TONY! ARE YOU ON LINE?

[Tiggi-Anne]

Tony, I have a problem.

 

My boyfreind turned up today as one of my clients!

 

We both said a lot of hurtful things, his were harsher than mine, and its ended. I feel like dying, I'm so gutted, despit what I said, I love him. I need him and I would give up my job for him. Please help me.

[Laurynn]

I went down the board to find your original post, to figure out what's up. You're the escort, right?

 

So he showed up today as one of your clients. Seeing how he didn't know what you did for a living, did he have any idea that YOU were the escort he was going to meet, or was it just a fluke? Did he find out what you did, and make an appt to meet you so he could confront you about what you do for a living?

 

If that's not the case, what's your boyfriend doing using an escort?

 

Laurynn

[Tiggi-Anne]

No, he didn't know! Now I don't know what to do! I need help, he said I was a slut and everything. What can I do Laurynn?

[Laurynn]

Are you *sure* he didn't know that *you* were the escort? DOn't you think it's more than just a coincidence that of all the escorts out there (of course I'm assuming there are quite a few where you live), that he just happened to pick YOU? What are the odds of that?

 

When a guy calls up your agency (do you work for an escort agency?), does HE pick the girl or does the agency pick one for him? I'm just trying to figure out if it truly was a coincidence that he ended up with you. Is it possible that he heard a rumor or for some reason, suspected what you did for a living and was trying to 'catch you in the act', to confirm that's what you actually did??

 

If that's not the case, and it really was a fluke that he hired an escort and it turned out to be you, his girlfriend......then do you really want a man who's in a relationship with you *BUT* sneaks around for a little nookie on the side?

 

If he was calling you a slut, etc.......did you at least ask him what HE WAS DOING going to an escort?

 

Laurynn

[Tony T]

If your boyfriend seemed so unfulfilled that he found it necessary to call an escort service, that doesn't say many good things about him or his relationship with you. I know it was in its early stages but I really don't think these kinds of things happen by complete accident.

 

In effect, you saw exactly how he would cheat on you had your relationship intensified. You also saw just how immature he was. There was no good reason for him to react in a harsh way. While I'm sure he was shocked, if he cared about you as a human being and if he was a mature, decent person he would have given you a hug and acknowledged your pain and embarassment. While he may have chosen to no longer see you, at least he could have shown some mature compassion here. There was no reason for him to act without class.

 

I think this was a learning situation for you. It absolutely happened for a good reason. You saw first hand how he would have reacted later on if you had told him your line of work.

 

Go about your business, sock some money away, get some additional education and pursue other lines of work you won't have to keep under wraps. Then you can begin to search for the love of your life. I don't really think it is practical to be an escort forever, but when you retire from this is entirely your call.

 

You may think you love the man you thought he was, but he is extremely judgemental and small minded. From a judgement standpoint, what he was doing was no better or worse than what you were doing.

 

Read my earlier post to you. Men do not forget these kinds of things and a relationship with this guy will now be impossible. There are posts here everyday from guys who can't handle their relationship with girls who disclose they've given oral sex to a few guys in the past. It just imposes real head problems (no pun intended) on most men.

 

I am truly sorry this happened but I think there was something greater meaning in the event than we see at the moment. While you are hurting, a great burden has been lifted from you and you have learned incredible lessons.

 

Do not call him or contact him. If he calls you, then deal with it at that time. However, this event brings up significant trust issues for the both of you that may be very difficult to overcome.

 

You do not need this man in your life. No way, no how!!!

[Tiggi-Anne]

Yes, the agency chooses the escort. He said that because I wasn't giving him sex. (I nhave just had all my regular checks and am waiting for the results. Till I know I am clear I won't sleep with him) He had to go elsewhere.

 

I need him though Laurynn. I love him, despite everything I need him, and so does my son Samuel.

 

What other advice can you give Laurynn.

 

Tiggi

 

PS Thanx for caring

[Tiggi-Anne]

Tony, I love him. He said the only reason he went to an escort is because I wouldn't give him sex!

