Dumper came back, but is choosing between me and new man

[Simon Phoenix]

His learning of her reason for leaving and her coming back and saying that she misses him and that she's still trying to decide are apparently new developments.

 

And irrespective of exactly what time scale we're talking about, I don't even object to "get your head out of your ass" - at least that's accurate and reasonable advice for moving forward. I kinda snapped at one particular comment of:

If you're so worn out and tired and frustrated at trying to help someone that you're starting to throw out that kind of totally unhelpful bitterness - essentially resorting to insulting the OP - then shouldn't you really ask yourself if it's time to step back and take a breather instead of continuing to engage at that level?

 

I've gotten the impression that she's pulled a similar song-and-dance several times during these five months.

[Chi townD]

Ugh...here we go again. Alright, gloves are coming off, dude. Not pulling my punches.

 

 

NOW, you know that she left you for this other guy. Even now she states that she developed feelings for this guy. So, do you know what this tells me? That she's been sleeping with this guy to keep him interested. But, he only views her as a play thing. A piece on the side that he can get whenever he wants it with no other commitments attached to it. And she's been trying to get this guy to except her completely and treat her like a princess and put her on that pedestal (like you used to do). She wants him to take her out on the town. Wine and dine her. Spend time with her! Take her out on romantic dates. Listen to her problems and offer support. But, I speculate he only calls her when he wants a bootycall. And yet, she using her ass to try and entice him into that relationship and it's not working.

 

 

So, she misses that aspect of a relationship. So, what does she do? She contacts you! Basically, she would be looking for you to fill that emotional need and she'll have the other dude to fill her physical needs. She would have the best of both worlds!

 

 

But, now you called her out on being exclusive, and she has to think about it? She.....has...to...think....about...it. Do you want to be with a girl that has to think about being with you? Or do you want to go out there in the world and find a girl that KNOWS she wants to be in your life?

 

 

 

 

Hopefully, that's a no brainer question for you.

[leesc90]

I've gotten the impression that she's pulled a similar song-and-dance several times during these five months.

 

Yes and No. she has strung me a long quite some, but its never been with the understanding that i knew she cheated. nor was she ever deliberating getting back together until this point.

 

Im gonna be honest with you guys, im not contacting her, but every ounce of me wants to. im fighting all my urges with all my mind power. i can do it, but its miserable and incredibly difficult.

[Simon Phoenix]

Yes and No. she has strung me a long quite some, but its never been with the understanding that i knew she cheated. nor was she ever deliberating getting back together until this point.

 

Im gonna be honest with you guys, im not contacting her, but every ounce of me wants to. im fighting all my urges with all my mind power. i can do it, but its miserable and incredibly difficult.

 

Of course it's difficult. Most things worth doing are. You need to stay strong. I mean, you gave her an ultimatum and she hasn't gotten back to you. She clearly doesn't give a s--t, so it's time for you to stop giving a s--t.

[Chi townD]

Yes and No. she has strung me a long quite some, but its never been with the understanding that i knew she cheated. nor was she ever deliberating getting back together until this point.

 

Im gonna be honest with you guys, im not contacting her, but every ounce of me wants to. im fighting all my urges with all my mind power. i can do it, but its miserable and incredibly difficult.

 

 

Just think about all the lies she told you. That she valued someone else more than you and your relationship, that she threw it away to try and explore it. If she feels like she's torn between you and this other dude, then you know DAMN WELL she's still in contact with him and trying to work him as well.

 

 

But, think about this, if she decided to get back with you and the next time this other dude gets horny and wants an easy guaranteed piece of ass, all he would have to do is call her up and say the things she's been waiting to hear and she'll go running to him.

 

 

Remember that. Now do you want to go through all of this again?

[leesc90]

Just think about all the lies she told you. That she valued someone else more than you and your relationship, that she threw it away to try and explore it. If she feels like she's torn between you and this other dude, then you know DAMN WELL she's still in contact with him and trying to work him as well.

 

 

But, think about this, if she decided to get back with you and the next time this other dude gets horny and wants an easy guaranteed piece of ass, all he would have to do is call her up and say the things she's been waiting to hear and she'll go running to him.

