what did therapy do for you?

[darkmoon]

i have not much time for therapists, i have spent too much money on time wasted, therapists like to explain that they can turn out to be incompatible with the client...

 

but to me, this is really bad, it is a people job so therapists should have better people skills than they offer, better than non-therapists have, too, unsupportively they blame the client, yet no other profession delivers so little and charges so much for ziltch, except the client can be damaged more by relying on an inept therapist, so therapists have no right to cop out, some would say they should be sued

 

overall, i can think of no other profession that blithely charges first and then fails later - notably, with no refunding of fees either

 

so what did therapy do for you?

 

therapists - defend yourself here, cheers

Edited July 4, 2014 by darkmoon

[gaius]

It taught me that....

 

- 19 out of 20 therapists are complete garbage

- You can go to 10 different therapists and get 10 different diagnosis. Not much of a science. Very open to interpretation.

- As you said, nothing ever really does get fixed. The benefit for most people probably comes from having someone who let's you be a narcissist and focus totally on you and your needs for a while every week. Exactly what a lot of people pay hookers for.

- Parents can often easily manipulate therapy and therapists for their own agenda when it comes to their kids.

- For some odd reason a lot of people will let you get away with whatever porous behavior they wouldn't before you were in therapy as long as you say you're in therapy. You get a bump in social tolerance for it. Even if your behavior is exactly the same.

- If you find a good one you often can get some insight into the dynamics that drive you, if you're honest enough. But that doesn't mean it has much power over changing them. That's generally a decision that comes from within, period.

[joystickd]

Honestly nothing. I tried it and all it did was make me angry because it brought up all those memories and feelings. I did a whole lot better managing things on my own with the right tools than therapy, but that was because I was honest with myself

[notserene]

Many therapists are just a person to vent to. You might as well call your best friend. A really good therapist will help you to change the way you think.

[Trimmer]

i have not much time for therapists, i have spent too much money on time wasted, therapists like to explain that they can turn out to be incompatible with the client...

 

but to me, this is really bad, it is a people job so therapists should have better people skills than they offer, better than non-therapists have, too, unsupportively they blame the client, yet no other profession delivers so little and charges so much for ziltch, except the client can be damaged more by relying on an inept therapist, so therapists have no right to cop out, some would say they should be sued

 

overall, i can think of no other profession that blithely charges first and then fails later - notably, with no refunding of fees either

 

so what did therapy do for you?

 

therapists - defend yourself here, cheers

Yeah, because you've certainly laid the groundwork for an earnest discussion on the topic.

 

I assume the "what did therapy do for you" question is just a rhetorical element of what is essentially a rant? Why would someone bother taking the podium in a room where the audience has already sworn against what they have to say?

[Eternal Sunshine]

Therapy has always been useless and waste of time. All my most important realizations has came from myself. Therapy is BS.

[Eternal Sunshine]

P.S. I only beleive in hard science. Give me a lab result or it doesn't exist.

[Emilia]

From what I have seen over the years it seems that people that get better are very intelligent and are able to develop good self-awareness and realise certain things. The less bright ones don't do particularly well, therapy doesn't seem to make much of a difference.

[darkmoon]

,

Yeah, because you've certainly laid the groundwork for an earnest discussion on the topic.

 

I assume the "what did therapy do for you" question is just a rhetorical element of what is essentially a rant? Why would someone bother taking the podium in a room where the audience has already sworn against what they have to say?

 

this is a water-cooler discussion, you have the right to say what you like, we all do, so i await your defence of this profession, which was also part of the thread, that therapists can defend themselves, cheers...

 

so go on, defend this profession, if it is a good thing, this should be easy to do, and if anybody has benefitted from therapy they can type out their point of view, and easily berate me, just like you did above, people can say what they want...

Edited July 4, 2014 by darkmoon

[FitChick]

There is only one type of therapy that works. I've tried most of them over the past decades so I should know. Unfortunately, I am no longer allowed to mention it here. Guess you lot will just have to suffer!

