Surprise

[jellybean89]

No one said he should be in the delivery room!!! Solo said HE was going to the hospital - not being in the delivery room!

 

And like the other poster said, he leaves work frequently to have sex with Solo, but he allegedly can't be bothered to be at the hospital, like Solo originally posted, to wait for the birth? I don't know of ANY grandparents (parents of the mother having the child), who don't go to the hospital when the birth is right in their area.

 

Solo, you and he can come up with all the cutsie names you want...you are not the grandmother, or grammie, to this grandchild. Never will be. But his words keep you all a twitter thinking you have a future with him besides being his mistress. It shocks me that at your age, you are all giggly about being the mistress to an old, disgusting married man. I really think it is because he financially supports you and you don't want to give that up.

 

If it makes you feel special that he called you as soon as the baby came out, which I wonder how he even knew since he was at work --- assuming his WIFE called him and why he had no other details about the birth -- then continue on as the mistress. Just make sure you remind yourself that you are choosing to be the mistress and you will most likely never ever be his wife or only romantic partner. Why you set your level of respect so low, I don't know. You really seem to thrive on believing he doesn't love his wife. I personally can't imagine living this life at your age and settling for being someone's 2nd choice.

[chimpanA-2-chimpanZ]

A 35 year marriage, even with someone you don't love anymore, is not easy to walk away from, to alienate his adult children, who adore him, not good. The only way it will end is if she finds out and kicks him out, which is what I think he secretly wants so he won't have to be the "bad guy" and tell her. This I know means he is a coward and as someone who has walked away from a marriage, I know it CAN be done.

 

Is this why a few pages back you were talking about telling her? To spare him the trouble of doing it himself and hopefully pushing her to end the marriage?

 

I am glad you admit to being addicted to drama, rather than the man himself, but you deserve so much better than this.

[whichwayisup]

 

As for his age - I try not to let it bother me. He doesn't look or act his age and I was truly surprised to learn how old he was. However, I know his age will prevent him from ever leaving unless he gets kicked out. A 35 year marriage, even with someone you don't love anymore, is not easy to walk away from, to alienate his adult children, who adore him, not good. The only way it will end is if she finds out and kicks him out, which is what I think he secretly wants so he won't have to be the "bad guy" and tell her. This I know means he is a coward and as someone who has walked away from a marriage, I know it CAN be done.

 

As to why I don't push him to leave his wife - I'm not sure I WANT him permanently. I think I am more addicted to the drama and the surreptitiousness and all of that. I'm just telling the truth here. I think he likes it too, although I do believe he is in love with me. I can tell. I know when someone is in love with me or just using me, and he loves me. If I called him at 3 a.m. and said I need you, I am having some emergency, he would be there, regardless of what his wife said. He still gets tongue tied when he talks to me and he says he still has butterflies when he sees me or is going to see me.

 

Then why on earth did you say you were going to call up his wife and tell her about him having an affair with you?? Why bother with the deadline of him coming clean about the A, leaving his wife in mid July?

 

Yes you are addicted to the drama and intensity of it all. You (both) thrive off of it.

[KaliLove]

 

I don't think he lies to me.

 

 

I bet his wife thinks this too.

 

He lied to you about leaving her on July 15th..so he has proven already that he lies to you. And you did nothing about it..you just let him get away with it. So he knows he can lie to you and not face any consequences.

[Nothisgirl]

The baby is born. He phoned me before she was out of the delivery room. He hadn't seen the baby yet, didn't know how much he weighed, hadn't seen his daughter yet, they were all still in the delivery room, but yet he phoned me. .

.

 

Anyway, tonight I ended up out and ran into a guy I went to school with since Grade 3. We hadn't seen each other in probably 25 years. Instant attraction - instant fun. We spent the evening together and have made a date for Saturday night. He wanted of course to come home with me tonight but I said NO WAY!!!! But there was chemistry, lots of it.

 

I also have a date for Friday night with another man who seems mad after me.

 

So maybe the thing will die out. MM could never understand why I was with him anyway, with my age, et cetera.

 

 

Re the bolded, does that make you happy? Make you feel loved? IMHO this man is so narcissistic an uncompassionate towards his family ...I have NO idea how you can be so attracted to him. Disgusting.

