NyTransplant Posted July 2, 2014 Share Posted July 2, 2014 I met my wife 01-13 in CA online. We dated long distance from then, got married 11-13 and I relocated to join her in New Jersey, 04-14. Back then, she told me about having so many guys interested in her and contacting her when she was single and still on the online personal sites. I admit she's attractive, but didn't pay any attention to her statement since we were exclusive and going to marry each other. Our living situation is that she's away from me 5 days a week due to her nanny job in NYC, and we only see each other over the weekend, which also didn't ring in my mind as a lot of free time for her to contact other men, whether it be platonic or via emotional affair. Now for the difficult part... One day, we went to do our laundry together, and her phone was buzzing with text messages when she went to the restroom. I picked the phone up and read the string of texts, which started before we left the house. The content was disturbing as she was carrying on with another guy like they were a romantic couple, and very obscene and intimate things were exchanged between the both of them. They professed "love" and "wanting to meet someday" in addition to the usual banter between men who want to get at a lady and my wife... When I brought it to her attention when she returned, and asked her what was going on with another guy, she said that she was pretending to be her friend in Los Angeles who's been harrassed by that person, and I told her why should she be picking up the slack for someone who cannot handle her own affairs, with the risk of me finding out and getting hurt and angry by those texts. My heart was in my throat and I had a hard time believing her, and told her to block the guy from her phone and tell her friend not to have her act as a third wheel for that purpose. In the back of my mind, I didn't dismiss that event and further heightened my suspicions. The following week, I decided to check out the online phone bill, and even shocking was the amount of phone calls and "back and forth" texting on her line, which amounted to 2500+ texts and about 800 phone calls. Another red flag I needed to investigate... I put a list together of phone numbers I knew were not her close friends and ones familiar to me. When I called or texted those numbers, of which the times called or texted were late evening or early morning, and sometimes all day, since we're apart 5 days a week. One day even had over 100 texts back and forth to different states where she does not have family or friends... When I check the bills on days when she's with me, the usage calms down due to her contacting only friends and family... Even more difficult was her reasoning for having such a high volume of calls and texts to numbers unknown to me... After I brought the high usage of her phoneline, she flat out told me "I'm not that type of woman", "I never contacted anyone outside of the marriage", and "I don't know who's doing this"... She told me that her phone was "hacked" by scammers or something to that effect... I called our phone carrier, and asked them if something like that was possible, but the only way that someone can hack someone's phone to control it was to have the physical cell phone in hand, especially if it was stolen from her, but she's had that phone in her possession all the time since she bought it... In a nutshell, I'm debating on purchasing spy software to monitor her phone calls, texts and internet usage. I'm not going to appear jealous or possessive to her, so as not to bring up any suspicion, and play it smart to make sure I have solid proof. If that's the case, then of course, confrontation is in order, but till then, I'm going to remain mature and mellow about it. Thanks for listening! Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 2, 2014 Share Posted July 2, 2014 the trust is gone. the spy ware will only confirm what you already know. Sorry. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Elle1975 Posted July 2, 2014 Share Posted July 2, 2014 I met my wife 01-13 in CA online. We dated long distance from then, got married 11-13 and I relocated to join her in New Jersey, 04-14. Back then, she told me about having so many guys interested in her and contacting her when she was single and still on the online personal sites. I admit she's attractive, but didn't pay any attention to her statement since we were exclusive and going to marry each other. Our living situation is that she's away from me 5 days a week due to her nanny job in NYC, and we only see each other over the weekend, which also didn't ring in my mind as a lot of free time for her to contact other men, whether it be platonic or via emotional affair. Now for the difficult part... One day, we went to do our laundry together, and her phone was buzzing with text messages when she went to the restroom. I picked the phone up and read the string of texts, which started before we left the house. The content was disturbing as she was carrying on with another guy like they were a romantic couple, and very obscene and intimate things were exchanged between the both of them. They professed "love" and "wanting to meet someday" in addition to the usual banter between men who want to get at a lady and my wife... When I brought it to her attention when she