 

 

Remember that. Now do you want to go through all of this again?

 

from what i know, he doesnt know she likes him. she doesnt contact him about this matter bc he doesnt know she has feeligns for him.

 

ive thought about that too, but i entertain the possibiltiy (and it is entirely possible) that if she commits to us she wont act simply on emotions.

 

then again, i can say i dont know if what shes told me is the truth bc she could be lying about anything/everything. & shes done it once before.

 

i dont know guys, i just know im gonna follow whats been said here, and not contact her for ****. even if it means i have to chain myself up in my house.

[Chi townD]

from what i know, he doesnt know she likes him. she doesnt contact him about this matter bc he doesnt know she has feeligns for him.

 

ive thought about that too, but i entertain the possibiltiy (and it is entirely possible) that if she commits to us she wont act simply on emotions.

 

then again, i can say i dont know if what shes told me is the truth bc she could be lying about anything/everything. & shes done it once before.

 

i dont know guys, i just know im gonna follow whats been said here, and not contact her for ****. even if it means i have to chain myself up in my house.

 

 

 

Dude, you don't know this girl anymore.

 

 

You never thought she would leave you. And she did. You never thought she'd leave you for someone else, and you're now finding out she did.

 

 

When you broke up you asked to see her phone about his other guy and she wouldn't show you her text records because "YOU WOULD TAKE THINGS THE WRONG WAY!" Translation, "we were sending inappropriate texts to each other." Even further translation, "They were sexually charged."

 

 

Now, that tells me that they have established a relationship with each other. SO! Let's do some simple math. Inappropriate and sexually charged text + newly single girl that got out of a relationship = Having guilt free sex.

 

 

Another thing to consider is that girls tend to have a hard time detaching emotionally from someone that they've had sex with. Guys, not as much.

 

 

So, it doesn't make sense that she would be torn between a guy (you) that has true and real feelings for her. That will date her and be in an exclusive relationship with. And torn with another guy that she just has a crush on and he has no idea that she likes him or vice versa. Out of the two, which one should be the no brainer here?

 

 

Sorry dude. She was in a relationship with this douche rocket.

Edited June 30, 2014 by Chi townD

[Trimmer]

from what i know, he doesnt know she likes him. she doesnt contact him about this matter bc he doesnt know she has feeligns for him.

And you know this from.... what she says? C'mon, get yer head out of yer ass! (Ha ha... I had to say that for Simon... ) You absolutely CANNOT count on what she says to be the truth. You know she has already lied to you, and you can SEE that what she is doing is not consistent with the idea that he doesn't know she likes him (c'mon - you can't really believe that...) or that she "doesn't contact him about this". You are hooking into these things because they would make you feel a little better, but her WORDS are not consistent with her ACTIONS.

 

ive thought about that too, but i entertain the possibiltiy (and it is entirely possible) that if she commits to us she wont act simply on emotions.

Ouch, get yer head outta yer ass! I think the "if she commits to us" ship has pretty much sailed at this point. And again, you are parsing and twisting to try to make sense of this and to imagine a fantasy where things would work: you fantasize that "she won't act simply on emotions..." Dude, look at what she is doing now: that is the girl you are imagining being in a relationship with. Not some magically changed version of her - this is what you have in front of you, right here.

 

If she came back to you, it wouldn't be because the fog cleared and she somehow became 100% fully committed, it would be because the scales tipped a bit from 49% to 51% and she wandered back to you as her OK option of the moment. She might TELL you a good line, say all the right convenient lies (like "he didn't know I liked him" and "I didn't contact him about that...") but she'd still be the same girl that wavers around the 51% commitment level. Until she shifts back again at some point.

 

Your fantasy that she'd come back to you 100% committed is just a fantasy. The reality - IF she came back - is she'd come back the way she probably was in your relationship before - the 51% girl - but at least this time you would know it, if we can just break through and make you see this.

 

then again, i can say i dont know if what shes told me is the truth bc she could be lying about anything/everything. & shes done it once before.