[Nothisgirl]

Seriously, the baby was not out of the delivery room yet and had not been weighed yet. His daughter was still in the delivery room. He was not in the delivery room. He wasn't even at the hospital at the time, he was home. Of course I believed him, why wouldn't I? If he knew how much the baby weighed, he would have told me. He had promised to call the minute it was born and I guess he did. Later I learned the baby weighed ten pounds two ounces and is 22 inches long. He also showed me pictures of the child. He also said we had to think up a name for me to be known as, because he is Papa and his wife is Nanny, so I should be grammie or something. Sometimes that man is irrational.

 

Re the bolded here...is this a sick joke??? I'm honestly horrified. What a sick twisted man.

 

Listen you admittedly like the drama...have at it I guess, I can't even begin to understand your rationalization for your actions or your justification of his

 

This isn't a case of rose colored glasses..this really seems like two people who don't care about anyone but themselves and have no regard to the potential fall out for those around them.

 

Sorry but that's really how it comes across

[bathtub-row]

You're probably not making this assumption but I want to say this anyway -- even if his wife finds out about his affair, don't assume that their marriage would be over. It most likely would not be.

 

I think the other poster's comment about your standards bears repeating. Like in the case of the guy you ran into and thinking that him wanting to have sex with you that night was...what? Typical? Understandable?

 

I mistakenly called that a date in a previous post but it wasn't even that because you ran into him. Does it not occur to you to think about the caliber of a man who would suggest something like that? I think you might want to consider raising your standards and expectations of men. It's never too late.

[solostand]

You're probably not making this assumption but I want to say this anyway -- even if his wife finds out about his affair, don't assume that their marriage would be over. It most likely would not be.

 

I think the other poster's comment about your standards bears repeating. Like in the case of the guy you ran into and thinking that him wanting to have sex with you that night was...what? Typical? Understandable?

 

I mistakenly called that a date in a previous post but it wasn't even that because you ran into him. Does it not occur to you to think about the caliber of a man who would suggest something like that? I think you might want to consider raising your standards and expectations of men. It's never too late.

 

He didn't want to have sex (well, he's a man so he probably did) but he certainly didn't push for it at all. He wanted to make out a little more, I gave him one good kiss and then insisted on walking home, myself, to a place where he doesn't know I live. He just phoned two minutes ago so I guess it worked.

[2sunny]

What do you think worked?

[solostand]

Something is slowly changing in me. I am finally beginning to realize that MM has EXACTLY what he wants - a wife to cook clean and do his laundry and provide him with meals and generally care for him - and an attractive woman 15 years younger than him who strokes his ego and gives him great sex. I know he would by happy to die this way. . .

 

Its just the futility of it all - - - I am comfortable living alone but I would at some point like to meet someone and have a real relationship.

 

Yesterday I was "this close" to dumping him because he cancelled a date (for a valid reason but I DIDN'T CARE). He could tell I was really upset and he called and called and I refused to answer. He left apology's on my answering machine and finally I caved. He said he was afraid I would never take his calls again. We met today and he told me he was jealous of all the men I must be dating (little does he know I am not dating anyone because I am so emotionally attached to him). He has no idea what I'm up to when I'm not with him.

 

Anyhoo, today I was out and about, selling some crafts in the city that I live in. I noticed a man parked in a large Yukon in a nearby parking lot. He walked over to talk to me - turns out he was an RCMP officer. Sparks sparked. He was a perfect gentleman but I could tell he was interested so I gave him my card. And it got me thinking - - - he's my age, handsome, and single, so why not go for it!

 

I also plan to tell MM tomorrow about meeting this man. . .it'll make him think.

[lovinDKT3]

Something is slowly changing in me. I am finally beginning to realize that MM has EXACTLY what he wants - a wife to cook clean and do his laundry and provide him with meals and generally care for him - and an attractive woman 15 years younger than him who strokes his ego and gives him great sex. I know he would by happy to die this way. . .

 

Its just the futility of it all - - - I am comfortable living alone but I would at some point like to meet someone and have a real relationship.

 

Yesterday I was "this close" to dumping him because he cancelled a date (for a valid reason but I DIDN'T CARE). He could tell I was really upset and he called and called and I refused to answer. He left apology's on my answering machine and finally I caved. He said he was afraid I would never take his calls again. We met today and he told me he was jealous of all the men I must be dating (little does he know I am not dating anyone because I am so emotionally attached to him). He has no idea what I'm up to when I'm not with him.

