Author leesc90 Posted July 25, 2014 Author Share Posted July 25, 2014 Last update that will disappoint you all.. she chose him again and then recanted again she said all this hull**** to me that she loves me. that she's gonna take time off to think about who she really loves. and sort her emotions but she really believes she loves two people. I am making the decision now to cut my losses and just let this go. she may make up her mind to be with him one day she may make up her mind to be with me one day, but I cannot bear the pain of knowing. so I'm shutting this door and moving on again. after 6 months of no contact I start again at day 1... I hope my situation improves. this last year has been a nightmare and I really miss me. thank you all for sticking by me Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted July 25, 2014 Share Posted July 25, 2014 Last update that will disappoint you all.. she chose him again and then recanted again she said all this hull**** to me that she loves me. that she's gonna take time off to think about who she really loves. and sort her emotions but she really believes she loves two people. I am making the decision now to cut my losses and just let this go. she may make up her mind to be with him one day she may make up her mind to be with me one day, but I cannot bear the pain of knowing. so I'm shutting this door and moving on again. after 6 months of no contact I start again at day 1... I hope my situation improves. this last year has been a nightmare and I really miss me. thank you all for sticking by me You haven't been in No Contact six months, not even close. No Contact means no communication of any kind. For your sake, please stop this insanity. Block her from all communication and move forward. Please. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted July 25, 2014 Share Posted July 25, 2014 Last update that will disappoint you all.. she chose him again and then recanted again she said all this hull**** to me that she loves me. that she's gonna take time off to think about who she really loves. and sort her emotions but she really believes she loves two people. I am making the decision now to cut my losses and just let this go. she may make up her mind to be with him one day she may make up her mind to be with me one day, but I cannot bear the pain of knowing. so I'm shutting this door and moving on again. after 6 months of no contact I start again at day 1... I hope my situation improves. this last year has been a nightmare and I really miss me. thank you all for sticking by me Sorry LC, The common denominator in your misery seems to be your ex girlfriend. Of course it hurts going NC and being without her but at least that's something you can heal from. A childish little girl who wants her cake and eat it too and has no qualms about who she hurts in the process is just going to continue hurting you. There's a woman out there who will love you and only you, and not play with your head. The up/down with you this woman has played is just terrible and incredibly selfish. She shouldn't be pulling you IN everytime she has a moment of insecurity (And it's pretty obvious by now that what's really going on is she reaches out for you the moment she senses trouble in paradise, and then throws you back into the wild as soon as they've patched things up again). Self centered and immature behavior and nothing good is going to come out her being in your life, not any longer. Good for you for going back to NC. Like I said, it's at least a pain you can heal from as opposed to a pain that keeps continuing to hurt you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SoThatHappened Posted July 25, 2014 Share Posted July 25, 2014 Last update that will disappoint you all.. she chose him again and then recanted again she said all this hull**** to me that she loves me. that she's gonna take time off to think about who she really loves. and sort her emotions but she really believes she loves two people. I am making the decision now to cut my losses and just let this go. she may make up her mind to be with him one day she may make up her mind to be with me one day, but I cannot bear the pain of knowing. so I'm shutting this door and moving on again. after 6 months of no contact I start again at day 1... I hope my situation improves. this last year has been a nightmare and I really miss me. thank you all for sticking by me Yes, it is disappointing to hear that you are still in contact with her. She isn't going to be alone like she told you before. She can't be alone. Big red flag. She's using you as a fallback, like Simon Pheonix said, she's using you as a crutch when there's possible trouble with the other guy. He's her #1, you're her #2. Don't EVER be someone's #2. It hurts, but she seems to want him more. If you cut her off COMPLETELY, you'll become her obsession. I can almost guarantee it. A (hopefully) final word of advice: Don't allow this girl in your life anymore or ever again. It's hard, but it's the only way to get yourself back. You said you miss being you. The only way to get that guy back is to completely cut her off. Tell her, once and for all, you will not be her friend, lover, pal, anything. Tell her to never call, text, or email you again. Then truly stick to NC. You have to, man. Post here when you have the urge to contact her or respond to her next breadcrumb. But DO NOT contact her anymore. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted July 25, 2014 Share Posted July 25, 2014 Lee, I get this is hard, first being friends, than lovers. But man, with some things in life there comes a moment that we have to say: 'I know that I will have the feeling I will die the next coming months or longer, but now it is about me and you go to hell!' When some of my friends tell some of the things I find in your bullet-list of your break-up thread - like for example about being assertive - we know that it is a lost cause. Of-course sometimes those girls are a bit right, but usually they wanted to change those guys all along and never should have been with those guys in the first place. It is such a familiar story that every time I hear or read it, it makes me angry. You need someone who likes you because of the person you already are. But first you need to find your pride back, because I have no clue where you left it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author leesc90 Posted July 25, 2014 Author Share Posted July 25, 2014 yeah I guess this is the first time I'm learning that her words mean nothing. she says such powerful things like how she can't live without me, and that she loves me so much. but how can you say that to two people. I know I've been posting about how hurt I am, but this is the worst pain I've been in to date. I will not contact her... it's done... it doesn't matter that she's currently deciding who to be with, I must tell myself she is full of **** and that the writing on the wall indicates she likes him more. BUTT I just don't know why she would dump him and come to me if she did love him so much. I wasn't even in the picture.. Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted July 25, 2014 Share Posted July 25, 2014 BUTT I just don't know why she would dump him and come to me if she did love him so much. She doesn't love you. She doesn't love him. She only loves herself. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted July 25, 2014 Share Posted July 25, 2014 Dude, she's been lying to you this whole time. First, she was telling you it was a crush and that he didn't even know she liked him (uh huh...but, who is she running back to). Dude, she was cheating on you!!!! Why do you have such loyalties to a cheater!! Write her off! Block her on social media! CHANGE YOUR PHONE NUMBER!!! Do not read any emails from her. Cut her out of your life! Starting today! 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted July 25, 2014 Share Posted July 25, 2014 (edited) BUTT I just don't know why she would dump him and come to me if she did love him so much. I wasn't even in the picture.. Attention. I bet she also is posting lots on Facebook or some other medium. Edited July 25, 2014 by Itspointless 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author leesc90 Posted July 25, 2014 Author Share Posted July 25, 2014 She doesn't love you. She doesn't love him. She only loves herself. i may agree with this.. Attention. I bet she also is posting lots on Facebook or some other medium. she doesnt have any social media.. Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted July 25, 2014 Share Posted July 25, 2014 she doesnt have any social media.. Well, than she probably has equivalent outlets in the real world, like for example you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author leesc90 Posted July 25, 2014 Author Share Posted July 25, 2014 (edited) alksdn;lsandkadnlkasnd;lsandklnsalk;kanl fustrated.. do you guys think i have mental issues? legitimately. i may go see a therapist soon. i dont think feeling like this is normal Edited July 25, 2014 by leesc90 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted July 25, 2014 Share Posted July 25, 2014 (edited) yeah I guess this is the first time I'm learning that her words mean nothing. she says such powerful things like how she can't live without me, and that she loves me so much. but how can you say that to two people. I know I've been posting about how hurt I am, but this is the worst pain I've been in to date. I will not contact her... it's done... it doesn't matter that she's currently deciding who to be with, I must tell myself she is full of **** and that the writing on the wall indicates she likes him more. BUTT I just don't know why she would dump him and come to me if she did love him so much. I wasn't even in the picture.. I have my crowbar ready to go if you don't stop this. She didn't come to you. She said a bunch of bulls--t to keep your weak ass on the leash, then just as quickly walked away. You're probably too young to understand this reference, but you are Charlie Brown and she is Lucy, inviting you over to try to kick the football. But every time you run up to kick it, she pulls it back and you go flying and fall on your face. You can't afford to be this delusional. How the hell can you still trust this woman after all the broken promises? I mean, what happened to your brain to where it has stopped working? Are you actually going to block her this time? It's obvious that you were lying to us when you said you did before, because it was awfully easy for her to come right in and drop this deuce on your lap. Edited July 25, 2014 by Simon Phoenix 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SoThatHappened Posted July 25, 2014 Share Posted July 25, 2014 alksdn;lsandkadnlkasnd;lsandklnsalk;kanl fustrated.. do you guys think i have mental issues? legitimately. i may go see a therapist soon. i dont think feeling like this is normal You're not thinking clearly. It happens in the fog of a breakup. I've never been more of a mess in my 34 years than when I got my heart broken. Through NC, you slowly come out of that fog. But you have to go 100% NC. Read TaraMaiden's NC guide if you haven't already. You have to get to the point where this girl doesn't even exist. It was a figment of your imagination. Helped me think that every once in a while. You have co-dependency issues for sure to allow someone like that to walk all over you. You need to work on that. Seeing a therapist may help. This forum is free therapy from multiple perspectives. Has helped me a s--t ton! Let it do the same for you. But, you NEED to listen to the advice here. I would've done some dumb things if I didn't heed others' advice on here. Let us help lead you down the right path. You're not doing a good job of that on your own. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted July 25, 2014 Share Posted July 25, 2014 You're probably too young to understand this reference, but you are Charlie Brown and she is Lucy, inviting you over to try to kick the football. But every time you run up to kick it, she pulls it back and you go flying and fall on your face. Almost thinking the same http://www.scienceofrelationships.com/storage/peanuts_attachment_charlie_brown.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1378560625995 Link to post Share on other sites
