Surprise

[WakingUp]

Actually I hate when he talks about his wife. Then I have to acknowledge that she is a real person.

 

Not too long ago I told him I was jealous of his wife. He said he didn't know why, he says good-bye to her in the morning and the rest of the time when they're home together he's lying on the couch, he generally gets up in the middle of the night and goes to the couch. He told me I know more about what's going on in his life.

 

So no, I don't enjoy that he talks about his wife in this way.

 

Then, the weird thing is, since I know his wife is going to be gone for awhile, this of course opens the door to us spending nights sleeping together. We have never slept together overnight. And I wasn't sure I wanted that. Too normal? He would see me when I first wake up, and then what would I do with him the rest of the day?

 

I think I really like the illicit drama of it all more than anything.

 

 

Actually I think we can assume that Solo doesn't want to spend the night with him. In his home, or anywhere for that matter. That's how I read it.

 

 

Solo, the way I interpret this post is that it is brutally honest and therefore something to really think about. I believe that this post is progress and shouldn't be torn to shreds, rather it is something to be explored further.

 

 

That's how I see it, anyway.

[bathtub-row]

When someone starts talking about wishing someone dead and how much fun they'd have spending the insurance money, it's time to take a reality check. Because that person has completely lost touch with all semblance of the real world.

 

From where I'm standing, it appears that you and MM are so wrapped up in your little world that you have ceased caring about other living beings and think you're the only ones who matter. This attitude also came through when the grandchild was about to be born and you were thinking about telling MM's wife about the affair. This is a real, live woman who has real, live feelings. She is someone's cherished mother and now a grandmother. And, here's a newsflash for you --- you really have NO IDEA how he treats his wife or how they interact because YOU'RE NOT THERE. So, have your affair, take his money, whatever -- but stop encouraging this talk about her dying and stop judging a woman you don't even know.

 

I wouldn't say that you need to find a better man because, honestly, it seems to me that you have both become pretty heartless and self-centered and I'd say you're actually quite perfect for one another. I know you say you don't want her to die but you had no real reaction to what he said and that's very telling. You somehow found it either entertaining, or took it as a compliment that he's so nuts about you that he wishes his wife was dead.

 

If you ever watch Forensic Files on TV, you'll know that killing one's spouse for the insurance money isn't exactly an original idea. A lot of desperate people do desperate things, and it's usually a spouse murdering another spouse for the insurance money. And, here's my favorite reasoning on this -- they don't want to go through the embarrassment of a divorce. That's completely laughable to me. They'd rather murder someone than divorce them. That's so insane, it leaves me speechless.

 

Just for the record, if I heard ever a man say something about someone dying and enjoying the insurance money, my respect for him would go out the window -- instantaneously. I think it's time you and MM re-calibrated your moral compasses, because they both seem to be way off.

[Mount]

Let me summarize - the OP's MM is simply faking talking about everying, i.e. fakeing talking "leaving" wife, faking taking "divorce", now faking talking "murdering"...it is just talking, talking does not require any action coz the MM does not intend to act upon anything either...If OP smart enough, she should care less and less what the MM is going to talk next, as long as she is satified with being the momentary OW.

 

I assume the MM is going to talk if he and OP moving to Mars instead of living on earth, that will be beautiful life there,

[AlwaysGrowing]

Watch your thoughts; they become words.

Watch your words; they become actions.

Watch your actions; they become habits.

Watch your habits; they become character.

Watch your character; for it becomes your destiny.

 

Looks like you are both headed for the six o'clock news.

[Hope Shimmers]

There really are people who do poison their spouse and that's what came to mind to me when I read the original post. Then I read replies that others thought the same and pointed it out too.

 

No matter what, his talking about her dying because of her dizzy spells and stating how he would spend the life insurance money should have you running for the hills. The fact that it doesn't is disturbing.

 

There is NOTHING good about a man who would do such a thing and however "nice and loving" he may be to you today, that is your future if you end up with this man. He is at best a completely selfish and uncaring jerk, and at worst (more likely given his behavior) a very dangerous individual. Why can't you see that?

[solostand]

Let me summarize - the OP's MM is simply faking talking about everying, i.e. fakeing talking "leaving" wife, faking taking "divorce", now faking talking "murdering"...it is just talking, talking does not require any action coz the MM does not intend to act upon anything either...If OP smart enough, she should care less and less what the MM is going to talk next, as long as she is satified with being the momentary OW.

 

I assume the MM is going to talk if he and OP moving to Mars instead of living on earth, that will be beautiful life there,

 

 

LOL| this made me laugh outloud! Mars will be a beautiful life!

[A.Moscote]

Yeah..beautiful...

[solostand]

I don't know why every topic I post ends up in this "surprise" thread, but it does so I'm posting here.

 

Yesterday something happened that was a little jarring for me. We met, as usual, and made love. I am always meticulously groomed and dressed when I see him (actually when I see most people because I take pride in my appearance).