 

Anyhoo, today I was out and about, selling some crafts in the city that I live in. I noticed a man parked in a large Yukon in a nearby parking lot. He walked over to talk to me - turns out he was an RCMP officer. Sparks sparked. He was a perfect gentleman but I could tell he was interested so I gave him my card. And it got me thinking - - - he's my age, handsome, and single, so why not go for it!

 

I also plan to tell MM tomorrow about meeting this man. . .it'll make him think.

 

You do know you owe MM nothing, right? I wouldn't tell him anything, all that would do is make him ramp up, but only long enough to run off yet another guy that could be a great match for you.

[gettingstronger]

Yeah and FINALLY! And I mean that kindly and with lots of hope for you!

[bentleychic]

Inspect your reasons for telling MM. Sounds like you're telling him simply to make him jealous or try to get him to realize he may lose you. If you're going out with the other guy, do it. What MM thinks or doesn't should have nothing to do with it.

 

I hope you're really, truly ready to end it and move on.

[solostand]

I agree. I don't think I will tell him. His imagination tells him enough.

[Artie Lang]

sounds like you intend to use this other guy to make your married man jealous- that's called "using" someone... ever think of that?

[herself]

You wouldn't like if he toyed with your emotions.

Dont do that.

Basically carry on with your life as you are SINGLE.

He goes on with his married life sleeping with his wife every night.

Taking her to dinner, looking after their home...

Its best for you to do the same and move forward from him.

[whichwayisup]

Something is slowly changing in me. I am finally beginning to realize that MM has EXACTLY what he wants - a wife to cook clean and do his laundry and provide him with meals and generally care for him - and an attractive woman 15 years younger than him who strokes his ego and gives him great sex. I know he would by happy to die this way. . .

 

Its just the futility of it all - - - I am comfortable living alone but I would at some point like to meet someone and have a real relationship.

 

Yesterday I was "this close" to dumping him because he cancelled a date (for a valid reason but I DIDN'T CARE). He could tell I was really upset and he called and called and I refused to answer. He left apology's on my answering machine and finally I caved. He said he was afraid I would never take his calls again. We met today and he told me he was jealous of all the men I must be dating (little does he know I am not dating anyone because I am so emotionally attached to him). He has no idea what I'm up to when I'm not with him.

 

Anyhoo, today I was out and about, selling some crafts in the city that I live in. I noticed a man parked in a large Yukon in a nearby parking lot. He walked over to talk to me - turns out he was an RCMP officer. Sparks sparked. He was a perfect gentleman but I could tell he was interested so I gave him my card. And it got me thinking - - - he's my age, handsome, and single, so why not go for it!

 

I also plan to tell MM tomorrow about meeting this man. . .it'll make him think.

 

All you're doing is playing games. Hoping he'll chase you? What's the point of telling him that you're dating others? That he'll wake up and see he's losing you then dump his wife and be with you? I'm not sure what it is you're hoping to accomplish.

 

Just end it already, stop caving and be strong. And then take a break from men, you will need to heal and grieve. It's not healthy for you to start another R right after ending your A.

 

Good luck and I do hope you have it in you finally to actually end it and stay away from him.

[solostand]

I said earlier upthread that I'm NOT going to tell him. You all are probably right, I probably did want to make him jealous. But I've never told him anything before so I see no reason to tell him now except to bug him. That is high school but in many ways our relationship has reminded both of us of a high school relationship - lots of high school type drama. He even said once that he feels like we're in Grade Nine - all the highs and lows and intensity and breaking up for a day and then reuniting with intense passion, talking on the phone for hours and "you hang up", "no, you hang up first," et cetera.

Grown ups don't act like this, except for grown ups who are having an affair.

 

p.s. I really want that Mountie to call me. I really liked him. I don't have to marry him, but I'd go out with him in a heartbeat. AND be excited about it.

[Poppy47]

I think you are just kidding yourself about the other guy. You are still emotionally attached to the MM.

You need to get rid of that attachment before it is remotely possible for you to get involved with anybody else. It's not fair to somebody who is ignorant of your situation.