returned, and asked her what was going on with another guy, she said that she was pretending to be her friend in Los Angeles who's been harrassed by that person, and I told her why should she be picking up the slack for someone who cannot handle her own affairs, with the risk of me finding out and getting hurt and angry by those texts. My heart was in my throat and I had a hard time believing her, and told her to block the guy from her phone and tell her friend not to have her act as a third wheel for that purpose. In the back of my mind, I didn't dismiss that event and further heightened my suspicions. The following week, I decided to check out the online phone bill, and even shocking was the amount of phone calls and "back and forth" texting on her line, which amounted to 2500+ texts and about 800 phone calls. Another red flag I needed to investigate... I put a list together of phone numbers I knew were not her close friends and ones familiar to me. When I called or texted those numbers, of which the times called or texted were late evening or early morning, and sometimes all day, since we're apart 5 days a week. One day even had over 100 texts back and forth to different states where she does not have family or friends... When I check the bills on days when she's with me, the usage calms down due to her contacting only friends and family... Even more difficult was her reasoning for having such a high volume of calls and texts to numbers unknown to me... After I brought the high usage of her phoneline, she flat out told me "I'm not that type of woman", "I never contacted anyone outside of the marriage", and "I don't know who's doing this"... She told me that her phone was "hacked" by scammers or something to that effect... I called our phone carrier, and asked them if something like that was possible, but the only way that someone can hack someone's phone to control it was to have the physical cell phone in hand, especially if it was stolen from her, but she's had that phone in her possession all the time since she bought it... In a nutshell, I'm debating on purchasing spy software to monitor her phone calls, texts and internet usage. I'm not going to appear jealous or possessive to her, so as not to bring up any suspicion, and play it smart to make sure I have solid proof. If that's the case, then of course, confrontation is in order, but till then, I'm going to remain mature and mellow about it. Thanks for listening! Honestly no need to buy a spy software. It's already staring you in the face. I'm sorry.. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
umirano Posted July 2, 2014 Share Posted July 2, 2014 2.5k messages and several hundred calls to numbers who aren't even people who you know? It's pretty much a no-brainer. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
umirano Posted July 2, 2014 Share Posted July 2, 2014 Elle, why the full quote? Link to post Share on other sites
notserene Posted July 2, 2014 Share Posted July 2, 2014 Honestly no need to buy a spy software. It's already staring you in the face. I'm sorry.. Yes...I wouldn't spend the money. Her cover story is ridiculous. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 2, 2014 Share Posted July 2, 2014 The spyware will be a complete waste of your money. You already know she's a (crappy) liar and up to no good. Why do you need spyware to prove it? Get rid of her. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted July 2, 2014 Share Posted July 2, 2014 She's a cheater for sure and almsot everything she says to you are lies. No need to waste money on this. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted July 3, 2014 Share Posted July 3, 2014 You are being silly. Anyone with a third grade education can tell what she is doing and you are trying to avoid facing it. If you stay in this relationship you will have nothing but heartache. Man up and do what you need to do. Divorce her and lead a normal life 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted July 3, 2014 Share Posted July 3, 2014 Time to lawyer up, buddy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted July 3, 2014 Share Posted July 3, 2014 she said that she was pretending to be her friend in Los Angeles who's been harrassed by that person And you believed this? Oh man, I have a bridge to sell you. You know what's going on dude. Yes time to lawyer up. Hit her hard and fast with a shock and awe campaign. Cut her off financially: anything in joint names, cancel it or have her removed. Do not talk to her unless she wants to tell the truth. Do not believe any story she tells you. She is lying through her teeth every word she says. Check up on things like house ownership, joint finances, marriage paperwork needed to file, etc. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NyTransplant Posted July 3, 2014 Author Share Posted July 3, 2014 Thanks for all the feedback! Just wanted to vent, but I'm definitely okay. Just playing dumb for the time being, keeping my distance and not letting on that I am seeking counsel and filing papers. If all this is behind the scenes from her, then I'll be shady too! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Mahkus Posted July 6, 2014 Share Posted July 6, 2014 she sounds like a hottie Link to post Share on other sites
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