For those who vow not to online date

[irc333]

Remember online dating was in its infancy in the 90s or early 2000's? When A LOT of people thought it was an act of desperation to even consider it, but now...it has blown up and has become widely accepted now, but...still...there are people who STILL won't touch online dating with a ten foot pole.

 

Do you know people who have been single for a while that won't even consider it? The same reason that when certain technologies came out and people refused to use them...then..finally caved? lol

 

I know of this woman that just registered to see what "out there", but never corresponded and her online session on the site lasted a few seconds. Apparently she spotted a guy that she knew of that was a bit "crazy" in the head in real life. Apparently, he's some kind of bum or something that talks to inanimate objects.

 

She also saw a few others too that she knew in real life she would NEVER consider spending time with.

 

THat was it for her.

 

I guess the idea is STILL off-putting and creepy.

 

Know anyone that still thinks like this, that still won't give online dating a shot? If so, how are they meeting other singles?

[carhill]

In my social circle, I know of no one who's talked about online dating, in even a general way. It was pretty much the same way back when I met my exW that way 15+ years ago, generally equated, if discussed at all, to those 'personals ads' one used to read in the newspaper classifieds. Back then, most of the few of the group who weren't married met their partners at social gatherings (weddings were pretty common), parties, bars, clubs, etc.

 

I got the same kind of pushback when I shared some of my travels to share time with friends I met 'online' in other countries. Such interactions were simply out of the realm of what my friends considered 'normal'. Most have never traveled internationally, save for a trip to a Mexican beach or Canada or something like that. Online, at least for many years, was not considered 'real'.

 

The few friends who become or are single (very few) still meet the 'traditional' way. A male friend who's perennially single (never married) meets women at church, as one example, or while doing volunteer work. He's a wireless sales manager so travels a fair amount and socializes a lot and it appears to work for him.

 

I ended my online dating 'career' about 15 years after I started, with a marriage in between, but not because it's anything negative in general but rather because I'm simply not interested in meeting women that way anymore. It's a personal preference.

[amaysngrace]

Know anyone that still thinks like this, that still won't give online dating a shot? If so, how are they meeting other singles?

 

I'm one of those. I checked out online dating back in the early 2000s because my husband at the time told me that I had to stay with him because nobody else would want me.

 

He was wrong and it made me feel better.

 

Nothing ever came from it though except that I learned what a liar my then husband was.

 

I'm not into that whole scene. I need to meet people in real life and get a sense of their true essence before I'd ever become interested in them so the whole idea of it just wouldn't work too well for me.

 

Although that fireman was pretty hot...

[gaius]

I've developed the hots for women I've met in less fake and forced online atmospheres, like around here, but there seems to have been something missing the few times I put effort into OLD. Having someone write a paragraph about themselves and answer some test questions just might be the worst way ever to get a real feel for them. Just terrible.

[No Limit]

I wouldn't touch online dating at all. We aren't talking about a useful tool to make love happen, so far most I've seen is either people looking for FWBs and people lieing on their own profiles to make themselves more competitive and other crap.

 

I guess the fact that some murders happened when people met for the first time didn't help online dating's reputation either. But the basic core of that is my concern; how do I know who that person really is over just a few chats?

 

For example, I made some internet friends via online gaming. People bashed me like "those aren't your real friends anyway", but we've been in touch for... oh dear, 5 years now and I met up with one of them during a city trip. What surprised me about the meeting was that it basically felt just like when we were chatting, just without a headset pressing against my ears.

 

No one will date you for years though, but his or her environment tells you a lot as well. You know, when getting gaming buddies the worst you loose is a few virtual items. But when love's involved you might as well get heartbroken. Too much for me to gamble with.

[normal person]

 

Know anyone that still thinks like this, that still won't give online dating a shot? If so, how are they meeting other singles?

 

I have a friend like this who's always complaining about being single. We keep trying to get her to do OLD but she's so reluctant. She keeps saying things like "there's got to be a better way." The thing is that she's been single for a few years now so for all intensive purposes there isn't a better way. She's going to be 28 next week, lives in a smaller city, works with all women, and her circumstances just aren't conducive to meeting guys.

 

I'm not sure if she's worried it's still stigmatized, she thinks she's above it, she's just worried about being judged, or what. I gave her some compelling reasons to try it so hopefully she comes around this summer.

[MissBee]

Tons of people have never online dated and still meet people.

 

In fact among my closest group of friends who have boyfriends, I'm the only one currently who met my guy online, the rest met theirs the old-fashioned way. For reference, we're in our twenties.

 

And for me, I online dated about 5 years ago and vowed never to do it again and didn't, although I still met men and had dates, until this year I decided to try again.

