artistic_veins Posted July 1, 2014 Share Posted July 1, 2014 I've been dating my boyfriend for about a year now, and he's definitely the most understanding, affectionate and sweetest guy I've dated. That said, a few things happened in the start of our relationship which I am having a difficult time getting over. My boyfriend was on friendly terms with his ex, and he never told me that she was his ex until 3-4 months into our relationship. He always referred to her as a friend. During this time, they would hang out often, go to the movies etc etc. His explanation for not introducing her as his ex was because he felt that the relationship they had in the past was very short-lived, and now that he looks back he wasn't in love with her, as she wasn't in love with him. In fact, she cheated on him, but he got over it quickly as he realized that he wasn't in love with her anyway. Despite his explanations, the girl continued to get on my nerves because it was clear that she suddenly wanted my boyfriend back when she found out that he was dating it. I put up with all of it for a lengthy period, until I had enough and told him to cut off contact with her. Though they work together, my boyfriend has completely cut off ties with her, and they don't know speak at all outside of work where he claims to be extremely professional with her. Well, that's done and dealt with. Apart from his mistake of keeping his ex in his life and not introducing me as his ex, my boyfriend is a great guy. He does anything/everything for me - which he also proved by cutting her out. That said, I still have days where I get super mad over the whole ex issue, and I start taking it out on him. I get moody, and I don't feel like talking to him at all. It's come to the point where I want to get back at him, and cheat. I also have an ex who wants me back, and now.. I just really, really want to get back at my boyfriend by getting involved with my ex again. I know this is really immature and wrong, but I won't feel satisfied until I put him through what he put me through. Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted July 1, 2014 Share Posted July 1, 2014 Because of your immaturity and anger issues, you want to engage in self-destructive behavior that will put you morally at fault by deliberately cheating and in the process destroy your good relationship with your wonderful boyfriend. Yep, sounds like a great idea! 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted July 1, 2014 Share Posted July 1, 2014 Why would you tarnish your reputation in such a despicable way? What happens when he finds out and now you look like the lowlife? What happens when people start gossiping about your cheating ways? You end up looking like a scumbag. "I put up with all of it for a lengthy period, until I had enough and told him to cut off contact with her." You put up with it. It's your fault that you feel this way because you could have nipped it in the bud right away. You chose to accept what he did, you chose to look past what he did and you chose to accept him back. You either 1) talk to your boyfriend about how you feel and work your emotions through a mature and healthy way 2) you end it with your boyfriend if you can't get past it 3) you cheat because you want to cheat. I have a feeling you want to do this because your ex is paying you attention and you're using this as an excuse to cheat without having to take responsibility for cheating. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
OwMyEyeball Posted July 1, 2014 Share Posted July 1, 2014 Whatever satisfaction you think will be gained by cheating on your future ex-boyfriend will almost instantly be swept away by a flood of guilt and despair. Not only will you be betraying your current partner, you'll also be enticing your ex on a false premise. All in the name of vengeance. To destroy. To cause pain. Either you can be the mature one and find a peaceful resolution that minimizes the amount of suffering felt by all, or if you do follow through with your plan to cheat, that the two guys involved have the maturity to cut you from their lives and not hatch their own hair-brained schemes for revenge. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted July 1, 2014 Share Posted July 1, 2014 Wow, yeah very immature. Let me see if I got this straight. He introduced you to an Ex as a friend of his, but you found out that they have actually dated in the past. Also to discover that their "dating" relationship was very short lived. So, he was probably friends with her a hell of a lot longer than her boyfriend; therefore, he wasn't lying when he introduced you to her as a friend (because that's probably how they viewed their true relationship as). Yet, you had a problem with it and told him to cut off contact with her. He complied with your demands and they are nothing more than work colleagues now. But, even that's not good enough for you and now you want to cheat on him to "get back at " the same guy YOU described as understanding, sweet and affectionate towards you! Lets be honest, you want to hook up with your Ex again and you're going to use that weak ass excuse to give yourself permission to do so. Do your boyfriend a favor and break up with him. Then you're free to go back to your Ex or whoever you want. And he'll be free to find himself a girl that will be more understanding and more open-minded. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 1, 2014 Share Posted July 1, 2014 He maintained a friendship with an EX. You mention that you ddn't initially know she was an EX. They went to the movies & hung out. Did I miss the part where they were kissing or having sex while he was dating you? If he did cheat then but hasn't in a while it's up to you if you stay. If he just went to the movies & hung out with her, that's not cheating. It was probably ill advised but it wasn't cheating. If you cheat that makes you no better than him. Two wrong don't make a right. If you can't get past these feelings break up with him. Living well is the best revenge. What you propose will only hurt you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SparklingandBroken Posted July 1, 2014 Share Posted July 1, 2014 Doing so would hurt you and complicate things very much. There's no undoing it once it's done, and it will eat away at your conscience, not to mention, put you in a confusing love triangle. Do not do it. Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted July 1, 2014 Share Posted July 1, 2014 I can't add any more than what others have already except to tell you that it's time to grow up and behave like an adult. Tit for tat is NOT the mature way to handle things. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
marcjb Posted July 2, 2014 Share Posted July 2, 2014 He kept around his ex as a friend. That was wrong of him. He should have cut ties if he planned on having a successful relationship in the future with you or anyone else. He also deceived you by making you think it was just friendship and nothing ever went on between them. That's what friendship is, the platonic aspect has already been stripped away once they were together. Taking all this into consideration, what you want to do is wrong. You want to one up him by actually cheating on him? That would definitely not be right. He didn't actually cheat on you, and since he was willing to cut ties with his ex, that should be enough. Don't cheat on him. Link to post Share on other sites
Madman81 Posted July 2, 2014 Share Posted July 2, 2014 There's nothing to "get even" about in this situation. If you sleep with your ex, you'll be the only cheater, as between the two of you. He should have told you earlier that she was his ex, but that's not the same as cheating on you. Regardless of any mental gymnastics your brain is doing to convince you that sleeping with your ex would merely be "an eye for an eye", it's not the case. Consider yourself warned. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted July 2, 2014 Share Posted July 2, 2014 Sounds like someone's got PROOOOOOOBLEMS. OP, You sound like a REAL WINNER. You go gurl, GURL POWAH. You show him what a mature, respectable adult would do in this situation. Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted July 2, 2014 Share Posted July 2, 2014 You already resent him. Why don't you just break up? Link to post Share on other sites
Baller25 Posted July 3, 2014 Share Posted July 3, 2014 Sounds like this guy is going to have 2 cheating girlfriends in a row. Unlucky. Link to post Share on other sites
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