The State Of The Union for the Struggling Dudes

[Bruce Leigh]

Well, I feel motivated now.

 

 

If you can't get motivated after seeing this guy.........................

 

I never really liked DDP from wrestling but this was fantastic from the guy fp.

Edited July 3, 2014 by Bruce Leigh

[lollipopspot]

What women actually respond to (no particular order): (a) Confident assured energy. (b) Conversational skills that are a good mixture of teasing and connecting. © Nonreactivity--someone who takes things in stride. Makes her feel "safe"--you're not dangerous, and you can handle things that come up. (d) Ambition/passion with his own life. (e) Someone who knows when to "make a move". (f) Perspective. Relationships end due to people growing. When this happens an attractive guy is heartbroken and goes through the cycle of grief but he also gets that this is life. (g) Oh yeah--looks and height do help, but not nearly as much as guys think.

 

There are some very good and often overlooked things on this list.

 

A seemingly "average guy" can become way more than average when they have these traits.

 

Something like becoming nonreactive I would say one develops through working on yourself emotionally and your life perspective. Emotionally maturity is a huge draw, but people don't think about it much in terms of attracting a mate.

[ThaWholigan]

 

If you can't get motivated after seeing this guy.........................

 

I never really liked DDP from wrestling but this was fantastic from the guy fp.

SELF HIGH-FIVE!!

 

http://www.memegene.net/media/created/rz0g5c.jpg

[MidwestUSA]

Just when you think you've heard it all

 

Personally, for volunteering, I recommend looking into tutoring. I tutored on weekends when high school was in this past year. Its a great way to give back. Low barrier to entry as long as you don't expect to get paid. Satisfying to know you're making a legit difference in someone's life. And you're using skills you already have (match, science, history, writing, etc.) to do it.

 

Okay, 'little respect' was a bit harsh. Let's just say I EXPECT someone who grew up in my area to know the native birds, at least the common ones.

 

 

Great idea with the tutoring!!

[lollipopspot]

I'm trying to guide this thread in a direction where it can be helpful to other guys...

 

Nothing comes to mind that can be called a talent or genius that I excel at.

 

Then the next logical step is to think of things that I'm at least decent at, and enjoy doing.

 

For me, that's probably salsa dancing. Though my skills have stagnated. My school only offers beginning salsa, which I've taken 4 or 5 times. Essentially I'm a master beginner

 

I'm considering moving on to taking more intermediate and advanced lessons off campus. I've been to the dance clubs a few times but there are simply too many men so it's a lot of waiting around for my turn with a girl. I'm basically kicking myself for not going out dancing with my ex more often. We should have gone dancing every week instead of once a month.

 

I wouldn't need to see someone having some special genius or talent, I would just like to see some passion for something. Better than dancing or musical or athletic ability, for me, would be if he had a passion to do good works. If he volunteered at an animal shelter, or did activism, or things like that. I like to see someone living out their values, when they're values that I admire. That's very attractive.

 

The list the OP posted earlier - being generally competent, confident, nonreactive, and making a woman feel safe, are very appealing qualities. I think one issue for you is your sense that you need a partner to be happy. It's more appealing for people to think that their partner is self sufficient, and can be happy on their own, but that your presence will enhance an already nice quality of life.

[normal person]

Nothing comes to mind that can be called a talent or genius that I excel at.

 

Ask anyone who's done something significant in there life if they were simply born into it. If they never had to work at it. People might have a predisposition for certain things of course, but that doesn't mean they've never worked at their craft or didn't have to still study it meticulously. Ask a doctor if he never had to work to get through medical school or if he just "knew" it. Ask a football player if he never had to study a playbook or go to the gym. Warren Buffet wasn't born a billionaire. There's a time investment.