 

The online process can be tiring and annoying and I get why some people feel like they don't want to do it. I do think if you really want to date or are complaining a lot about being single then it's worth a shot if you go in with realistic expectations and understand that you will have more misses than hits. For some people they fare better online and some fare better offline, so people have to choose what works for them. But it's not a case that if people refuse online dating they will never date...as lots of people still meet people the regular way. With online you simply have access to more options and can most likely guarantee yourself a date tonight, depending on how much you lower your standards lol..while offline it's not as quick, but it's still a very much viable option and one that many people prefer. However if you are having zero luck offline then why not try online I say.

Edited June 28, 2014 by MissBee

[El Brujo]

Remember online dating was in its infancy in the 90s or early 2000's? When A LOT of people thought it was an act of desperation to even consider it, but now...it has blown up and has become widely accepted now, but...still...there are people who STILL won't touch online dating with a ten foot pole.

 

Do you know people who have been single for a while that won't even consider it? The same reason that when certain technologies came out and people refused to use them...then..finally caved? lol

 

I know of this woman that just registered to see what "out there", but never corresponded and her online session on the site lasted a few seconds. Apparently she spotted a guy that she knew of that was a bit "crazy" in the head in real life. Apparently, he's some kind of bum or something that talks to inanimate objects.

 

She also saw a few others too that she knew in real life she would NEVER consider spending time with.

 

THat was it for her.

 

I guess the idea is STILL off-putting and creepy.

 

Know anyone that still thinks like this, that still won't give online dating a shot? If so, how are they meeting other singles?

 

Some of us have sworn off OLD because we've either had no results with it, or we had bad results.

 

I can only speak for myself, but I don't find OLD off-putting and creepy as much as a total waste of time because so many people abused it... and the companies used it as a money-making machine.

[me85]

I'm not for online dating but I am on Tinder.

 

IT'S NOT THE SAME THING.

 

At least that's what I tell myself. lol

 

It's a free app you download on your phone. It's genius! Tinder partnered up with FB and is undoutedbly a huge success.

 

I love it because it takes less than a few minuets to join, there are no long surveys to take AND IT'S FREE.

 

I'm sooo tinder-hearted.

[greenbee81]

I think it's still somewhat taboo. Most girls I've met online (dated) preferred to say that we 'met' at a coffee shop.

[ASG]

I opened an account last year, to see what it was all about. Closed it about a week later, I think...

To be honest, I don't *WANT* to find a partner. If it happens, it happens.

 

In my group of friends everyone met the old fashioned way.

[spiderowl]

I think maybe some feel embarassed that they've had to 'resort' to it, as if they should be able to meet someone easily in real life or they are a failure. They are judging themselves badly and maybe they fear judgement by peers who might see them on there (though one has to ask the question why their peers would see them if they weren't already on a dating site too).

 

Also, some have heard that online dating has a bad reputation - and certainly there are the sleazes on there - but there are many people looking for someone genuine. It's not easy to meet someone naturally, especially if you are older and have few opportunities to socialise with single people. Online dating probably offers the best chance of meeting someone new, especially for those who work full time and don't want to spend their evenings out in clubs and pubs and societies just to meet someone.

 

One day, it will be totally accepted and people will expect to see their single friends online at some point. Personally, I think it's a bit snobbish to think it's a bad thing to do or not for people of a certain status.

[R3d]

Online dating just seems like a way to computerize an activity that seems best enjoyed in real life. Also, a lot of times you're attracted to not necessarily someone's looks, but something about the way they speak or just sort of their "style" (how they walk, move, act, etc) which you wouldn't recognize on online dating. That was the case with one of my crushes this year. What made me crush on her more was her "style". Even though I thought she was cute, that wasn't the characteristic that attracted me to her as much.

 

I don't know if this is true, but I also hypothesize that people are just going to pick the best-looking guys and giels since it is very easy to discount everything else (like style as I described above), so it seems like looks is by far the most deciding factor in OLD, which is the department I lack in.

 

Then there's also the authenticity aspect of it.

 

So no, as of now, I plan to never OLD in my life.

[Socks At Play]

I tried it for a few months and it did get me dates. Half of the women weren't terrible, but over a few dates I never found a desire in me to kiss any of them. The other half I should've just ended the first date after about fifteen minutes.

 

All I know is that online I am competing with dozens of other guys per day for her attention. Any funny and thoughtful message that I am expected to write for her based on a two paragraph (if I'm lucky) bio carries the same weight as "sup" and "wanna ----" in her inbox. Offline the ratio is much better, though I admit submitting to the vulnerability of the cold approach is significantly more difficult than typing a few sentences and clicking send.

[irc333]

Normal Person - I think there's a "batch" of women out there that are rather reclusive in nature.

 

That they prefer to meet people online as opposed to any real life social interaction. Why?

 

Because men they have met in person weren't simply attractive enough to them. Of course, they are former socialites and but if they are of a shallow variety of single woman, they'd rather remain behind closed doors "controlling the flow" that approaches them through "delete" and "ignore" buttons.

 

In person, they are like a deer trapped in headlights while some short, balding guy tries to make small talk with them at the church social.

