church and morals with dating mm

[Enema]

Morality does not come from religion.

 

You should do the right thing because it's the right thing.

 

Currently, you are doing the wrong thing and you know it.

[mikethemechanic]

well there's an adage if he cheated with you he'll cheat on you.

 

there is one detail that I can't check of my list. Why didn't you know the Canons of the southern Baptist church towards adultery?

[April Moon]

I would give advise on this (I went to a southern baptist university), but I feel the OP has made up her mind and will continue what she is doing. She overlooks really awful things this man has done and the hard questions from excellent responses.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

It's nice people are warning you against sin but how can a sin that leads to love be wrong?

 

Is love the only emotion that justifies hurting yourself and others? If love justifies such things then why not hate, vengeance, jealousy or any other "feeling"?

[Scarlet2]

God forgives all negative emotions/actions if there is remorse or empathy. If you murder someone, regardless if it's out of a crime of passion and you're not sorry, then yes it's wrong and evil.

 

Isaiah 66:9 "I will not cause pain without allowing something new to be born." Does this only pertain to childbirth or everything that causes pain?

 

No one here can say if it was God or the devil that brought the MM into the OP's life. Things happen for a reason. Maybe God doesn't want the W to be with the H because the OP is a better fit. We don't know.

 

I can tell you my testimony. I'm not very sexually active and at the time before my A, I didn't know I was borderline to getting cervical cancer. I get approached by single men all the time but I do not pick any of them because I haven't met one that's right for me. I think God was trying to send me a message to save me, time was running out and He knew the one person I wouldn't say no to was my married best friend, I'm fiercely loyal and would do anything for him. I never thought he'd cheat on his wife but I knew this must be happening for a reason. We started the PA, I went to a gyno for the first time because of him and the cells were discovered. He saved my life by doing something wrong.

[notserene]

God forgives all negative emotions/actions if there is remorse or empathy. If you murder someone, regardless if it's out of a crime of passion and you're not sorry, then yes it's wrong and evil.

 

(deleted)

 

I can tell you my testimony. I'm not very sexually active and at the time before my A, I didn't know I was borderline to getting cervical cancer. I get approached by single men all the time but I do not pick any of them because I haven't met one that's right for me. I think God was trying to send me a message to save me, time was running out and He knew the one person I wouldn't say no to was my married best friend, I'm fiercely loyal and would do anything for him. I never thought he'd cheat on his wife but I knew this must be happening for a reason. We started the PA, I went to a gyno for the first time because of him and the cells were discovered. He saved my life by doing something wrong.

 

Scarlet2, I am glad your health has improved.

 

I thought a prerequisite for forgiveness in Christianity was ending the behavior? Many people like to point out that Jesus said "Let he who is without sin among you cast the first stone," but leave out what he said at the end of the story..."Go and sin no more."

[Trimmer]

I think it all comes down to this for me:

You know what you and MM are doing is wrong

 

You would not be on here asking

.

Deep down, you know it is considered adultery, but want it somehow not to be.

You know what you are doing, but you are looking for twists, for interpretations, for loopholes, that you can hide behind to have it mean "it's OK." Whether it's "women are property, so a married man can have extramarital sex, as long as the woman is single..." or "he's leaving his marriage some day, so that make it not 'real' adultery", or whatever...

 

Oh wow that's crazy, idk I always thought that people hide the assets idk, he still has to pay alimony and child support which will probably be 15k a month or a little more.

Again - look to your own set of morals... Why would people hide assets? Is there any explanation other than "to avoid doing what the law requires of them?" And if that's the case, does it matter if you believe 'everyone' does it?

Edited July 4, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[April Moon]

God forgives all negative emotions/actions if there is remorse or empathy.

 

This is true. However, this is not the case if you knowingly go into a situation that you know is wrong. He is not cool with people being like " I know having a an affair is wrong but I'm going to do it and ask for forgiveness later." That is not how this works.

[jellybean89]

 

I can tell you my testimony. I'm not very sexually active and at the time before my A, I didn't know I was borderline to getting cervical cancer. I get approached by single men all the time but I do not pick any of them because I haven't met one that's right for me. I think God was trying to send me a message to save me, time was running out and He knew the one person I wouldn't say no to was my married best friend, I'm fiercely loyal and would do anything for him. I never thought he'd cheat on his wife but I knew this must be happening for a reason. We started the PA, I went to a gyno for the first time because of him and the cells were discovered. He saved my life by doing something wrong.

 

Why weren't you going to the GYN since a teen? You don't have to be sexually active to go to a doctor! Don't all women know they should have annual check ups, Pap smears and wellness checks? Isn't it common knowledge?

[compulsivedancer]

He's not yet divorced, so it is adultery, and that's contrary to one of the Commandments. Adultery has always been considered a very serious offense and sin.