 

PM me if you want the website URL or to sign up for the blog. Spend the money now because the founder has recently been diagnosed with terminal cancer, sadly, and I don't know who will be taking his place. Possibly his wife and daughter, since they are active with his company. I've had sessions with both the husband and wife and they are amazing, but they have trained many conventional therapists in this Method as well, so might be able to give you a referral.

 

I'm not sure health insurance pays for any mental health therapy any more, because people used to go for years with no improvement (cough, Woody Allen, cough).

[Trimmer]

this is a water-cooler discussion, you have the right to say what you like, we all do...

I did not write a word which advocates otherwise. I thoroughly encourage and support your right to speak your mind.

 

Just pointing out that I'm not about to engage you in a "discussion" when your mind is already made up, and your opening post makes it clear you are not interested...

 

I have no need to "defend the profession."

 

people can say what they want...

Absolutely.

[darkmoon]

I did not write a word which advocates otherwise. I thoroughly encourage and support your right to speak your mind.

 

Just pointing out that I'm not about to engage you in a "discussion" when your mind is already made up, and your opening post makes it clear you are not interested...

 

I have no need to "defend the profession."

 

Absolutely.

 

what made you join this thread?

[Robert Z]

For me, traditional therapy was mostly a joke. It did help me to understand some things about my family, but as far as depression it was useless. Then I discovered an even more traditional form of therapy that involved a lot of sex, that worked wonderfully!!! By the end of the first night of therapy I was a new man.

 

 

I would bet that a significant percentage of depression would disappear almost overnight if people could simply wave a wand, say a few magic words, and have a great sex life. I am very lucky. I don't have to be in love in order to have great sex. So I had options.

Edited July 5, 2014 by Robert Z

[Trimmer]

what made you join this thread?

Fair question.

 

I was going to get totally sarcastic and tell you that since I'm too weak and unintelligent to answer this myself, that I had to pay my therapist $100 to figure it out for me, blah blah blah. But then it seemed to me that this might actually be an earnest question that maybe you were interested in the answer to (in contrast to the way the question in your OP seems.)

 

So I think what made me join the thread is that your subject line seemed like an opening to a discussion, but then your OP makes it clear that this subject line is really a hypocritical question, in that you've already made your mind up, and I guess the bottom line is that I get some sense of satisfaction out of calling out hypocrisy when I see it.

 

Now, having said that, I absolutely give you credit (and I'm not being sarcastic about this) that you laid out your position pretty solidly in the OP. You didn't lay a booby trap, wasting people's time explaining how they felt about their therapy, just so you could jump on them and ridicule them. I do give you credit - in spite of the open-sounding topic line - for making your agenda transparent in the original post ( Hey, therapy is lame; who's with me??? Oh yeah, and if you feel otherwise, just try to defend yourself. )

 

As for me therapy was a part of moving out of a dark time. It wasn't a cure-all, and it wasn't the ONLY part, but it was a useful element. I paid my counselor somewhere about the same hourly rate as I pay my massage therapist, for a somewhat similar arrangement: a quiet, private, comfortable place, where someone who knows me but has the ability to keep a professional and objective distance, takes the time to focus on nothing other than my needs, sometimes suggesting a path, but always with my purpose and intent at the center. There was some discomfort along the way, but I usually felt much better when I walked out, and overall it was a positive influence in my life.

 

If that makes me a narcissist - well, I've been called worse things for more accurate reasons, ha ha!

 

So if I grant your assertion that all therapists are not super-human, and that therapy isn't for everyone, would you still insist that it's not for anyone?

[2sunny]

I got out of it what I was willing to put into it.

 

1st one - not so much because I wasn't willing to get completely honest.

 

2nd one - a ton of change. It was worth my money ten times over. But I was sick of my old ways and willing to do anything to get to a better way. I learned how to be authentic. To have a voice and speak my truth.

[todreaminblue]

talk therapy in group i have found to be much more effective....as in regards to rape....its very hard for a man who has never been raped to sit there and tell you what you should feel and how to deal with it...same with domestic violence.....