 

I have just had my regular tests and was waiting for the results before I would sleep with him. He didn't understand this and called me a slut and slapped me. But I love him. I'm alone and I love him.

 

WHAT CAN I DO?

If your boyfriend seemed so unfulfilled that he found it necessary to call an escort service, that doesn't say many good things about him or his relationship with you. I know it was in its early stages but I really don't think these kinds of things happen by complete accident. In effect, you saw exactly how he would cheat on you had your relationship intensified. You also saw just how immature he was. There was no good reason for him to react in a harsh way. While I'm sure he was shocked, if he cared about you as a human being and if he was a mature, decent person he would have given you a hug and acknowledged your pain and embarassment. While he may have chosen to no longer see you, at least he could have shown some mature compassion here. There was no reason for him to act without class. I think this was a learning situation for you. It absolutely happened for a good reason. You saw first hand how he would have reacted later on if you had told him your line of work. Go about your business, sock some money away, get some additional education and pursue other lines of work you won't have to keep under wraps. Then you can begin to search for the love of your life. I don't really think it is practical to be an escort forever, but when you retire from this is entirely your call. You may think you love the man you thought he was, but he is extremely judgemental and small minded. From a judgement standpoint, what he was doing was no better or worse than what you were doing. Read my earlier post to you. Men do not forget these kinds of things and a relationship with this guy will now be impossible. There are posts here everyday from guys who can't handle their relationship with girls who disclose they've given oral sex to a few guys in the past. It just imposes real head problems (no pun intended) on most men.

 

I am truly sorry this happened but I think there was something greater meaning in the event than we see at the moment. While you are hurting, a great burden has been lifted from you and you have learned incredible lessons. Do not call him or contact him. If he calls you, then deal with it at that time. However, this event brings up significant trust issues for the both of you that may be very difficult to overcome. You do not need this man in your life. No way, no how!!!

[Laurynn]

Ha! What he told you was the biggest crock of BS that I've ever heard.....that because you weren't giving him sex, he had to find it elsewhere. That's a real good way of justifying it, not. How long have you 2 been together anyway? (as a couple in a relationship)......

 

Talk about the pot calling the kettle black....for him to call YOU a slut, etc. What the hell does he think he is? How ironic. You're a slut for being an escort but it's 'okay' for him to use the services of an escort? *GAG*

 

The guy has some serious issues. I imagine you were very embarassed to be found out this way....and any man with some class would have been embarassed HIMSELF......(despite the fact that YOU were the escort)......that he got supremely busted for soliciting the services of an escort, by his girlfriend! Ya can't get busted any greater than that! Perhaps his harsh reaction was based on embarassment, but I have my doubts.

 

I agree with Tony's advice to you. Save up your money.....get some education (computer industry is a good one).....there are lots of technical schools that offer programs where you can get a good education in 10 months or less. Then get out of what you're doing........so you no longer have to hide your career from the men you date. That will make it so much easier for you in the long run. I'm not putting you down for what you do for a living......but sooner or later you're going to have no self esteem left...and you're going to start thinking that all you're good for in life is a blowjob.....that that's all you have to offer a man.....plus as careful as you are about safetly precautions, nothing is totally safe. You could even wind up with some nutcase for a client, who could really hurt you.

 

You don't need a man who calls you a slut. Yes, most men would not respect a woman who does what you do for a living...that's a fact you're going to have to openmindedly face. Decent men don't want a woman who 'gives it up' to strangers, that's a fact of life. Turn it around and imagine how you'd feel to find out a boyfriend of yours was a male escort.....ya know?

 

You deserve a lot in life.......and you also deserve a good man....but in order to find both, you're going to have to make some changes, including your career (I'm afraid).

 

I'm sorry you're going through this, not sure what else to say.

 

Laurynn

[Tiggi-Anne]

Thanx Laurynn.

 

But I still love him. We were together for 6 months and i truly loved him. i don't know what to do.

