How to propose a long distance relationship to a girl

[Medium.Lumo]

I have met a girl that I am crazy about but she lives in a different country. We've only known each other for a short time but we have such a great connection I don't want to let her get away.

 

We have already agreed I am going to visit her in October but I haven't suggested an LDR as yet in case she freaks out.

 

How should I go about this? I'm worried that if I wait until I visit her she'll be taken by another man.

[fred123]

hi. have you met her yet? how did u guys get talking? how do you know she likes u as a friend or more?

 

have you skyped.?

 

more detail please?

[justwhoiam]

Visit her as in meeting her for the first time? It's not clear.

 

Anyway, for me the best way is first having her fall in love with you, then asking her to be your girlfriend.

[Medium.Lumo]

hi. have you met her yet? how did u guys get talking? how do you know she likes u as a friend or more?

 

have you skyped.?

 

more detail please?

 

We met at a club... she was visiting from New Zealand. We made out and spent the next few days together. She left on Saturday. She gave me her details and suggested I visit her. We arranged this for October.

 

We haven't Skyped yet. She did message me when she landed.

[Medium.Lumo]

Visit her as in meeting her for the first time? It's not clear.

 

Anyway, for me the best way is first having her fall in love with you, then asking her to be your girlfriend.

 

We've met already.

 

That's the problem. I am already infatuated with her but we have known each other for such a short time that I'm afraid she'll freak out if I tell her how I feel.

[Eivuwan]

I'm sorry to burst your bubbles but long distance relationships are unlikely to work out since you guys don't even have a foundation of a relationship. Keep talking to her if you like, but slow down. You guys barely know each other.

[Medium.Lumo]

I'm sorry to burst your bubbles but long distance relationships are unlikely to work out since you guys don't even have a foundation of a relationship. Keep talking to her if you like, but slow down. You guys barely know each other.

 

She is Special, the most special girl I have ever met. Isn't that enough?

[Els]

Say exactly what you did in your opening post, IMO.

 

Some Rs that start out long distance do work out (a few are on this forum!), but it is definitely pretty rare. Still, it doesn't hurt to try if you want to.

[ExpatInItaly]

She is Special, the most special girl I have ever met. Isn't that enough?

 

Honestly? No, it isn't. You're pushing it, given you hardly know her. If some guy I'd met very recently and just for a few days in a different country wanted me to be in a relationship, especially a long-distance relationship, I would be very wary and keep him at a distance. How can you possibly say she's the most special when you have known her only a few days?

 

Slow down. Get to know the girl. Then consider visiting her, but don't build up huge expectations.

[justwhoiam]

If some guy I'd met very recently and just for a few days in a different country wanted me to be in a relationship, especially a long-distance relationship, I would be very wary and keep him at a distance.

Well, here we have two scenarios: either she's attracted to him, or she's not. I'm inclined to think she is, as they made out through the night knowing so little about one another, and then they kept seeing each other the next days... and she texted him when she landed... there's definitely something going on, even if it's just in its early stages. Anyway, she's definitely into the OP, there's no question about it.

 

What I would do if I were her (I'm putting myself in her shoes) would be trying to understand if I'm just some temporary fun, or if he's interested in more. If he shows he's interested and keeping communication, I would then think the following:

1) he's trying to get what he wants (but I'd be far away, so that would be possible in a next meeting, hence you need to keep communication up until you reach the goal)

2) he really wants me as his girlfriend

 

But that'd be me, and other cases are possible.

First of all, it'd be interesting if you, OP, tried to go beyond the making out and she somehow stopped you/refrained from that. I would see that as a good sign.

By the way, she might be open to the idea of a LDR or not, and that's regardless of you.

 

The best thing would be trying to understand what kind of girl she is. If she's the romantic type, the easy type, whatever.......... and then decide which way to go at it, provided it's even worth a try.

[CarrieT]

She is Special, the most special girl I have ever met. Isn't that enough?

 

Nope - not even by a long-shot.

 

How *YOU* feel will not make a successful relationship. She has to feel the same - or at least want to try - to make it work.

 

Just keep talking to her and don't get your hopes up too high.

[d0nnivain]

Your last GF was also the most special girl you have ever met. Remember her?

 

I'm glad you had fun with this new girl but in all candor I think you will be better off in a more conventional relationship. LDRs are very difficult. You are young. There are no meaningful ways at this point to overcome the immigration issues but it's also much too soon to even be thinking in those terms.

