Kamille Posted July 1, 2014 Share Posted July 1, 2014 I recently re-activated my on-line dating account. Just received an angry message from someone on there. He must have sent me something like 5 messages since I joined the site, none of which I ever replied to. Personally, I would have taken the first non reply as a sign of no interest (which it was. I am not physically attracted to him and his messages sounded superficial to me. Also, we don't have the same level of education and the way he answered the questions gave me the impression we wouldn't mesh intellectually. He was also older than my specified age-range.) Anyway, the jist of the message: He's amazed at how inconsiderate some ladies can be, not even taking the time to reply to well crafted messages. That not having the elegance to do so speaks to the quality of the person. How would you respond? Link to post Share on other sites
carrie_o Posted July 1, 2014 Share Posted July 1, 2014 Don't respond at all. He isn't entitled to a response and he doesn't seem to deserve one. If you do respond, it might lead to him sending more and more angry messages. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted July 1, 2014 Share Posted July 1, 2014 Ignore, block and move on. He's just trying to get a rise out of you and if you respond, you will have sunk to his level. Don't go there. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Anela Posted July 1, 2014 Share Posted July 1, 2014 Five messages with no response, is pushy. He should have had the class and humility to just move on. 9 Link to post Share on other sites
Targetlock Posted July 1, 2014 Share Posted July 1, 2014 don't bother wasting your time and energy if they don't have the manners to understand when you aren't interested. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 1, 2014 Share Posted July 1, 2014 I would be a bit more direct & send a response like this. I'm sorry that you didn't understand that a non-response is a response. Since you didn't correctly interpret my silence and your past 5 increasingly nasty messages indicate that a more blunt response is necessary, here it is: I wasn't initially attracted to you & I didn't think we had anything in common. The inappropriate way you have since behaved has confirmed that my initial choice to ignore you was in my best interests. Good luck with your search but if you contact me again I will inform the site moderators & ask that you be banned. Then tell the moderators anyway & block him. 10 Link to post Share on other sites
Targetlock Posted July 1, 2014 Share Posted July 1, 2014 I would be a bit more direct & send a response like this. I'm sorry that you didn't understand that a non-response is a response. Since you didn't correctly interpret my silence and your past 5 increasingly nasty messages indicate that a more blunt response is necessary, here it is: I wasn't initially attracted to you & I didn't think we had anything in common. The inappropriate way you have since behaved has confirmed that my initial choice to ignore you was in my best interests. Good luck with your search but if you contact me again I will inform the site moderators & ask that you be banned. Then tell the moderators anyway & block him. nice, like it Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted July 1, 2014 Share Posted July 1, 2014 Oh my goodness, I've been here a time or two. Unlike many people on here who seem to think no response is the way to decline someone who shows interest, I don't agree. I've always been one to send a polite "Thank you but I don't think we're a good match". If there is something obvious about WHY we're not a good match like distance or age, I'll mention it. 99% of the time, the men email me back letting me know that they appreciated me responding even if it was to let them know I wasn't interested since so many don't. But every now and again there are those that just can't take a hint. As already mentioned, when they get to this point where they start harassing you, there is no point in responding positively or negatively. That's when you just block them and/or report them to the site moderators. Done. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kamille Posted July 1, 2014 Author Share Posted July 1, 2014 Oh my goodness, I've been here a time or two. Unlike many people on here who seem to think no response is the way to decline someone who shows interest, I don't agree. I've always been one to send a polite "Thank you but I don't think we're a good match". If there is something obvious about WHY we're not a good match like distance or age, I'll mention it. 99% of the time, the men email me back letting me know that they appreciated me responding even if it was to let them know I wasn't interested since so many don't. But every now and again there are those that just can't take a hint. As already mentioned, when they get to this point where they start harassing you, there is no point in responding positively or negatively. That's when you just block them and/or report them to the site moderators. Done. I used to try and respond to everyone, but now I just don't make the time. I have other things to do. (Like responding to the 76 work emails I can get in one day). I think, as a rule, I will block anyone who sends me two messages without receiving a response. As for this guy, I blocked him. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Taramere Posted July 1, 2014 Share Posted July 1, 2014 He's amazed at how inconsiderate some ladies can be, not even taking the time to reply to well crafted messages. That not having the elegance to do so speaks to the quality of the person. How would you respond? Same as everybody else. Not at all. It would only reinforce a message to him that if he wants to get a response from a woman he's best sending her a rebuking put down of a message. It'll encourage him to vent his spleen at more women online, and you don't want to encourage that. By ignoring this berating message from him you're letting him know that if his best (message/foot forward) isn't good enough, his worst certainly won't be. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted July 2, 2014 Share Posted July 2, 2014 This is funny. I had one girl the other day respond to my first message with " have you always been so ugly " and then I had another girl respond to this HUGE paragraph I sent her talking about something we supposedly had in common only for her to go off on me telling me I was a loser and I was pathetic for bragging about my job ( I told her what I do and a story about what happened to me that day ) and I just responded with " you're a 19 year old C-word with no job that lives with her parents? And you feel qualified lecture me on success and class? Hood luck to you, you'll need it with that lack of basic manners and people skills " and blocked her. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
aprilisi Posted July 2, 2014 Share Posted July 2, 2014 Used to respond to every message, even if just to say thanks and that it wouldn't work. After being told off by so many and harrassed I don't anymore. I blocked 1 guy probably 6 times, he kept making new profiles and contacting me. He was a patient at my clinic and I gave that as my reason. Trying to be nice cause he's a creep. He just wouldn't give it up. Link to post Share on other sites
D.Mc. Posted July 2, 2014 Share Posted July 2, 2014 Hi Kamille, I think it's hardest to figure out what to do when you get a message from a guy that has 2 or more of your interests but the picture and/or personal details are not what you want (kids, height, location). I always send a response to those guys saying "Thanks...we are looking for different things at this time". I feel like the angry response is a male thing, I can't imagine women doing this if their initial message was ignored. BTW @Keenly: whoa, west coast OLD is rough! I thought it was bad over here in NY but damn... Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted July 2, 2014 Share Posted July 2, 2014 Oh my goodness, I've been here a time or two. Unlike many people on here who seem to think no response is the way to decline someone who shows interest, I don't agree. I've always been one to send a polite "Thank you but I don't think we're a good match". If there is something obvious about WHY we're not a good match like distance or age, I'll mention it. 99% of the time, the men email me back letting me know that they appreciated me responding even if it was to let them know I wasn't interested since so many don't. But every now and again there are those that just can't take a hint. As already mentioned, when they get to this point where they start harassing you, there is no point in responding positively or negatively. That's when you just block them and/or report them to the site moderators. Done. I wish more women were like you. I have never gotten a response from a woman and that just makes me think they never read the message or looked at my profile. A non response is rude. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
KaliLove Posted July 2, 2014 Share Posted July 2, 2014 (edited) I wish more women were like you. I have never gotten a response from a woman and that just makes me think they never read the message or looked at my profile. A non response is rude. Some of the things men say are much ruder...trust me. OP, I've been there. Usually if I'm not interested, I don't respond, or if they've taken the time to write a letter that shows that they've really read my profile and took the time to write something specifically for me instead of a form letter or just 'hi', I'll respond politely..but this one guy kept harassing me and I finally said that I didn't think we were a match but good luck. He sent me 4 more messages telling me what a stupid b!tch I was and that the site had matched us up, and I was stupid for not believing it. I got him kicked off. Edited July 2, 2014 by KaliLove 1 Link to post Share on other sites
irc333 Posted July 2, 2014 Share Posted July 2, 2014 I've sent a follow-up message to a woman that hasn't responded to me...but usually I wait a couple of weeks or so. Typically because we live in a small town and usually they are new in town and hadn't grasped the concept of the slim pickings in the area. LOL So I follow up with a "Hey, just following up, considering you ladies get a lot of emails, I figured mines may have gotten overlooked, so I figured I'd re-introduce myself..." Something like that. Nothing angry though I recently re-activated my on-line dating account. Just received an angry message from someone on there. He must have sent me something like 5 messages since I joined the site, none of which I ever replied to. Personally, I would have taken the first non reply as a sign of no interest (which it was. I am not physically attracted to him and his messages sounded superficial to me. Also, we don't have the same level of education and the way he answered the questions gave me the impression we wouldn't mesh intellectually. He was also older than my specified age-range.) Anyway, the jist of the message: He's amazed at how inconsiderate some ladies can be, not even taking the time to reply to well crafted messages. That not having the elegance to do so speaks to the quality of the person. How would you respond? Link to post Share on other sites
