Surprise

[bentleychic]

Go ahead and tell, but perhaps read a bunch of posts about d-day first. You may think telling her will change your world. I guarantee it will, but I don't think it will the way that you may think.

[jellybean89]

Solo,

 

is your reason for telling truly unselfish and you want her to know what a pig he is? Or is it because you are hoping that she leaves him and you get him fulltime?

 

You know deep in your heart he isn't leaving. You have to. His actions - going south with his wife for months during the winter, running back to his house to get his phone so his wife doesn't find out - are not actions of someone who wants to end the marriage.

 

You keep claiming your relationship is out in the open...yet none of his family know about it. I believe you mentioned before you and he met at AA - and I am assuming it is there that he shows you all these public displays of affection - yet he isn't wanting his wife to truly find out. A man who wants to end his marriage doesn't go away with his wife for months nor does he make sure she can't see his phone.

 

How much more are you willing to tolerate? Is it because he helps you financially? Is it about the money? He is an old man who 'dates' you in his truck....do you realize that isn't healthy or special?

 

Are you competing with his wife? It seems like that from your posts..you seem to want to be HIS woman and degrade his wife quite a bit. She isn't going to give up her retirement/future -- she has invested 30+ years into this guy....she isn't leaving. He has shown you he isn't leaving.

 

So why do you stay? Seriously. Why do you stay?

[2sunny]

I see you felt weak.

 

Keep dating the single guy - and try shutting down contact with the MM more and more.

 

The more you have a guy really making effort to see you, date you and treat you well - hopefully the less you'll consider ANY contact from MM who is all words and no action.

 

He's busy... Ya, right. It only means he's not worried yet that you've found someone available. Don't tell him you're dating others - because then he will suddenly have loads of time to spend on you.

 

 

Make decisions in YOUR best interest. If you're not deciding what's best for you, who's going to? Certainly not the MM!

[bathtub-row]

Well I must be a very weak person or just not pissed off enough yet.

 

Saturday night I had a date with an available man. It was fun and I had a good time.

 

Sunday morning I left my phone off until 9 a.m. (he usually calls around eight). When I turned it back on he started phoning - I didn't answer. He phoned four times within one hour. I felt proud.

 

By the afternoon I felt weakness setting in and, yep you guessed it, I phoned him. He was relieved to hear from me.

 

As to why I want to tell his wife, I think she already knows deep in her heart, she knows my name and has been warned about me et cetera, and I think there is a lot of gaslighting going on. She deserves to know that her husband has been declaring love to another woman for two years.

 

I was hoping to see him today but he phoned and he has to work. I believe it, but I was a little pissy so he has phoned three times since with little nuggets like "I saw black eyed susans and thought of you." blah blah blah.

 

Anyway, this baby is about to arrive any day now and I am picturing him at a Christening and all happy families and although I should be happy for his daughter, and I am sort of, I can't help thinking how this will affect my life.

 

Everybody says this stuff about telling the wife because they have decided that she has the right to know. Here's the deal, if he's so obvious about the affair and if she really wanted to know, she would've uncovered it herself. If she is really that clueless, then I can tell you that if you have no conscious about anything, this is the time to develop one because a spouse finding out about an affair is about the most brutal news a person can be faced with. What if she becomes so hurt, so heartbroken that she kills herself? How would you feel then?

 

I think you want to tell her because you think it will cause them to break up and make him come running to you. I hope you will do some true soul-searching about this. I've been through this and even though I was leaving my husband anyway, I wish I had never known about his affair. It cut me to my core. For weeks, I woke up at night crying and shaking. This is not even remotely entertaining. I had diarrhea constantly and could hardly eat. I would personally NEVER want to be responsible for inflicting that kind of pain on anyone.

 

Think about it from this perspective. If your mom and dad are/were together, and one of your siblings is bringing a grandchild into this world for them, and then shortly after that, some stranger comes along and drops a sledgehammer on your whole family. This stranger means absolutely nothing to this family unit. As harsh as it sounds, you're a non-entity to this family unit. No matter how dysfunctional you think it is, it is for all intents and purposes a tightly knit family.

