How Often Is Normal?

[Leigh 87]

This is a effing JOKE.

 

 

People assume I lack compassion towards EVERYONE in society because I hate toddlers?

 

I spend a great deal of my time thinking about homelessness, young youth that are unemployed and unskilled, and the elderly who are lonely and at he end stage of their lives.

 

A GREAT deal of my time is spent worrying and thinking about people in need.

 

I am actually in the middle of saving for a volunteer mission to Africa, I am half way saved already.

 

To tell me I don't care about others simply because I hate toddlers is a joke.

[sweetjasmine]

I spend a great deal of my time thinking about homelessness, young youth that are unemployed and unskilled, and the elderly who are lonely and at he end stage of their lives.

 

A GREAT deal of my time is spent worrying and thinking about people in need.

 

Thinking about people or animals who need help and working with them are two totally different beasts. Lots of people who have the heart to think and worry about the needy and who are willing to help with their time and/or money aren't necessarily cut out for actually DOING the work. And that's fine.

 

I understand getting frustrated with a difficult child, but what I don't understand is why you would say things like you don't understand how anyone could love a child like that and how anyone could put up with the "chore" of raising such a "crappy toddler." That honestly shows a lack of empathy. Some children simply have more uneven or volatile tempers at that age than others, and it doesn't make them stupid or unlovable. They don't have the capacity to understand what they're doing and don't yet know how to channel energy and frustrations in a better way. So, yeah, when you go on about how stupid this child is, you do sure sound like you lack any understanding of how a child's mind works.

 

And I'm saying this as someone who has often wished an annoying dog with a loud, ear-piercing, migraine-inducing, shrieking, high-pitched bark would finally shut the everloving f-ck up after literally hours of yapping. If you take the patient or client's behavior and label them stupid and unlovable because of it and if you find yourself getting angry about their behavior even after you've QUIT THE JOB, then you're not in the right line of work, honestly.

[preraph]

What messes toddlers up and is kind of unavoidable is that when babies are really babies, you have to come running every time they cry or carry on. So that's against the basic behavior training that works with both animals and humans that is simply "reward good behavior; withdraw attention from bad behavior." So babies when they become toddlers are used to getting everything they want just by throwing a crying fit. Nothing to be done about it. But some parent's just keep treating them like babies because they are still so young and helpless and don't take the opportunity of them now being more lucid to start encouraging nice behavior by rewarding it rather than the tantrums.

 

Even rats can learn this method really quickly and so can two year olds. It won't be perfect because it's not a "one time and you're done" thing but a thing you have to keep reinforcing their entire life. You don't have the jurisdiction to do anything the parents would disapprove of, but I do think you'll find that if you wait until the child is being quiet and nice and then unexpectedly shower her/him with praise about how nice and quiet she's being, and then act less enthused about the tantrums, in time, she will become a bit more manageable but probably only with you.

[Art_Critic]

Aren't toddlers people in need ?

 

Just saying.....

[pie2]

Do you know WHY I want to work in social services?....I WANT to work with people

 

You wanted to work with toddlers too. You chose to become a nanny. Yet, what you really wanted was to only work with the "nice" ones.

 

So, following your pattern, you say you want to "work with people", but most likely will only want to work with the "nice" ones.

 

Leigh, that is not how the social work profession works. It is completely unethical to abandon a client because they're "difficult". There are actual serious ramifications in that person's life if you disrespect them, disdain them and dislike them so much that you abandon them when they're not "easy and nice".

 

I'm trying to tell you this for your own good. Please don't put all this effort into entering a profession you might not be the best for, when there's something else that you might be excellent at.

 

I'm betting you'll get defensive at this post, as you did with the last one. I hope though that, rather than get defensive, you might be able to mediate on what I'm saying for a little while before you respond. It would definitely show emotional maturity, something you'll need as you enter a professional career.

[soccerrprp]

By continuing to call this toddler a brat shows me that you do not have children nor have you been around toddlers much. Toddler throw tantrums. ALL THE TIME. I highly doubt you only threw one tantrum as a toddler (ages 2 - 5). The tantrums are part of their growing and learning...they do not know how to express themselves because they are TODDLERS.

 

I'm shocked at that name calling of a child; I hope you do not watch him often.

 

I have to agree with this. Very young children (toddlers) are limited as to how they can express themselves and they are learning from their environment, good/bad parenting and a product of their under-developed temperaments. Not all children are the same obviously.

[lucy_in_disguise]

Haters gonna hate, Leigh. Don't listen to those telling you you aren't equipped to be in social work because you didn't think that two year old was cute. You don't have to love everyone you meet to be a compassionate and caring person capable of meeting the needs of others. I am sure you did a reasonably good job of looking after him despite your personal feelings, and can rise again to the occasion if need be.

 

From your posts it's obvious you are an open- minded and kind person and I think you would make a great social worker. So toddlers aren't your thing- like you said, many normal capable people share that sentiment. I'm not a fan of bratty kids either and let's be real, not all kids are cute precocious angels- some straight-up suck.

[Leigh 87]

The thing is I am VERY tolerant of highly unreasonable customers in my hospitality and retail roles.

 

I currently work events and let me assure you, there are some highly... Highly rude customers out there. It has never once bothered me. I absolutely do not flinch. I do not mind even the most difficult customers.