 

Rather let her be the exotic foreign beauty you had a brief fling with. Savor the memory of the time you had together but don't try to prolong it into something other than her vacation dalliance.

[Medium.Lumo]

Honestly? No, it isn't. You're pushing it, given you hardly know her. If some guy I'd met very recently and just for a few days in a different country wanted me to be in a relationship, especially a long-distance relationship, I would be very wary and keep him at a distance. How can you possibly say she's the most special when you have known her only a few days?

 

Slow down. Get to know the girl. Then consider visiting her, but don't build up huge expectations.

 

I can't stop thinking about her though. The only reason I haven't made my feelings fully known to her is I'm worried she would freak out.

 

The reality is that I want this girl to have my children.

[Medium.Lumo]

We didn't go beyond that... I wouldn't try...

 

I just met her ... even though I'm infatuated I'm not stupid.

 

Well, here we have two scenarios: either she's attracted to him, or she's not. I'm inclined to think she is, as they made out through the night knowing so little about one another, and then they kept seeing each other the next days... and she texted him when she landed... there's definitely something going on, even if it's just in its early stages. Anyway, she's definitely into the OP, there's no question about it.

 

What I would do if I were her (I'm putting myself in her shoes) would be trying to understand if I'm just some temporary fun, or if he's interested in more. If he shows he's interested and keeping communication, I would then think the following:

1) he's trying to get what he wants (but I'd be far away, so that would be possible in a next meeting, hence you need to keep communication up until you reach the goal)

2) he really wants me as his girlfriend

 

But that'd be me, and other cases are possible.

First of all, it'd be interesting if you, OP, tried to go beyond the making out and she somehow stopped you/refrained from that. I would see that as a good sign.

By the way, she might be open to the idea of a LDR or not, and that's regardless of you.

 

The best thing would be trying to understand what kind of girl she is. If she's the romantic type, the easy type, whatever.......... and then decide which way to go at it, provided it's even worth a try.

[Medium.Lumo]

Nope - not even by a long-shot.

 

How *YOU* feel will not make a successful relationship. She has to feel the same - or at least want to try - to make it work.

 

Just keep talking to her and don't get your hopes up too high.

 

She's really special I feel if I don't try I will regret it for the rest of my life.

[Medium.Lumo]

True. I did say that about my ex. But my feelings for this girl go beyond that.

 

Maybe it's as you say, she's exotic. I don't know. All I know is that she is just incredible.

 

I am sure there would be a way to get her into the US. I would do whatever it takes.

 

Your last GF was also the most special girl you have ever met. Remember her?

 

I'm glad you had fun with this new girl but in all candor I think you will be better off in a more conventional relationship. LDRs are very difficult. You are young. There are no meaningful ways at this point to overcome the immigration issues but it's also much too soon to even be thinking in those terms.

 

Rather let her be the exotic foreign beauty you had a brief fling with. Savor the memory of the time you had together but don't try to prolong it into something other than her vacation dalliance.

[Els]

I am sure there would be a way to get her into the US. I would do whatever it takes.

 

How about you ask her to be your gf and visit her a few times before you start thinking about this...?

[d0nnivain]

Downshift. You don't know enough about her to decide you want her to be the mother of your children. It was one weekend.

 

True. I did say that about my ex. But my feelings for this girl go beyond that.

 

Maybe it's as you say, she's exotic. I don't know. All I know is that she is just incredible.

 

I am sure there would be a way to get her into the US. I would do whatever it takes.

 

I'm sure she is incredible. That doesn't mean this will work out.

 

Do an internet search about US immigration law. It is much harder than you think & is very expensive.

 

Why do you think she's want to renounce her citizenship & move literally 1/2 around the world to live in a foreign country away from everyone she knows to be with you? That's a HUGE step. Would you want to move to NZ? Daunting prospect isn't it.

 

I hate to see you get hurt again, especially after I'm actually happy that you are excited about a new person but you gotta take baby steps before you try to sprint your way through a marathon. Slow down.

[ExpatInItaly]

OP, you cannot be serious.

 

You went from wanting to propose a LDR, to deciding you'd do whatever necessary to help her immigrate (do you have the faintest idea of what that entails?) to claiming you want her to be the mother of your children. Please tell me you have more perspective and common sense than that.