 

MM needs to make the decisions about his family. If you don't let him do that, it'll all blow up in your face. Not only that, you'll be party to inflicting a kind of pain on someone that can only cause you deep, irrevocable regret. I hope you'll think about this.

[solostand]

Wow, I feel bad now.

 

I just felt she needed to know the TRUTH about her life. I know she is wondering what is wrong with him - he has told me things that suggest it. I would want to know, especially if I was wondering what was going on for a long time.

 

Also I know if I tell her it will end it for good.

 

And I am not "dating a man in his truck". He has a car too, lol. No really, we do go places and do things together. We go fishing and to the beach and out to eat etc. etc.

 

I don't plan to tell until this baby thing is over. The daughter came home to have the baby - she lives about a thousand miles away. The wife will return home with her when she leaves, to help look after baby. The baby is overdue - he could be born today.

[Tullyseptember]

Solo there is no way to know for sure from what he tells you what his wife thinks about any subject unless his wife verifies that she in fact feels or thinks what he has said to you. Staying away from assumptions on his family's life I think would be a big step for you to bring the focus back on your life where it belongs. Really think long and hard on your motives for wanting to tell his wife anything. It also seems from what you've written that you are more concerned about what she is doing or thinking than what you have gotten yourself involved in. I at one time focused most of my energy into the third person in my relationship and it was so unhealthy and got me no answers. I believe his wife should know and at the same time I feel you shouldn't be the one to do it. At least not until you gain perspective on this incredibly hurtful situation for all involved. Take some steps back from this man, turn your phone off and really feel the hurt before acting upon it.

[Sub]

The wife will return home with her when she leaves, to help look after baby.

 

Are you planning on telling the W before she's a thousand miles away to help care for their grandchild? Or upon her return?

[KaliLove]

Everybody says this stuff about telling the wife because they have decided that she has the right to know. Here's the deal, if he's so obvious about the affair and if she really wanted to know, she would've uncovered it herself. If she is really that clueless, then I can tell you that if you have no conscious about anything, this is the time to develop one because a spouse finding out about an affair is about the most brutal news a person can be faced with. What if she becomes so hurt, so heartbroken that she kills herself? How would you feel then?

 

I think you want to tell her because you think it will cause them to break up and make him come running to you. I hope you will do some true soul-searching about this. I've been through this and even though I was leaving my husband anyway, I wish I had never known about his affair. It cut me to my core. For weeks, I woke up at night crying and shaking. This is not even remotely entertaining. I had diarrhea constantly and could hardly eat. I would personally NEVER want to be responsible for inflicting that kind of pain on anyone.

 

Think about it from this perspective. If your mom and dad are/were together, and one of your siblings is bringing a grandchild into this world for them, and then shortly after that, some stranger comes along and drops a sledgehammer on your whole family. This stranger means absolutely nothing to this family unit. As harsh as it sounds, you're a non-entity to this family unit. No matter how dysfunctional you think it is, it is for all intents and purposes a tightly knit family.

 

MM needs to make the decisions about his family. If you don't let him do that, it'll all blow up in your face. Not only that, you'll be party to inflicting a kind of pain on someone that can only cause you deep, irrevocable regret. I hope you'll think about this.

 

If someone kills themselves it's no one's fault but their own.

 

His wife has every right to know the truth about her own life so she can decide for herself whether or not she wants to stay with her husband. Not knowing is not going to make it not true. And what if he's sleeping with other women? What if he gives her an STD?

Edited August 5, 2014 by KaliLove

[bathtub-row]

If someone kills themselves it's no one's fault but their own.

 

His wife has every right to know the truth about her own life so she can decide for herself whether or not she wants to stay with her husband. Not knowing is not going to make it not true. And what if he's sleeping with other women? What if he gives her an STD?

 

That's one perspective and I respect it. I just happen to disagree with it. Not being that individual, you can't know what she NEEDS to know vs. what she WANTS to know.

 

As far as suicide is concerned, I agree that it's a person's choice, however, I would not want to be in any way the catalyst to that. I wouldn't even want to be responsible for inflicting that kind of pain on someone, much less saying something that would lead them down the path of taking their life.