 

A a cafe I worked at one mentally ill woman had a grumpy episode that freaked out some staff. I went to ask her if everything was okay and I asked if there was anything I could do that would help her. She quietly explained that she is suffering from a mental illness and is out of money and cannot afford her meds. I felt awful for her but didn't feel sorry for her because people don't want pitty normally. But I made her a.free coffee and I could tell she perked up a little. I always do when a stranger shows kindness in a world mostly comprised of selfish people who lack empathy.

 

I am definately not one to lack empathy towards people in general. Just toddlers. I don't wish any harm upon them of course and I don't hate THEM; I just can't stand to be aroun them.

[Leigh 87]

Interesting, toddlers are, for some reason, the only subset of humans I cannot stand. But I enjoy the nice ones that don't throw tantrums daily.

 

I have such a high tolerance for just about any type of person imaginable but when it comes to bratty toddlers I am mystified as to WHY people, including their own parents, would find them cute.

[Shepp]

Kids are all different in short.

 

 

Remember being a toddler is frustrating!! Your learning about the world, your making preferences, decisions, priorities for the first time in your life yet you cant DO anything! Your not a baby anymore, you certainly don't feel like one yet your still reliant on adults for almost everything.

 

 

Some folk are chilled out toddlers and chilled out adults, some are brats as toddlers and brats as adults, but don't confuse being a brat with being spirited, some kids are wilful as hell and there parents have there work cut out but maybe there just life's go getters, stuck in a toddlers body!

 

 

I was a pain in the neck for m teachers when I was 5/6/7 - they were tearing there hair out - but I was never a bad kid, just smarter than they gave me credit for and bored. I was never a malleable kid, I knew my own mind and I was frustrated by the restraints put on you, especially as a kid! Of course you grow up - you learn when you've just got to put your head down and tow the line, but that core personality doesn't change - I'm not a malleable adult either! Folk will call it stubborn, or there'll call it determined/driven - the only difference between the two is whether my goal benefits them or not.

 

 

 

 

Of course sometimes kids are just being brats and that usually falls at the feet of the parents - you don't help a kid by spoiling them, in fact you can screw up there whole life before it even really got started by doing that! Sometimes you've gotta be the bad guy to help them in the long run! Toddlers are just little people - if you can guide them at that age then you can prevent problems later on, you can prevent them becoming a troubled teen and carrying those scars for the rest of there life - but im not saying its easy......is anything easy about bringing up kids - whether there yours or you just looking after them.

 

 

My boys are only just over 8 months, and obviously brought up exactly the same but their personalities are in them - chalk and cheese!

 

 

 

 

Bratty or ungrateful adults drive me up the wall, they should know better, kids just need guiding!

[Leigh 87]

I was spoilt but I wasn't a brat. I threw one tantrum the entire time. My parents remember it all with accuracy as I am an only child. And now I care a lot more.about other people than my less spoilt friends... I give more of a crap about people around me than some friends who got.given nothing from their parents who made them pay rent even through they owned the home (I never got that, my parents get me to pay for the utilities I consume but they own the house and find it preposterous to make your own child pay rent)

[anika99]

This is a effing JOKE.

 

 

People assume I lack compassion towards EVERYONE in society because I hate toddlers?

 

I spend a great deal of my time thinking about homelessness, young youth that are unemployed and unskilled, and the elderly who are lonely and at he end stage of their lives.

 

A GREAT deal of my time is spent worrying and thinking about people in need.

 

I am actually in the middle of saving for a volunteer mission to Africa, I am half way saved already.

 

To tell me I don't care about others simply because I hate toddlers is a joke.

 

Are you for real? You hate toddlers? That sounds like a rather odd group of people to hate. I've heard people say they hate pedophiles, drug pushers, pimps and other types of people who basically destroy lives and bring nothing but harm and evil but you hate 2 yr olds. LOL..you sound so immature.

 

 

Listen it is normal for small children to throw tantrums. Some throw very few and some throw a lot. Now if this child was being a terror from sun up to sun down every single day then there is something wrong. Either it's poor parenting or there is a medical or psychological issue. A kid freaking out every single day all day is not a happy child. That's a child in distress and he needs help. If the parents aren't causing it by having something going on in the household that they are not addressing then they are being negligent in not seeking professional help for that poor child. He's needs concern and compassion, not hate.

 

 

I understand that dealing with a child like this who is not yours and who is not bonded with you would be frustrating and nerve wracking but to say that you HATE toddlers really does show a lack of maturity and empathy. The people who need the most help are often the most unpleasant ones to deal with. You say you have care in your heart for the elderly who are alone and lonely. Well could you care for them if they had dementia, were throwing their food trays at your head and calling you vile names? How about homeless people? Many of them, due to mental issues and a lack of access to facilities, are filthy. They need care more than most but could you care about someone who has crapped their pants and smells like they haven't washed in a year? I think you fantasize about being a Florence Nightingale but you actually have no idea of the reality. Often the people most in need of love and compassion are the most unlikable and unpleasant ones.

[Leigh 87]

I do not lack empathy.

 

I care more than most people not less.

 

Some toddlees are brats. Doesnt mean I lack empathy in general.

[Leigh 87]

I dont mind dealing with difficult people.

 

It is only toddlers I dislike.