Dumper came back, but is choosing between me and new man

[nickjd]

I am in this situation, or it seems.

 

It's turned into a game of chess now because so much trouble has brewed between my over protective parents and my free will.

 

There are other factors in it all, but one thing is it's like someone flicked a switch in her head. The mature caring girl has gone from talking about income and family to blowing raspberries and pulling faces.

 

The sad thing is I am fighting a battle between my head, my heart, her head / heart / hormones and my family who don't want to see me get hurt / leave the country for the same ol' shid oh and a but load of paper work etc.

 

It's horrible knowing you're an option but you still care about someone so much for what they brought to your life and who they were.

[leesc90]

you guys are right. i dont need answers. all i need to know is that she thinks im not good enough for her. there are millions of women.. im sure ill find another

[Brokenguy22]

Okay mine left me not for someone else or anything like that I wish she had done that yes It'd hurt more but I would prolly despise her so much I wouldn't feel sadness. There is a quote it goes : If you love two different people, then choose the second one because if you truly loved the first one, you would not have fallen for the second one. Something along those lines. Sorry to hear man =/

[guest569]

It was selfish of her to drag you into the decision making process. So selfish. And she can't see it. You will find so much better

[leesc90]

just an update... i had a week where i was feeling much better, but the past few days have been rough. almost sent her a long email of ramblings in my mind, but just ended up not sending it.

maybe its the bad dreams ive been having.

but i havent spoken to her since, the struggle has been real.

[Chi townD]

Yeah dude. It gets worse before it gets better. You just have to hang in there. You need to make it to the end of the day without contacting her. That's all you have to do. Just worry about today.

[Thatone4]

just an update... i had a week where i was feeling much better, but the past few days have been rough. almost sent her a long email of ramblings in my mind, but just ended up not sending it.

maybe its the bad dreams ive been having.

but i havent spoken to her since, the struggle has been real.

l was in the same boat as you. She was deciding between another guy and myself for the four months, sleeping with me and him and we both knew it. Check out my thread. The best thing you can do is not contact the two timing whore at all. Once you start focusing on yourself and talking to many other girls the pain will slowly go away and she'll just be a memory

[leesc90]

Thanks for the support guys. I dont know why i'm regressing. she isnt good for me yeah?

[SoThatHappened]

I didn't get strung along like you, leesc, but I know the hurt.

 

You're already a few days past the breakup, and you're in one of the toughest parts of the road to healing, IME.

 

- I didn't eat for days.

- Couldn't sleep (without alcohol)

- Physically made myself sick. Woke up one morning 4 days after the BU, finally had enough of a hunger to get some cereal in me. One hour later it came back up. That's the power of the mind over the body.

- Couldn't focus at work or anywhere else

- Had to make new holes in my belts... I'm normally 135, I was down to 122... on a 5'-8" frame.

 

I was a wreck for 2 weeks. Didn't know of LoveShack back then. Would have helped a ton if I did. The advice, posting, and reading similar posts helped me immensely this time around.

 

Then I decided, "That's ENOUGH."

 

- Started running (which sucks on an empty stomach)

- Finally started eating

- Started getting back in my normal routine with friends (golf, tennis, etc.)

- Met a girl, she liked me. That helped. Then she decided to move to Oregon in 2 weeks Hey, at least she was attracted to me even when the heart in my chest was in 1,000 pieces.

 

Between eating, cardio, and hitting the weights, I had at least my body back in line. My head was a little slower to follow, but would have taken longer if I hadn't done what I did physically.

 

Rejection when you're in love with someone is the worst thing I've ever experienced.

 

Now I'm am truly, completely glad it happened. Had never gone through that before in my 34 years on this planet, and learned more about myself than I ever could have without the rejection.

 

It gets better. I don't envy where you are, BUT, I'm only 5 weeks removed and have come so far. Some take longer, it's always different, but you can speed it up by doing positive things for yourself and your life.

 

You've learned a tough life lesson, and you learned it early. Now you're better armed in the future.

 

Now you can fix YOU. Not to get her back, but to be the best person for the girl that will blow your ex away.

[leesc90]

I didn't get strung along like you, leesc, but I know the hurt.

 

You're already a few days past the breakup, and you're in one of the toughest parts of the road to healing, IME.

 

- I didn't eat for days.