 

Look, this is not someone being in a twisted relationship where someone threatens suicide if that person leaves them. This is a situation where someone has been party to something that will be perceived for what it is -- a huge betrayal. Those two situations are very different, and dropping crappy news like that in their lap is just plain unkind and unnecessary.

[bathtub-row]

Wow, I feel bad now.

 

I just felt she needed to know the TRUTH about her life. I know she is wondering what is wrong with him - he has told me things that suggest it. I would want to know, especially if I was wondering what was going on for a long time.

 

Also I know if I tell her it will end it for good.

 

And I am not "dating a man in his truck". He has a car too, lol. No really, we do go places and do things together. We go fishing and to the beach and out to eat etc. etc.

 

I don't plan to tell until this baby thing is over. The daughter came home to have the baby - she lives about a thousand miles away. The wife will return home with her when she leaves, to help look after baby. The baby is overdue - he could be born today.

 

Apparently not bad enough to refrain from going down this path though.

 

Now, here's the selfish point of view. Let's say you drop this bomb on wifey. Guess what will most likely happen. MM will catch hell from her, he will do and say whatever he can to make things better, and then he'll feel so bad about hurting her that the tables turn and she becomes the innocent victim in this whole mess. Suddenly, you become the evil empire for wrecking his life and making his wife cry. Forgotten are all the things he said about her.

 

As I often say, don't gamble if you can't afford to lose.

[KaliLove]

That's one perspective and I respect it. I just happen to disagree with it. Not being that individual, you can't know what she NEEDS to know vs. what she WANTS to know.

 

As far as suicide is concerned, I agree that it's a person's choice, however, I would not want to be in any way the catalyst to that. I wouldn't even want to be responsible for inflicting that kind of pain on someone, much less saying something that would lead them down the path of taking their life.

 

Look, this is not someone being in a twisted relationship where someone threatens suicide if that person leaves them. This is a situation where someone has been party to something that will be perceived for what it is -- a huge betrayal. Those two situations are very different, and dropping crappy news like that in their lap is just plain unkind and unnecessary.

 

That makes no sense..how can his wife know if she WANTS to know all the facts unless she knows them already? And what if the wife simply catches her husband cheating with Solo without being told and then commits suicide? Is that Solo's fault too?

 

She deserves to know the truth about HER OWN life so she can make an informed decision about her future, whether it's bad news or not. Do you think doctors shouldn't tell cancer patients that they have cancer just because it's bad news? Shouldn't cancer patients have the right to treat their cancer? It's unkind to keep people in the dark about their own lives.

 

I am strongly anti-affair (I was the BS, not the OW, just FYI), but people go through nasty relationship drama every single day. If his wife's not strong enough to cope with it, that's neither her husband nor the OP's fault.

 

If someone commits suicide, it is their decision and their decision alone.

 

Sincerely,

The child of a parent who committed suicide..it took me a very long time and a lot of therapy to realize that it wasn't my fault and there's nothing I could have done to stop it.

[bathtub-row]

That makes no sense..how can his wife know if she WANTS to know all the facts unless she knows them already? And what if the wife simply catches her husband cheating with Solo without being told and then commits suicide? Is that Solo's fault too?

 

She deserves to know the truth about HER OWN life so she can make an informed decision about her future, whether it's bad news or not. Do you think doctors shouldn't tell cancer patients that they have cancer just because it's bad news? Shouldn't cancer patients have the right to treat their cancer? It's unkind to keep people in the dark about their own lives.

 

I am strongly anti-affair (I was the BS, not the OW, just FYI), but people go through nasty relationship drama every single day. If his wife's not strong enough to cope with it, that's neither her husband nor the OP's fault.

 

If someone commits suicide, it is their decision and their decision alone.

 

Sincerely,

The child of a parent who committed suicide..it took me a very long time and a lot of therapy to realize that it wasn't my fault and there's nothing I could have done to stop it.

 

I'm not speaking from a biased viewpoint, either.

