tobe1424 Posted July 2, 2014 Share Posted July 2, 2014 I was watching youtube on no contact and came across this dude named Clay who insist you try the active approach instead of the typical passive one Passive meaning, you keep yourself busy and do whatever it takes to purge your ex from you head. However, i have no clue what active means. He goes over a few theories but he doesn't really crack down on exactly ACTIVE NO CONTACT is. his youtube name is "relationship inner game" I was wondering if anyone has seen his work and can shed a little bit of light on the subject? many thanks t Link to post Share on other sites
Smarty Pants Posted July 2, 2014 Share Posted July 2, 2014 I was watching youtube on no contact and came across this dude named Clay who insist you try the active approach instead of the typical passive one Passive meaning, you keep yourself busy and do whatever it takes to purge your ex from you head. However, i have no clue what active means. He goes over a few theories but he doesn't really crack down on exactly ACTIVE NO CONTACT is. his youtube name is "relationship inner game" I was wondering if anyone has seen his work and can shed a little bit of light on the subject? many thanks t Don't get caught in the trap of watching these videos. Honestly, it's a money scheme. Whatever active vs passive NC is, doesn't matter. NC is what you should be worried about. Focus on moving on because nothing you do will bring them back. They have to do it on their own. They won't come back because you are posting awesome pictures on social media. They won't come back if you write a letter in 30 days saying you accept the breakup and update them on your life. They just come back on their own. Weeks months even years. Don't wait around. Try to get it into your head that it is over and they are never coming back. It will be so much easier in the long run. Hey, they might jump into another relationship and stay with that person for years. I've seen it happen and it seems that is what's happening in my situation. I don't know your story, so this response is a general one for everyone on LS. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
David87 Posted July 2, 2014 Share Posted July 2, 2014 Relationships are not games, stop watching those stupid videos. Remember NC is made for you to move on, in those videos they tell you to use nc to get you rex back. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lalasita Posted July 2, 2014 Share Posted July 2, 2014 OP stop watching "Clay" he's a scam artist. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tobe1424 Posted July 2, 2014 Author Share Posted July 2, 2014 i see.... well yes, she is seeing someone else after 5 years of us dating. It's a rebound source of fun for her now. she says its not serious nor she wants a relationship and still cares about me..but i call this bs. But i guess you are right, only she can realize and make the decision of coming back to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Smarty Pants Posted July 2, 2014 Share Posted July 2, 2014 i see.... well yes, she is seeing someone else after 5 years of us dating. It's a rebound source of fun for her now. she says its not serious nor she wants a relationship and still cares about me..but i call this bs. But i guess you are right, only she can realize and make the decision of coming back to me. Oh I was where you are not too long ago. Perhaps it would help to read this if you haven't already: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/483439-don-t-assume-its-rebound Don't count on it being a rebound and her running back to you. Doesn't always work out that way and it will sting like hell if you count on it. Link to post Share on other sites
miranda_wilson Posted July 2, 2014 Share Posted July 2, 2014 Don't get caught in the trap of watching these videos. Honestly, it's a money scheme. Whatever active vs passive NC is, doesn't matter. NC is what you should be worried about. Focus on moving on because nothing you do will bring them back. They have to do it on their own. They won't come back because you are posting awesome pictures on social media. They won't come back if you write a letter in 30 days saying you accept the breakup and update them on your life. They just come back on their own. Weeks months even years. Don't wait around. Try to get it into your head that it is over and they are never coming back. It will be so much easier in the long run. Hey, they might jump into another relationship and stay with that person for years. I've seen it happen and it seems that is what's happening in my situation. I don't know your story, so this response is a general one for everyone on LS. Agree with all of the above. Nothing will bring them back except themselves wanting to come back. In a way, it's almost liberating to know this because you can stop yourself from feeling like "what should I do?" Don't do anything. They might come back somewhere along the line, but it won't be because of anything you did. The one thing you CAN do, though, that might help a little is just to move on and leave them alone. And I agree that sometimes they get into a good relationship right after you. It's not always a rebound. I think we can feel safe that *most* of the time that doesn't happen (at least not quickly), but it's not unheard of either. But you can also tell yourself that if it DOES happen (that they get into a serious and great relationship), at least it helps to put a nail in the coffin for you. Knowing the person loves someone else...doesn't leave you much to hope about. So...it can almost help that they are with someone else (and truly love that person.) Link to post Share on other sites
erklat Posted July 2, 2014 Share Posted July 2, 2014 That is just bnll****. There is only one nc. You trying to be the best version of yourself possible until she is purged from your existence. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tobe1424 Posted July 2, 2014 Author Share Posted July 2, 2014 thanks again.. As for the rebound.. you are right..you can never know where that is going.. But i do know that you should marry anyone unless you date for a few years...4 months..the honeymoon period is ended and the real problems start to show. Link to post Share on other sites
harvej Posted July 3, 2014 Share Posted July 3, 2014 Clay isn't old enough to have lived enough thru heartache to render any advice professionally. These so called "love NC" gurus are selling you a online book and videos to get your girl or guy back, but none of them are professionals, or have any credibility. They prey on your pain and offer instant relief. There is no relief. My advice is to take the pain, go NC to heal faster, then use the experience to reflect on yourself and what made you fall for the person and what went wrong. I have discovered I am a "savior" and find women that need rescued, but resort back to their behaviors that put them in that position as soon as you become "old school". Go get counseling on yourself, and forget these people whom forget you when you need them, but only until they inflict so much pain, will they "come back", after NC. My feeling is that they are like arsonist returning to the scene of their own crime. Before you know it, they will be setting fires an burning down your life's house in other ways. I am going to sell a online book called, "No Contact to save yourself from re Contact" Let a vampire back in, expect pain and draining of your life. They really don't care who you are as long as you are carbon based and have blood in your veins. WOW, YOU SEE!!!???? I AM ON THE ROAD TO RECOVERY BECAUSE I HAVE REACHED THE ANGER STAGE!!! YAY!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted July 3, 2014 Share Posted July 3, 2014 well yes, she is seeing someone else after 5 years of us dating. It's a rebound source of fun for her now. she says its not serious nor she wants a relationship and still cares about me..but i call this bs. But i guess you are right, only she can realize and make the decision of coming back to me. Dude why the hell would you want to take her back after she treats you like that? Have some self respect man. If she comes begging, slam the door in her face. Until then - NC. Active or passive, whatever, just do not contact. Link to post Share on other sites
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