- Couldn't sleep (without alcohol)

- Physically made myself sick. Woke up one morning 4 days after the BU, finally had enough of a hunger to get some cereal in me. One hour later it came back up. That's the power of the mind over the body.

- Couldn't focus at work or anywhere else

- Had to make new holes in my belts... I'm normally 135, I was down to 122... on a 5'-8" frame.

 

I was a wreck for 2 weeks. Didn't know of LoveShack back then. Would have helped a ton if I did. The advice, posting, and reading similar posts helped me immensely this time around.

 

Then I decided, "That's ENOUGH."

 

- Started running (which sucks on an empty stomach)

- Finally started eating

- Started getting back in my normal routine with friends (golf, tennis, etc.)

- Met a girl, she liked me. That helped. Then she decided to move to Oregon in 2 weeks Hey, at least she was attracted to me even when the heart in my chest was in 1,000 pieces.

 

Between eating, cardio, and hitting the weights, I had at least my body back in line. My head was a little slower to follow, but would have taken longer if I hadn't done what I did physically.

 

Rejection when you're in love with someone is the worst thing I've ever experienced.

 

Now I'm am truly, completely glad it happened. Had never gone through that before in my 34 years on this planet, and learned more about myself than I ever could have without the rejection.

 

It gets better. I don't envy where you are, BUT, I'm only 5 weeks removed and have come so far. Some take longer, it's always different, but you can speed it up by doing positive things for yourself and your life.

 

You've learned a tough life lesson, and you learned it early. Now you're better armed in the future.

 

Now you can fix YOU. Not to get her back, but to be the best person for the girl that will blow your ex away.

 

thanks for this. you are doing well, considering its only been 5 weeks. its been almost 5 monhts for me...

[dumbass2]

Thanks for the support guys. I dont know why i'm regressing. she isnt good for me yeah?

 

Man I feel for you. I'm on month 3 and struggling.

 

You said it, SHE IS NOT GOOD FOR YOU!

 

Please see that. If my ex broke up with me for another guy I would not be chasing her or wanting to contact her. The trust is gone for ever. You may think you can do it, but you will always wonder is she's secretly seeing the other guy or someone else. You will be in constant misery.

[SoThatHappened]

thanks for this. you are doing well, considering its only been 5 weeks. its been almost 5 monhts for me...

 

No, it's been less than 2 weeks for you. I've been in NO CONTACT going on 5 or 6 weeks. That, and that alone is the difference.

 

You were raked over the coals for 5 months. You've barely started the process. I feel for you man. I do. But, this will make you a stronger and better person.

 

I, and others on here, can't stress enough the importance of no contact. When I made the decision to do it, it was to get her back... initially.

 

Once I learned the real, true reason for NC, I did it for me. I convinced myself that I, and I alone, am the only one in control of me. And I convinced myself that I will not do NC just to get her back, but to shield myself and improve myself for the next (and right) person for me.

 

Just imagine if you wrote her off over a month ago, and decided to stay NC for YOU. You'd be much farther along than you are now.

 

You sound like a great guy. There are great women looking for great guys.

 

NC. Work on yourself. You'll survive and be so much stronger in the short AND long term. Believe me.

 

Take care of yourself right now. She's out of your control (and it sounds like she's out of her own control). Believe it or not, you're in a better position in life than she is. You'll look back at this and realize it sooner than you think.

[Griesfootball]

You know she isnt good for you when she is saying she's choosing between you and a new guy. She knows what you offer and you shouldn't have to feel like you are in a competition

Edited July 15, 2014 by Griesfootball

[leesc90]

thanks for the advice folks.. this thread is what is holding me from breaking NC. i miss her, but i know i shouldnt. i hope to get there soon. i still cant believe what she did..

[leesc90]

I was on strict nc and she dumped her rebound, came back, and asked to take things slow. what in the world.

[johnson_j]

I was on strict nc and she dumped her rebound, came back, and asked to take things slow. what in the world.

 

Ask youself "Why would I take her back now?"

 

 

You HOLD the cards. Let HER squirm a bit. I refuse to be someone's second choice.

[SoThatHappened]

I was on strict nc and she dumped her rebound, came back, and asked to take things slow. what in the world.

 

Dude... NO!

 

Do NOT get back with her. She can't be alone. That's a HUGE red flag!

 

Plus she toyed with you, keeping you as her backup. You want to be with someone who can keep you as a backup? You gonna marry someone you possibly will always see you as a backup if something better doesn't come along?