 

In a nutshell, this is what I'm trying to say: just because you would want to know this piece of information, does not mean that everyone else would want to know it. I think people should ask themselves if they have the RIGHT to interfere with that; basically placing their beliefs or choices on someone else. You're making an assumption that everyone else thinks the same way that you do on this issue, or that your way of thinking is the best and, therefore, it rules. The truth is, they don't and it doesn't.

 

WHAT HIS WIFE ACTUALLY DESERVES is for her dumb butt husband to make a decision one way or the other about his marriage and to get off the fence. That's what she really deserves. That's the biggest favor this man could do for both women in his life.

 

As nuts as it may sound to you, the affair isn't the biggest issue here. His choices are (or the lack thereof). He needs to either take a stand and leave his wife, or end the affair. But this takes all the decision-making out of the OW's hands and that's why she wants to play the "I'm telling his wife" card. She wants the control and it pisses her off that she doesn't have it. The only control she actually has is to put an end to the affair and tell him to come back when he's single. But she doesn't want to do that. Hence this big fat mess, and hence the lashing out at the wife. Amp up the drama....force his hand.

 

Maybe someone should google "I told his wife about our affair and now we live happily together" and see what the results are. I could take a guess...

 

My heart bleeds for MM's wife because one of the happiest moments of her life is about to be tainted by something like this.

 

 

PS Kali - I'm really sorry about your mom. You're right, that wasn't in any way your fault.

Edited August 6, 2014 by bathtub-row

[anika99]

If I were a BS I would want to know. I'd be pissed off at anyone who knew and didn't tell me. Why shouldn't the BW be given a choice? Just because she is informed of the affair it doesn't mean she has to divorce. Maybe she'd like the chance to fight for her marriage. Maybe if she knew she'd know that there is a competition underway and it would even the playing field. Right now the OP has the unfair advantage and the BW isn't being given any choices at all. How is that better for the BW?

[Mount]

But for those couples married over 30 years how come the BWs would NOT know who their husbands really are? I think it is pointless if OW tells BW or not tell, no much difference in the end anyway.

 

If I were a BS I would want to know. I'd be pissed off at anyone who knew and didn't tell me. Why shouldn't the BW be given a choice? Just because she is informed of the affair it doesn't mean she has to divorce. Maybe she'd like the chance to fight for her marriage. Maybe if she knew she'd know that there is a competition underway and it would even the playing field. Right now the OP has the unfair advantage and the BW isn't being given any choices at all. How is that better for the BW?

[KaliLove]

I'm not speaking from a biased viewpoint, either.

 

In a nutshell, this is what I'm trying to say: just because you would want to know this piece of information, does not mean that everyone else would want to know it. I think people should ask themselves if they have the RIGHT to interfere with that; basically placing their beliefs or choices on someone else. You're making an assumption that everyone else thinks the same way that you do on this issue, or that your way of thinking is the best and, therefore, it rules. The truth is, they don't and it doesn't.

 

WHAT HIS WIFE ACTUALLY DESERVES is for her dumb butt husband to make a decision one way or the other about his marriage and to get off the fence. That's what she really deserves. That's the biggest favor this man could do for both women in his life.

 

As nuts as it may sound to you, the affair isn't the biggest issue here. His choices are (or the lack thereof). He needs to either take a stand and leave his wife, or end the affair. But this takes all the decision-making out of the OW's hands and that's why she wants to play the "I'm telling his wife" card. She wants the control and it pisses her off that she doesn't have it. The only control she actually has is to put an end to the affair and tell him to come back when he's single. But she doesn't want to do that. Hence this big fat mess, and hence the lashing out at the wife. Amp up the drama....force his hand.

 

Maybe someone should google "I told his wife about our affair and now we live happily together" and see what the results are. I could take a guess...

 

My heart bleeds for MM's wife because one of the happiest moments of her life is about to be tainted by something like this.

 

 

PS Kali - I'm really sorry about your mom. You're right, that wasn't in any way your fault.

 

1. She has already interfered in their marriage. Telling the wife the truth is not interfering.

 

2. Why should the husband get to be the one to make that decision? Why shouldn't his wife get to decide what SHE wants? That seems supremely unfair.