irc333 Posted July 2, 2014 Share Posted July 2, 2014 I recall seeing women that would put in their profile, "If I haven't responded, please don't email me again, take the hint"...kind of an attitude there that causes me not to email them in the first place. One woman went so far as to say that AND add that though men haven't been rude to her, that if she ever did respond with "Sorry, not interested" they would attempt to sell her on it. Then she was imagining the whole getting "caught up in a conversation and web of a sales pitch that's just as bad as a telemarketer calling in." lol Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted July 2, 2014 Share Posted July 2, 2014 I dont respond at all. I have had one of these for not responding quickly enough to his many messages. Its pathetic. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kamille Posted July 2, 2014 Author Share Posted July 2, 2014 I had my best luck with OLD when I sent out angry messages to women. This guy sent you numerous messages, you didn't respond to any of them, but the angry message has you thinking about a response. Men, take note. And here is the response he got. Men should also take note of this: I think, as a rule, I will block anyone who sends me two messages without receiving a response. As for this guy, I blocked him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted July 2, 2014 Share Posted July 2, 2014 I check out the profile of every man that messages me, unless they don't have a photo (I assume those are married, straight off). There are usually signs there that he is the angry type (you can see it in posts on this thread from certain male posters, I'm sure they are just as obvious on OLD) and I block those straight away. I always block a guy if he messages me the 2nd time without any response to his first contact. Nip it in the bud, basically. Never respond to provocative messages, they always come from toxic people. Just like in real life. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
normal person Posted July 2, 2014 Share Posted July 2, 2014 Trust me, the ladies online don't take rejection any better. Any time I sent a polite rejection message to a girl online, she always tried to argue it. Just out of curiosity, how polite are your rejections? Do you reject her or do you reject the circumstances? If you want to prevent an antagonistic response (and be a decent person in general) I think the latter is the way to go. If you make it an attack on her desirability she's naturally going to be upset. Why not reject her on something else? Here's how I do it: Polite rejection 1 Polite rejection 2 I can't tell you how many times I've used the "I see you live in X and I'm trying to keep this stuff to the city just for simplicity/time's sake. Best of luck finding a more mobile guy." I don't think I've ever gotten an antagonistic reply from a girl. A lot of times, like these, they thank me. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Imajerk17 Posted July 2, 2014 Share Posted July 2, 2014 You don't owe anyone a response to an unsolicited message. If you write someone unsolicited the other person doesn't owe you a response. This is coming from someone who has done OLD and has written many a "nice" first email without getting a response. And that's fine with me. Without her responding I already know that "we aren't a match". I don't need to hear that I am not her physical type or that I'm too much this or not enough that for her. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
hasaquestion Posted July 2, 2014 Share Posted July 2, 2014 You don't owe anyone a response to an unsolicited message. If you write someone unsolicited the other person doesn't owe you a response. This is coming from someone who has done OLD and has written many a "nice" first email without getting a response. And that's fine with me. Without her responding I already know that "we aren't a match". I don't need to hear that I am not her physical type or that I'm too much this or not enough that for her. Its funny. You'd think people would appreciate someone letting them know right away that they aren't interested, instead of leading them on first. Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted July 2, 2014 Share Posted July 2, 2014 I've seen a lot of women saying they will block a guy that sends two messages without a response. What if its a typo, or he had accidentally sent the first message without finishing it and he completes it in a second message immediately ? Link to post Share on other sites
normal person Posted July 2, 2014 Share Posted July 2, 2014 (edited) I've seen a lot of women saying they will block a guy that sends two messages without a response. What if its a typo, or he had accidentally sent the first message without finishing it and he completes it in a second message immediately ? If you want to message someone you have to play by their rules. They have something you want so they have the power. If they try and command more than they're worth they'll get a reality check sooner or later. In the meantime, I suppose it's best for you not to make a typo. Edited July 2, 2014 by normal person Link to post Share on other sites
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