Surprise

[whichwayisup]

Anyway, tonight I ended up out and ran into a guy I went to school with since Grade 3. We hadn't seen each other in probably 25 years. Instant attraction - instant fun. We spent the evening together and have made a date for Saturday night. He wanted of course to come home with me tonight but I said NO WAY!!!! But there was chemistry, lots of it.

 

I also have a date for Friday night with another man who seems mad after me.

 

So why don't you just make the decision to end it? Why are you so afraid of letting MM go?

 

It won't die out because you're addicted to the drama and the push/pull game between you and MM. It'll end when YOU end it.

[Sub]

Anyway, tonight I ended up out and ran into a guy I went to school with since Grade 3. We hadn't seen each other in probably 25 years. Instant attraction - instant fun. We spent the evening together and have made a date for Saturday night. He wanted of course to come home with me tonight but I said NO WAY!!!! But there was chemistry, lots of it.

 

That's great. Good for you. See if you can restrain yourself from mentioning this to the MM, though. Not because you have any secrets to keep or anything like that. But I can imagine it will cause a bunch of drama that you may find appealing and keep you latched on to him. The whole "jealousy is cute and shows he cares" thing. You need to stop feeding the beast here.

[solostand]

Oh he hears NOTHING about my social life. I never tell him anything. It's none of his business. As far as he knows, I am dating every night, lol.

[anne1707]

The baby is born. He phoned me before she was out of the delivery room. He hadn't seen the baby yet, didn't know how much he weighed, hadn't seen his daughter yet, they were all still in the delivery room, but yet he phoned me. .

 

This tells me (and others too I am sure) all I need to know about this MM.

 

If the above is true then he is a POS for not caring to see how his daughter or new grandson is at this incredibly important moment in their lives.

 

Or it is not true and he just told you this to "charm" you. If he thinks calling you before seeing his daughter is supposed to sound impressive.... well I guess it is in a way. I am certainly left with the impression of a man who does not care one bit for anybody else. It is all about him and getting what he wants from people.

 

Please don't allow yourself to be sucked into this mess any longer Solo. Find yourself a real man.

[BrokenPrincess]

I will bet your MM thinks you are not dating any night. He thinks he's got you tucked away exclusively, loving him, waiting, etc (and yes his insecure side can't believe his luck that he's got you all to himself) I think he would flip the F out if he knew you were out dating, kissing other guys. He seems like an egomaniac from the way you've described him, throwing out cash, joking about his wife etc.

[Mount]

I don't quite understand, if you want your MM, why you never ever pushed him taking some actions, such as going to Lawyer, making his wife aware...etc. You are just being here, self-talking to yourself, describing how you THINK what MM should feel about you, or what you feel about MM based on your idea.

 

It is common sense that MM leaving wife is not easy, but I don't see MM has any contribution effort to your relationship with you. YOu are dating yourself in this relationship. But you project another yourself as the MM you think he is.

 

Just my thoughts.

[jellybean89]

Solo, why do you believe everything out of his mouth?

 

I've never heard of a person, at the hospital, who doesn't know any details except the kid was born. Doesn't this strike you as weird? You do t think someone would say "little Roger John Smith is here! 7lb 10 oz and 22 inches long! He's perfect! Mommy is doing great!" No one tells so wine "the kids been born". Come on...use your brain.

 

We know the MM proves financially for you, and gives you ego boosts...but again, come on. Open your eyes and stop looking at this with rose colored glasses.

 

I have to ask, is this former childhood school mate single? Why in the world would he assume he could have sex with you right after seeing you again? That would irritate me if someone I hadn't seen in 25+ years thinks I would have sex with them after having no contact. We aren't talking about 25 year olds!

[Mount]

Seriously, the verbal expression of love words from 60 years old men means nothing.

[solostand]

Seriously, the baby was not out of the delivery room yet and had not been weighed yet. His daughter was still in the delivery room. He was not in the delivery room. He wasn't even at the hospital at the time, he was home. Of course I believed him, why wouldn't I? If he knew how much the baby weighed, he would have told me. He had promised to call the minute it was born and I guess he did. Later I learned the baby weighed ten pounds two ounces and is 22 inches long. He also showed me pictures of the child. He also said we had to think up a name for me to be known as, because he is Papa and his wife is Nanny, so I should be grammie or something. Sometimes that man is irrational.