 

3. Once again, she deserves the TRUTH about her own life. She deserves to be the one who gets to make the decision. You are advocating burying ones' head in the sand and pretending everything is fine when it's not. That's SO unhealthy. Whether it hurts or not, everyone deserves to know the truth about their lives.

 

You think his wife should live a lie and let other people control her life, I think she deserves to know the truth so she can make decisions about her own life. I have a feeling we're just going to have to agree to disagree.

Edited August 6, 2014 by KaliLove

[Hope Shimmers]

She deserves to know the truth about HER OWN life so she can make an informed decision about her future, whether it's bad news or not.

 

I know you don't agree with this, but this is your OPINION, based on what YOU think people should want. Not everyone wants this. People who don't want it for whatever reason - because they don't want to make an "informed decision about their future" - have just as much right to that opinion as yours. There are a lot of people out there who do not want to make "informed decisions" about their marriage and would just rather let it go, for whatever reason. My ex-MM's wife was one. There are many others.

 

Do you think doctors shouldn't tell cancer patients that they have cancer just because it's bad news? Shouldn't cancer patients have the right to treat their cancer? It's unkind to keep people in the dark about their own lives.

 

This isn't even remotely the same thing in terms of an example. No healthcare professional keeps patients "in the dark" about their diagnoses unless the patient has requested it. The point, however, is that there IS a choice and some patients do NOT want to know. YOU may think it's 'unkind', but you aren't the one involved.

 

But if we pretend that it is a good example, then yes, there are patients who do not want to know the details of their diagnoses (I'm a physician so I have experienced this). They don't want to make "informed decisions" or ANY decisions about their health or their life. We can't force it on them, however hard that is to accept. The same is true with this kind of situation. It is their right to choose what they want to know and not know.

 

If someone commits suicide, it is their decision and their decision alone.

 

Very true. If someone wants to commit suicide, they will do it. No one can stop them.

[KaliLove]

I know you don't agree with this, but this is your OPINION, based on what YOU think people should want. Not everyone wants this. People who don't want it for whatever reason - because they don't want to make an "informed decision about their future" - have just as much right to that opinion as yours. There are a lot of people out there who do not want to make "informed decisions" about their marriage and would just rather let it go, for whatever reason. My ex-MM's wife was one. There are many others.

 

 

 

This isn't even remotely the same thing in terms of an example. No healthcare professional keeps patients "in the dark" about their diagnoses unless the patient has requested it. The point, however, is that there IS a choice and some patients do NOT want to know. YOU may think it's 'unkind', but you aren't the one involved.

 

But if we pretend that it is a good example, then yes, there are patients who do not want to know the details of their diagnoses (I'm a physician so I have experienced this). They don't want to make "informed decisions" or ANY decisions about their health or their life. We can't force it on them, however hard that is to accept. The same is true with this kind of situation. It is their right to choose what they want to know and not know.

 

 

 

Very true. If someone wants to commit suicide, they will do it. No one can stop them.

 

But if the wife is completely in the dark about everything, how can she choose what she wants to know and what she doesn't want to know? Your ex-MMs wife could not have made the decision to bury her head in the sand unless she was at least aware of the affair in a general sense.

 

There's no way for her to make a decision about what she wants to know unless she knows..so this entire debate is moot.

[Hope Shimmers]

But if the wife is completely in the dark about everything, how can she choose what she wants to know and what she doesn't want to know? Your ex-MMs wife could not have made the decision to bury her head in the sand unless she was at least aware of the affair in a general sense.

 

There's no way for her to make a decision about what she wants to know unless she knows..so this entire debate is moot.

 

 

No, it isn't 'moot'.

 

My ex-MM's wife decided to deny and that was the first thing she said after ex-MM told her he loved me. The first thing she said was "why did you have to tell me? I didn't want to know". You can't un-do that.

 

So maybe the answer is not to be so vehement about always insisting that the BS (that stranger on the internet) "should know". Maybe best to default to the other option, and (shock!!!) let the spouse - who actually knows the BS - make that decision. Maybe instead of "insisting" that the BS "should know" because that is what "she wants", let that be decided by the poster after hearing/reading various experiences.

[KaliLove]

No, it isn't 'moot'.

