JDPT Posted July 27, 2014 Share Posted July 27, 2014 It's imperative that you first underlying issues. This breakup is really getting the best of you. If it hasn't been suggested, and forgive me for not going through the entire thread but seeking professional counseling is crucial at this point. Self medicating by way of drugs and alcohol will never solve your problem you are merely masking it all. View this situation from a different angle, picture yourself going though this and ask yourself what you will like to have accomplish from this life lesson. You will come out of this, we all go through it, I'm at roughly a year and few months post BU and can honestly say that life is much better this way. It's a work in progress don't give up continue to power through. Link to post Share on other sites
Author spaceboy409 Posted July 28, 2014 Author Share Posted July 28, 2014 I'm seeing a therapist tomorrow and likely going to aa meetings for awhile. Very tough road ahead but without alcohol hopefully each day will get easier. Link to post Share on other sites
Author spaceboy409 Posted August 19, 2014 Author Share Posted August 19, 2014 I've had a really rough week and a half and missing my ex everyday all day. I wake up and cry literally everyday. I just can't seem to make sense of it all. How can she already be in love after only a few months of dating? How can she stop loving me so quick?(moved on after a month) also I messed up and contacted her about 3 weeks ago explaining how bad life has been(dui, etc...) she offered to meet up and talk but I know she loves someone else so I couldn't do it. I eventually emailed her and told there is no point to talk because it just hurts me and received no response. Why am I absolutely dying for this girl? I'm so sad literally all day. We broke up so many times it wasn't a very good relationship but for some reason I just have never been able to stop loving her and just let her go and accept that the relationship was over. She is an adapter to situations while I'm not at all so maybe that's why she can seek friendship or perhaps I just never meant that much to her.....ugh Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted August 19, 2014 Share Posted August 19, 2014 I mean, it's not going to get better if you keep caving on NC. You basically reset your clock to zero when you poured your heart out again. You just have to be patient. And being friends with you is OK for her because she's at a different stage. She was going through the recovery stage before breaking up with you -- by the time she pulled the trigger, she had justified a lot of it in her mind. And you doing the sad bastard "pouring your heart" crap has also desexualized yourself in her mind. You need to stop being your own worst enemy. Stop trying to get help from her. You have to ride this out -- every time you f--k up and contact her, you restart the whole process. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Bakezz Posted August 19, 2014 Share Posted August 19, 2014 Let me tell you what is helping me, something so simple, but so effective. Accomplish your dream. You probably think that the only thing you want to acheive is getting your ex back. But really think about it for a second. What have you always wanted to do? Before you met this girl, when you were younger, something you've always longed to do. When you think of it, just do it. If you have to change something to accomplish it, then just do it. Let me give you an example, my girlfriend of three years broke up with me 3 months ago. I've always wanted to be in the military, so I realised that I could now do it, with nothing holding me back. But I didn't stop there, I wanted better, so I'm now training to be a Royal Marine and go through the longest and hardest military training in the world. It's something that I never thought I could do, but since I made my dream a priority, I'm within touching distance. When you realise that all that is stopping you acheive your dream, is your own consciousness, you feel unstoppable. I promise you better things are coming, the struggle you're in today, is developing the strength you need for tomorrow. Good job on the NC! Remember that you're confined only by the walls you build yourself. Keep pushing forward my friend, you can do it! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author spaceboy409 Posted August 19, 2014 Author Share Posted August 19, 2014 I feel like I'm in a nightmare I'm never gonna wake up from. She always saved me in times like these. Without her I feel so helpless. The good times won't leave my mind. I'm making myself sick from this sadness. I feel like just giving up... Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted August 19, 2014 Share Posted August 19, 2014 I feel like I'm in a nightmare I'm never gonna wake up from. She always saved me in times like these. Without her I feel so helpless. The good times won't leave my mind. I'm making myself sick from this sadness. I feel like just giving up... Don't give up. Just find a new outlet -- be it with friends, family, whoever. The fact that you were so dependent on her is a huge problem and probably one of the reasons why she dumped you in the first place. No one likes having to serve as another's savior. Use this experience to diversify your life and learn how to be self-sufficient and stand on your own two feet. You don't need to give up. You just need to find some inner strength and backbone. It's not going to be easy, but it's attainable. But constantly crying over spilled milk isn't going to clean up the milk -- you actually have to find rags and put in the work. It's time for you to hunt down some rags that AREN'T your ex. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author spaceboy409 Posted August 19, 2014 Author Share Posted August 19, 2014 Don't give up. Just find a new outlet -- be it with friends, family, whoever. The fact that you were so dependent on her is a huge problem and probably one of the reasons why she dumped you in the first place. No one likes having to serve as another's savior. The thing is we both leaned on eachother in times of need. There was countless times I helped her though hard times. She always had job issues and I would support her during those times. She was very dependent on me towards the end I actually am the one that broke it off. Just by the time I wanted her back she had moved on. That's why I'm so broken cuz I did sooooo much for her. We had plans to move together. We talked like we would always be together no matter what... Link to post Share on other sites
siochana Posted August 20, 2014 Share Posted August 20, 2014 I mean, it's not going to get better if you keep caving on NC. You basically reset your clock to zero when you poured your heart out again. You just have to be patient. And being friends with you is OK for her because she's at a different stage. She was going through the recovery stage before breaking up with you -- by the time she pulled the trigger, she had justified a lot of it in her mind. And you doing the sad bastard "pouring your heart" crap has also desexualized yourself in her mind. You need to stop being your own worst enemy. Stop trying to get help from her. You have to ride this out -- every time you f--k up and contact her, you restart the whole process. Probably true. I wonder though what the reaction is when you contact them to tell them that the fog has lifted and you realise what an absolute bitch she proved herself to be in the way she treated you. Especially, if you can back it up with slam dunk examples. Sometimes, NC is worth breaking just to let them know what you really think of them now that you have started empathising with yourself more than her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author spaceboy409 Posted August 23, 2014 Author Share Posted August 23, 2014 So after three weeks of NC I received a very short email from my ex that just said "well how are you doing now?" Not sure what to make of it. I've almost responded several times before I finally just deleted it. I've told her I need to let her go and can't talk to her yet she still tries to make contact....confused Link to post Share on other sites
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