 

It's adultery if you sleep with him. Period. Because any sex before marriage is adultery to the church. In fact, if he's Catholic, it will always be considered adultery because in their eyes he'll always be married to her.

 

Use better logic than this to make your decisions.

 

Are they separated? Has she been served? Etc. This is a tough transitional period and couples often go back and forth before truly making up their minds, especially if there are kids involved.

 

More important questions: Are you okay with this decision to be with him? Are you setting yourself up for failure and hurt? Is he truly done?

 

Evaluate his progress and yours, then decide whether it's better to wait until the divorce is final.

[peaksandvalleys]

God forgives all negative emotions/actions if there is remorse or empathy. If you murder someone, regardless if it's out of a crime of passion and you're not sorry, then yes it's wrong and evil.

 

Isaiah 66:9 "I will not cause pain without allowing something new to be born." Does this only pertain to childbirth or everything that causes pain?

 

No one here can say if it was God or the devil that brought the MM into the OP's life. Things happen for a reason. Maybe God doesn't want the W to be with the H because the OP is a better fit. We don't know.

 

I can tell you my testimony. I'm not very sexually active and at the time before my A, I didn't know I was borderline to getting cervical cancer. I get approached by single men all the time but I do not pick any of them because I haven't met one that's right for me. I think God was trying to send me a message to save me, time was running out and He knew the one person I wouldn't say no to was my married best friend, I'm fiercely loyal and would do anything for him. I never thought he'd cheat on his wife but I knew this must be happening for a reason. We started the PA, I went to a gyno for the first time because of him and the cells were discovered. He saved my life by doing something wrong.

 

 

I am not religious. I do believe in God. I do believe the commandment about adultery, the one about coveting and the golden rule. All those are in direct contradiction to God putting a couple together through adultery. If God wants the wife gone from this person's life I do not believe he would do it through the direct hurting of a family. Sorry I think it is justification for poor behavior and rationalization to try to make it "okay".

[Matilda75]

I find much that is admirable on LS, especially the soul searching on how to do the right thing when one's personal happiness seemingly hangs in the balance.

 

At other times I'm perplexed by those who needlessly put their own happiness above the happiness and security of others. As if one's happiness could be solidly built on the misery of others.

 

And I fear for those who would place him or herself on an equal plane with God and proclaim knowledge of what God intends in order to justify actions that will benefit that individual. Seems like playing with fire with a very high likelihood of being burned.

[Ap05]

 

Use better logic than this to make your decisions.

 

Are they separated? Has she been served? Etc. This is a tough transitional period and couples often go back and forth before truly making up their minds, especially if there are kids involved.

 

More important questions: Are you okay with this decision to be with him? Are you setting yourself up for failure and hurt? Is he truly done?

 

Evaluate his progress and yours, then decide whether it's better to wait until the divorce is final.

 

I know she's been served and i know this is that transitional stage you are referring too and it is hell right now. I'm okay with his decisions because I have no impact on them and he has to live with those decisions. I know he's done we talk and see each other on the daily basis just about.

I know that we will be together right around the corner and I know to just be patient but it's easier said then done. I do love him and I do want to be with him.

I'm just conflicted with my faith and emotions and that's hard too.

[SoleMate]

Ap05, just so you know, even assuming the W has been served with the divorce petition, that is merely the first step in a lengthy process that typically lasts at least a year, and often much more. Many more steps must be taken and at least one party needs to be actively pushing things to make the divorce happen. Nothing is automatic. It will be fastest if they both cooperate and file all the necessary pleadings and declarations as fast as they can. It would be meaningful to hear, for instance, that they've exchanged income and expense declarations and have a temporary support (and custody, if needed) order in place.

 

If they timely take almost all the necessary steps but neglect moving for a final decree, then in many states they will not have a divorce. There is always a time limit in how long they can take to complete the work from first paper - it's 5 years in California.

[Ap05]

Ap05, just so you know, even assuming the W has been served with the divorce petition, that is merely the first step in a lengthy process that typically lasts at least a year, and often much more. Many more steps must be taken and at least one party needs to be actively pushing things to make the divorce happen. Nothing is automatic. It will be fastest if they both cooperate and file all the necessary pleadings and declarations as fast as they can. It would be meaningful to hear, for instance, that they've exchanged income and expense declarations and have a temporary support (and custody, if needed) order in place.

 

If they timely take almost all the necessary steps but neglect moving for a final decree, then in many states they will not have a divorce. There is always a time limit in how long they can take to complete the work from first paper - it's 5 years in California.

 

Well he's the only one that works so income has already been done. Nothing to share when she doesn't have job. She won't have to work even with the divorce and he is the one pushing and working with her. I know he wants to tell his kids before they start school so it's in btwn that akward phase and his daughter just turned 16 on the 4th. So he wanted a better time and not have that lingering over their heads.