 

group therapy has been most effective with me...maybe because i am a multiple but having that understanding around you with multiple perspectives and stories helps bring clarity and strategies that were effective ...its a like a huge hug of understanding and very comforting....therapists well i end up telling them what i find effective and spend my time defending my position...beign told i shouldnt throw my problems up in prayer.....well.....doesnt sit well with the spiritual side of me...i had one successful meeting with a spiritually based organisation and therapist one on one...that directly relates to my faith in me and about me.....as far as the others go

 

 

i dont go back to those therapists or shrinks nor do i beleive medication is the answer for me.......they fail to see i am multi faceted due to singular book logic they use that is often outdated and archaic in practice and design doesnt recognise me as a person...or as a multiple with ptsd........deb

Edited July 5, 2014 by todreaminblue

[darkmoon]

Fair question.

 

I was going to get totally sarcastic and tell you that since I'm too weak and unintelligent to answer this myself, that I had to pay my therapist $100 to figure it out for me, blah blah blah. But then it seemed to me that this might actually be an earnest question that maybe you were interested in the answer to (in contrast to the way the question in your OP seems.)

 

So I think what made me join the thread is that your subject line seemed like an opening to a discussion, but then your OP makes it clear that this subject line is really a hypocritical question, in that you've already made your mind up, and I guess the bottom line is that I get some sense of satisfaction out of calling out hypocrisy when I see it.

 

Now, having said that, I absolutely give you credit (and I'm not being sarcastic about this) that you laid out your position pretty solidly in the OP. You didn't lay a booby trap, wasting people's time explaining how they felt about their therapy, just so you could jump on them and ridicule them. I do give you credit - in spite of the open-sounding topic line - for making your agenda transparent in the original post ( Hey, therapy is lame; who's with me??? Oh yeah, and if you feel otherwise, just try to defend yourself. )

 

As for me therapy was a part of moving out of a dark time. It wasn't a cure-all, and it wasn't the ONLY part, but it was a useful element. I paid my counselor somewhere about the same hourly rate as I pay my massage therapist, for a somewhat similar arrangement: a quiet, private, comfortable place, where someone who knows me but has the ability to keep a professional and objective distance, takes the time to focus on nothing other than my needs, sometimes suggesting a path, but always with my purpose and intent at the center. There was some discomfort along the way, but I usually felt much better when I walked out, and overall it was a positive influence in my life.

 

If that makes me a narcissist - well, I've been called worse things for more accurate reasons, ha ha!

 

So if I grant your assertion that all therapists are not super-human, and that therapy isn't for everyone, would you still insist that it's not for anyone?

 

super-unreliable more like, yet not giving a refund, which was my point overall, as professionals they should know what they are doing instead of selling incompetence, you contradicted me, everybody else could have too, only they didn't

Edited July 5, 2014 by darkmoon

[dichotomy]

IC

 

First therapist , actually MD psychiatrist, male, mainly someone to talk to, express my deep emotions without unloading on others or fear of being judged. You could tell that guy anything you thought or felt and it was all "normal" to him...he had heard it all. Did not really change my thought process much, but again a very friendly male "friend" to vent to.

 

Second therapist, female, someone to resolve some heavy duty male/female and health issues. Kind of a female surrogate to resolve/face/discuss these issues with and get supportive caring female response. Big help in this area. But lacking in other areas, no longer see her.

 

MC

 

That mostly (not completely - I got issues) I was being reasonable and justified in my issues and hurt in the marriage. Third party to look my wife in the eye and say "he has a good point". Sorry, but sometimes on some issues a good MC does firmly take a side.

 

 

This may sound strange but I think therapist are kind of like most kinds of intimate or friend relationships - they have differences, and sometimes that person fits the bill for a while, and in certain ways, but may be limited in what they bring or do for you overall or for the long term.