There's really no reason she would be telling you the truth. She's bending it mightily to make her life easier, to keep you quiet, and to keep you as an option - why cut you loose when she can keep you dangling with a few handy lies that are what you want to hear. Think of yourself as a fish, bleeding from the mouth, with a hook through your cheek, and the fisherman keeps you in fresh water to keep you alive because you are more valuable that way. She doesn't care if you're in pain - she's going to chop your head off eventually anyway.

 

im just scared, bc i know when she contacts me, regardless of what she has to say, it will affect me. but its been made known on here that contacting her to not contact me would be a worse move.

Part of the reason we're trying to open your eyes about this is because you are currently fighting the impulse that you want to contact her. We are trying to show you the truth of her situation, partly to give you the strength to suppress that impulse, but also in the hopes that once you see her clearly, you will lose that impulse, and in fact, you won't even want to accept any contact from her.

 

Look man, nobody here is even suggesting it might work out. A lot of times in threads like this there's a reasonable debate on either side. In this case, look the thread over: nobody is suggesting that there's any hope. She is gone, and even if she crawls back, she's already shown you that she's not the 100%-committed girlfriend you thought she was. She's the 51% girl - that's who she was, and that's who she will be with the next guy.

 

The (essentially unanimous) advice you're getting is from a wide range of folks, and some of us have been there. When this happened to me, I wish I had gotten advice like this. I wrote letters, pitching just how wonderful we could be if she would just give me a chance. How we could rebuild an amazing relationship together. I pushed her, then I backed off and waited for her to decide... I tried it all. And through all of that, she was the 51% girl, leading me on that she wasn't sure about her decision yet, and blah blah blah. I wish I had had the advice and experience from others to have seen her for what she was, picked myself up with my dignity, and said "Time for me to move on."

 

Stop fooling yourself. She's not going to become the 100% girl, because that isn't who she is. She was the 51% girl when she was with you, and she has proved that through her behavior, and there's no imaginary fantasy world with unicorns pooping cupcakes where that's going to be any different.

Edited June 30, 2014 by Trimmer

[Trimmer]

im just scared, bc i know when she contacts me, regardless of what she has to say, it will affect me. but its been made known on here that contacting her to not contact me would be a worse move.

Just to revisit this point: that's why you block her, you remove her from your contacts list, and you change your number if possible. Take EVERY step available to cut your ties. You don't "contact her not to contact you", because that puts the control in her hands (aside from being a transparently laaaaaame excuse to contact her...)

 

Don't sit back in fear of what will happen when... Take action and control: cut ties now. It's like barricading your house against an ant invasion: find all the holes and cracks and plug them up, and then you can go back to living again. (To be clear, she is the ant infestation in this metaphor...)

[bigman1]

I apologize if I seem harsh, but here goes.

 

Have you ever had another girlfriend? You act like this ex is the only woman that has ever given you a shot. its been MONTHS. Move on. It is an act of will to move on. It is also an act of intelligence.

 

Second, you are already starting to make excuses for her. You are minimizing her acts. You are literally begging to be her doormat. It seems that being near her is worth all the pain that being near her will bring. That is almost stalker like behavior. Cut this chick out of your life. Listen to sad songs, etc, but NEVER go back.

 

Third, by not contacting her, you are hoping that she contacts you so that you can beg or grovel or give her more time to decide. Burn the bridge. Send her a no contact text or email or whatever. Avoid her phone call by telling her not to call. Avoid her text by telling her not to text. You get the point.

 

Here is how you burn the bridge. Just put in writing that You have thought about it and there is no need for her to choose. You are out of the running and do not want her to contact you anymore for any reason. You are done.

 

Also, I am a bit confused. Is she choosing between you and some guy that does not know that she likes him?! Did I read your post correctly?! It is foolish of YOU to wait. You, for some crazy reason think that if she commits to "us" things will be okay. Wake up. Wake up. Wake up. THERE IS NO "US" WITH YOU AND HER.

 

I had a friend who longed for this woman we went to college with. I mean for years he would always ask me about her. I had to be real friend to him and tell him, "let that go" "That is not going to happen and do not ever ask me about her again because you are wasting your life and as you friend, I cannot sit by and let you keep doing it." I don't know you, OP, but PLEASE stop. Burn bridge, move on, never go back.