 

I always hear complaints from these women, "I can never meet any decent guys in my town!"

 

 

I have a friend like this who's always complaining about being single. We keep trying to get her to do OLD but she's so reluctant. She keeps saying things like "there's got to be a better way." The thing is that she's been single for a few years now so for all intensive purposes there isn't a better way. She's going to be 28 next week, lives in a smaller city, works with all women, and her circumstances just aren't conducive to meeting guys.

 

I'm not sure if she's worried it's still stigmatized, she thinks she's above it, she's just worried about being judged, or what. I gave her some compelling reasons to try it so hopefully she comes around this summer.

[preraph]

For women, putting themselves out there is like 100 times more threatening than for men. I mean, OLD is the perfect place for creeps to come out who would never get past your radar in real life, and women do have to fear that something bad could happen. I mean, consider a lot of the obsessive people on this forum alone who can't leave someone alone after they've made it clear. Some of those people can become dangerous. There are prisoners online, there are scammers online dating and it's mostly women who are the targets, so to begin with, it just isn't very safe.

 

And then there's the obvious: The majority of the men are looking to get laid, period, and going after their physical ideal and it's just all about conquest. Half of them are already in a relationship and just cheating. Then the ones they say no to get really bent out of shape, or they completely disregard their stipulations about children, etc., making it very obvious they're not really interested in them as people. So not much there for ordinary women to feel happy about in OLD.

 

I totally see the allure of it, in theory, but since the risks are so high for women, I also completely understand why they're being very careful if they're smart and cutting a lot of their responders off right away without meeting or keeping up the chatter or, as you so often hear whined, "giving them a chance." Because it's too risky to just meet a lot of guys.

 

The couple of people I've known who met someone that lasted online didn't meet them through OLD but through their hobby sites, like music sites, etc. It's much better that way because then you have something in common with them, so that's at least a toe hold and one real reason to talk to them. And actually, those aren't exactly matches made in heaven either. They spent too much time online and not enough time before moving in together in person.

[Michelle ma Belle]

Some of us have sworn off OLD because we've either had no results with it, or we had bad results.

 

I can only speak for myself, but I don't find OLD off-putting and creepy as much as a total waste of time because so many people abused it... and the companies used it as a money-making machine.

 

I can only speak for myself. When I decided to do OLD it just seemed like the best option for me at the time.

 

I had jumped back into the dating pool at 40ish, I was a single parent and had a very busy career which meant my free time very valuable. I never was the girl who especially enjoyed hanging out at bars or venues known for being seen and it just seemed infinitely more awkward to start that up again at this age.

 

At the end of the day, OLD did what it was supposed to do and it was fine. At the very least it allowed me to stretch my legs again and meet a huge mix of men that I don't think I would have otherwise.

 

Having said that, I will admit to having a love/hate relationship with it over the years. The anonymity of the internet makes it the perfect breeding ground for a lot of questionable characters with shady agendas including the site managers who use it as a cash grab.

 

So be it.

 

If you go into with your eyes wide open being careful not to be too cynical, it can be a positive experience if only for the entertainment value

Edited June 29, 2014 by Michelle ma Belle

[irc333]

Yes, also I would have to say the vast majority of people on dating sites are on the rebound...yep...a rebound (less the already married, or people in relationships looking to trade up), but back to the rebounders... it's a safe haven for such people.

 

As soon as the teary eyed person breaks up, it's just SO easy and convenient to pop open a dating profile and have a GO at it with all the possibilities.

 

Rebound flings were harder to come by before the days of the internet.

 

 

For women, putting themselves out there is like 100 times more threatening than for men. I mean, OLD is the perfect place for creeps to come out who would never get past your radar in real life, and women do have to fear that something bad could happen. I mean, consider a lot of the obsessive people on this forum alone who can't leave someone alone after they've made it clear. Some of those people can become dangerous. There are prisoners online, there are scammers online dating and it's mostly women who are the targets, so to begin with, it just isn't very safe.

 

And then there's the obvious: The majority of the men are looking to get laid, period, and going after their physical ideal and it's just all about conquest. Half of them are already in a relationship and just cheating. Then the ones they say no to get really bent out of shape, or they completely disregard their stipulations about children, etc., making it very obvious they're not really interested in them as people. So not much there for ordinary women to feel happy about in OLD.

 

I totally see the allure of it, in theory, but since the risks are so high for women, I also completely understand why they're being very careful if they're smart and cutting a lot of their responders off right away without meeting or keeping up the chatter or, as you so often hear whined, "giving them a chance." Because it's too risky to just meet a lot of guys.

 

The couple of people I've known who met someone that lasted online didn't meet them through OLD but through their hobby sites, like music sites, etc. It's much better that way because then you have something in common with them, so that's at least a toe hold and one real reason to talk to them. And actually, those aren't exactly matches made in heaven either. They spent too much time online and not enough time before moving in together in person.