Edited August 8, 2014 by solostand

[anne1707]

So he couldn't even be bothered to get his sorry excuse for an ar$e to the hospital. It gets worse.

[solostand]

He does run a business and it's not the kind of business you can get up and leave - it is a life and death sort of business. But he was at the hospital later to see the baby and again today, he held him for the first time. The baby will be going home to his house tomorrow for a week or so and then back to their home province. He is hoping his wife will also go and stay for a month or more.

[anne1707]

His daughter and grandson were in a life or death situation too. Birth is pretty traumatic you know. Stop making excuses for him.

 

 

Edit: his work cannot be that much life or death if he can make time for a double life with you.

[solostand]

I don't know maybe its culture. Where I live grandparents don't normally attend the births of their grandchildren. When I had my son, my parents didn't even know I was in labor. I phoned them from the delivery room after the baby was born. My husband was with me. His parents were not.

She had her husband with her, and her mother who happens to be a nurse who specialized in babies.

[anne1707]

In post 124 you said he was going to the hospital as was his wife so it seems grandparents DO go to the hospital. However now his story has changed and all it does is make him seem like a shallow POS, especially if he thinks you will believe his lines.

[bathtub-row]

Anyway, tonight I ended up out and ran into a guy I went to school with since Grade 3. We hadn't seen each other in probably 25 years. Instant attraction - instant fun. We spent the evening together and have made a date for Saturday night. He wanted of course to come home with me tonight but I said NO WAY!!!! But there was chemistry, lots of it.

 

I hate to sound overly critical here but you might want to consider dating classier guys who don't talk about hopping in the sack with you after the first date. Sorry, I just think that was in poor taste on his part and I'm never impressed when a guy does that.

 

Also, gotta tell ya, I'm not completely convinced of this sudden 180 degree turn you've made. I think it's great to get out and take your focus off of MM but those old emotions can be very tricky things. Just stay cautious of them when MM comes sweet talking his way into your front door again. We can sometimes be our own worst enemy, you know?

[bathtub-row]

His daughter and grandson were in a life or death situation too. Birth is pretty traumatic you know. Stop making excuses for him.

 

Edit: his work cannot be that much life or death if he can make time for a double life with you.

 

I don't think it's odd that he wasn't there if he had a business to run. Although I do wonder about why his story changed about going to the hospital. Not sure about that one.

[whichwayisup]

I don't know maybe its culture. Where I live grandparents don't normally attend the births of their grandchildren. When I had my son, my parents didn't even know I was in labor. I phoned them from the delivery room after the baby was born. My husband was with me. His parents were not.

She had her husband with her, and her mother who happens to be a nurse who specialized in babies.

 

You must be in a very isolated and odd little Town in Eastern Canada. I am Canadian as well and not heard of the above.

He also showed me pictures of the child. He also said we had to think up a name for me to be known as, because he is Papa and his wife is Nanny, so I should be grammie or something. Sometimes that man is irrational.

 

Big pipe dream. It's sickening that he said 'you'll be grammie' to his grandchild.

[BrokenPrincess]

My dad was definitely not in the delivery room when I had my kids! I know this MM has some gotten posters kind of riled up since Solo started posted but I have never heard even any if my friends having their Dad or FIL there during labor. With my first I only wanted my husband at the hospital & told my parents we'd call them & let them know when they could come visit & meet the baby.

 

Isn't MM 65 years old too? a lot of American Dads in his generation didn't even GO to the hospital for their own childrens birth. I know my FIL definitely didn't And never changed a diaper either. He's never held his grandchildren as babies.

 

Don't get me wrong--texting your OW with the news right away is awful and foggy at best, but him not being baby crazy at the hospital doesn't seem that weird to me.

[2sunny]

Solo - that guy is rude.

 

And just more future faking from him.

 

The lies... Just ugh. I can't see how any guy like that is even attractive for one moment.

[whichwayisup]

Look at how he treats the woman he married, mother of their children. Look at his behaviour re: 1st grandchild. I hope you see the pattern and if you think he is going to treat you any better than he treats them (whether you end up with him or keep things going as an affair) you're fooling yourself.

 

He is no prize.

[anika99]

You must be in a very isolated and odd little Town in Eastern Canada. I am Canadian as well and not heard of the above.

 

 

Big pipe dream. It's sickening that he said 'you'll be grammie' to his grandchild.