 

Run the other way. If you don't, you'll be back here in a few weeks/months possibly worse than when you started here.

 

There are great women out there. Cut the cord with this one. I promise you'll be better off.

 

You will never have any respect from her if you take her back.

 

Don't do it man...

[Simon Phoenix]

I was on strict nc and she dumped her rebound, came back, and asked to take things slow. what in the world.

 

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Please stop being her bitch.

[Trimmer]

I was on strict nc and she dumped her rebound, came back, and asked to take things slow. what in the world.

If you are aware she is asking to take things slow, then you weren't really on strict nc now, were you?

[lolablue17]

NOOOOOOO!! Don't take her back.

 

It's good that she dumped him and want's you back because it gives your ego just the right boost you need. But thats it.

 

ANY decent girl (any human being) knows that there is only one thing she should not involve you - Her being in a dilemma between you and someone else. If she doesn't know that, then she is selfish, childish, drama queen, and she will hurt you more and more and more in the future. Say thanks to god and move on.

 

Be polite, and tell her to move on too because she lost you.

Come on, she isn't even running to you. she gives you the breadcrumb "lets take it slow".... UUUGGHHHH!!!

[Simon Phoenix]

NOOOOOOO!! Don't take her back.

 

It's good that she dumped him and want's you back because it gives your ego just the right boost you need. But thats it.

 

ANY decent girl (any human being) knows that there is only one thing she should not involve you - Her being in a dilemma between you and someone else. If she doesn't know that, then she is selfish, childish, drama queen, and she will hurt you more and more and more in the future. Say thanks to god and move on.

 

Be polite, and tell her to move on too because she lost you.

Come on, she isn't even running to you. she gives you the breadcrumb "lets take it slow".... UUUGGHHHH!!!

 

Yep, "take it slow" in this case is code for "I'm going to humor you and string you along for a while as a look around for someone else I'm more interested in"

[ja123]

Yep, "take it slow" in this case is code for "I'm going to humor you and string you along for a while as a look around for someone else I'm more interested in"

 

 

 

This ^^^.

 

 

And She says she dumped the other guy, hunh? It's just her word, isn't it? I wouldn't doubt that he was the one who dumped her.

 

 

As was already mentioned, she cannot be alone so that is a huge red flag.

 

 

Cut her off in no uncertain terms. Resume NC a.s.a.p.

[ja123]

I was on strict nc and she dumped her rebound, came back, and asked to take things slow. what in the world.

 

 

 

How did she contact you? I thought you blocked her number.

[No Limit]

I was on strict nc and she dumped her rebound, came back, and asked to take things slow. what in the world.

 

Yeah sure. That b!tch got screwed a few times, the guy gave her the boot and now she's coming back. Don't be her lap dog unless you want it to play like this for at least 1 more time, probably more.

[hoping2heal]

So, this is the thing...

 

She opened herself up emotionally to another a man. It's not like she walked down the street one day and per chance this huge a$$ love meteor hit her and knocked her over and she dusted off her knees and got up "Oh my..I'm suddenly pining for another man!" No. No, No, No, and NO.

 

Regardless of what people who are either incredibly self-unaware or just full of bull**** say, it really didn't "just happen". You open a door emotionally and you follow a feeling. That is how people fall in love and catch feelings whether in a relationship or single. You have to be open for it to happen and each time you allow yourself to spend a little more time, to talk a little bit more, to sit and fawn a little bitty bit over that other person is a time you are saying "yes".

 

Now, the kick ass people of the world are only human. They may find themselves in a situation where they are drawn to someone, or attracted, etc. while already in a relationship/marriage. You know what those kick ass people do? They don't give in and foster those feelings. They acknowledge them and then they slam the door the F shut. If that means not putting themselves in certain situations, that's what it means. If it means not having "friendly drinks" and spending hours laughing and opening up to someone who is not their partner? That's what it means. They are mature and wise enough to not open the door and go sprinting off down the yellow brick road. They are committed and they take their commitment seriously.

 

This is the kind of woman you want, not the one you had who has already proven she gets her happy little ass flying down that rabbit hole. You can't trust her, she doesn't know how to be trustworthy or honor her commitments. If you think it hurt to have this happen once, how would it feel next time?

 

Also, one last thing; "boo hoo the other guy dumped me so I now need you back for emotional comfort" is almost the oldest trick in the book, seriously.