! New to all of this...

[Mysterymom]

Hi. So here I am. Somehow I went from loving Christian wife to adulteress in just a few short weeks.

 

I have three children under the age of ten. I stay home. Husband works. Not a lot. He always leaves it at the office. Our sex life has always been...different. At first while dating it was heated- I would literally beg for it. Then I got tired of begging...then kids came....then I got fat. the bigger I got the less attractive I felt. We would spend every night in front of the tv drinking beer. If we do have axe it is because he grabs my ass and says you wanna do it? Or he whines and complains that it has been a week!!!! So then we do it and I never "finish"...he has no IDea where certain parts are if you get my drift...

 

About 1 month ago- an ex emailed me. Someone from 10 years ago that still remembered and thought of me. He said he wanted me....I was so torn- I dropped the kids off and went home and spent the day crying in bed.

 

That night I decided to run. At first it was only about a block- I have ran every single day since- sometimes twice. I have stopped eating after 7, I cut all portions, I have ran 6 miles one day! I feel fabulous!!!! Stopped alcohol- all of it- went from a tight 14 to a size 10 (and that is getting big) in just a month.

 

So, the affair. I met this guy. This super tall, super powerful (literally if I told you his job you may know him) super European, super hot guy. And he wanted to have coffee. Just coffee. So we did, and I ended up kissing him in the middle of the city. And we wrote 50 emails a day. And it was exciting and invigorating and I ran harder and faster- so I would look better...

 

Then we had sex. This man is also married. With kids. And he has a friend that allows us to use his apartment. So far we have only been together twice. I say so far because- I am just confused now.

 

He has a big job, and a wife- and the day before we actually did the deed he said she was getting irritated with his phone use (how we email)...so I knew the messages would decrease- especially during the evening. But I literally hear nothing at this point. If I send him a quick- thinking of you message- I get a smiley face. He is leaving for the fourth- and has not mentioned when he will be back or when I will see him again.

 

I feel like a whore. I honestly pictured this to be more of a friendship. More sparks and attraction. I mean I guess it is good that there is not- my family has no clue. But I am feeling like a dumpster. Literally. I want to say HEY! I need more from you- but the truly pathetic truth is- I am not sure I am ready to stop being his "other"....even if he treats me like this. What the hell?! When did I get so pathetic? Do I stop it? If so- how? Dare I ask for more?? Ugh. I am honestly worried that if I stop with this guy- I will just find another. I am craving fulfillment from someone other than my husband or even God- which is so very sad and I KNOW I will deal with...damn. Just someone help. What do I do or say in this??--sorry for spelling or grammatical errors...

[onemanband]

Number one do love your husband because the pain you are about to cause him is going to be very trematic.Is your relationship that bad cause the only thing u said was about sex, you want more from someone that is using u ,get out of the fog because your life as you know it will come crashing down give your husband the respect and leave him how can u speak of god in this post you are soo deep in you can't separate real from fake please tell more of your story also he is going to tell you his wife is the worst thing on the planet to make u feel like you have such a connection as soon as his wife finds out you will b the one dropped like a bad habit I hope you read all post because many people here have been through this

Edited July 1, 2014 by onemanband

[Timmos]

so you have had sex, and want more outside of the marriage. I will not judge. But what you have to do is protect your long term husband from damage. you can do that by either:

1) divorcing him, or at least a legal separation (the best way)

2) having him NEVER find out about it, and really limiting the amount of cheating, where its done, who its done with, etc.

3) arrange to have an "open marriage"

 

 

if you choose 2), you first of all have to keep being a "good" wife to him (in this odd way of defining good). You have to keep having sex with him. You have to give him all the sex acts that you are doing with your affair partner(s). You have to find time to be with the husband. You have to not be judgemental of him (your affair partner might seem perfect, and your husband so flawed, but it is just a psychological trick. He is still a good guy). And you ABSOLUTELY need to practice safe sex. Giving your husband an STD is not being "good" to him.

 

 

You need to have new secret email addresses online, maybe a fake facebook page, apps that you can text others without leaving ANY traces.

 

 

Then you need to be discrete. Find affair partners in another town, and drive there. Keep your online identity a mystery.

 

 

Hopefully, this lust you have for affairs will die down, the sex and romance at home will pick up, and you can look back at this as just a phase.

 

 

BTW congrats on losing the weight...that is SOOO hard to do.

 

tl;dr: If you choose #2, you need to become a better liar.

[JS84]

No offense but you're a side piece. I'm not exactly sure what you're expecting from this other guy. He has a wife and kids. He just wants some action on the side and that's what he's gotten.

 

Get a divorce and find someone else to fill whatever hole you think needs to be filled before your infidelities come to light and destroy your family's world. Hopefully you'll eventually realize the only one who can fill that hole is you.

 

I notice you don't have much to say about your husband (especially nothing good) and pretty much nothing about your kids or how all this will affect their well being. Sounds like it's all about you.