 

 

I am Canadian and I live in a large city. Nobody I know had their father attend the delivery of their baby. Usually they have their partner present and sometimes their mom. I had my mom. It never even occurred to me to have my father present and he had to be at work anyways.

 

 

OP who exactly is going to be calling you grammie? The baby? How is that going to work. Are you and the MM going to fill his granddaughter in on your secret relationship?

[anne1707]

As someone who has issue with this "man" not being at the hospital, I never said he should have been in the delivery room and I do not understand how my posts could have been interpreted as such.

 

There is a difference between attending the delivery and waiting at the hospital. Seeing as his daughter has travelled to have her baby near her parents, I would have expected those parents to be waiting at the hospital (not in the delivery room). Solo even said he was going to the hospital yet later on he did not. It seems he can leave work to have an affair but he cannot leave work to be at the hospital for his daughter and grandson.

 

This MM's story is full of holes or he could just be a completely selfish pr*ck who cares only for himself. Or maybe both

[whichwayisup]

I am Canadian and I live in a large city. Nobody I know had their father attend the delivery of their baby. Usually they have their partner present and sometimes their mom. I had my mom. It never even occurred to me to have my father present and he had to be at work anyways.

 

 

OP who exactly is going to be calling you grammie? The baby? How is that going to work. Are you and the MM going to fill his granddaughter in on your secret relationship?

 

I didn't mean going into the actual room while she was having the baby.

 

Some families have the grandparents/grandfathers in the waiting room.

 

Seeing as his daughter has travelled to have her baby near her parents, I would have expected those parents to be waiting at the hospital (not in the delivery room).

 

Good point.

Edited August 9, 2014 by whichwayisup

[waterwoman]

Lord! If my parents has been in the delivery room with me my cervix would have slammed shut so hard . I'd never have given birth!! They are not relaxing people....let's leave it at that... Not normal IME to have grandparents in the room or even in the hospital although if my mum was a different sort of mum I can imagine it would have been good to have her there. .

 

However what really sticks in my throat with Solo's chap is that lengths he does to to convince her how little concern and respect he has for his wife and his family in general. And why he would think that would make him attractive to her.

[solostand]

He is of the generation where he was not even in the delivery room for his own children, and he has told me he was not a 'hand's on" dad with his babies, meaning he didn't change their diapers or do any child care. Once they got older he did and he loves his children very much. He did go to the hospital that day but labor took a long time and he left and went home. I'm not defending him, just telling how it is.

 

My Dad was also very much the same - he didn't even go to the hospital, just went after the baby was born to have a look at it. He never cared for us as babies, but when I got a little older, three or four, he was very sweet and obviously loved me.

 

As for what I see in this MM, maybe I am painting a negative picture on here because I usually post when I'm feeling pissed off or something. I know he is deceptive - lying to his wife - I even help him out with plausable lies. But we have such a close emotional relationship where we have told each other everything about each other, good and bad, I don't think he lies to me. He doesn't have to. I know he's married and I expect him to have sex with his wife. That's what married people do and I've never made that an issue. He tells me he can't have sex with her and he doesn't anymore because he is not sexually attracted to her. She thinks he has erectile dysfunction. I probably am more dishonest with him than he is with me - lies by omission because I don't tell him when I am dating someone. However, I make it a rule never to have sex with two men so none of these dates get sex. But maybe one of them will be The One who makes my rose colored glasses fall off.

 

As for his age - I try not to let it bother me. He doesn't look or act his age and I was truly surprised to learn how old he was. However, I know his age will prevent him from ever leaving unless he gets kicked out. A 35 year marriage, even with someone you don't love anymore, is not easy to walk away from, to alienate his adult children, who adore him, not good. The only way it will end is if she finds out and kicks him out, which is what I think he secretly wants so he won't have to be the "bad guy" and tell her. This I know means he is a coward and as someone who has walked away from a marriage, I know it CAN be done.

 

As to why I don't push him to leave his wife - I'm not sure I WANT him permanently. I think I am more addicted to the drama and the surreptitiousness and all of that. I'm just telling the truth here. I think he likes it too, although I do believe he is in love with me. I can tell. I know when someone is in love with me or just using me, and he loves me. If I called him at 3 a.m. and said I need you, I am having some emergency, he would be there, regardless of what his wife said. He still gets tongue tied when he talks to me and he says he still has butterflies when he sees me or is going to see me.