GoreSP Posted July 2, 2014 Share Posted July 2, 2014 I recently re-activated my on-line dating account. Just received an angry message from someone on there. He must have sent me something like 5 messages since I joined the site, none of which I ever replied to. Personally, I would have taken the first non reply as a sign of no interest (which it was. I am not physically attracted to him and his messages sounded superficial to me. Also, we don't have the same level of education and the way he answered the questions gave me the impression we wouldn't mesh intellectually. He was also older than my specified age-range.) Anyway, the jist of the message: He's amazed at how inconsiderate some ladies can be, not even taking the time to reply to well crafted messages. That not having the elegance to do so speaks to the quality of the person. How would you respond? Block Ten characters Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted July 2, 2014 Share Posted July 2, 2014 If you want to message someone you have to play by their rules. They have something you want so they have the power. If they try and command more than they're worth they'll get a reality check sooner or later. In the meantime, I suppose it's best for you not to make a typo.. I would immediately lose interest in anyone who treated it like a business transaction that required the meticulous attention to detail of court hearing. I get enough that at my job. That really sucks if people honestly view it as on the one that wants something . The way I see it, she wants it just as much as I do and she proved it by making a profile and continuing to log on. Sounds like everyone that uses OLD needs to lighten up. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
normal person Posted July 2, 2014 Share Posted July 2, 2014 . I would immediately lose interest in anyone who treated it like a business transaction that required the meticulous attention to detail of court hearing. I get enough that at my job. That's the underlying dynamic of attraction in general, most people aren't really conscious of it. I don't know how specific it is to OLD. It's not so much attention to detail as it is expecting to get for yourself what you think you're worth to other people. As I said, if it turns out that the person isn't worth what she/he thinks she is, that person will either be alone or have to lower their standards. The market will determine the worth, that's the reality check. . That really sucks if people honestly view it as on the one that wants something . The way I see it, she wants it just as much as I do and she proved it by making a profile and continuing to log on. No one's denying that both parties want something. The "it" in your statement is an oversimplification. You're assuming that both parties want a partner, any partner, and that's all, which isn't quite the case. You wouldn't message a girl and say "Hey, we're both using OLD to look for a partner. Therefore we can be partners. Applebees tomorrow at 7:00?" Because merely both wanting a partner doesn't put you two in the same league, it just means you're both playing the same sport. She might want a pro and not an amateur. A lawyer who's 6'0"+ and not a 5'5" drop out. Most people aren't looking for just "someone else who's online dating," they're looking for something specific. And the more desirable you are, the more options/power you have, the more specific you can afford to be in your search. If this girl is so many options that she can block any guy who messages twice, it's because she's got enough options that she can afford to not have to deal with him. A guy who can't get a girl to save his life doesn't really have that power to be as discriminatory unless he likes being alone. So yes, it is a lot like a valuation or a business. If your product is yourself, oftentimes the market will determine your value. That's how I see it, at least. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted July 2, 2014 Share Posted July 2, 2014 A 6 ft lawyer, huh? Hopefully she listed that she wanted that specifically so I could rule her out as superficial and move on. People that choose to online date should be open to new people and new experiences. If they aren't, they might as well delete their account. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted July 2, 2014 Share Posted July 2, 2014 I recently re-activated my on-line dating account. Just received an angry message from someone on there. He must have sent me something like 5 messages since I joined the site, none of which I ever replied to. Personally, I would have taken the first non reply as a sign of no interest (which it was. I am not physically attracted to him and his messages sounded superficial to me. Also, we don't have the same level of education and the way he answered the questions gave me the impression we wouldn't mesh intellectually. He was also older than my specified age-range.) Anyway, the jist of the message: He's amazed at how inconsiderate some ladies can be, not even taking the time to reply to well crafted messages. That not having the elegance to do so speaks to the quality of the person. How would you respond? My response would be to block him. People like this have issues clearly...as only someone with issues would do something like that. Responding will not help him see the light or do anything but lead to further messages from him. Block and let it go. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted July 2, 2014 Share Posted July 2, 2014 Its funny. You'd think people would appreciate someone letting them know right away that they aren't interested, instead of leading them on first. How is NOT responding to someone leading them on??? That's crazy. Leading on means pretending you like them and giving them reasons to think you like them or there is hope when there isn't...a non-response does none of those things. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
normal person Posted July 2, 2014 Share Posted July 2, 2014 (edited) A 6 ft lawyer, huh? Hopefully she listed that she wanted that specifically so I could rule her out as superficial and move on. Wasn't that kind of your initial complaint though? That she specifically expressed interest in one thing over another? You can substitute "6'0" lawyer" for "guy who only messages once" and it still just boils down to the fact that she has options and therefore exercisable, viable preferences. In a way, people with these discriminations are doing you a favor by removing you from contention and saving you the trouble of messaging them. It's not much different than filling out a questionnaire that describes what you're looking for in another person. Superficial or otherwise. This girl just supplemented the questionnaire with her own specific criteria. You're just as welcome to say "If you're superficial then I'll block you or won't respond." People that choose to online date should be open to new people and new experiences. If they aren't, they might as well delete their account. In a perfect world, yes. But the world isn't so nice and you can't really control what you like, are open to, have time for, etc. Edited July 2, 2014 by normal person Link to post Share on other sites
hasaquestion Posted July 2, 2014 Share Posted July 2, 2014 How is NOT responding to someone leading them on??? That's crazy. Leading on means pretending you like them and giving them reasons to think you like them or there is hope when there isn't...a non-response dpoes none of those things. I thought that the implication of my post (not responding, and thus not leading anyone on, is a favor) was obvious. Apologies if that was lost in translation. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted July 2, 2014 Share Posted July 2, 2014 Ah, good old online dating! I've received a lot of angry messages for not responding. I've even had a few unsolicited attack messages because of my stated preferences... I guess because I am an Atheist and prefer to date people with a similar view, it's an invitation to debate the existence of God... I think you did the right thing by blocking the guy. Who has the time to craft a "sorry not interested" response to every single person you're not interested in! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kamille Posted July 3, 2014 Author Share Posted July 3, 2014 . Sounds like everyone that uses OLD needs to lighten up. Which is exactly my opinion of guys who send out angry messages when they don't get responses. It's on-line dating. Don't take it so seriously. As to the "rule" that has you ticked off. Any human with basic literacy skills can tell the difference between a message that was sent too early by mistake and two messages sent at separate times, meant to catch attention. I don't know why you would imagine I would apply the rule in such a mechanic way. Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted July 3, 2014 Share Posted July 3, 2014 Block and ignore. If someone's sent that many messages after no response, they are clearly unhinged. But it is a difficult situation. I don't like to be rude by not replying. I used to reply too and say if I didn't think we were suited to each other, but that just brought more messages along the lines of 'How can you say that when you don't know me?' or pointing out what things we did have in common. I don't like ignoring, I have to say, but being polite doesn't work either. Link to post Share on other sites
BlueIris Posted July 5, 2014 Share Posted July 5, 2014 A 6 ft lawyer, huh? Hopefully she listed that she wanted that specifically so I could rule her out as superficial and move on. People that choose to online date should be open to new people and new experiences. If they aren't, they might as well delete their account. Definitely not. Who decides what people should be or should do? To the OP's situation, "block" is there for this reason. I love "block." Link to post Share on other sites
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