Poppy

[solostand]

It is so ironic that just after I brought this up, MM brought up the subject of me dating today and it was all I could do not tell him.

 

Apparently, I did something thoughtful for him yesterday that to me was minor and nothing, but to him was a huge thing. He kept telling me how he couldn't stop thinking about it all day yesterday and today and how much it meant to him and how no one had ever done anything like that for him before.

 

Then, he said "One of these days, you're going to tell me you met someone else, and then what will happen to me? I'm just and old man." He went on about how much he would miss me, et cetera.

 

I told him he could get a divorce.

 

He said he already offered to leave her for $150,000 and the truck as his settlement. She told him she would leave him with half his pension, and his shoelaces, and that is all, thank you very much. He actually believes this, I explained we have no fault divorce and its 50-50 and if she gets half his pension, he gets half of hers.

 

Just when I think I'm getting out, I get sucked back in. It's like he sensed something was up. I won't lie, even though I know its a lie, hearing his words today, how much he loves me, made me feel good.

[PerfectlyImperfect]

Never get involved with a married man. If he can leave his wife for you he could leave you for another. Don't get into that mess. Be a strong independent women and find your own man.

[solostand]

Well I am still hoping the man I met yesterday calls me.

[anika99]

The guys rich and has been married for 30 years and all he offered her was $150000 and a truck? He's a cheap bastard.

 

 

At his age and his income level he knows damn well how divorce works. He knows his wife can't take it all. He doesn't want a divorce and he's playing you for a fool.

[herself]

It is so ironic that just after I brought this up, MM brought up the subject of me dating today and it was all I could do not tell him.

 

Apparently, I did something thoughtful for him yesterday that to me was minor and nothing, but to him was a huge thing. He kept telling me how he couldn't stop thinking about it all day yesterday and today and how much it meant to him and how no one had ever done anything like that for him before.

 

Then, he said "One of these days, you're going to tell me you met someone else, and then what will happen to me? I'm just and old man." He went on about how much he would miss me, et cetera.

 

I told him he could get a divorce.

 

He said he already offered to leave her for $150,000 and the truck as his settlement. She told him she would leave him with half his pension, and his shoelaces, and that is all, thank you very much. He actually believes this, I explained we have no fault divorce and its 50-50 and if she gets half his pension, he gets half of hers.

 

Just when I think I'm getting out, I get sucked back in. It's like he sensed something was up. I won't lie, even though I know its a lie, hearing his words today, how much he loves me, made me feel good.

 

Do you see he is referencing you will find someone else and leave him so flippantly...he said he would miss you? How about if he said "I cant imagine my life without you, I cant see you with anyone but me" but he does cause he knows he cant hold you down and his excuses are wearing thin.

 

Also hes referencing what it would cost him to get out. He is showing financially its been weighed out and its cheaper and easier to stay.

Hes just not up to par with being trustworthy. Full of hot air!!! No delivery.

Meanwhile your single and available and give him everything.

Even if the other guy you met doesn't call...this one...he is no good.

You could be like his wife...with a husband that is scheming...and if it wasn't for losing half his precious $$ he would be gone. Do you really even want him?

[bentleychic]

It is so ironic that just after I brought this up, MM brought up the subject of me dating today and it was all I could do not tell him.

 

Apparently, I did something thoughtful for him yesterday that to me was minor and nothing, but to him was a huge thing. He kept telling me how he couldn't stop thinking about it all day yesterday and today and how much it meant to him and how no one had ever done anything like that for him before.

 

Then, he said "One of these days, you're going to tell me you met someone else, and then what will happen to me? I'm just and old man." He went on about how much he would miss me, et cetera.

 

I told him he could get a divorce.

 

He said he already offered to leave her for $150,000 and the truck as his settlement. She told him she would leave him with half his pension, and his shoelaces, and that is all, thank you very much. He actually believes this, I explained we have no fault divorce and its 50-50 and if she gets half his pension, he gets half of hers.

 

Just when I think I'm getting out, I get sucked back in. It's like he sensed something was up. I won't lie, even though I know its a lie, hearing his words today, how much he loves me, made me feel good.

IF things are as he says they are, sounds like they are both crazy and meant for each other.

 

I still say get out as quick as you can. Game playing isn't good for anybody.