Web of lies and deceit

[odmichelle]

This is my first forum and I want to thank everyone in advance for your advice and comments. I am in a bit of a spot. I have been dating someone for 5 1/2 years and we have a two year old child together. In January my mother passed and my baby’s father joined me and my family for her services. Within least than one week I received a phone call from my boyfriend’s wife that I did not know about. WOW!!! What a time to hear that news from your lover and best friend’s wife that he is married and has been for almost one year now. I immediately called him and asked what the ……. Was going on and when did this happen and why was I in the dark for so long. And my ultimate question why did he do it. His lingering answer was and continues to be, I don’t know. I have asked repeatedly are you in love with her and he of course tells me emphatically NO. He continues to say it is me that he is in love with, that he wants to wake up with in the morning, and me he wants to do all the romantic things known and imaginable to man. He says he has always felt that way but he never listened to himself about his feelings.

 

We still continue to sleep together because he assured me in his own way which appeases me long enough to make love, that I am in fact the one he wants and he is leaving his wife. Now mind you they had a wedding, honeymoon, he bought her a two thousand dollar ring, and they have purchased a house together. However I am so confuse because according to them the first six months of their marriage they did not live together. Even now after finding out, he is either in the basement of his mother’s home or at my house.

 

Now in recent conversation to her she has told me that they are trying to work things out and that I am not respecting their marriage because I continue to see him. I have been called a liar because she refuses to believe that he spends many nights with me at my home in which he tells me I am the one he ultimately wants.

 

Is it wrong for me to still want him, sleep with him,…….

[newby]

wow! this is the strangest story i have heard so far.

may i ask how long was he with his wife before they married, he's been with you for 5/1/2 yrs have you never had a live in relationship? has he ever had a live in relationship with her?

i dont know how he managed to pull this one off at all.

of course its not "wrong" to want to sleep with him, amongst other normal human emotions you were under the impression for long enough that this was an exclusive relationship.

[ICantStopLovinHim]

Umm ok you have been together 5 1/2 years and a year ago he went and got married and bought a house and you didnt know this? And you have a two year old child together? please explain how this could happen and you not know?

[Owl]

Ordinarily, I would avoid saying this so bluntly, but since you phrased your question this bluntly....YES, it is wrong to still sleep with him.

 

He's treated you AND his wife in the most disrespectful manner possible. He's lied to you both, in effect cheated on you both, and he's still doing it.

 

If you are willing to continue to listen to his lies and let the relationship continue, then that really is your choice. I'm curious about what the phone call from his wife amounted to tho....did she know about you all along, or just find out herself? And what are HER plans at this point? Personally, I'd suggest that the two of you keep communicating, find out the REAL truth, and not the BS he's been feeding you, and then make your decisions from there.

 

Good luck!

[SummerRae]

odmichelle, I would like to share with you my story in hopes that it will help you in some way or another...

 

I was also dating someone (in the military) for a couple years, and only last year found out that he was married and only because his wife belonged to the same forum as me!! Anyways, long story short, he flew to see me, asked his wife for a big D and pledged his love for me. I believed him, slept with him and in short, continued to love him. It caused me a lot of heartache. He did not ever leave his wife and to this day is still saying he wants to be with me. Actions speak louder than words.

 

If I were you, I would tell him to call you when he gets a divorce. I know that's fu(king tough as heck and easier said than done, but TRUST me, if he really, really loves you, he will. He will find you when he's sorted out his baggage.

 

I wish you the best. Please just listen to your GUT. You know the answers.

[Leaf]

Whoa. Dump him. Flat out. Let him know that a lawyer will contact him regarding child support and be done with this guy. How long did he date the OW/W before he married her?

[StrawberryGirl]

And you have a two year old child together?

 

 

If I read her post correctly she doesn't have a baby with him, it is from another man.... Anyway

Sounds like he is a real Con amongst you women..I'd say he was having his cake and eating it too. You must dump him!!

[moimeme]

If I read her post correctly

 

You didn't.

 

I have been dating someone for 5 1/2 years and we have a two year old child together.

[Devildog]

I'm thinking this post is troll bait.

 

And look, one showed up.

[odmichelle]

Many of you are wondering how long he and his wife dated before getting married. For at least six years and he and I start about a year after. It would have been easy enough to date her and me at the same time since I was in the military and he was living somewhere else for the first year. When I moved to the same locate area our jobs required us to travel alot (I would stay gone for 5 weeks at a time). In conversation with his wife it was not until he and I met that he started to go on travel alot (which I am sure he did cause he was where I was for at least 9 months of that first year) and it was not until I moved to town he started working alot. Once I had the baby we both settled down and did not go on travel anymore. We never had a live in relationship and I don't know how he got away with this for 5 1/2 years because no one in his family even hinted that something was going on.