Edited July 2, 2014 by JS84

[Mysterymom]

Hmmm- not sure why my use of language is odd- just trying to be honest.

 

I have been a strong follower of Jesus. Then a few weeks ago I just snapped. After dropping the kids off I just came home a cried- for hours and slept. When I woke up- it was like something was just different.

 

Yes- right now it IS all about me. For the past decade it has been about everyone and everything other than me. So yes. Right now I am being extremely selfish. And no it is not fulfilling.

 

I see that yes- I am definitely just a side piece. I had hoped for more of a friendship- but I should be turning to my husband for that. I know. Logically I know.

 

I am not talking a lot about my husband and kids because they are innocent in all of this. It brings back my selfish choices to think of them.

 

Divorce. Don't see that happening. Even if anyone found out. He just would not give up on us. Like I seemingly have. My husband is just too good of a person for that.

 

This other guy. What a mess. I am more insecure with him now than I was in my marriage. it was such a stupid move. So stupid. So selfish. And I see more and more with each day that yes- he got what he wanted- a side piece...

 

As for the "hole" I know logically (though to some this will be laughable) that God is the only thing that can fill that hole. But right now the hole is feeling wanted, attractive, sexy, powerful...ugh. This is nuts.

 

I don't know why. I don't know anything right now. Except I made a ****ty selfish choice. I strayed from my family, my morals, my God, everything I was once proud to stand for- I just let it all go- to be a side piece. So pathetic.

[drifter777]

You asked a lot of rhetorical questions, but I think you are asking for advice from people who have some experience with what you are going through. I'm a man and my wife cheated on me. She just kind of snapped like you did and when she had the chance, while on a planned vacation with her parents, she had a ONS with one guy and started a full-blown sexual relationship with another guy. She told me to leave and had guy #2 move in with her. Three weeks later she was begging me to come home. I did - but that's another story. She had no remorse for cheating on me as she said it was something she felt she had to do. She needed to experience other men and find out what sex was like with someone other than me. She says being with guy #2 for a few weeks convinced her that I was the one she wanted. She honestly thought - for years - that all of this was a "good thing". My point is that it could be that you got to the point - for whatever reason - where you felt you just had to try a relationship with another man. When a new guy started to pay attention to you and charm you it was a short trip for you to hit the sack with him. Now you are looking at reality and don't know what to do. Being someone's part-time whore isn't what you want or what you need. You crave a real relationship that you find fulfilling. That seems reasonable as long as you don't expect to find all of your fulfillness from anyone or anything outside of yourself.

 

Before you throw away your marriage you should honestly consider trying to make things better with your husband. You have young children and you must have loved him at some point so at least you have a place to start. Whether you tell him about your cheating or not is your decision but I would suggest you think about trying to make things better with H before dropping that bomb. If it turns out you don't want to work on the marriage I see no reason to ever tell him about this and hurt him unnecessarily.

[harrybrown]

Can you reconnect with your H?

 

Have you tried to have your H go to MC with you? You might have to let him know what is going on, but I do hope you think about your kids.

[thekid36]

Hi. So here I am. Somehow I went from loving Christian wife to adulteress in just a few short weeks.

 

I have three children under the age of ten. I stay home. Husband works. Not a lot. He always leaves it at the office. Our sex life has always been...different. At first while dating it was heated- I would literally beg for it. Then I got tired of begging...then kids came....then I got fat. the bigger I got the less attractive I felt. We would spend every night in front of the tv drinking beer. If we do have axe it is because he grabs my ass and says you wanna do it? Or he whines and complains that it has been a week!!!! So then we do it and I never "finish"...he has no IDea where certain parts are if you get my drift...

 

About 1 month ago- an ex emailed me. Someone from 10 years ago that still remembered and thought of me. He said he wanted me....I was so torn- I dropped the kids off and went home and spent the day crying in bed.

 

That night I decided to run. At first it was only about a block- I have ran every single day since- sometimes twice. I have stopped eating after 7, I cut all portions, I have ran 6 miles one day! I feel fabulous!!!! Stopped alcohol- all of it- went from a tight 14 to a size 10 (and that is getting big) in just a month.

 

So, the affair. I met this guy. This super tall, super powerful (literally if I told you his job you may know him) super European, super hot guy. And he wanted to have coffee. Just coffee. So we did, and I ended up kissing him in the middle of the city. And we wrote 50 emails a day. And it was exciting and invigorating and I ran harder and faster- so I would look better...

 

Then we had sex. This man is also married. With kids. And he has a friend that allows us to use his apartment. So far we have only been together twice. I say so far because- I am just confused now.

 

He has a big job, and a wife- and the day before we actually did the deed he said she was getting irritated with his phone use (how we email)...so I knew the messages would decrease- especially during the evening. But I literally hear nothing at this point. If I send him a quick- thinking of you message- I get a smiley face. He is leaving for the fourth- and has not mentioned when he will be back or when I will see him again.