Ha! What he told you was the biggest crock of BS that I've ever heard.....that because you weren't giving him sex, he had to find it elsewhere. That's a real good way of justifying it, not. How long have you 2 been together anyway? (as a couple in a relationship)...... Talk about the pot calling the kettle black....for him to call YOU a slut, etc. What the hell does he think he is? How ironic. You're a slut for being an escort but it's 'okay' for him to use the services of an escort? *GAG* The guy has some serious issues. I imagine you were very embarassed to be found out this way....and any man with some class would have been embarassed HIMSELF......(despite the fact that YOU were the escort)......that he got supremely busted for soliciting the services of an escort, by his girlfriend! Ya can't get busted any greater than that! Perhaps his harsh reaction was based on embarassment, but I have my doubts. I agree with Tony's advice to you. Save up your money.....get some education (computer industry is a good one).....there are lots of technical schools that offer programs where you can get a good education in 10 months or less. Then get out of what you're doing........so you no longer have to hide your career from the men you date. That will make it so much easier for you in the long run. I'm not putting you down for what you do for a living......but sooner or later you're going to have no self esteem left...and you're going to start thinking that all you're good for in life is a blowjob.....that that's all you have to offer a man.....plus as careful as you are about safetly precautions, nothing is totally safe. You could even wind up with some nutcase for a client, who could really hurt you. You don't need a man who calls you a slut. Yes, most men would not respect a woman who does what you do for a living...that's a fact you're going to have to openmindedly face. Decent men don't want a woman who 'gives it up' to strangers, that's a fact of life. Turn it around and imagine how you'd feel to find out a boyfriend of yours was a male escort.....ya know? You deserve a lot in life.......and you also deserve a good man....but in order to find both, you're going to have to make some changes, including your career (I'm afraid). I'm sorry you're going through this, not sure what else to say. Laurynn

[Tony T]

I hear that you love him. When you offend someone, the ONLY thing you can do is apologize. I take it from your first post that you got rather nasty with him and he did with you. So go and apologize for all of this.

 

If he can't get over it, there is nothing else you can do. There are no other alternatives. Nothing, nada, zilch.

 

So get an apology to him, see if you can talk this out somehow. You have my absolute and heartfelt blessings and best wishes for success.

 

I don't travel in circles where great romances begin quite this way...but it is original...and all things are possible.

[Tiggi-Anne]

Thank you! You have made me feel so much better now. I don't need him. I will sort myself out for me and my son, William. I will be fine and I'll check in now and again to let you know how I am.

 

Once again. Thank you.

 

TIGGI

 

xxxxx

[Laurynn]

The a**h*** should be charged with assault!!! No man has the right to slap a woman, under ANY circumstances (no woman has the right to slap a man either).

 

Sorry hun but lack of sex is NO reason for him to justify having gone to an escort, seriously. What kind of toad is that? So say you make a life with this guy...and one day you get sick with a really bad flu, or for whatever reason can't have sex for a week or 2.........what's he going to do then, go out and find it somewhere else? The guy is a freaking loser, sorry to say it.

 

HE SLAPPED YOU. Think about that for a few minutes. The man assaulted you. The man sneaks around for sex on the sly. Is this the kind of man who'd make a good role model to your son? HARDLY!

 

I sincerely think you need to talk to someone.....a counselor. I think, though I could be wrong, you don't think very much of yourself........that you don't have very high self esteem.........which might explain why you're an escort to begin with? (aside from the money you make). I think you have a problem deep down, with thinking it's 'okay' for men to use you, abuse you, etc.

 

You may love him, but he does not love you. Someone who loves someone doesn't sneak around for sex behind their back REGARDlESS of the reasons....they also don't call their girlfriends SLUTS...nor do they SLAP THEM.

 

You need this man like you need a hole in the head.

 

I don't know what to say to make you realize that you are worth much more than this...........and that this guy is nothing but trouble. NOTHING BUT TROUBLE.