 

Anyway, I realized in the bathtub that I was out of razors. Since I had just shaved my legs the day before, I figured screw it, a little stubble never killed anyone.

 

Anyway, we had our normal hot sex session. Afterward I was sitting on a chair naked or close to it and he reached over and rubbed my leg. "You're slipping" he said, feeling my stubble.

 

Immediately it reminded me of one day last summer when we went on a day trip, and were walking around a heritage spot, and he chastised me for having an unattractive look on my face.

 

There have been other little times when he would comment on looks on my face or the way I was sitting or walking or some such thing.

 

So smile and be well groomed, mistress.

 

I NEVER poke fun at his appearance as I know it would crush him if I did, his poor ego, you know? If I wanted to criticize him, I could so easily do it for legitimate reasons.

 

So today I shaved my damn legs and forced him to feel them and ordered him to never again tell me that I was "slipping" that that is one of the worst things a man can say to a woman.

 

He said: "Is that what I said? I don't even remember saying it, but I'm sorry I'll never say it again.

[Sub]

I don't know why every topic I post ends up in this "surprise" thread, but it does so I'm posting here.

 

I think it's because you're not really saying anything new. It's just the continuation of the same story.

[solostand]

OK. Sorry if I'm boring people.

[Sub]

I'm not the judge of that. Just saying it's probably easier to follow this way. Just my $.02.

 

That said, I think people would like there to be something new - a change in the dynamic or the story line - for your sake at least. There's only so many times that it can be pointed out how toxic this guy seems.

[Mount]

Because there has really nothing new about your post content and it is more like a blogging here. The first post was back in June.

 

And you know you can not doing anything different, as well as the MM whom will not want to do anything different, so the stat quo it is, keeping forever.

 

 

I don't know why every topic I post ends up in this "surprise" thread, but it does so I'm posting here.

 

.

[solostand]

ok sorry. wont post until something major happens.

[whichwayisup]

I don't know why every topic I post ends up in this "surprise" thread, but it does so I'm posting here.

Moderators are merging your thread into one.

 

Yesterday something happened that was a little jarring for me. We met, as usual, and made love. I am always meticulously groomed and dressed when I see him (actually when I see most people because I take pride in my appearance).

 

Anyway, I realized in the bathtub that I was out of razors. Since I had just shaved my legs the day before, I figured screw it, a little stubble never killed anyone.

 

Anyway, we had our normal hot sex session. Afterward I was sitting on a chair naked or close to it and he reached over and rubbed my leg. "You're slipping" he said, feeling my stubble.

 

So basically he expects you to be clean shaven and look after yourself for him. Good god, I hope that pissed you off.

Immediately it reminded me of one day last summer when we went on a day trip, and were walking around a heritage spot, and he chastised me for having an unattractive look on my face.

 

There have been other little times when he would comment on looks on my face or the way I was sitting or walking or some such thing.

 

So smile and be well groomed, mistress.

What an a-hole! Again, hope that pissed you off.

 

Guess you can't truly be yourself and be in sweatpants or have a pimple on your face...

I NEVER poke fun at his appearance as I know it would crush him if I did, his poor ego, you know? If I wanted to criticize him, I could so easily do it for legitimate reasons.

Yet he does not give a shi.t about your ego and what his words do to you. Ironic eh? It's okay for him to pick apart certain things about you, but if you do it to him, poor baby will be upset and it'll affect his fragile ego...

 

GET MAD Solo!! I certainly am while reading this update of yours.

 

So today I shaved my damn legs and forced him to feel them and ordered him to never again tell me that I was "slipping" that that is one of the worst things a man can say to a woman.

 

He said: "Is that what I said? I don't even remember saying it, but I'm sorry I'll never say it again.

 

Bullshi.t! Don't believe him. He knew exactly what to say to you, and yup! you made sure to shave your legs today...For him, not for you.

[whichwayisup]

OK. Sorry if I'm boring people.

 

ok sorry. wont post until something major happens.

 

Ignore those who aren't giving you advice and focus on people who are trying to help you. You should be able to vent and say whatever is going on inside your head. Nobody here has any right to tell you otherwise.

 

Keep posting Solo.

[2sunny]

 

Anyway, I realized in the bathtub that I was out of razors. Since I had just shaved my legs the day before, I figured screw it, a little stubble never killed anyone.

 

Anyway, we had our normal hot sex session. Afterward I was sitting on a chair naked or close to it and he reached over and rubbed my leg. "You're slipping" he said, feeling my stubble.

 

Immediately it reminded me of one day last summer when we went on a day trip, and were walking around a heritage spot, and he chastised me for having an unattractive look on my face.

 

There have been other little times when he would comment on looks on my face or the way I was sitting or walking or some such thing.

 

So smile and be well groomed

 

So today I shaved my damn legs and forced him to feel them and ordered him to never again tell me that I was "slipping" that that is one of the worst things a man can say to a woman.

 

He said: "Is that what I said? I don't even remember saying it, but I'm sorry I'll never say it again.

 

He is a complete jerk!

