her go. Good luck finding someone with enough time and libido though, to have sex every day!

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Hi OP. I can totally relate to your post from both sides.

 

My ex bf would always initiate and ask me to initiate sometimes. I really wanted to have sex with him, but I was too insecure to initiate. Not because I thought he would reject me, but because if i try, i feel like ihave to live up some porn star seductress in the way I do it. Also, not quite sure HOW to start it lol. If she is rubbing on you etc, trust me, that is a girl trying!! Its a big thing for us!! Encourage her, tell her how much that turns you on, and tell her other things that she can do to initiate and keep the momentum going.

 

On the other side of things, current boyfriend absolutely refuses to have sex with me. We have only been together just over a month, but damn, the only thing he does is cuddle me or give me a quick peck like once a day. I feel your pain, its really hard when the other person doesnt show the same level of interest as you. Maybe she has lower drive, or medical problems or whatever. I'm sure you ahve tried to talk to her, like i ahve with my guy, and its yielded the same results - temporarily 'trying' but then it goes back to normal.

 

Seriously i think partners who dont give it up are selfish idiots. If they really loved you, they would at least get you off, or pretend to be horny. I mean, guys pretend they like clothes shopping, girls cook for their guys - we all do **** for our partner that we dont necessarily feel like doing. Why should sex be different.

Um...sexual compatibility is FAR different from clothes shopping. And btw, I actually enjoy shopping myself...so Id have no problem doing that with a girlfriend.

 

But shopping isnt some make or break like sex is.

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It won't change. I've been in a similar situation, and I left her because of it.

 

Plenty of other girls out there who have a much higher sex drive. They aren't that hard to find (or else I appeal more to that type, who knows?). I know it sucks to think that you could end up going months without any until you find a new girl, but that's just the way it is.

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OP, this is the gospel right here. Listen to this poster. You are pedestalizing her and giving her too much power. The girl is way too comfortable in the relationship hence she doesn't feel like she has to do anything. You better start looking at other women and fast. In fact, I would suggest you starve her of sex. Make her come to you begging.

Playing games and manipulating someone with passive aggressive behavior doesnt fix the problem. Finding a compatible girlfriend fixes the problem.

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It's not going to get any better trust me. You sound like my ex-husband, just like him. He had the same complaints about me. The chemistry just wasn't there and I didn't realize it until after we divorced and I starting dating a man whom I had chemistry with. Wow! My ex-husband also had a lot of underlying issues I wasn't aware of and he didn't treat me right. A woman doesn't want to please a man who doesn't cherish her and treat her good.

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Her saying 'we have just done it last night' and you guys only have sex in the bedroom is lame. I don't think she is enjoying the sex with you as much as you enjoy it with her. You need to Arouse her more, make love to her & get her turned on for a while before you stick it in...if nothing has changed then dump her, she is boring in bed. Sorry but just can't get past the fact that's he will only have sex in the bedroom.

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Poppygoodwill
Her saying 'we have just done it last night' and you guys only have sex in the bedroom is lame. I don't think she is enjoying the sex with you as much as you enjoy it with her. You need to Arouse her more, make love to her & get her turned on for a while before you stick it in...if nothing has changed then dump her, she is boring in bed. Sorry but just can't get past the fact that's he will only have sex in the bedroom.

 

See this is the thing....did you ever consider OP that you're not doing it for her and so she's reluctant to have sex with you? Everyone is quick to blame her, and you are so sure that you are 'entitled' to a certain amount of sex in a relationship. Who told you that? I wonder if actually you are the problem?

 

Either way - if it's not working for you, then leave. Don't be a selfish jerk and sneak around. Instead of hurting her in the short run, you'll just delay the whole hurt exercise for the long run. Have some respect for her and act like an adult. Tell her how you feel and go.

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Poppygoodwill

 

Seriously i think partners who dont give it up are selfish idiots. If they really loved you, they would at least get you off, or pretend to be horny. I mean, guys pretend they like clothes shopping, girls cook for their guys - we all do **** for our partner that we dont necessarily feel like doing. Why should sex be different.

 

So let me get this straight...you'd be happy with your partner *pretending* to want sex with you - ie. just lying there while you use their body for your own pleasure - regardless of theirs.

 

I feel sorry for your bf.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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You haven't mentioned love once in your post, you haven't talked about your woman in the context of love, just sex.

 

If thats what you're feeling and thinking, she's sure as hell is going to pick up on that and might be closed off by it.

 

It could be that she wants to make love, not just have sex.

If you just want to have sex and that is the priority for you at this stage in your life, then there are many girls who feel that way also.

 

I can tell you straight that this isn't a path to happiness, but everyone has to come to their own conclusions.

Edited by giblesp
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To be on the same page about intimacy is important. Just as being on the same page about money, or kids, is important.

 

If it makes you miserable now, it will get worse in 5 years, or 10 years down the line, as you will probably have even less sex.

 

If you can see yourself living like that, then it's all good. However, if the thought of it makes you want to run, then break it off.

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If you feel that way, just break up with her. Yeah, it's a dumb reason to break up with someone but it is a dumber reason to cheat. Idk why you are trying to complicate things.

Edited by April Moon
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