I think this time it really is over.

[Bootsie]

...

Evidently she lived up to the famous Mike Tyson quote:

 

.... When I rooted her phone I controlled his control from my phone.

 

 

I'm more reminded of the quote: "it's all fun and games until someone loses an eye".

 

 

Really Realist, I've been following your situation and cannot believe the secret squirrel stuff that's been going on!

 

 

Here in Australia the word "rooted" has an entirely different meaning, so initially I thought WTF! (literally), however I now see it must mean something else.

 

 

As a BS who coincidentally also got married in 1994, I have sort of been hoping you'll all be found out, but I do hope nobody gets any serious damage. The whole country here has been following a murder trial where the wife died while in a false reconciliation, with a husband still seeing the OW. The OW even had to give evidence and their emails to each other via their secret email accounts have been plastered all over the media. If anyone wants to see the gory details, a search of the name Gerard Baden-Clay (the WH on trial for murder) will find them.

[violet1]

After reading this entire thread, I'm officially convinced you enjoy drama. You seem to feed off of it. If you want to protect her than let her go. Continuing any type of communication is going to increase her chances of being caught.

 

If her H is so controlling and horrible than she needs to get out. A change in lifestyle is not going to kill her. It actually might do her some good. Staying for the "family unit" is complete BS. I don't buy it. She's basically forcing her children to live in a false reality. For what? Money? Social status? Is a materialistic lifestyle really worth all that?

 

Honestly, I don't get why you're so obsessed with trying to save her. The two of you made your beds, why not take a little responsibility? She needs to put on her big girl panties and face the music. You need to back off and let her take ownership for her actions. You're NOT her husband. It's not your job to be her knight in shining armor. For the first since I've joined this forum, I'm starting to believe you're story is fake and you enjoy getting a reaction out of all of us. It's sad because you were one of my favorite posters.

[waterwoman]

I must admit you do seem to be treating her a bit like a helpless child. 'Saving her butt' seems to be a job for the lady herself.

[2sunny]

If Donald Trump can get divorced - so can you two.

 

If your OW has such a controlling H and her A is her way of controlling something/anything. It's not nice that she does it this way - but it's what the victim does - find something they can control.

 

And it makes you feel powerful rescuing the victim.

 

Ultimately, it's a big f*** you to her husband. He may find out - and she is the only one responsible for how she participated.

 

If your W finds out - will it even matter? Will she even care?

[Realist3]

K: As you can tell I got my stuff back.

M: grest

M: great.

K: You did it.

M: No, I didn't. The laptop and phone were clean when I looked at them. I just double checked to make sure you didn't have anything floating around. They were clean. I knew he wouldn't anything. You're welcome.

K: Guess what?

M: I'm not playing any guessing games, spill it.

K: He apologized.

M: Super.

K: No, I mean he really apologized.

M: Well, it is the 4th of July want to throw a parade?

M: Have you ever heard of giving someone a false sense of security?

K: this was sincere.

M: Uh huh. Keep telling yourself that.

K: He unistalled the keylogger. You can look for yourself.

M: Hmmm. I'm not looking because it doesn't concern me anymore.

M: You still have one other GLARING problem.

K: No, I don't.

M: Yes, ya do. The video.

K: I took care of it.

M: lol yeah right.

K: I did.

M: Okay, James Bond, what did you do to take care of it? Maybe Octopussy is more fitting.

K: I went with him to his workout in the afternoon.

M: What, were you practicing for Cheer camp?

K: Ha ha, not funny.

K: I worked out a bit then went to the bathroom, but instead to the security room. I deleted the DVR.

M: Good thinking. Are you sure?

K: Yep.

M: I gotta hand it to you, that was a smart move.

K: I'm good like that.

M: If you were good like that, you wouldn't have to have done it in the first place.

K: I took care of it and that is all that matters. You can make fun of me all you want.

M: Good for you. I'm glad you figured out how to handle it. Chalk one up for the brains of blondes.

K: Screw you.

M: No, I made my decision.

M: I'm serious.

K: We'll see.

M: Yes, you will see.

M: Stop messaging me.

M: I gotta go. Congrats on solving that problem. Enjoy the 4th. Bye.

K: So now you are going to act like Mr. tough guy because I hurt your feewings?

M: You didn't hurt my feelings. Bye.

K: Enjoy the day. See ya Monday. I have something special planned for Katy.

M: Don't count on it.