 

It's hard to imagine why YOU would continue participating with a jerk like that at all.

 

 

Tell him to start paying you $300-$400 dollars every time he sees you - or it's over!

 

Or just don't shave a thing for a month and see IF he still LOVES you the same...

 

 

And believe me - he remembers saying it! It's designed to make YOU feel bad so HE feels superior! Just disappointed his little manipulation tactic worked on you.

 

Don't shave! Seriously! He's a dork! A mean one at that!

[BrokenPrincess]

But Solo after he said that, you went right to go shave them & prove him wrong. If any guy who was lucky enough to be getting intimate me dared to say something like that, I seriously think I would try to not shave my legs for a week. What nerve!

 

But aside from that, I can't stop thinking about when you said you don't really want to spend the night with him while his Ws out of town. Why are you continuing a relationship with a man you don't event want to spend an overnight with??

[solostand]

To be honest, I think I am addicted to the ups and downs of the affair.

 

I don't know what I would do with him a whole night. . .we've spent the whole day together before and it was fun, but sleeping all night? It would feel so foreign.

 

Of course I could use the time to scratch his back with my hairy legs, lol.

[A.Moscote]

You could use that time together to talk with him about the whole relationship. Perhaps that new situation of spending the whole night together can influence his mind, and yours as well, on how to move forward. It is never too late to make right of anything.

 

Of course, despite having said it all, I still think it is much better for you to be patient, resist your desire and decline spending the night with him. You don't have to take this deception any further. That would be a good start, a good push, for yourself to get out of the affair.

 

Be conscience and choose your stand Solo, good luck.

[gettingstronger]

He really is a dreadful person- although some of the things you write make me cringe, I think under it all, you are a good person looking to be loved and appreciated- I think you should set your bar higher, get out of this relationship and find someone that is not such a low life to love-

[BeingMe]

Oh honey. He has you completely wrapped around his finger doesn't he?

 

My STBXH did the same to me, but ironically, about R after his A.

 

What I learnt is this: If someone in a relationship truly wants that person, they will do what it takes to be with them. It's only when you assert you self worth & boundaries that you discover if someone really values you or not.

 

I too had the low level criticisms from him and it took me a long time to realise just how much they sapped myself esteem and yet also bound me closer to him and not questioning him.

 

Right now he knows you will stay no matter what he does...so why should he leave her? If he really wanted to leave her for you, he'd have done it already. Don't just listen to his words, honey,watch his actions...or lack of them. Choosing not to act, is still a choice.

[solostand]

I guess he does. He has even told me he can't stand it when I'm angry with him, yet I never get angry and put my foot down. One of the reasons I don't push it is because I am afraid of the answer. It's been leaving, not leaving, leaving, for two years now so I know he's not leaving. He has just added me to his daily routine. Sometimes I shake things up by ignoring his phone calls for a day or two, or not returning his calls, but one of the reasons he loves me is that I am really the perfect little mistress. Listen to him, boost his ego, make love to him, while his wife can cook his meals and clean his dirty laundry.

[DKT3]

I guess he does. He has even told me he can't stand it when I'm angry with him, yet I never get angry and put my foot down. One of the reasons I don't push it is because I am afraid of the answer. It's been leaving, not leaving, leaving, for two years now so I know he's not leaving. He has just added me to his daily routine. Sometimes I shake things up by ignoring his phone calls for a day or two, or not returning his calls, but one of the reasons he loves me is that I am really the perfect little mistress. Listen to him, boost his ego, make love to him, while his wife can cook his meals and clean his dirty laundry.

 

What makes you believe he loves you? Surely it isn't in his actions. His actions are disrespectful at best.

 

Solo I'm not sure what your looking for, but your looking, which means you sure aren't happy. At times you make it seem like your ok with it all, but its clear your not. I think your fooling yourself, I think your convincing yourself of things because you can't face the truth.

 

I guess my point is what do you want, your really slippery in this area. Maybe its because if you define what you want, deep down you know he won't bring it. So you just take whatever he gives and convince yourself its what you want.

[whichwayisup]

To be honest, I think I am addicted to the ups and downs of the affair.

I don't know what I would do with him a whole night. . .we've spent the whole day together before and it was fun, but sleeping all night? It would feel so foreign.

 

Of course I could use the time to scratch his back with my hairy legs, lol.

 

Bolded: And this is why your affair isn't going to end any time soon. You're just as addicted as he is.

 

It ain't love.

[whichwayisup]

I guess he does. He has even told me he can't stand it when I'm angry with him, yet I never get angry and put my foot down. One of the reasons I don't push it is because I am afraid of the answer. It's been leaving, not leaving, leaving, for two years now so I know he's not leaving. He has just added me to his daily routine. Sometimes I shake things up by ignoring his phone calls for a day or two, or not returning his calls, but one of the reasons he loves me is that I am really the perfect little mistress. Listen to him, boost his ego, make love to him, while his wife can cook his meals and clean his dirty laundry.

 

If this is enough for you, that's sad.