4 months after... crisis once again

[Brutus]

Hello, I have been looking for comfort on LS since my girlfriend left me in early March this year. See my earlier posts for details. No doubt it has been the most devastating experience in my life, I loved her madly, I was fully dedicated to her and we were complementing each other so nicely, that I truly believed she was the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

 

 

Now I am at month 4, thanks to NC (broken "only" twice, once by me and once by her) I started doing better. She is in my thoughts every day, but I started living my life without being too much of an hostage of the memories of my lost love. I just moved to another country, hoping this would have helped me resetting my life, but during the journey I have been caught off guard by the memories of our breakup (still vivid as if it were yesterday), about the idea of her with someone else, about how much I miss her, how much I love her and hate her at the same time. I started crying like a baby, unable to stop. Tonight, after months, I dreamt about her repeatedly. And now I am back to point one with no specific reason.

 

 

I feel the urge to send her a letter, with a present I never had the chance to give her once we were together. I want to tell her that I would have loved her forever, and that now I am afraid I will. I want her to know this, although she is most likely not wasting a single thought on me anymore. Perhaps I want her to feel bad about the forever-bleeding injure she inflicted me, perhaps I just want her to give a thought about me, and regret what she did. I do not know.

 

 

I also feel the need to check on her FB profile to see what she is doing with her life. I know it is a terrible idea, and I managed to refrain myself for nearly 2 months already, but know the temptation is growing irresistible.

 

 

What is happening to me? Why can't I let her go this time? This is not my first break up, but this girl... she just destroyed me. Ah, only the people we love so dearly can hurt us so badly...

[somegoodman]

You can't let her go because you're still in detox. The attachment isn't going to fade overnight, it takes time.

 

There is nothing to be gained by looking at her social media. Remember that, by checking up on her you are allowing her a significance in your life that she doesn't deserve.

[me85]

I'm sorry you are going through this.

 

I know just how you feel. I feel the same way. I love and hate my ex. He was the best and the worst boyfriend I ever had. And I too, am afraid I will always love him and have this hole in my heart.

 

Please do not look her up on social media. Anytime I ever did this is set me back BIGtime. Especially the first time I saw a picture of my ex with his new gf. He had made it his profile picture on FB. I completely brokedown, it was bad. I cried all night long. Then the other day someone showed me a picture of his new gf's profile picture of her and my ex...ugh another blow to the gut. Well, let's be honest, it was a blow to my ego. Never the less, it stung.

 

Do NOT torture yourself that way. I unintentionally saw these pictures on FB. I have both my ex and his new gf blocked to save myself from seeing their pictures again. He's been blocked but I recently blocked her a week or so ago because she popped up on a mutual friend's post and I just can't handle it. Even after 6 months of them dating, it still hurts me.

 

Just hang in there Brutus. It will get better in time.

 

Best wishes,

J

[Brutus]

I do try, and I thought it was getting better. But everytime I think about her blue-grey eyes, her incredibly slim wrist, her hair of an indefinite colour, her smile, her long legs... it just feel like dying. Meeting her has been a blessing and a curse at the same time. No girl ever made me feel like she did, and no other girl ever will. She took away from me all my capacity to love, and I feel so empty and lost. It is hard to accept that any other person in my life will be a second best and that I would always love her, no matter who will be one day my partner. It is so unfair and painful.

[me85]

I'm sorry.

 

Give it time. Try harder. Everything in life takes effort.

 

I'm sorry. I know you are trying. Just remember that this too shall pass.

 

It's cliche but it's true.

[avacado]

I remember writing something nearly identical to this a year and a half ago. And again a year ago. And then a few times more for good measure. And reading so many nearly-identical stories from so many others here on LS. And then experiencing the recovery first-hand, proving what other had written here, that while it can take a long time, it will get better. You will have to change, though, because the current you is the one that's attached to her. It's a good time to really focus on improving yourself. Divert that anger and sadness to goals, and remember that your current belief that this love lost was "the one" is just an illusion. There are millions of great girls out there, few know you yet, but after you put in your time with one, you won't be thinking much about this last one.

