leilab Posted February 18, 2005 Share Posted February 18, 2005 Hi Guys, I haven't posted in a long time. Definitely been trying to start over with my life. Brief summary of those that are not familiar with my awful story. Me, married with two kids for 12 years --MM from 8 years ago contacts me and we start a very intense relationship. We both are willing to leave our marriages and try to start a life together.............Big surprise one day. I find out that I am pregnant. To make a long story short, he calls me up and tells me that he is "still in love with his wife" and he "wants to work out his marriage". I cannot explain to anyone the agony, pain, misery and ultra low place I was in for many, many, many, many months. After long excruciating weeks, I had an abortion.......... Never heard from MM again. I did get a divorce and am now living with my kids. Everything is going as well as can be (things with the kids dad is very good) even though after nearly one year, I cannot find any interest in any man. Valentine's Day. A Love song on my cell phone from Stevie Wonder "That Girl" singing about "there's no doubt in my mind that it won't be too long before I tell her that I love her, want her, that my mind, body and soul need her"..... "You've been hurting for a long time,etc, etc,..................NO NAME AND NO WAY TO TRACE Coincidence or purposely??? And for god's sake on Valentine's Day?? i wish I was over him but I still think about him every day, every hour. There is no one else that would leave me a song of that intensity. Help!!!!!!!!Will I ever move on? Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted February 18, 2005 Share Posted February 18, 2005 What??? You received it on your cell phone? Why does the loser have your number?! Change your number. He's playing with your mind...that's so not right. Geeze. You're analyzing the song to death, even telling us the words. Who cares?! You've got your own life, now act like it. Cut off all contact, change your numbers, move if you have to. This guy is a doozey. Link to post Share on other sites
newby Posted February 18, 2005 Share Posted February 18, 2005 hang on im a bit confused... are you positive it was from him??? Link to post Share on other sites
NTB Posted February 18, 2005 Share Posted February 18, 2005 i am confused too......you got this song on the cell phone and no way to trace it?? but on the other hand how can you be sure it was from MM and not your ex - husband Link to post Share on other sites
Author leilab Posted February 18, 2005 Author Share Posted February 18, 2005 No, I am not sure it was from my MM. That is the question. It was definitely not from my Ex-husband. And I am not on such an intimate level with someone else. For Christmas one year, he played me a love song from the radio. I guess it could have been coincidence. The phone was off when I received the message - that is why I cannot trace it. The cell phone is my work number, and was our primary way of talking. I cannot really change it. And I have been struggling starting my life over. But there it is more like a day to day existence, not the fulfillment that I experienced with him. Yes, I still love him and probably always will. If I did not feel that way about him, and could care less, do you really think I would post this letter after 1 year of NC??? Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted February 18, 2005 Share Posted February 18, 2005 Call your phone company and find out who it's from...it could be a wrong #...one meant for someone else's girlfriend or something. Link to post Share on other sites
StrawberryGirl Posted February 18, 2005 Share Posted February 18, 2005 OMG LEILAB....Me and you need to talk!! I think it was MM leaving the song...it was valentine's day..it probably made him think of you....and your story is so very similar to mine..however I kept my baby from MM...Last year MM and I spent valentine's day @ disneyland..this year he is w/ his wife...... Link to post Share on other sites
newby Posted February 19, 2005 Share Posted February 19, 2005 ok it could be from mm it could not be from mm, i think your problem is that after a whole year of nc you are still jumping on that it must be from mm, and it is still affecting you, the guy was a loser, if after a year of nc you are still crazy about this guy who treated you so bad then i think your biggest problem is with you. i dont mean this in a bad way to you, i just mean you need to work on yourself, get help (not in a patronising way) for yourself to make you feel better about yourself and your life. Link to post Share on other sites
SummerRae Posted February 19, 2005 Share Posted February 19, 2005 LEILAB, I have to agree with Newby, but at the same time, hearing your story is very much like looking in the mirror. Sometimes, it is not always "self-esteem" issues, but the fact that it's fu(king tough to just get over someone we care so intensely about. I have done the same thing after getting poems and letters sent from ex-MM to my workplace. Everytime it does obviously nudge at my heart, at least a little. Sometimes, despite all the fu(king pain he put me through, I still think about the good times. I think about the traveling, the hotel rooms, the phone calls, the roses to my work, all the promising letters. But I thank God those thoughts are becoming fewer and farther between... Leilab, I honestly believe the saying "time heals all wounds" to be true. I know it doesn't seem like it right now hun, but things will get easier. You sound like an incredibly strong and bright person. You obviously had the strength to leave a marriage that was no longer working for you, so I have no doubt that over time you have the enough strength that this man will fade from your heart and you will be able to love again. I know that right now it's not easy to see, but I really believe it will happen. Sometimes love goes wrong. And sometimes love IS wrong from the get-go. Those aren't the kinds of loves we were meant to have. Truer love is out there for all of us. We just have to do the work on ourselves, I think. I hope you don't mind, can I ask you a few questions (to see where you are at in the "process")? Are you liking your job? Are you working out? Feeling on top of your home life? Feeling good about your body? Working towards some personal goals? Are you depressed at all? Or do you have faith and dreams of the future? You don't even have to answer these questions, but I think that some of them can hold the keys to your future. At least, I know this has been the case with me. I have had to work hard, and am still working on so many of these things.... Just my opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
StrawberryGirl Posted February 19, 2005 Share Posted February 19, 2005 Leilab I tried to send u a message back but your box was full........ Link to post Share on other sites
Author leilab Posted February 19, 2005 Author Share Posted February 19, 2005 Thx much to all of you. I swear that this was the only place I can actually get some response to help me re-direct. After MM left me a year ago, I went to so much counseling, read books, ate regularly, excercise,,,,jada,jada,jada. Yes, I have done the internal excavation, analysis and re-direction. As one of the seniors says here -finally living the life of authenticity- Unfortunately although I do realize that his ACTIONS spoke louder than his words and he ABANDONED me at a time when he had finally told his wife that he wanted a divorce but also when I was pregnant utterly devastated that this man left me never to be heard of again. Darn, I still love him --it's like walking around having lost part of your body. It still functions, but some things you can't do anymore. And every time you look at your body you realize that parts are missing. Do you still love your body? Yes. This man is like part of my body and I have survived the amputation, and adjusting to living without legs. I don't think all those books are right....e.g. Dr. Laura --I am not a victim, not angry even, but the bond between me and MM was one of "until death due us part" Funny how I find out what that vow really means. I don't think most will ever know. Link to post Share on other sites
newby Posted February 19, 2005 Share Posted February 19, 2005 Write some poetry, get it published, I think you would have a talent there Link to post Share on other sites
letgo Posted February 25, 2005 Share Posted February 25, 2005 leilab ~ i remember you. i haven't been here for quite some time, but i was looking for you to see if you had any updates. if you think it was your exMM, he's just playing with your head.......these guys are all just a**h***s in the end anyway. i swear they get off messin' with their OWs or exOWs emotions. i haven't heard from my exMM in a year; all communication has been initiated by me and everytime i do it, i want to die and take it back immediately! it just opens all wounds again, and i have to start completely over! not to mention, i get no response which makes me feel even more like an idiot. Link to post Share on other sites
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