[leesc90]

I don't take any offense to your post friend. and I thank you for this.

 

I've had a lot of girlfriends for my age. 3 serious ones and then her. I don't know why I am this way because I never was like this with the other ones. at all.

 

it's not like girls won't give me a shot either.. I'm tall, mostly good looking, kind, athletic, go to a top20 law school.. make good money, have a motorcycle haha. I've hooked up some since the break up too. with some really pretty girls.

 

I agree.. it's time to bury the hatchet. I'll burn the bridge within the next day or so. gather everything and put it to death. I'll need a moment or so to do it. I just hope it's something I don't regret, because all my instincts tell me that I will and not to. I hope nothing NOTHING stops me

[Trimmer]

I agree.. it's time to bury the hatchet. I'll burn the bridge within the next day or so.

You're equivocating.... Why wait? What are you waiting for?

 

gather everything and put it to death.

Do the killing first. The gathering can come later. This is not a grand gesture. Not a letter, not a reminiscence, not a fond farewell. This is a minimal communication of information to cut your ties. See if you can do it in fewer than 12 words, none of them conveying emotion. "You don't have to choose; I'm done. No need to contact me. Goodbye." Damn, it took me 13. Ah, wait... just use "Don't contact me" and you're down to 11 - and if you also leave off the "Goodbye" (no need to be sentimental here...) then you're down to an efficient and economical 10 words.

 

And then DO NOT ENGAGE! No replies, no discussions.

 

I'll need a moment or so to do it.

Then that should take only a moment, right?

 

I just hope it's something I don't regret, because all my instincts tell me that I will and not to.

First of all, your instincts have led you through months of pain so far. Has your situation gotten any better? And of course you will regret it - this is a loss to you, don't think you won't regret and grieve that loss. Just because you regret it and grieve the loss doesn't mean you did the wrong thing though.

 

You have to turn off the switch, close the door, and get moving forward.

 

I hope nothing NOTHING stops me

Don't put it out there like there's some external force at play here. Take control - insist on taking control yourself! You are intelligent enough to know that there's only one entity that can stop you - you are your only remaining obstacle. Be honest about this and be strong. You will be stuck until you move forward. Will it really have a positive effect on your life to remain stuck for "the next day or so?"

 

No more "last cigarettes." Give up the habit now.

Edited June 30, 2014 by Trimmer

[leesc90]

thanks trimmer... for helping me.

[leesc90]

It is done.. she made the decision to pick him over me. she says she likes him a lot, that she likes me just as much, but that theres too much baggage with us now bc of what she did.

 

it hurts so bad ... this is worse than when she dumped me. she is now going to pursue him and each other openly. ive loved this woman for 10 years, since we were kids we were best friends. and i loved her TOO much.

 

guys. being honest, i havent eaten or slept seriously since all this happened. i took the week off from work, and honestly i have some really dark... and bad thoughts.

 

i know im being a complete bitch at the moment, but i just feel so ****ty. i didnt think i had a new rock bottom. any advice or encouragement at this point would be so appreciated...

[Smarty Pants]

It is done.. she made the decision to pick him over me. she says she likes him a lot, that she likes me just as much, but that theres too much baggage with us now bc of what she did.

 

it hurts so bad ... this is worse than when she dumped me. she is now going to pursue him and each other openly. ive loved this woman for 10 years, since we were kids we were best friends. and i loved her TOO much.

 

guys. being honest, i havent eaten or slept seriously since all this happened. i took the week off from work, and honestly i have some really dark... and bad thoughts.

 

i know im being a complete bitch at the moment, but i just feel so ****ty. i didnt think i had a new rock bottom. any advice or encouragement at this point would be so appreciated...

 

Find someone to talk to. Bad thoughts are not good and self harm is never an answer to anything.

 

Being left for someone is not fun, but I will tell you that you deserve much better. It won't happen over night. I didnt eat for 2 weeks. Slept less than I ever had in my life. But I got through it. This is why everyone was screaming at you to walk away. That is way easier said than done and nobody is going to blame you for trying with her.