 

 

Oh, and about Facebook - block her. Don't just defriend. Sounds immature? Who cares. Will she care? Maybe, if she finds out, which isn't your problem. The worst single moment I can ever remember (worse than getting dumped) was seeing that she was in a new relationship. Imagining what your ex might be up to can hurt, but you know these thoughts are imagined. Try adding in real, verifiable facts, however, and it's no longer imagined. Ouch.

[Brutus]

You will have to change, though, because the current you is the one that's attached to her. It's a good time to really focus on improving yourself. Divert that anger and sadness to goals, and remember that your current belief that this love lost was "the one" is just an illusion. There are millions of great girls out there, few know you yet, but after you put in your time with one, you won't be thinking much about this last one.

 

 

 

Thank guys, the unpleasant thing is that it WAS getting better, I even started to see some other girls (although most of the times it made things worse, as it only made me remember her even more strongly).

 

 

As I mentioned the relapse happened when I moved to a new country. I guess the change is to be blamed, as here i do not have the support network of friends I used to have, the certainties and all the rest, so my defences got lowered.

 

 

But now I am back to square one, thinking of her all the time, sometimes even crying, replaying in my head the last drammatic moments of our relationship and imagining painful possible scenarios of her with "that other guy". Hate and love at the same time are way too strong feelings to be able to bury her in the past, as she did with me long ago. I still desperately want her in my life, but I know there's nothing I can do.

 

 

Yet now I feel the strong need to write to her, a letter or an email. Partly because I do not want her to forget me, or to think I moved on so, even if she realized she made a mistake, she would not contact me. But partly also because I feel like telling her things that surely won't make her happy, but are just boiling inside me and I want her to know, no matter what her reaction would be.

 

 

I know most of you will suggest me NOT to write her, but seriously, if it can't get worse, why not at least liberating myself?

Edited July 2, 2014 by Brutus

[Brutus]

As a matter of fact, she was in hospital for 3 weeks so I was thinking to call, only to ask her if she is all right. I won't lie to myself, I am aware that this is an excuse to contact her, but may it still be a good reason too, especially if I will not ask anything else? I just do not know how I would answer her probable question about how I am...

What you suggest me to do?

[FredJones80]

it WAS getting better

 

But now I am back to square one, thinking of her all the time, sometimes even crying, replaying in my head the last drammatic moments of our relationship and imagining painful possible scenarios of her with "that other guy". Hate and love at the same time are way too strong feelings to be able to bury her in the past, as she did with me long ago. I still desperately want her in my life, but I know there's nothing I can do.

 

I'm 3 months now Brutus and in pretty much the same situation as you, it felt better for a while and now I feel I've regressed to a worse place.

 

I suggest you do nothing and stay strong, hopefully this will pass for both of us.

[steve5678]

Brutus how are you doing? Did things get better? I know how you're feeling man. I get the same urges to write to her to see how she's doing.

[Brutus]

Brutus how are you doing? Did things get better? I know how you're feeling man. I get the same urges to write to her to see how she's doing.

 

Thanks for cheking, steve. Two weeks after I started this thread I had yet another relapse. It is so stupid. A pair of legs, a haircut or haircolour that remind me of hers, a song, a cartoon, a place, even when they just get named my mind instantly travels to her. I was really on the verge of calling her the other day. But then I realized that:

 

a. It was an individualistic instinct rather than real interest in how she is doing (I know she is fine and I subconsciously wanted to call just to "force" my presence in her life once again)

 

b. It would have given me more material for obsessive thoughts, and not helped me healing.

 

It was tought, but I resisted.

 

Then yesterday night I go to a party and see a girl who looked incredibly similar to her. I watched her being approached by guys, dancing, etc. and it felt so bad, because it was as if I was looking at her, as she was probably doing the same, some hundred km away from here. I could not have fun anymore, and I left the party. I feel so lonely and the thought of her prevents me from being able to approach other people. I don't know what to do anymore. Is love worth all this pain?