 

Example: I love music but I'm certainly no genius. I took guitar in middle school and I was definitely one of the slowest learners in the class, it just didn't come naturally (it still doesn't and never will). But I continued playing for the rest of my life, working at it in all my free time. When my friends were wasting their time consuming (watching tv, playing video games), I was studying the nuances of guitar and song craft, creating, and producing. At one point, I had enough competency. Then all the time I invested payed its dividend and I managed to turn everything I'd learned into a lucrative music career. I don't want to give too much away but my checks come in as a result of a confluence of guitar and a few other things that I spent time toiling over throughout the last decade or so. I know I don't have much natural talent -- to me what I do just seems like obvious hard work, but now some people are calling my whole process "genius." I can assure you it's anything but that. I'm not naturally talented but my diligence dramatically changed the course of my life for the better.

 

I invested my time in something, my lifestyle is now the dividend. I have a friend who invested his time with girlfriend and now the dividend is his soon to be wife. My other friend invested his time in his social circle so his dividend is his countless friends. What have you invested your time in? If nothing, what will be a satisfying, productive use of your time?

Edited July 3, 2014 by normal person

[clia]

 

Then the next logical step is to think of things that I'm at least decent at, and enjoy doing.

 

For me, that's probably salsa dancing. Though my skills have stagnated. My school only offers beginning salsa, which I've taken 4 or 5 times. Essentially I'm a master beginner

 

I'm considering moving on to taking more intermediate and advanced lessons off campus. I've been to the dance clubs a few times but there are simply too many men so it's a lot of waiting around for my turn with a girl. I'm basically kicking myself for not going out dancing with my ex more often. We should have gone dancing every week instead of once a month.

 

Taking the same class 4 or 5 times seems like a waste. If you had been less focused on meeting women and more focused on the dancing itself, you could have used that time to take the more intermediate or advanced classes elsewhere, and you would likely be quite an advanced dancer by now.

[KaliLove]

I just like a guy who looks out for me. He should open my door..car door too, and know what I like to drink in the morning..stuff like that. And he should be respectful and respectable.

 

For the record..I'm terrified of birds. Especially pigeons and seagulls. **shudder**

[somedude81]

Taking the same class 4 or 5 times seems like a waste. If you had been less focused on meeting women and more focused on the dancing itself, you could have used that time to take the more intermediate or advanced classes elsewhere, and you would likely be quite an advanced dancer by now.

 

Seriously? (That's directed at you and everybody who liked your post)

 

The class is only two hours a week and I'm already on campus in the middle of the day.

 

No that time could not have been better used to take a more advanced class elsewhere because those are taught at night.

 

BTW, do no forget that I met my ex GF in a dance class last year. So guess what, if I didn't take the class for that 4th time, I would have never met her and of course that means that I never would have dated and her and got to experience all those wonderful things with her.

 

Choosing to take that class was the best decision I ever made.

[CrystalCastles]

How does one become exceptional?

 

I'm not rich, charming or talented. So what can I do?

 

What actions are feasible and will have some impact?

 

You absolutely DON'T need to be charming, rich or talented! You just have to have interests and hobbies, because those are fun to do and talk about with girls.

 

My boyfriend is not only a highly intelligent guy and good student, but he's got loads of interests- he's got a black belt in karate, he's done rock climbing, camping, horseback riding, he's doing fencing now, and he loves hiking. He's seen many great movies that we talk about quite a bit, he's read tons of books and poetry, he's travelled to Australia and France and the Netherlands, and he's going to Brazil on scholarship to work in a chemistry lab as part of his masters degree. He loves music, he plays guitar. He's fun to talk to because he does so many things and we do many of them together.

 

If you have no interests and do nothing...well, that makes for a boring person. Good looks, hot body and money are most definitely NOT the things you need to attract girls, or at least, you'll probably attract some but they will like you because you'll buy stuff for them or you'll make for great eye candy that they can show off to their friends.

 

Work on yourself. Dress well, study hard, get good grades (trust me, a determined, studious and smart guy is very attractive). Do things with your spare time- learn to cook, read books, join clubs at school, continue dancing. Because girls don't date guys who are boring.