 

Get an appointment with a counselor as soon as you can. Go after work. Talk it out. The advice will all be the same, but it really does help to talk to someone who isn't a friend or family member.

 

As always, LS is a good place to vent. Come back as long as you feel necessary. One day you'll be over it and giving advice to others

[Simon Phoenix]

It is done.. she made the decision to pick him over me. she says she likes him a lot, that she likes me just as much, but that theres too much baggage with us now bc of what she did.

 

it hurts so bad ... this is worse than when she dumped me. she is now going to pursue him and each other openly. ive loved this woman for 10 years, since we were kids we were best friends. and i loved her TOO much.

 

guys. being honest, i havent eaten or slept seriously since all this happened. i took the week off from work, and honestly i have some really dark... and bad thoughts.

 

i know im being a complete bitch at the moment, but i just feel so ****ty. i didnt think i had a new rock bottom. any advice or encouragement at this point would be so appreciated...

 

Take 24 hours to mope and then start the move forward. She has set you free -- no more being a weak-willed wuss groveling at her breadcrumbs. You know where you stand completely and, while it sucks, at least you know you NEED to move forward now. I wouldn't be surprised if she comes back sniffing around in the future and tugging at the leash to see if her puppy still wants her. If she does, use this memory of how sh--ty this whole thing feels to not get caught in this trap again. This feels awful now, but honestly, this could be the best thing that's ever happened to you. There is no gray area, no questions, it's over. Bury the corpse and get the rest of you life going.

 

But this is why you do not break No Contact until you are cured and indifferent. You've let the same woman carry out a single breakup multiple times. Don't let it happen again.

[leesc90]

i agree. i had some twigs to hold onto before, some really crappy twigs i shouldnt have held onto. but now there is nothing at all for me to cling to. i know what i have to do.

 

i just really dont want to. she called last night and we were both sobbing our heads off knowing that we were losing each other in our lives. shes someone ive been close with in my life for so long. shes done a whole lot for me, minus all this.

 

I REALLY hope.. that somehow this is the best thing thats ever happened to me. i dont know how thats even possible, or why you even say that. but i wish that.

 

i dont see a light at the end of the tunnel.. but i need to walk until i see one. im sorry for being so weak. i just want to be entirely honest.

[Simon Phoenix]

i agree. i had some twigs to hold onto before, some really crappy twigs i shouldnt have held onto. but now there is nothing at all for me to cling to. i know what i have to do.

 

i just really dont want to. she called last night and we were both sobbing our heads off knowing that we were losing each other in our lives. shes someone ive been close with in my life for so long. shes done a whole lot for me, minus all this.

 

I REALLY hope.. that somehow this is the best thing thats ever happened to me. i dont know how thats even possible, or why you even say that. but i wish that.

 

i dont see a light at the end of the tunnel.. but i need to walk until i see one. im sorry for being so weak. i just want to be entirely honest.

 

It's best because now you can walk away free. Let's face it, your situation was f--ked six ways to Sunday no matter what, but you had imprisoned yourself in a delusion that it was salvageable. Now you know it's not, so you know that you have to move forward. No twigs to clutch on to, it's time to swim. And there's a whole world out there to see and a lot of things to experience. You have the chance to do things that you never thought you'd be able to do and meet people you wouldn't have been able to meet because you were so preoccupied with holding onto these twigs. You got your whole life in front of you with nothing holding you back. There's a big world out there, and now you are forced to be a part of it. And eventually (not today, not tomorrow, not next week) you'll embrace that. And when you do, it will be great.

 

What you went through sucks, but what doesn't kill you will make you stronger. This can shape your life for the better. It doesn't seem like it now, but you'll get there. I know it.

[Chi townD]

Dude, I told you there was a relationship between the two of them. Girls normally won't leave until they're sure they have something already set up. So, she's going to throw you away over the POSSIBLITY of someone else? Nah, sorry. She's already been seeing this guy and chose him over you.

 

 

NOW! Stop with the BS about hurting yourself. No man or woman is worth anyone hurting themselves over.