 

I feel like a whore. I honestly pictured this to be more of a friendship. More sparks and attraction. I mean I guess it is good that there is not- my family has no clue. But I am feeling like a dumpster. Literally. I want to say HEY! I need more from you- but the truly pathetic truth is- I am not sure I am ready to stop being his "other"....even if he treats me like this. What the hell?! When did I get so pathetic? Do I stop it? If so- how? Dare I ask for more?? Ugh. I am honestly worried that if I stop with this guy- I will just find another. I am craving fulfillment from someone other than my husband or even God- which is so very sad and I KNOW I will deal with...damn. Just someone help. What do I do or say in this??--sorry for spelling or grammatical errors...

 

 

Hi! So, things do not seem too good with your other half. He does not seem to make you feel desired. Even when you both have been having sex. It makes sense that you would want to feel wanted.

 

 

Then, someone else shows you attention. He wants to be with you. You then end up having sex with this man. This man makes you suddenly feel wanted. You enjoy having sex with your passionate partner. It makes you start to have fantasies about what the near future may hold with him.

 

 

The only problem is that they are mere fantasies. And, that you cannot make something which is simply not there. You are looking for a quick fix to an issue which perhaps does not warrant one. Take a step back and take a moment or two to think before acting again.

 

 

My suggestion would be to not put all of your own happiness and self worth into one specific person. Find things which you enjoy without the necessity of a partner. Look at your recent weight loss as a new lease on your own life. And, stop thinking that you have to be perfect. All of us make mistakes. It is part of what makes us human.

[aliveagain]

Wow, how are you going to deal with having to explain to your children about the deadly sins? Actually extramarital sex and adultery are also classified as mortal sins but they are also number 7 of the 10 Commandments, they come right from God himself. I guess you can bullsh*t yourself that cheating on your family as another mans side piece is worth the risk, your entitled to all the excitement that adultery has brought into your life. I'm sure you can bullshi*t your way out of it when you have to explain it to the big guy himself one day. I think the 6th Commandment is murder, number 9 is "Thou Shalt Not Bear False Witness, guess he doesn't like liars ether. How can you be an adulteress and not be a liar? What are you doing to yourself Christian girl, what are you doing to your family? You probably think you'll never get caught too.

[Bryanp]

I presume that you have no problem putting yourself and your husband at risk for STD's? You know that this will end very badly for you.

[todreaminblue]

you know the deal mysterymom as a christian thou shalt not commit adultery...dont think i am judging you.....i am an ex escort......

 

 

its good to feel desired wanted attractive but it isnt good to go against what you knwo is right....so you did wrong....now you have to make tit right.....

first before the list you have to decide if you want to save your marriage or not....then, if you have true remorse....

 

1.you have to tell your husband

 

 

2.talk to your parish priest or biship or whatever church official you need to talk to

 

3.hope your husband wants to save the marriage

 

 

would the sex guy have even looked at you when you were bigger you know the answer, obviously he doesnt care really about you or his wife.....what is even worse is how many people you are hurting i dotn care how confused you are hurting others isnt right...and you know it...you have involved others in your deception with havign a place to go to ...and you are making a huge mess that is going to hurt a lot of people including you.....just stop it...sort yourself out and your family......i am again not judging you i am just telling you what you are doing.....sounding board in other words....what you do and who wil judge you in the end is god be right with him and everything else will fall into place ...accept the consequences of what you have done and you will grow ......just because you are sexy now doesnt give you the right to hurt others ....and you feel that dont you?

 

 

why dont you get your husband into the alcohol beer free lifestyle maybe his sexual prowess will increase maybe just like you he may feel more attractive and willing to make an effort.....maybe you guys will be mean lean machines together....you never know what you have till its gone you should look deeper into the man you married not the man who spread you on a bed and then left for you to go home to your husband and for him to go home to his wife.....pretty bad.....hurtful stuff.......deb

Edited July 15, 2014 by todreaminblue

[DKT3]

I think the OP has gone M.I.A.

[sidney2718]

Before you throw away your marriage you should honestly consider trying to make things better with your husband. You have young children and you must have loved him at some point so at least you have a place to start. Whether you tell him about your cheating or not is your decision but I would suggest you think about trying to make things better with H before dropping that bomb. If it turns out you don't want to work on the marriage I see no reason to ever tell him about this and hurt him unnecessarily.

 

Drifter's advice is good, but I differ in one way. Your husband has to change too. Keep working on yourself and losing weight. It will be good for you, good for your husband, and good for your good health.

 

But at some point you may have to sit your husband down and let him know that you need more affection, including sex. Only you can judge when so don't think that you have to do this tomorrow or else.

[sidney2718]

I think the OP has gone M.I.A.

 

Yeah. She probably OD'd on our sympathy and understanding of her situation.