cellobeast89 Posted June 30, 2014 Share Posted June 30, 2014 Hello. I'm very new to this site so bear with me while I explain the situation. I started dating my boyfriend recently and he is a wonderful person and I'm happy to be with him, but his parents I have noticed recently aren't that nice at all to their son. His parents are divorce and he lives with his dad right now (he's 20) and he also works for him. His dad loves to drink every chance he gets and treats him poorly. For starters, he works with his dad full time and at the end of the week he get's paid by him. He only recieves $100 and the rest of the money (so about $300 is taken out) is used for "rent" which later he found out it was to support his drinking habits. My boyfriend wants to get out and leave, but with no money it becomes difficult. He's been searching for a job but it's hard when you live in a small city in the middle of basically no where. His dad yells at him all the time. Telling him he's not good at anything and let's him defend for himself aka find food for himself when he doesn't have a lot of money. Lately, my boyfriend purchased a video game to relax with and once his dad saw it, he told my boyfriend that if he wanted to get games that he was giving him too much money. He started cutting back now and is now giving him $60 a week for a full time job. There are other examples, but basically his dad treats him like crap. You would think his mom is better, but I found out yesterday that she isn't at all. We went to her place to grab his car that his mom's boyfriend has been working on. The plan was to go there and my boyfriend would talk to her boyfriend about car things and I was going to hang out with his mom. When we got there, his mom wasn't there. When he called her to see where she was at, she said she was at the bar with her girlfriend and not coming back (yes she is another huge drinker). Later that day, we went to one room in the house to talk. Mostly cause he was upset with his mom and so we went and apparently he locked the door. His mom's boyfriend didn't know we were in there and tried coming in. My boyfriend said we were coming out in a few mins (he had to wipe the tears off). When we got out, everything was fine and his mom's boyfriend said he was going to meet his mom at the bar. So we left. When we got back to his place, his mom was calling him. He left to go into another room. Even though he was in another room, I can hear her screaming at him through the phone. I peeked around and saw him tearing up and just saying "yes mom" over and over again. After about 10 mins with her screaming at him, he hung up. I asked if everything was okay. He told me that his mom was mad that we left and called him an "ungrateful bastard", "rude", and "not worth anyone's time". I felt absolutely terrible. I gave him a big hug and told him he wasn't. All he could say was "the hardest part is hearing that from your own mother." She also said that when her boyfriend told her that we were in the locked room that we must of been having sex and now apparently she doesn't like me anymore. I hate having to see this from both parents. And I hate that I feel like I can't do anything but just sit here and comfort. Is there anything else I could do to help him? Maybe some advice I could tell him or something? Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted June 30, 2014 Share Posted June 30, 2014 His parents may suck, but he's an adult so he can at least get away from it. His number one priority should be to get a job so he can move out. If there are no jobs in his town, he should consider moving somewhere else. What about the military? Or taking out student loans to get a degree? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 30, 2014 Share Posted June 30, 2014 While his parents sound awful, they are not abusing him. You can possibly help him try to find another job, but for now you really have to stay out of it. Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted June 30, 2014 Share Posted June 30, 2014 Sounds a lot like my H's mom and stepdad. They have always treated him as if he didn't exist. There is nothing you can do about it, sadly. Getting involved only makes it worse. I agree that he should try and find any job possible to get out of the house. Link to post Share on other sites
mrs rubble Posted June 30, 2014 Share Posted June 30, 2014 While his parents sound awful, they are not abusing him. You can possibly help him try to find another job, but for now you really have to stay out of it. I disagree, his parents are abusive. His Father is witholding his earnings. That's finacial abuse. His Mother told him he's "not worth anyones time" and he's an "ungreatful bastard" - that's emotional abuse. I do agree that, the op needs to stay out of it. As her interference is just going to flame things further. Does he have siblings or aunt's or uncles that are any better and could help out? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ErinKl Posted June 30, 2014 Share Posted June 30, 2014 He should move out at any cost: an environment like that will drive him nuts. There's not much you can do to help him, but it's great that you care about him and are looking for some way out for him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted June 30, 2014 Share Posted June 30, 2014 His parents are emotionally and mentally abusive. It serves to only tear his self-esteem down. He should try his best to remove himself from that environment and try to make it on his own. Even if he has to move to another city to find a job. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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