[whatatangledweb]

I have to say I am surprised that you stuck to what you said you were going to do. I am glad that you did. Seeing her on monday may change your mind. I really hope you stick to your guns. You both have seemed to avoid any fallout this time but he will keep watching from now on. You don't want your life to fall down around you and it will happen if you continue.

 

I know this is hard for you and you are hurting and I'm sorry for that. You will have to stay strong as it appears from that texting that she does not take what you are saying seriously.

[Hope Shimmers]

"Chalk up one for the brains of blondes?"

 

Nice.

[veryhappy]

You are being very mean to her when all this started because it didn't register with you when she told you not to message.

 

 

All is good enough, so welcome to real life and you don't have to deal with a dday. The a is over...what are you going to do?

[2sunny]

I guess that's her trying to tell you she covered her own butt after doing something stupid.

 

And you just responding with Hmmm, ok...

 

And her attempt to get you to go back to her "old normal" (communicating within the affair) - yet you are somewhat dismissive to her.

 

 

 

When her H keeps digging more - he will eventually find what he's been looking for...as long as you two keep corresponding - you will eventually be found out.

 

 

It's summertime, you don't have the "veil" of school to meet as easily now.

 

She's probably wondering how to see you...

[Realist3]

You are being very mean to her when all this started because it didn't register with you when she told you not to message.

 

 

All is good enough, so welcome to real life and you don't have to deal with a dday. The a is over...what are you going to do?

 

 

I agree. I had to be mean to her because she would not take no for an answer. Here is the real deal. We both saw though each other's position. She escaped through this by the skin of her teeth. I know it, she knows it.

[Realist3]

I guess that's her trying to tell you she covered her own butt after doing something stupid.

 

And you just responding with Hmmm, ok...

 

And her attempt to get you to go back to her "old normal" (communicating within the affair) - yet you are somewhat dismissive to her.

 

 

 

When her H keeps digging more - he will eventually find what he's been looking for...as long as you two keep corresponding - you will eventually be found out.

 

 

It's summertime, you don't have the "veil" of school to meet as easily now.

 

She's probably wondering how to see you...

 

 

There is nothing to dig to.

[KathyM]

You may have dodged a bullet this time, but I wouldn't consider the case closed at this point. The BS is still suspicious, and has been for quite some time. Hopefully, this is a wake up call for you that when you have these outside relationships with women, there is always a risk it will blow up and be discovered at some point, despite your over-the-top efforts to conceal it. If you don't want your family or yourself to be at risk of negative consequences from these outside relationships, I suggest you refrain from them. You've seen how close you came to being discovered despite your over-the-top efforts to conceal. Don't risk things that you value (your kids, your relationship with your kids, etc.) It's not worth it. You've been under the false impression that you are not risking anything, but hopefully this close call will show you that you are risking a lot, and have a lot to lose. Your reputation in the community, your family's reputation, the respect/love/admiration of your kids, and possibly your marriage. Even though you say your wife tolerates your infidelity, everyone has a breaking point when the **** starts to stink too much for them. When the OW in my sister's marriage started to cause trouble, that is when all hell broke loose and their marriage ended. Don't risk what you aren't willing to lose, and don't kid yourself that you won't lose it, or that you won't be discovered. You may or may not have dodged a bullet this time around. That remains to be seen. But as you can see, even your over-the-top efforts to conceal were not foolproof. Thinking that you are immune to discovery, or immune to negative consequences is foolish, because there will always be the risk, despite your efforts to reduce the risk. Playing Russian Roulette with other people's lives and your own is not a good plan.

[underpants]

Is there a camera in the security room of the gym?

 

Did anyone see you two meet there? Someone parking, going in or out?

 

Could a PI have seen the meeting?

 

He suspects you. The cheerleading meet up will be his next focus.

 

I do think that the fun spy vs spy romance has its own energy and without outside influences it would not hold. Meaning I'm not sure you two could sustain an authentic relationship.

 

Anyway drama on good sir. Is Fabio being floated for your romance novel cover art?

Edited July 4, 2014 by underpants

[2sunny]

There is nothing to dig to.

 

Until next time.

 

Or YET... Because I doubt it's over.

 

It's only a matter of when.

[jellybean89]

I am just blown away by your illegal activities of "rooting" a phone that doesn't belong to you. You claim to be/have been an attorney and you know that is so wrong and illegal.