Edited July 5, 2014 by dichotomy

[Trimmer]

...you contradicted me,

Where did I do that, exactly? My main issue was to point out that you had asked a question for which you had already firmly established a militantly predetermined answer. Then I offered my own experience - which your question seemed to be asking for - not proposing that it applied to anyone other than myself.

 

...everybody else could have too, only they didn't

So you are proven right by a vote of the 7 people who showed up and agreed with your one-sided rant. Congratulations, you have won the Internets!

[darkmoon]

Where did I do that, exactly? My main issue was to point out that you had asked a question for which you had already firmly established a militantly predetermined answer. Then I offered my own experience - which your question seemed to be asking for - not proposing that it applied to anyone other than myself.

 

 

So you are proven right by a vote of the 7 people who showed up and agreed with your one-sided rant. Congratulations, you have won the Internets!

 

they could have contradicted me like you did, all it takes is a bit of typing, therapists should give refunds when they fail, and now i add, as it comes to mind - and offer an aplogy, and undertake more extensive training, i think we will never agree tbh

Edited July 5, 2014 by darkmoon

[DeluxeYou]

i have not much time for therapists, i have spent too much money on time wasted, therapists like to explain that they can turn out to be incompatible with the client...

 

but to me, this is really bad, it is a people job so therapists should have better people skills than they offer, better than non-therapists have, too, unsupportively they blame the client, yet no other profession delivers so little and charges so much for ziltch, except the client can be damaged more by relying on an inept therapist, so therapists have no right to cop out, some would say they should be sued

 

overall, i can think of no other profession that blithely charges first and then fails later - notably, with no refunding of fees either

 

so what did therapy do for you?

 

therapists - defend yourself here, cheers

 

A WHOLE LOT:

 

- I come from a single parent family with deep rooted communication problems. Virtually NO ONE in the family talks about NOTHING important. The norm is to show a happy face NO MATTER WHAT and say ONLY what mummy wants to hear, or mummy will be sad. And trust me, you don't want to be the one causing mummy to be unhappy. EVER.

 

- I come from a very "taboo-ist" culture. Virtually everything carries loads of weight and determines how others will view you.

 

- I was born and raised in a religion that attaches a lot of importance in appearance. And by appearance, I mean how to talk, how you think, how you behave yourself...independent/ individual thinking is NOT allowed.

 

- Friends and family all come from these backgrounds (and even when they don't, I'm already mentally shaped not to be frank in front of others) and you'd better shut your mouth and be an angel, otherwise you'll become the black sheep, looked down upon and ignored by EVERY ONE around you. Anything that comes out of your mouth will spread like magic dust throughout the whole community and people will live to remind you every.single.thing.you.have.ever.said.thought.or.ddone

 

In our culture, hypocrisy RULES. I'm not a hypocrite and therefore I literally blew out of the pressure.

 

No need to say...the only one I could ever trust with things I CANNOT TELL ANYONE ELSE, including best friends and mum is my therapist.

I discharge tension in her office and walk away feeling way lighter.

 

NB: None of the above is exaggeration. It's what everyday life is for me. I guess I even got the boldness to open up to a health professional ONLY because I had the opportunity to travel outside this environment and came to experience cultures where people talked freely.

Edited July 5, 2014 by DeluxeYou

[jonsnuh]

The most important factors are whether you feel safe from being judged, if you can afford the therapist (or whether she is a salesperson), and if you already have an effective support group.

 

A lot of it is acceptance and convincing that comes from yourself. I reached this realization during the session through hard logic, and in short she just became my soundboard, which did a buttload to my benefit because I was dealing with shame and waaaay before I found this forum.

 

Disclaimer: My therapist was a university counselling therapist who genuinely tried to help. However, it was very fortunate for me to have met her, after my previous counselor was ineffective and pretty terrible to work with. My latest therapist worked with my medical doctor, to provide students with resources and help.

 

If you can find someone who is objective, not out for your money, and genuinely cares for you, then it may be worth having this therapist-- as a soundboard. It really feels better having to talk to someone you can trust who will provide guidance objectively, and may offer some ideas you had not considered before for your very own Archimedes moments when you're on a 'thought-train'.