 

 

She made this choice, not you. She wants you out of her life, then you give her exactly that! I'm pretty sure she tried to talk you into "being friends" in your final conversation with her. Well, hopefully you now realize that you can't be friends. It's time to take your life back.

 

 

 

Work on you. Go get a new hairstyle and new wardrobe. Something people are going to notice and like. You want people saying, "DAMN DUDE!!! Looking sharp!" That's going to help your self esteem which is probably in the crapper about now. Then, get to the gym! Run your ass off on the treadmill and push weight. You eat right and get plenty of sleep, you're going to be working on that rock hard and ripped bod that I know girls like! Three things girls LOVE to touch are puppies, kittens and six pack abs!!

 

 

Then, get yourself out there! Get new hobbies. When you find that hobby, I'm certain there are clubs in your area with people that have a shared interest. So, join a cycling club, or a running club, join a men's football league or dive lessons. Cooking classes, dance lessons, photography course. Something that gets you out of the house and interacting with new people.

 

 

Then, travel! Go see the world! Save your money for a trip and go! Think of a place that you've always wanted to see and just GO! Nothing is stopping you and nothing is holding you back!

 

 

You can look at this break up as a positive or a negative. The negative gets you nowhere. The positive has you meeting new people and trying new things and having al kinds of different adventures. Which one is more appealing to you?

 

 

This is how you get your revenge! Lead a damn good life!

 

 

 

This isn't your fault dude. But, now it's time to take back your life.

[leesc90]

It's best because now you can walk away free. Let's face it, your situation was f--ked six ways to Sunday no matter what, but you had imprisoned yourself in a delusion that it was salvageable. Now you know it's not, so you know that you have to move forward. No twigs to clutch on to, it's time to swim. And there's a whole world out there to see and a lot of things to experience. You have the chance to do things that you never thought you'd be able to do and meet people you wouldn't have been able to meet because you were so preoccupied with holding onto these twigs. You got your whole life in front of you with nothing holding you back. There's a big world out there, and now you are forced to be a part of it. And eventually (not today, not tomorrow, not next week) you'll embrace that. And when you do, it will be great.

 

What you went through sucks, but what doesn't kill you will make you stronger. This can shape your life for the better. It doesn't seem like it now, but you'll get there. I know it.

 

thanks for this man.. i hope so. you seem very confident of it, i want more than anything for this to be true. ill try my best to embrace that. just need to get past the hurt first

[leesc90]

Dude, I told you there was a relationship between the two of them. Girls normally won't leave until they're sure they have something already set up. So, she's going to throw you away over the POSSIBLITY of someone else? Nah, sorry. She's already been seeing this guy and chose him over you.

 

 

NOW! Stop with the BS about hurting yourself. No man or woman is worth anyone hurting themselves over.

 

 

She made this choice, not you. She wants you out of her life, then you give her exactly that! I'm pretty sure she tried to talk you into "being friends" in your final conversation with her. Well, hopefully you now realize that you can't be friends. It's time to take your life back.

 

 

 

Work on you. Go get a new hairstyle and new wardrobe. Something people are going to notice and like. You want people saying, "DAMN DUDE!!! Looking sharp!" That's going to help your self esteem which is probably in the crapper about now. Then, get to the gym! Run your ass off on the treadmill and push weight. You eat right and get plenty of sleep, you're going to be working on that rock hard and ripped bod that I know girls like! Three things girls LOVE to touch are puppies, kittens and six pack abs!!

 

 

Then, get yourself out there! Get new hobbies. When you find that hobby, I'm certain there are clubs in your area with people that have a shared interest. So, join a cycling club, or a running club, join a men's football league or dive lessons. Cooking classes, dance lessons, photography course. Something that gets you out of the house and interacting with new people.

 

 

Then, travel! Go see the world! Save your money for a trip and go! Think of a place that you've always wanted to see and just GO! Nothing is stopping you and nothing is holding you back!

 

 

You can look at this break up as a positive or a negative. The negative gets you nowhere. The positive has you meeting new people and trying new things and having al kinds of different adventures. Which one is more appealing to you?

 

 

This is how you get your revenge! Lead a damn good life!

 

 

 

This isn't your fault dude. But, now it's time to take back your life.