 

My ex-MM's wife decided to deny and that was the first thing she said after ex-MM told her he loved me. The first thing she said was "why did you have to tell me? I didn't want to know". You can't un-do that.

 

So maybe the answer is not to be so vehement about always insisting that the BS (that stranger on the internet) "should know". Maybe best to default to the other option, and (shock!!!) let the spouse - who actually knows the BS - make that decision. Maybe instead of "insisting" that the BS "should know" because that is what "she wants", let that be decided by the poster after hearing/reading various experiences.

 

I never said she would want to know. Who wants to hear bad news? Her husband already made one terrible and painful decision for her. It's his job to undo that by telling her the truth, but if he's too cowardly or selfish, I would hope the OW would be brave enough to do it for him.

 

No, you cannot un-tell someone something they don't want to know, but you also can't judge someones reaction to extraordinarily painful and awful news by the first thing they say after they hear it. I'm pretty sure one of the first things I said was that I wished I was dead. I don't.

 

I'm sure what she really wants is a husband who isn't a cheater.

[Hope Shimmers]

I never said she would want to know. Who wants to hear bad news?

Come on Kali, you know this is just semantics (at least I hope you do). Of course it's common sense that no one "wants" to know bad news. But many people on here - including you - have repeatedly said "if it were me I would want to know". So if it's really that unclear, I'll clarify it for you: The question is whether or not she would 'prefer to know', given that it was indeed true. Hope that clears it up.

 

That makes no sense..how can his wife know if she WANTS to know all the facts unless she knows them already?

 

Most people have a pretty good idea if they would 'prefer' to know and have at least thought about it. Most people (in my opinion) would not have to know 'all the facts' in order to decide whether they would or would not prefer to know something like that. In fact, most people here have stated one way or another how they would feel in that situation.

 

No, you cannot un-tell someone something they don't want to know, but you also can't judge someones reaction to extraordinarily painful and awful news by the first thing they say after they hear it. I'm pretty sure one of the first things I said was that I wished I was dead. I don't.

 

This is true, but again, you're assuming that the person absolutely always feels the way you do and if they say otherwise, it's an impetuous reaction caused by the initial stress of finding out. In my case, his W is STILL saying it. She in fact has said it many times over the years, and repeated it to me the last time I talked to her (years later). She further proves this by making a point of not seeking out information that would give her evidence that he is in fact STILL continuing to contact me, information that is right at her fingertips if she only wanted to verify it. She doesn't. As long as he isn't going to leave her, that's what matters to her. The rest she doesn't want to know.

 

My ex-MM knew very well (or should have) that she would not want to know and would be upset. I even told him this (heck, even I knew her well enough to know this was a lousy idea) but I think it was his guilt and he needed to get it out in the open. She is still upset that she was told!

 

There are varying degrees of that - people wanting to stay married for reasons other than what most marriages are about, or people like her who are willing to overlook it in order to keep her H. I can't image the OW just deciding for those people that they "should" know, and how that might blow their lives out of the water.

 

I'm sure what she really wants is a husband who isn't a cheater.

 

True. And in my case, since she cheated on him years ago too, I'm sure he feels the same way.

 

OP, I hope you think very carefully before doing this. If she has a right to know, it's not your job but the H's job to tell her. If he decides not to tell her, maybe that isn't 'fair' to her but neither is life, or maybe he thought it best not to for whatever reason. And it just isn't your place to tell her. That's my opinion.

 

Especially because if he were not treating you so badly, you wouldn't be thinking about telling her, would you?

[bathtub-row]

I never said she would want to know. Who wants to hear bad news? Her husband already made one terrible and painful decision for her. It's his job to undo that by telling her the truth, but if he's too cowardly or selfish, I would hope the OW would be brave enough to do it for him.

 

No, you cannot un-tell someone something they don't want to know, but you also can't judge someones reaction to extraordinarily painful and awful news by the first thing they say after they hear it. I'm pretty sure one of the first things I said was that I wished I was dead. I don't.

 

I'm sure what she really wants is a husband who isn't a cheater.

