feeling really down

[amyO]

*Sorry this is very long, I'm pretty much venting. I used to see a therapist, but can't right now so I decided it was best to let out how I was feeling on here. I love this forum and I am so thankful for those of you who take the time to read my posts and comment. Thank you!*

 

 

 

I've been feeling pretty down lately. I'm lonely, bored and filled with anxiety. I've suffered from anxiety and depression my whole life so this is nothing new,but I still hate feeling this way.

 

I recently graduated from college and that in itself was a big change. It's strange not living with/close to your good friends or having different places to go all the time. Moving back home was fine, but I feel really sad living here. I grew up in a small town and went to a very small high school. it was very cliquey, but I did have a good amount of friends. Obviously many things change in 4 years. You lose touch with people and make new friends. The few friends I really kept in touch with since high school either live elsewhere now or again, have other friends from their own schools. We are all living different lives with new jobs and so forth, so getting together all the time isn't very easy.

 

On top of that, those few friends from home and the very close friends I have from school, seem to also all have one thing in common and that's they all have boyfriends. So now at 21, not only do I have a few friends from high school and close friends from college, but literally almost all of them are in a relationship.

 

I try to do things to get my mind off of worrying and try very hard to stay optimistic. Thankfully I work Monday through Friday so that helps. I usually go to the beach or go on runs. I like to shop or sometimes just walk around the mall. I am very close with my family and spend a good amount of time with them. I also have a sister who is my best friend. However, she is also in a relationship ;( She is home most of the time and we are pretty much always together, but when she is not, that's when it really hits me that I'm literally alone.

 

I don't really have friends to go out with on the weekends or to just hang out with all the time. So meeting others in general, whether it be a guy or new friends seems impossible right now. I haven't had the best relationship luck either in the last year and only seem to meet guys that don't want anything serious. What hurts sometimes even more is the fact that people will tell me that I'm so beautiful and nice and don't understand how I don't have a boyfriend at the moment. Or think because I am pretty that I have some perfect life and that I go out all the time doing really amazing things. It makes me feel like I'm a loser or something and gives me anxiety.

 

 

All in all, I guess I'm just jealous and sad that this is my life. I don't know how I could go about really changing it? I'm not at school anymore so I can't really join anything. I try to see the friends I do have as much as possible, but it's hard when they are always with their boyfriends or working too.

ugh :/

[mr_dave]

Sorry to hear of your predicament, I'm in the same boat!

I guess the most commonly given advice is to join meetup.com and see if there are any groups that interest you where you can meet like-minded people.

 

I've heard the most common way to meet a girl or boyfriend is through friends, but if you don't have too many (I have very few, my existing social circle is never going to allow me to meet anyone new) perhaps you could try meeting up a little with some of your old friends? Maybe you'll meet someone through their new friends?

[preraph]

I hung onto some of my college friends and was roommates with a couple over the years. Not sure why you're not still friends. Hope you make friends at work. You should make time each week for a favorite hobby that involves other people (or volunteer work even) so that you keep seeing others who like what you do and eventually make friends there. Doesn't matter what it is as long as it's out of the house and there are other people there regularly.

[amyO]

I hung onto some of my college friends and was roommates with a couple over the years. Not sure why you're not still friends. Hope you make friends at work. You should make time each week for a favorite hobby that involves other people (or volunteer work even) so that you keep seeing others who like what you do and eventually make friends there. Doesn't matter what it is as long as it's out of the house and there are other people there regularly.

 

 

 

I am still friends with my friends from college! I just don't have that many friends at home ( from high school) as I have grown a part from many or the ones that I'm still close with, we just don't have time to see each other as I mentioned above. My friends from college also don't live close to me and it requires planning a great deal and figuring out everyone's schedule to meet up! Also, many are in relationships and rarely go out.

 

I completely agree with you about finding a hobby that would make me meet other people. I am attending graduate school soon, so I'm hoping that makes a big difference!

[D.Mc.]

Hi Amy, sorry you're feeling like this. To be forthright, the next time someone you know (family or friend) says they can't believe you're single blah blah blah, come right out & ask them to introduce you to a guy. Tell them your basic physical preferences & see what happens. Usually they don't know anybody that you would find acceptable, but you never know & it gets the word out that you want to meet someone for dating.

 

As to the feeling lonely thing: it so exacerbates the condition when everyone you do hang out with has a SO. You can't exclude people because they're in a happy relationship & you're not but you can limit the types of events you go to w/them & the amount of time spent w/them. It's not like you are trying to make them guilty: you're trying to make yourself less unhappy.

 

The "meetup" organization might help, especially since you live in a small town. You're young & have more options in your future than you can see right now. Good luck.

[StalwartMind]

I'm disappointed the post wasn't longer, I'm certain you have a lot more on your mind that you would like to say/let out/vent. Anyway terrible humor aside, I just took note of something you said.

 

"What hurts sometimes even more is the fact that people will tell me that I'm so beautiful and nice and don't understand how I don't have a boyfriend at the moment."

 

This is probably one of the most common things us humans use as an expression when something "logical" doesn't have a solution. In your case as you said, you're pretty, now why doesn't a nice pretty girl like you have a man. Well there can be a billion reasons as to why, like you mentioned just not having met someone whom perhaps shared the same ideas/desires as you.

 

When someone express this feeling/thought to you, it can be both innocent but also completely ignorant. Just because you see a person smile most of the time, doesn't mean they are happy either. They could be devastated but perhaps put on a fake smile to carry themselves through the day, but everyone else thinks other wise.

 

No matter whom you are, or how you appear to others visually, looks can be deceiving. I'm not sure where or why us humans tend to believe that say someone whom is pretty, should just cruise through life, i mean you have it easy right? Well perhaps some do, but there are people that struggle, for reasons as such you mentioned. The world would be a better place if people just sometimes paused for a second, and thought things through before uttering their disbelief in something, like why can such a pretty girl like you not get a girlfriend. Indirectly hearing such words can cause stress as well as an indirect form of pressure/stress, to "deliver" and live up to other people's expectations, regardless if one is actually fully aware of that they shouldn't just do or be things because others tells them to.

 

I'm sure that when you've been told those things, they are meant it in a none harmful way, even if the consequences indirectly have made you feel worse or bad. Unfortunately we're all probably guilty of saying things like that at times, without really thinking much of it, kind of like an automatic response without much thought.

 

Anyway while I'd suggest you don't speculate too much about this, you're young etc. as others have mentioned, things are changing at this stage of your life, and depending how good you are when alone, I'd try redirect my thoughts into positive things that are meaningful to you.

 

On a last note, the last thing you or anyone else for that matter should ever feel, is like a loser. There's nothing you've described, thought or said that would ever make me categorize you as such, in fact I tend to just put rude/ignorant/one sided/bigoted/ people in that category.

 

Onwards to new adventures and hopefully you feel a bit better reading the replies you got, nothing to feel bad about.