[Medium.Lumo]

I'm still not sure how to do this.

 

We text each other but it's just small talk. She is friendly enough but I don't get anything deep from her at all.

 

She mainly just sends me jokes.

 

Sometimes when I text her I have to wait and vice versa. I guess the time zones aren't helping.

 

I'm thinking about suggesting Skype.

 

I'm tempted to like pics of her on Facebook but I don't want to seem like a stalker.

 

Am I just being an idiot thinking she would have feelings for me?

 

Does making out for a fairly long time mean anything to NZ girls? Surely they don't just do that with a random guy and it means SOMETHING.

 

[David87]

I'm still not sure how to do this.

 

We text each other but it's just small talk. She is friendly enough but I don't get anything deep from her at all.

 

She mainly just sends me jokes.

 

Sometimes when I text her I have to wait and vice versa. I guess the time zones aren't helping.

 

I'm thinking about suggesting Skype.

 

I'm tempted to like pics of her on Facebook but I don't want to seem like a stalker.

 

Am I just being an idiot thinking she would have feelings for me?

 

Does making out for a fairly long time mean anything to NZ girls? Surely they don't just do that with a random guy and it means SOMETHING.

 

 

You need to slow down dude. She doesnt feel the same way about you, thats for sure, and if you tell her about being in a LDR youll freak her out and she wont speak to you......Build up a friendship first see how things go, and after you visit her in october decide if it's best to ask her such a question.

[Moonborn]

 

She is Special, the most special girl I have ever met. Isn't that enough?

 

...

 

The reality is that I want this girl to have my children.

 

...

 

I am sure there would be a way to get her into the US. I would do whatever it takes.

 

 

You don't know this girl. You may think you do, but you don't. Maybe she showers once every two weeks, and she was being cleaner than her usual because she was on a trip. Maybe she likes having sex with random people. Maybe she has mental illnesses you know nothing about.

 

I am not saying that any of this applies to her, but the point is that you don't know enough about her to write the things you wrote. Remove the heart shaped glasses, slow down and use your head. Long distance relationships are incredibly complicated even under the best conditions. You are moving way too fast.

 

Does making out for a fairly long time mean anything to NZ girls? Surely they don't just do that with a random guy and it means SOMETHING.

 

 

 

It may or may not mean anything depending on the girl. It has nothing to do with nationality (culture just makes it more likely to meet girls who feel a certain way about things in a certain country, but it is never an absolute). Some girls are able to even have sex with guys they find cute without having any real feeling. As I said, you don't know this girl well enough, so don't jump to conclusions. And take things slowly.

[Medium.Lumo]

Ugh Sigh

 

How do I find out what it meant to her without freaking her out?

 

 

You don't know this girl. You may think you do, but you don't. Maybe she showers once every two weeks, and she was being cleaner than her usual because she was on a trip. Maybe she likes having sex with random people. Maybe she has mental illnesses you know nothing about.

 

I am not saying that any of this applies to her, but the point is that you don't know enough about her to write the things you wrote. Remove the heart shaped glasses, slow down and use your head. Long distance relationships are incredibly complicated even under the best conditions. You are moving way too fast.

 

 

 

It may or may not mean anything depending on the girl. It has nothing to do with nationality (culture just makes it more likely to meet girls who feel a certain way about things in a certain country, but it is never an absolute). Some girls are able to even have sex with guys they find cute without having any real feeling. As I said, you don't know this girl well enough, so don't jump to conclusions. And take things slowly.

[d0nnivain]

Making out with you for a "fairly long time" means you were a good kisser & a great vacation fling. It doesn't matter what country somebody is from. Some women DO make out with random guys just because they wanted to at the time, the guy was willing & it was fun It is by no means a declaration of undying love.

 

I suspect that you if you asked her if you are just friends or if she wants to be something more she will pick friends because of the distance. If you were both in the same place, it may have had potential but not on opposite sides of the planet. I know that is not what you wanted to hear

[Medium.Lumo]

I am thinking of sending something like the following:

 

I need to ask you something. I can't stop thinking about our time together. You are the most special woman I have ever met. You are beautiful inside and out. I have to tell you this because I believe that many people go their entire lives without meeting someone like you and I would be regretting it for the rest of my life if I didn't tell you how I feel. I want you to be my long distance girlfriend. Please consider it.

 

 

Constructive criticism only!