 

If I were married to someone for 2 yrs and he was a habitual cheater, yeah, I'd want to know. If I were married to someone for 2 yrs who cheated once and, in his heart of hearts, knew he'd never go down that path again and wanted to stay with me, then I wouldn't want to know.

 

If I were married to someone for 35 years (like MM's wife), then I wouldn't want to know anything about it because it would feel like my whole life with that person had been a lie. There is a such thing as too much truth, too much honesty. If MM leaves his wife, there's no point in digging the dagger deeper by divulging the affair. If he chooses to stay in his marriage, still no point in divulging.

 

It's all about perspective, circumstances, and timing. This is not a black and white issue for everyone. The truth is, an affair destroys everything - all the innocence, all the trust, everything. You become different people and a different couple. The damage is unreal. That knowledge is not always welcome and it's not always someone's place to make it known. If a couple is going to keep it together, I say let the cheater live with it so that the couple can carry on and be happy. Hopefully he has the sense not to screw up again.

[solostand]

Just got a call from MM. Baby is on the way. His daughter is in labor at the hospital this morning.

 

He says he is going to call me the minute he's a grandfather.

 

I knew the baby was a boy, I asked if there was a name picked out yet. He said yes. He told me the name. The baby's middle name is his name.

 

I felt like an intruder. I thought how angry she would be if she knew he was phoning his girlfriend with updates on the most intimate moment of her life. I imagined how quickly that daughter may change the name on that birth certificate if she found out what her beloved Daddy has been up to.

 

He is going to the hospital, but he is not going with his wife. He doesn't want to go with her. He said he is going to think up some excuse so they don't have to travel together.

 

Oh yes, he loves me and wants to see me tomorrow. Hey, maybe he could take time out between contractions and slip over to my place for a quickie! That is being sarcastic.

 

I am getting tired. . .

[whichwayisup]

Just got a call from MM. Baby is on the way. His daughter is in labor at the hospital this morning.

 

He says he is going to call me the minute he's a grandfather.

 

I knew the baby was a boy, I asked if there was a name picked out yet. He said yes. He told me the name. The baby's middle name is his name.

 

I felt like an intruder. I thought how angry she would be if she knew he was phoning his girlfriend with updates on the most intimate moment of her life. I imagined how quickly that daughter may change the name on that birth certificate if she found out what her beloved Daddy has been up to.

 

He is going to the hospital, but he is not going with his wife. He doesn't want to go with her. He said he is going to think up some excuse so they don't have to travel together.

 

Oh yes, he loves me and wants to see me tomorrow. Hey, maybe he could take time out between contractions and slip over to my place for a quickie! That is being sarcastic.

 

I am getting tired. . .

 

Sorry but I don't believe that for one second. And I hope you don't either. He is putting that on and telling you all this for YOUR benefit, so you don't get jealous or upset that he will be with his wife throughout this time.

 

And it's good you feel like an intruder and glad you're getting tired - Maybe this will be enough for you to say F-it, I'm done and tell him goodbye, and mean it this time.

 

He is officially a grandpa now. They all will be bonding No way is he going to end his marriage and walk out on his whole family, miss out on these precious moments with his grandson, and start a new life with you.

[SunshineToday]

 

He is going to the hospital, but he is not going with his wife. He doesn't want to go with her. He said he is going to think up some excuse so they don't have to travel together

 

. .

 

That statement about becoming grand parents and he is plotting and lying to his wife during this joyous occasion. It sucks.

Why do you want to be a part of that deception?

You and his wife deserve better!

[solostand]

The baby is born. He phoned me before she was out of the delivery room. He hadn't seen the baby yet, didn't know how much he weighed, hadn't seen his daughter yet, they were all still in the delivery room, but yet he phoned me. .

.

 

Anyway, tonight I ended up out and ran into a guy I went to school with since Grade 3. We hadn't seen each other in probably 25 years. Instant attraction - instant fun. We spent the evening together and have made a date for Saturday night. He wanted of course to come home with me tonight but I said NO WAY!!!! But there was chemistry, lots of it.

 

I also have a date for Friday night with another man who seems mad after me.

 

So maybe the thing will die out. MM could never understand why I was with him anyway, with my age, et cetera.