 

But I know this is a common story but he's had a yr of work in it. I know it's going to be long process much longer then my divorce bc he has kids and he is the only one working so it's going to be interesting

[peaksandvalleys]

Well he's the only one that works so income has already been done. Nothing to share when she doesn't have job. She won't have to work even with the divorce and he is the one pushing and working with her. I know he wants to tell his kids before they start school so it's in btwn that akward phase and his daughter just turned 16 on the 4th. So he wanted a better time and not have that lingering over their heads.

 

But I know this is a common story but he's had a yr of work in it. I know it's going to be long process much longer then my divorce bc he has kids and he is the only one working so it's going to be interesting

 

 

 

He being the only one working just makes thing more in her favor which would explain his willingness to lie about assets. The more you post the more he seems like he has nothing but the words of religion passing his lips but not the actions of a real Christian in his heart.

[jellybean89]

Well he's the only one that works so income has already been done. Nothing to share when she doesn't have job. She won't have to work even with the divorce and he is the one pushing and working with her. I know he wants to tell his kids before they start school so it's in btwn that akward phase and his daughter just turned 16 on the 4th. So he wanted a better time and not have that lingering over their heads.

 

But I know this is a common story but he's had a yr of work in it. I know it's going to be long process much longer then my divorce bc he has kids and he is the only one working so it's going to be interesting

 

I don't think you understand. Even with only his income, a child support and alimony worksheet is completed & filed with the court.

 

Sounds like he's a lot of talk, and no action.

 

With having kids, the legal separation time could be a year before a divorce is filed & granted.

[Ap05]

 

With having kids, the legal separation time could be a year before a divorce is filed & granted.

 

Fl doesn't have a separation period

[SoleMate]

I know he wants to tell his kids before they start school....

So he "filed for divorce" and "served divorce papers on his wife" and they haven't even told the kids. Uh huh. The wife just nodded absentmindedly when the process server showed up at the door and daily life went on as usual. No need to tell the kids because neither parent even batted an eyelash or reacted in any way at this supposed impending "divorce". And of course the MM didn't hesitate to serve his wife because he knew that she would not react in the slightest and just continue family life in its predictable pattern without the slightest hiccup. Riiiiigghhttt... (NOT)

 

...daughter just turned 16 on the 4th. So he wanted a better time and not have that lingering over their heads.....

Seriously? It was more important to enjoy fireworks together than to let everyone know big changes that are supposedly happening in the family? A better plan is to wait until late in the summer? Oh whoops, guess that wouldn't work either.

 

Ap05, none of this makes any sense. You're being played and lied to by a cheating MM. I strongly recommend that you listen to your "narrow-minded" friends and family because however narrow their minds may be, they at least get one big thing right: This A is a bad idea and is going to hurt you, also badly. (Whether the pain will come only in the afterlife, as they may think, or predictably here on earth as I assert, is a less important detail at this point.)

[Owl]

I'm just conflicted with my faith and emotions and that's hard too.

 

You're conflicted because your actions, your emotions...everything you're doing right now...is in direct and complete opposition with your faith.

 

What you're doing is wrong...you know it is. What you're doing is in direct contradiction to your 'faith'...but you like it too much to stop.

 

That conflict will continue until you either give up your faith, or stop acting/believing/living in contradiction to it.

 

It's that simple.

[dichotomy]

Since when does one (according to Christian faith) get into heaven or hell by deeds? You accept Christ as savior - that's it - end of discussion for most Christian believers and Churches.

 

The rest is coping with sins (which all do) and to compare one sin to another - adultery or stealing or hurting someone - they all fall short of God. Grace and forgiveness is yours for the asking. Repentance is a healing process.

 

Now your church could refuse to marry you two if that's the plan - but that's another issue.

[Owl]

Since when does one (according to Christian faith) get into heaven or hell by deeds? You accept Christ as savior - that's it - end of discussion for most Christian believers and Churches.

 

The rest is coping with sins (which all do) and to compare one sin to another - adultery or stealing or hurting someone - they all fall short of God. Grace and forgiveness is yours for the asking. Repentance is a healing process.

 

Now your church could refuse to marry you two if that's the plan - but that's another issue.

 

Excellent point. And, by the OP's post, she's southern baptist...who generally believe "once saved, always saved".

 

BUT...there's the catch.

 

The expectation is that you give up deliberately committing sin. When you're saved...you're expected to ACT like someone who has been saved...you give up those actions/activities that were part of your sinful nature.

 

It's hypocritical to claim to be saved by accepting Jesus...and then to continue on to DELIBERATELY and INTENTIONALLY act in contrariness to His commandments.

 

That's where people mis-interpret things.

 

They think you can be 'saved'...but still act in sin...and still be 'saved'.

 

It doesn't work that way, according to the Bible, and according to the OP's specific faith.