[somedude81]

Lots of good tips in this thread

 

I hope other guys can benefit from them as well.

[Glinda.Good]

I am throwing down.

 

This is a direct challenge.

 

Please pick one of these, tell us what it is, and report back daily.

 

100 30 day challenge ideas to turn your life around

 

Will you do it?

[Imajerk17]

I am throwing down.

 

This is a direct challenge.

 

Please pick one of these, tell us what it is, and report back daily.

 

100 30 day challenge ideas to turn your life around

 

Will you do it?

 

Your heart is in the right place Glinda. Its probably a great list for a woman. Its also got a few good items for guys.

 

But I agree w enigma on this one. Its too fruity for a guy. That said #11 is a great one though.

Edited July 4, 2014 by Imajerk17

[hotpotato]

So..basically you just called me dumb and unhealthy...that's pretty rude.

 

You're looking at this all wrong.

 

As a woman who has exclusively dated older men, I speak from much experience. If a girl dates an older guy it's generally because she's looking for maturity and stability, she's not looking for a guy who thinks he's 'on her level' maturity-wise.

 

Or, if they're shallow and immature, they date older men who are exceptionally attractive or rich.

 

The fact that you embrace your immaturity is more of a red flag to me than your inexperience, as is the fact that you only hang around college kids at your age. Grow up dude. Once you start to prove that you're making more of an effort to be an adult, you'll start to be more attractive to women who are out of puberty.

 

Exactly! I've dated older men. I wouldnt have dated them if they hadn't been stable and mature. If I'm in my 20s and dating a 30something year old man, I compare the 30something man to other 30 something men, not to younger men.

 

SD, are you trying to relive your youth?

[Glinda.Good]

Your heart is in the right place Glinda. Its probably a great list for a woman. Its also got a few good items for guys.

 

Really? Why is learning new things and changing negative patterns for women and not men?

 

I think the "struggling dudes" would benefit from a paradigm shift. Being in a big rut is a common theme. I'm not sure why you feel these are gender specific, but a person can certainly make up their own, just as long as it's interesting enough to them and they will commit to doing it daily for 30 days.

 

The point is to do something DIFFERENTLY that is POSITIVE. For 30 days.

 

I don't think the banging or having bitches making sandwiches for you is in the cards for the strugglers, but why would any of these not be a positive experience for a person of any gender?

 

1. Take a photo a day on your way to work.

 

2. Give a compliment a day.

 

3. Speak to someone new every day.

 

7. Give up TV for a month.

 

11. Be totally honest — so no lying for 30 days (harder than you think).

 

13. Learn something new every day.

 

15. Think of your worst habit, you’ve been meaning to ditch and give it up for 30 days.

 

22. Go for a 15 minute run every day

 

23. Do 50 sit-ups a day.

 

26. Cycle to work

 

27. Write down a positive thought a day

 

28. Keep a gratitude list for 30 days

 

29. Before you go to sleep, think about the best thing that happened to you that day for five minutes.

 

30. What have you always wanted to do but never have? Spend 30 days writing down ideas for accomplishing your goal.

 

34. Give up bitching for a month or saying anything negative about people.

 

38. Play devils advocate with yourself each day and really examine your own beliefs.

 

39. Face a new fear a day — talk to a stranger, pick up a spider… push yourself put of your comfort zone

 

47. Take up a new interesting hobby — tai chi, free running, pottery…

 

53. Learn a new instrument in a month — the ukulele, cello, flute — whatever takes your fancy.

 

59. Research a different religion or philosophy every day for a month.

 

60. Read about a different period of history every day.

 

61. Get knowledgeable about art and pick an art movement a day to inspire you.

 

62. Do one thing each day that makes you feel inspired.

 

65. Learn a new word every day.

 

66. Spend 30-60 mins practising a new language.

 

67. If you live in a city, try to spend some time each day in nature whether it’s your garden, a park or the countryside.