 

It does sound like you truly enjoy the secrecy and conspiracy of the affair - all the time you have spent on that could have been spent with your children. Think of all the time in the last 4.5 years you have wasted on not only having an affair, but covering up the affair, making up new codes (lyrics in a child's song), etc when it could have been spent making memories with your kids or ... GETTING A DIVORCE.

 

You claim all these things about her husband, yet she stays with him. Him "controlling" her by having a key logger on the phone --- do you not see the hypocrisy of that? She's a cheater and a liar. He has good reason to be suspicious of her -- because she is a cheater and a liar! I hope her H does find evidence and I hope he kicks her to the curb. I hope your wife truly sees you for what you are and what your actions have caused her and your children (lies, betrayal, disrespect, etc).

 

I feel so sorry for the children in these two families....if they only knew the amount of deception that is going on under their nose and how their activities (cheer camp) are used for contact for an affair.

 

This entire situation is disgusting and pathetic and so full of drama it would put a 13 year old's sleepover to shame. There is no honesty and integrity and I hope the children of these 2 families can find good, decent honest role models in their lives since their parents can't provide that.

[Hope Shimmers]

I am just blown away by your illegal activities of "rooting" a phone that doesn't belong to you. You claim to be/have been an attorney and you know that is so wrong and illegal.

 

It does sound like you truly enjoy the secrecy and conspiracy of the affair - all the time you have spent on that could have been spent with your children. Think of all the time in the last 4.5 years you have wasted on not only having an affair, but covering up the affair, making up new codes (lyrics in a child's song), etc when it could have been spent making memories with your kids or ... GETTING A DIVORCE.

 

You claim all these things about her husband, yet she stays with him. Him "controlling" her by having a key logger on the phone --- do you not see the hypocrisy of that? She's a cheater and a liar. He has good reason to be suspicious of her -- because she is a cheater and a liar! I hope her H does find evidence and I hope he kicks her to the curb. I hope your wife truly sees you for what you are and what your actions have caused her and your children (lies, betrayal, disrespect, etc).

 

I feel so sorry for the children in these two families....if they only knew the amount of deception that is going on under their nose and how their activities (cheer camp) are used for contact for an affair.

 

This entire situation is disgusting and pathetic and so full of drama it would put a 13 year old's sleepover to shame. There is no honesty and integrity and I hope the children of these 2 families can find good, decent honest role models in their lives since their parents can't provide that.

 

I TOTALLY agree with this. It's what I have been thinking. Twelve pages of posts in this thread about finding new ways to deceive, lie, and cheat! OMG!

 

It's honestly hard to believe any of this is true. That adults (professional adults, yet) would actually act this way. It's like junior high all over again.

 

All of the drama seems just to fuel both of you. I don't for a second believe your relationship would work without the drama of it being an 'affair'.

 

I wish for you that you had that time back that you could have put into your children and family. Your wife might not be the person you want to be with, but YOU married her and despite the fact that she "is okay with" this lying, deceiving, and cheating on her, I would bet that she has been crying inside for years now. I feel so badly for her and for the kids involved in this convoluted, immature mess.

Edited July 5, 2014 by Hope Shimmers

[AlwaysGrowing]

Personally, I have never understood the allure of being in a relationship with someone who needed to be "parented", let alone being the "parented" one.

 

From the outside it seems your OW doubled-down on controlling men.

 

From my life experiences, the issues then reside within the person who habitually chooses the same "mate". Hard to take their complaints seriously when they choose it over and over. There has to be some type of payoff for them. Usually it is the "victim" card.

[Hope Shimmers]

Personally, I have never understood the allure of being in a relationship with someone who needed to be "parented", let alone being the "parented" one.

 

From the outside it seems your OW doubled-down on controlling men.

 

From my life experiences, the issues then reside within the person who habitually chooses the same "mate". Hard to take their complaints seriously when they choose it over and over. There has to be some type of payoff for them. Usually it is the "victim" card.

 

I think the allure is making the "parenting" one feel more in control.

 

I agree she seems very weak, helpless, and dependent and it's hard to understand why men want women like that, unless it's the control thing. Personally I would have been completely DONE with the "chalk one up for the blondes" statement. Rude and I wouldn't have put up with it, but then I am not a weak woman.

[Realist3]

I am just blown away by your illegal activities of "rooting" a phone that doesn't belong to you. You claim to be/have been an attorney and you know that is so wrong and illegal.

