Mary Oak Posted July 2, 2014 Share Posted July 2, 2014 I know after two years of being broken up, this shouldn't even matter. It makes me feel so weak that it does matter. I was at work yesterday, super busy. Not even thinking that i may run into her because she works on other side of building. I have to walk by her office sometimes but I prepare myself. I KNOW I am going to see her. I know what I am going to say. But yesterday, I walked in an office, and there she was. She was not at her desk, and I wouldn't have immediately noticed her if she hadn't said something to me. ( I am not even sure what, I was so shocked). I didn't say anything to her, as I was stunned. Damn, it hurt! It gets worse...later, I texted her and told her that I wasn't ignoring her and I was just super busy. SHe responsed that she could see I was shocked and she didn't take it personally. All night, I was wrecked over this. I don't know why. It was just her deameanor. SHe looked great and she looked like my gf... not some stranger...that I guess I have convinced myself she is now. I didn't text her anymore... thank God!!! Though it was so hard. I wanted to text her and asked her if she was in love with her new gf... but I refrained.... ANyways, it just sucked. I know it is not a big deal. But, it felt like I was broken all over again. I am frustrated because I really thought I was doing better. Now, I am just sad.. again. Still hurts today. Couldn't stop crying so went for a run... can't run and cry at the same time.... but now... heart hurts again.... Link to post Share on other sites
JDPT Posted July 2, 2014 Share Posted July 2, 2014 We are all at different stages in our healing process, don't beat yourself over his you reacted towards this. Simply acknowledge the fact that there is still something that you need to address for your well being and no one else's. Have you considered therapy? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mary Oak Posted July 2, 2014 Author Share Posted July 2, 2014 Yes, I am actually in therapy. Have been since the breakup. Been to different therapies. I believe it has helped me in many ways, and has helped my anxiety and anger issues. But, I just can't get over her. Seeing her yesterday really sucked.... i know it sounds so trivial. But, I had been in a few long term relationships and this is the only one I can't move past. It doesn't help that ever since they breakup, we both have gone out of our way not to disrespect each other, and remain nice. I know that is good... but I wish I could see her as the enemy...instead of my love. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RDawg Posted July 2, 2014 Share Posted July 2, 2014 Sisss. Two years is too long. Link to post Share on other sites
learning_slowly Posted July 2, 2014 Share Posted July 2, 2014 Yes, maybe its worth looking for a new job if this type of thing is going to continue? Link to post Share on other sites
AnyaNova Posted July 2, 2014 Share Posted July 2, 2014 Yes, I am actually in therapy. Have been since the breakup. Been to different therapies. I believe it has helped me in many ways, and has helped my anxiety and anger issues. But, I just can't get over her. Seeing her yesterday really sucked.... i know it sounds so trivial. But, I had been in a few long term relationships and this is the only one I can't move past. It doesn't help that ever since they breakup, we both have gone out of our way not to disrespect each other, and remain nice. I know that is good... but I wish I could see her as the enemy...instead of my love. Seeing her as the enemy still has the same result as seeing you as your love. It keeps you connected. Love and hate. Either one. they are both attachment. The trick is to reach a state of indifference. Separation is the best path for that, but since you work together, it sounds like it doesn't make that easy. Things I can think of... Have you tried a specific ceremony of some type to begin the process of truly letting her go? Sometimes when our hearts are completely willful and hellbent on holding on to something, a ceremony can help guide them to a healthier place and get them on track. Nature abhors a vacuum. Something will fill the space. Have you tried writing out what manner of wonderful things, people, and experiences could fill the space once you truly decide to let her go? I think codependency is a common issue for a lot of people, but I also think that the pain and ensuing emotional chaos of a breakup can temporarily bring people into a codependent state. Is there a part of you that is still holding on to the idea that if you do the right things, say the right words, and hold on enough, that you in some way that you don't realize, believe you might be able to control her behavior and cause her to come back to you? Just throwing some ideas out there and hoping something helps. I'm trying to limit right now how much I help, and being sure of when I help that I am releasing any idea of any particular outcome, and that I am not doing it manipulatively, so that people will like me. I'm making myself say this on every post in which I help, so that I can be sure that my motives are in the right place, and anyone who fears they may not be (that I may be acting codependently can speak up). I saw your post and the pain behind it, and genuinely wanted to offer anything I could. My own journey has been incredibly forward and the list of people in my own life who gave of their time to help me through it here is quite long (PheonixFire, Under.The.Radar.--in some cases--Light, JoelBarish, Haydn and a ton more, who I should name as well). I guess I also wanted to pay it forward. And hope that even after you have significantly healed, you will desire to pay it forward as well. I am sending prayers for your healing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mary Oak Posted July 2, 2014 Author Share Posted July 2, 2014 Don't think I have not thought about it, but I have been here nine years. I get good pay, and great benefits. I am not leaving this job. It took me a long time to get in here. Link to post Share on other sites
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