 

68. Do an hour of exercise a day.

 

76. Do an act of kindness a day.

 

79. Go internet free for a month.

85. Ditch your car for a month.

 

86. Be positive for 30 days — even when things go wrong, look only for the postives.

 

91. Do a brain training puzzle a day like sudoku, crosswords or anything on lumosity.

[Keenly]

At the end of the 30 days, any man who does these things will become a woman. Guaranteed. I have my own list of things men should do. Here are a few.

 

1: have sex with your girlfriend

2: have sex with someone else's girlfriend

3: have sex with your girlfriend's sister

4: tell a woman to make you a sandwich

5: think about going to the gym, then drink a beer instead

6: play Battlefield on your Playstation and curse at someone in the game.

 

Sweet I can knock one of those out. PC though.

[jay1983]

I have some advice for guys struggling with companionship.

 

Stop worrying about it and get on with your life!

[Anela]

Your list might be good for women, but men are different. I'm pretty sure that a guy struggling to get dates with women shouldn't start acting more like a woman.

 

 

The advice was just to do SOMETHING. It isn't just about dating, it's about getting more out of life in general - so you think of something that you want to do, a habit that you want to change, and then try to do that in thirty days.

 

I need to try. I was looking at lists for suggestions last December, but was overwhelmed by the number of things that people had done and written about (linked at thenester.com). I need to simplify, so that's a good place to start: organization, walking on the treadmill, clean my sink every day (flylady), etc.

[Beast_117]

I simply don't have the personality for the dating game.

[irc333]

Those are all good things...for women. For a man, especially one struggling to get dates, I would recommend he hit the gym and do squats.

 

You make this statement as an assumption that the people struggling to get dates aren't working out.

[Imajerk17]

I do think there are some good items on that list. And I agree w Glinda that taking action is great.

 

A guy who applies the list will definitely become more interesting. The thing is though, is that there are plenty of men who are already interesting and nice, but who still can't get a woman romantically attracted to them. These guys need to be told something else. They need a list that isn't unisex but that is directed specifically at men and that relates to building masculinity.

Edited July 5, 2014 by Imajerk17

[SteveC80]

I do think there are some good items on that list. And I agree w Glinda that taking action is great.

 

A guy who applies the list will definitely become more interesting. The thing is though, is that there are plenty of men who are already interesting and nice, but who still can't get a woman romantically attracted to them. These guys need to be told something else. They need a list that isn't unisex but that is directed specifically at men and that relates to building masculinity.

 

I think it's over analyzing women and how to attract them,sometimes it's just a case of men approaching women who are not attracted to them and nothing more not so something they did or didn't do u can't force attraction and at the same time if it's already there it's hard to f up

[Anela]

Not at all. Someone else mentioned the treadmill, and I suggested squats instead. Every dude needs to do squats. And anyone who thinks they're doing enough of them is wrong.

 

I wasn't suggesting the treadmill for him, that was for me.

[Anela]

Squats are good for girls too! I always see young girls in the gym doing them so they look better in their yoga pants.

 

I used to do leg press, on a tall step, with heavy weights, and my legs did look great. My knees weren't so happy with that. I used to love working out my legs - squats, dips, lunges (didn't like those so much). I just need to work up again. Worst was abs, until I got my own stability ball.

[Glinda.Good]

Those are all good things...for women. For a man, especially one struggling to get dates, I would recommend he hit the gym and do squats. Then when he's done, do some more. Treadmills are for girls.

 

Hm. I must live in a much different world than you do. The women I know and I would be much more interested in dating a man who was a photographer, or even a fabulous baker than one who hangs around in the gym doing squats. Honest.

 

The suggestion about being totally honest for 30 days is not to help a horny hermit get a girl. It, and all those others, are to help jar a person into action, or to change their patterns.