 

There is no future with this dink. He will never let you forget what you do for a living. You will never be able to trust him. He will mostly likely continue to physically and mentally abuse you. He is a sick mother ------

 

Go talk to someone. You need to get a handle on your life. You need to get out of your profession, heck couldn't you lose your son if Child Protective Services found out what you did for a living? (I don't know, I could be completely wrong). You are in a career that is not only dangerous to your health but dangerous to your safety...and emotional well being (whether you realize it or not).....that can't foster stability for your son. It wouldn't be fair if something happened to him, right? Get out before your life goes right down the toilet.

 

Laurynn

[Laurynn]

No matter how rude she got to him, there is NO excuse for him slapping her. None, whatsoever. I think it would be a huge mistake for her to have any more contact with him. He might do more than just slap her. He might beat the living sh*t out of her. She's a mother, she should not be putting herself in a dangerous situation. She has nothing to apologize for.........he should be apologizing to HER.....for calling her filthy names and slapping her....especially after he was busted, sneaking around buying sex.

 

The guy is an a**h***.

 

Laurynn

[Tony T]

I can't tell whether you are talking to me here or the lady who has the problem. Please direct this straight to her. She needs to know this. I don't. I gave her direct responses to her requests.

 

I agree totally with everything you said but that isn't what she wanted from me. That's why have numerous posters is so great. I actually seldom read other people's posts so it's so much better to direct them straight to the person who needs to know the information.

 

If I were seriously needing help, I would hate to have the information sounding like it was getting to me through a third party.

 

Great advice...I suppose she'll realize it was for her. But I didn't want to give her that because she asked me specifically for ways she could work this out and not for my personal opinion of her situation.

[Laurynn]

I'm sure she'll read all the responses, I think most people would (regardless of whether it was posted in reply to you or not). I did respond to you for the most part, because you were the one who was suggesting that she contact him and apologize....I thought this was a bad idea because the guy slapped her.....and I thought it was pretty darn dangerous for her to be contacting a man who's obviously abusive and violent. I was a little shocked that you'd encourage her to apologize to a man who not only called her a slut, but who physically assaulted her.

 

Laurynn

[Tony T]

YOU WROTE: "I was a little shocked that you'd encourage her to apologize to a man who not only called her a slut, but who physically assaulted her."

 

Actually, I had not noticed that he had assaulted her. This thread had gotten pretty complicated by that time. However, I did notice that she loved this guy very much and wanted to get back with him and that was her only concern.

 

No reply needed.

[Nic]

He said the only reason

he went to an escort is because I wouldn't give him sex!

that is the most selfish, pathetic excuse for a guy to give. if he was that desperate for sex, he could have consulted mrs palmer and her 5 daughters (i.e. relieved himself with his hand). When a man truly loves a woman, when a man truly respects a woman HE WILL WAIT FOR SEX. when a man truly loves and respects woman, sex is not the main priority for him. sure, we are all human and have needs, but sex seems to be more important to him than you.

I have just had my regular tests and was waiting for the results before I would sleep with him. He didn't understand this and called me a slut and slapped me.

this man is nothing short of a disrespectful, spineless fraction of a man. who the hell does he think he is? calling you a slut and slapping you because he doesn't understand is narrow-minded and totally uncalled for. this could only be a sign of worse things to come if you stick with him.

 

But I love him. I'm alone

and I love him.

sometimes loving someone is just not enough. love can hurt in many ways, but it should never hurt in the form of any sort of abuse, be it physical, emotional, financial etc. the bottom line is, he abused you.

 

you will feel so much more alone if you stick with this guy. you will not always be alone. it is better to go through the pain of being alone than being in an abusive relationship just because you don't want to be alone.

WHAT CAN I DO?

stand up for yourself and for your child. this man does not deserve you. you will find a man oneday who will accept everything about you, even if he can't understand what you have done and what you have been through. use this experience and this time alone to reflect upon what it is you want out of life for yourself and for your child. when you have goals, you will be able to reach them and you now know what you will and won't stand for ever again.

 

best of luck to you