Author leesc90 Posted July 25, 2014 Author Share Posted July 25, 2014 I have my crowbar ready to go if you don't stop this. She didn't come to you. She said a bunch of bulls--t to keep your weak ass on the leash, then just as quickly walked away. You're probably too young to understand this reference, but you are Charlie Brown and she is Lucy, inviting you over to try to kick the football. But every time you run up to kick it, she pulls it back and you go flying and fall on your face. You can't afford to be this delusional. How the hell can you still trust this woman after all the broken promises? I mean, what happened to your brain to where it has stopped working? Are you actually going to block her this time? It's obvious that you were lying to us when you said you did before, because it was awfully easy for her to come right in and drop this deuce on your lap. guys, i promise, FOR MYSELF, that i will be in 100% no contact. this woman is now dead to me. i should not have left things with "i love you." as the last words uttered. but i am out of the picture. You're not thinking clearly. It happens in the fog of a breakup. I've never been more of a mess in my 34 years than when I got my heart broken. Through NC, you slowly come out of that fog. But you have to go 100% NC. Read TaraMaiden's NC guide if you haven't already. You have to get to the point where this girl doesn't even exist. It was a figment of your imagination. Helped me think that every once in a while. You have co-dependency issues for sure to allow someone like that to walk all over you. You need to work on that. Seeing a therapist may help. This forum is free therapy from multiple perspectives. Has helped me a s--t ton! Let it do the same for you. But, you NEED to listen to the advice here. I would've done some dumb things if I didn't heed others' advice on here. Let us help lead you down the right path. You're not doing a good job of that on your own. i think i do have some personal issues that are making me act this way. in my mind she is the girl that every guy wants, the diamond in the rough. shes freaking beautiful, shes smart, and athletic. her downfall is that she is fickle.. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted July 25, 2014 Share Posted July 25, 2014 There are smart, beautiful, athletic women out there that won't treat your heart like a tennis ball. Once you've recovered from this, you'll meet some. But that will only happen when you actually take the correct steps to let this one go. It's time to stop being your own worst enemy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dumbass2 Posted July 25, 2014 Share Posted July 25, 2014 guys, i promise, FOR MYSELF, that i will be in 100% no contact. this woman is now dead to me. i should not have left things with "i love you." as the last words uttered. but i am out of the picture. i think i do have some personal issues that are making me act this way. in my mind she is the girl that every guy wants, the diamond in the rough. shes freaking beautiful, shes smart, and athletic. her downfall is that she is fickle.. No, her downfall is not that she is fickle. When you finally grasp at what her true downfall is, you will be able to move on from this mess. Link to post Share on other sites
Author leesc90 Posted July 25, 2014 Author Share Posted July 25, 2014 No, her downfall is not that she is fickle. When you finally grasp at what her true downfall is, you will be able to move on from this mess. what is her true personal flaw?? that she doesnt really love me? Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted July 25, 2014 Share Posted July 25, 2014 what is her true personal flaw?? that she doesnt really love me? Selfishness for one, inability to stand on her own two feet is another. She has absolutely no problem dancing in and out of your life whenever she wants and has no real regard or care for what it does to you. Of course, you enable her like a motherf--ker, but the fact that she feels she can say and do whatever she wants and is entitled to get whatever she wants is a flaw. And the fact that she can't be without a male presence in her life to the point where she'll willingly say or do whatever she needs to to get that fix is problematic. She's very skilled at saying the right thing to keep saps like you hooked (the mental gymnastics you've done in this thread are mind-boggling), but the fact that she feels the need to do that is also a problem. But her problems don't matter. You need to worry about getting your own house in order. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dumbass2 Posted July 25, 2014 Share Posted July 25, 2014 what is her true personal flaw?? that she doesnt really love me? She does not know what she wants, but one thing for certain is, that she does not want you. You cannot force her to love you. She is not mentally mature. She is manipulative. You can't change this. Keep telling yourself these things SHE DOES NOT LOVE ME. SHE DOES NOT WANT ME. SHE IS ONLY PLAYING GAMES. SHE DOES NOT KNOW WHAT SHE WANTS AND I CANNOT CHANGE THAT. Block block block block block......NC NC NC NC NC !!!!!!!!!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted July 25, 2014 Share Posted July 25, 2014 Why dont you start reading 'Reinventing Your Life' by Young and Klosko. It is a really clear written book by psychologists who really know their stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
daisydook Posted July 25, 2014 Share Posted July 25, 2014 do you think that is an accurate assessment to make universally? that if someone is conflicted between two people, that person isnt worth your time? No. She isnt worth your time, because she DIDNT FIGURE IT OUT BEFORE SHE CALLED YOU AND GOT YOU INVOLVED AND HURT YOU AGAIN. This is something she should have figured out, while single, and something she should have NEVER involved you in. It is ripping your heart out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author leesc90 Posted July 25, 2014 Author Share Posted July 25, 2014 No. She isnt worth your time, because she DIDNT FIGURE IT OUT BEFORE SHE CALLED YOU AND GOT YOU INVOLVED AND HURT YOU AGAIN. This is something she should have figured out, while single, and something she should have NEVER involved you in. It is ripping your heart out. this is so damnnn true.. this is probably blasphemous on this forum, but does that mean she wont figure it out being single ever? Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted July 25, 2014 Share Posted July 25, 2014 this is so damnnn true.. this is probably blasphemous on this forum, but does that mean she wont figure it out being single ever? Stop asking questions about her. She's not the issue -- you're the issue, and one of your biggest issues is that you keep trying to figure out what she's doing when you, quite frankly, have a lot of things to address closer to home. You need to focus on what you can control. That's you. The more you obsess about her, the further you spiral down into the abyss you're currently in. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
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