 

I was locked in a visceral, vicious cycle of self-hate and being detached from reality. Once I had learned that I was wasting time with draining emotional thoughts of the vampire memory of an ex. I credit my therapist for being the support that I needed when everything was bleak, when I felt so alone, and exposing me to CBT and meditation techniques. I became more self-aware and learned to control my anxiety.

Edited July 5, 2014 by jonsnuh

[Robert Z]

I think therapy can be useful to some people, especially for those who have suffered some kind of severe emotional or physical trauma. But for the average person who is struggling with baggage or depression, my opinion is that a time limit should be set. Obviously it depends on the person and their situation, but something on the order of 6 months to a year might be reasonable for most people.

 

I know or know of people who have been in therapy for decades and are worse than ever. One aunt of mine has been through a gaggle of therapist and boat loads of anti-depressants, yet she wallows in misery and self pity just as much as she did thirty years ago. The fact is that my uncle has given her a very easy and carefree life and she was never able to enjoy it. Life with her was an endless stream of demands. And even though she got just about everything she wanted, she was never happy and never appreciated how easy she had it.

 

In the end, one has to sit back and think that she's just a spoiled brat who has been catered to her entire adult life. Therapy was just another crutch and her therapists were enablers.

[ASG]

I think therapy can be useful to some people, especially for those who have suffered some kind of severe emotional or physical trauma. But for the average person who is struggling with baggage or depression, my opinion is that a time limit should be set. Obviously it depends on the person and their situation, but something on the order of 6 months to a year might be reasonable for most people.

 

I know or know of people who have been in therapy for decades and are worse than ever. One aunt of mine has been through a gaggle of therapist and boat loads of anti-depressants, yet she wallows in misery and self pity just as much as she did thirty years ago. The fact is that my uncle has given her a very easy and carefree life and she was never able to enjoy it. Life with her was an endless stream of demands. And even though she got just about everything she wanted, she was never happy and never appreciated how easy she had it.

 

In the end, one has to sit back and think that she's just a spoiled brat who has been catered to her entire adult life. Therapy was just another crutch and her therapists were enablers.

 

I guess it really just depends on the people. And like 2sunny said, it also has to do with what you put into it.

 

I've never been in therapy, but quite a few people in my family have, with varying results.

 

My mom was in therapy for over a decade. She started going when the first big issue between her and my step siblings happened. She found she wasn't able to deal with it on her own (or by talking it out with my step dad or my aunt), so she needed someone that wasn't involved.

She carried on going for years after, even though she dealt with the issues at hand. But there were always more issues and her therapist basically became a sounding board. Someone she could trust and could maybe suggest different approaches to problems.

 

I think she only stopped going because her therapist got ill and retired.

 

My step brother went to therapy for ages as well. It helped him deal with some issues he had with his parents and sisters. At least on his part, somewhat. I'd say his therapy was successful as well.

 

But then, there are my step sisters... they've been in and out of therapy for god knows how long. It never works. Because they don't have a problem, obviously. This is their frame of mind going in, so it could never work. Same with my aunt.

 

The thing is... therapist, of whatever kind, won't be able to give you the answers. You need to find them yourself, and they should be able to help you get there, but the work has to be, at the end of the day, yours...

[ThaWholigan]

The thing is... therapist, of whatever kind, won't be able to give you the answers. You need to find them yourself, and they should be able to help you get there, but the work has to be, at the end of the day, yours...

 

I agree with this.

 

Some people (like myself) are adept at finding the answers within. Good for us! Unfortunately not everybody can on their own and they need help. If they didn't, this site wouldn't exist either!

 

I have considered whether going to get therapy would be helpful for me but I've done OK without it. However, an acquaintance of mine swears by it as it helped him to get over his problems dealing with bi-polar disorder. Sometimes it's good for people to have therapy IMO.

 

I think there's a place for therapy, in the case that people need someone to bounce their thoughts off in order to find the answers they need, but it's not without work on your end I feel.