 

you know i remember you told me this and told this to others. so i have actually been super proactive, to the point im exhausted everyday. it helped and i gained strength through it. but now im worse than i was back when. i know better now, her number is blocked, and i can feel myself really starting to hate her guts.

 

i want to do all those things, but until i let go of this pain, betrayal, feelings of being not enough, 2nd best, insufficiency to another... i dont think i can get myself to enjoy it.

[Smarty Pants]

you know i remember you told me this and told this to others. so i have actually been super proactive, to the point im exhausted everyday. it helped and i gained strength through it. but now im worse than i was back when. i know better now, her number is blocked, and i can feel myself really starting to hate her guts.

 

i want to do all those things, but until i let go of this pain, betrayal, feelings of being not enough, 2nd best, insufficiency to another... i dont think i can get myself to enjoy it.

 

The second I blocked my exes number a weight lifted. It just leaves the possibility of them contacted you. Glad you took that step. Took me far too long.

 

Do everything Chi Town says. Smart dude.

[dumbass2]

i agree. i had some twigs to hold onto before, some really crappy twigs i shouldnt have held onto. but now there is nothing at all for me to cling to. i know what i have to do.

 

i just really dont want to. she called last night and we were both sobbing our heads off knowing that we were losing each other in our lives. shes someone ive been close with in my life for so long. shes done a whole lot for me, minus all this.

 

I REALLY hope.. that somehow this is the best thing thats ever happened to me. i dont know how thats even possible, or why you even say that. but i wish that.

 

i dont see a light at the end of the tunnel.. but i need to walk until i see one. im sorry for being so weak. i just want to be entirely honest.

 

You can't just delete her number, you have to block it so her calls don't get through. You have to do this. I've just done this recently with my ex that dumped me. Deleting it means she can still call you and so it hasn't done anything for you. You can't take another call or text from her. You sounded like you're starting to try and move on and then I see you took her call. This to me is a critical step for you to start getting over her and start healing. Until this is done, you will continue to struggle imo. I know I was.

[sooshi]

She has left you once. She'd do it again.

Why be with someone who has been ambivalent for you? You could be with someone who would NOT for a second think about leaving you.S

She chose this guy over you. She felt a spark with something shiny and new and gravitated towards it. If you got back together, who's to say she won't abandon you again when she sees something shiny and new?

 

Don't go back. Go NC. It hurts now, but like Simon said, it's the best thing that could have happened to you. She's setting you free but you're choosing to remain in chains. Don't fall for her tears or apologies or breadcrumbs. She knows she has that power over you right now -- reclaim it for yourself.

[Chi townD]

you know i remember you told me this and told this to others. so i have actually been super proactive, to the point im exhausted everyday. it helped and i gained strength through it. but now im worse than i was back when. i know better now, her number is blocked, and i can feel myself really starting to hate her guts.

 

i want to do all those things, but until i let go of this pain, betrayal, feelings of being not enough, 2nd best, insufficiency to another... i dont think i can get myself to enjoy it.

 

 

So, what are you going to do until then? Sit in your home, stare at the walls and feel sorry for yourself?

 

 

Here's the deal, we are in charge of our own happiness. So, you have to force yourself to get up and do things. I did that when I got dumped (became a hermit) and it did me absolutely no good. It made me feel worse and my friends thought I might do something stupid, if you know what I mean.

 

 

So, a friend of mine literally kidnapped me. Did I want to go with him, NOPE! Was I into the trip he planned for us? NOPE! Was I pissed at him for dragging me out? YEP! Was I resistant to everything? YEP! Did I thank him after the trip was over? ABSOLUTELY!!!!!

 

 

Even though my heart wasn't into it, it woke me up. He showed me that there was a world outside of my Ex and it was time to join that world.

 

 

I can only try and motivate you as much as possible from here. Unfortunately, I don't know where you are in the world, so I can't kidnap you. So, I have to do the best that I can from here!

 

 

You have to move forward and you have to start making those positive changes NOW! If you heard me say these things to you and others, then there's a reason for it! BECAUSE IT WORKS!!!!

 

 

TRY IT!