 

It does sound like you truly enjoy the secrecy and conspiracy of the affair - all the time you have spent on that could have been spent with your children. Think of all the time in the last 4.5 years you have wasted on not only having an affair, but covering up the affair, making up new codes (lyrics in a child's song), etc when it could have been spent making memories with your kids or ... GETTING A DIVORCE.

 

You claim all these things about her husband, yet she stays with him. Him "controlling" her by having a key logger on the phone --- do you not see the hypocrisy of that? She's a cheater and a liar. He has good reason to be suspicious of her -- because she is a cheater and a liar! I hope her H does find evidence and I hope he kicks her to the curb. I hope your wife truly sees you for what you are and what your actions have caused her and your children (lies, betrayal, disrespect, etc).

 

I feel so sorry for the children in these two families....if they only knew the amount of deception that is going on under their nose and how their activities (cheer camp) are used for contact for an affair.

 

This entire situation is disgusting and pathetic and so full of drama it would put a 13 year old's sleepover to shame. There is no honesty and integrity and I hope the children of these 2 families can find good, decent honest role models in their lives since their parents can't provide that.

 

 

It is her phone. She owns it. She asked me to do it. I did not force her to so anything with her own property.

 

I can appreciate if you don't like what s going on, that is your deal. The very fact that you yourself are reading on an infidelity board should give you pause about you own 'grownup pants'.

[beach]

K: As you can tell I got my stuff back.

M: grest

M: great.

K: You did it.

M: No, I didn't. The laptop and phone were clean when I looked at them. I just double checked to make sure you didn't have anything floating around. They were clean. I knew he wouldn't anything. You're welcome.

K: Guess what?

M: I'm not playing any guessing games, spill it.

K: He apologized.

M: Super.

K: No, I mean he really apologized.

M: Well, it is the 4th of July want to throw a parade?

M: Have you ever heard of giving someone a false sense of security?

K: this was sincere.

M: Uh huh. Keep telling yourself that.

K: He unistalled the keylogger. You can look for yourself.

M: Hmmm. I'm not looking because it doesn't concern me anymore.

M: You still have one other GLARING problem.

K: No, I don't.

M: Yes, ya do. The video.

K: I took care of it.

M: lol yeah right.

K: I did.

M: Okay, James Bond, what did you do to take care of it? Maybe Octopussy is more fitting.

K: I went with him to his workout in the afternoon.

M: What, were you practicing for Cheer camp?

K: Ha ha, not funny.

K: I worked out a bit then went to the bathroom, but instead to the security room. I deleted the DVR.

M: Good thinking. Are you sure?

K: Yep.

M: I gotta hand it to you, that was a smart move.

K: I'm good like that.

M: If you were good like that, you wouldn't have to have done it in the first place.

K: I took care of it and that is all that matters. You can make fun of me all you want.

M: Good for you. I'm glad you figured out how to handle it. Chalk one up for the brains of blondes.

K: Screw you.

M: No, I made my decision.

M: I'm serious.

K: We'll see.

M: Yes, you will see.

M: Stop messaging me.

M: I gotta go. Congrats on solving that problem. Enjoy the 4th. Bye.

K: So now you are going to act like Mr. tough guy because I hurt your feewings?

M: You didn't hurt my feelings. Bye.

K: Enjoy the day. See ya Monday. I have something special planned for Katy.

M: Don't count on it.

 

 

It seems like you aren't wanting to interact with her. Yet you kept responding to her.

 

I'm confused by your conflicting words vs the actions of continuing to answer her posts. In your mind is it on or is it still off?

[Hope Shimmers]

It is her phone. She owns it. She asked me to do it. I did not force her to so anything with her own property.

 

I can appreciate if you don't like what s going on, that is your deal. The very fact that you yourself are reading on an infidelity board should give you pause about you own 'grownup pants'.

 

Ten characters.

Edited July 5, 2014 by Hope Shimmers

[Realist3]

I would have been completely DONE with the "chalk one up for the blondes" statement. Rude and I wouldn't have put up with it, but then I am not a weak woman.

 

It was a joke. She said 'make fun of me all you want.', so I did.

Edited July 15, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Realist3]

K: I took care of it and that is all that matters. You can make fun of me all you want.

M: Good for you. I'm glad you figured out how to handle it. Chalk one up for the brains of blondes.

 

10 characters.

[Realist3]

What some people may not get is that we have always had a somewhat snarky back and forth. That is just the way we talk.

[Hope Shimmers]

It was a joke. She said 'make fun of me all you want.', so I did.

 

Joke or not. I would have been done. Whatever - if she puts up with it, great.